How do you deal with ageing?

[CaveWoman1]

I’m going to turn 40 this year (admittedly not until autumn!!) but I’m DREADING it. Coming at it from a completely emotional perspective but I’m hating getting older. Hate that I’ll no longer be able to say ‘I’m in my 30’s,” even though it’s my late 30’s.

Hated turning 30 too; the decade ones just seem so……final & depressing. BUT turning 40 is going to be nothing compared to turning 50, & turning 50 is going to be a walk in the park compared to being 60.

I HATE HATE HATE it. I’m struggling to age gracefully, I’m bloody annoyed & I don’t want a party, don’t want to see anyone, certainly don’t want to celebrate. Celebrate what exactly? That I’m another 10 years closer to death, whenever that may be? It’s fucking shit & I don’t know how people do it with a modicum of style or acceptance.

Joan Collins is amazing, she’s 88.

I'm 44 and honestly have never had the slightest angst about turning 30 or 40. As PPs have said, it's not like you suddenly can't do things you did when you were younger (OK, you might have a worse hangover, but that's about it). I think this whole idea of judging our decades comes a bit from an outdated timeline of: 20s, out and having fun, 30 settling down, 40 boring and middle aged, 60 ancient and dull. Life's just not like that anymore. I know people who are in their 60s out enjoying festivals and partying, people who got married in their 30s and are still put clubbing, people who got serious and dedicated themselves to their careers in their 20s, it takes all sorts.

I'm married and have wonderful kids and I don't give a toss if I look older now, I'm not in the market for anyone else and my looks were never a facet of my self worth anyway.

I'm appreciating that I have the maturity to worry much less what others think of me and to be able to shrug a lot more off if it really doesn't matter.

I’m 42 next week. I hate getting older. I hate everything out it.

I’ve never given a shit what other people thought, I have always been comfortable with who I am - so I’ve never bought into those good aspects of ageing.

And I’ll never stop dying my hair either. Everyone around me is embracing grey hair, it’s not for me.

My mum died when she was 40, therefore I am expected to meekly sit back and think about how lucky I am to still be alive, I am not allowed my own feelings on ageing because my mum didn’t age, apparently. So that sucks for people I guess.

turning 70 wasn't pretty either!!

@BonnyEm

I've lost too many people close to me, way before their time. Aging is a privilege denied to many.

This is what I was saying in my post - why aren’t people allowed their own feelings?

Yes, it’s terrible that some people, my mother included, die so young. Tragic.

But does that mean I can’t feel what I want to feel? My feelings in no way take away from that tragedy.

Just ignore it? Actually, being over 50 is great because nobody bothers about or with you, and you can just get on with life. You also cease to care what anyone else thinks about you - it's very liberating.

This is what I was saying in my post - why aren’t people allowed their own feelings?

Yes, it’s terrible that some people, my mother included, die so young. Tragic.

But does that mean I can’t feel what I want to feel? My feelings in no way take away from that tragedy.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that. Some of us are just saying that experiencing tragedy and losing people who were young can often change your feelings about getting old.

Your feelings are valid just in the same way ours are.

I think I am noticing ‘beauty’ is being increasingly ‘rewarded’, if right word.

If you are stunningly beautiful & reasonably switched on with charisma, a career as a TV presenter or actress is very plausible. In the ‘Insta’ age is youth & beauty increasingly feted, and ageing, therefore harder to deal with?