How do you deal with ageing?

[CaveWoman1]

I’m going to turn 40 this year (admittedly not until autumn!!) but I’m DREADING it. Coming at it from a completely emotional perspective but I’m hating getting older. Hate that I’ll no longer be able to say ‘I’m in my 30’s,” even though it’s my late 30’s.

Hated turning 30 too; the decade ones just seem so……final & depressing. BUT turning 40 is going to be nothing compared to turning 50, & turning 50 is going to be a walk in the park compared to being 60.

I HATE HATE HATE it. I’m struggling to age gracefully, I’m bloody annoyed & I don’t want a party, don’t want to see anyone, certainly don’t want to celebrate. Celebrate what exactly? That I’m another 10 years closer to death, whenever that may be? It’s fucking shit & I don’t know how people do it with a modicum of style or acceptance.

It’s fucking shit & I don’t know how people do it with a modicum of style or acceptance.
Not sure about style, don't think I've ever had of yesterday, but acceptance by the bucketload. I don't get what the big deal is at all about being older. I'm far happier at 42 than I was at 32 and will probably be even happier at 62 (yay retirement, although who knows what the retirement age will be then).

I loathe my birthday and never allow it to be acknowledged. People assume that's about ageing but it isn't at all, ageing is fine!

I’m fine with it really

I have the very odd moment of lament over some magical youth related thing (ie attraction) but mostly I really like now. I’m 47 and feel pretty good actually

My best friend and her fiancé were killed on a car crash caused by a drunk driver when she was 22.

On balance, therefore, ageing is better than the alternative. So stop the self-indulgent whinging about what you can’t change and get on with living your life. Not everyone gets the privilege of getting older.

Oh dear.
Is this what we are teaching our younger generation, to be angry, ungrateful and ashamed of aging ?
Think of how many companies would go bust if women had the intelligence to just age gracefully ?

I'm closer to 60 than 50, and do you know what? I'm loving it. I feel very lucky and privileged to be here, healthy and happy.

OP, you really do need to get a grip.

You sound a miserable mare! Make sure you're strong and healthy, use SPF and enjoy life! I'm in my 60s and have a fantastic fulfilled life....don't wallow woman!!!!

I've recently turned 50.

How do I deal with it? By looking bloody fantastic I look after myself and look better than I did 20 years ago.

I lost a dear friend before we were even 40.
He loved life and him passing was cruel.
Getting old is a bloody privilege!!

I didn't like turning 20 but stopped minding after that.

i don't understand resenting getting older if you are still in relatively good health & can do the activities you like. I can't relate to vanity, anyway.

Are you happy with where you are in life? I find that makes a big difference. When I turned 30 I had mixed feelings, because I wasn't where I wanted to be in many ways. By 40 I was much more content and had achieved most of my goals (modest goals btw), and that made it much easier to celebrate.

I think physical ageing will be the big thing to come to terms with when I turn 50, so I probably should start working on lifestyle etc now.

Btw I had a health scare in my 30s which made me look at ageing differently. I was consumed by jealousy of little old ladies sitting chatting with their friends in cafés - I suddenly realised we take it so much for granted that we will be elderly one day, we don't think beyond dreading it. When I saw that being taken away from me I felt very different!

I like to think of life in "eras". For me they have been: living with my parents, university, starting to work and travelling, being married and having kids. Yes now I have greying hair, but no acne you win some you lose some

You sound a lot like my mum. She worries too much about how she looks. But she couldn't be a grandmother who loves her grandkids and be 20 yo!!

Accept your era or create a new era for yourself enjoy what good things this age is bringing you

Sorry, op, but your attitude is a dreadful waste of your life. We all get older or we don't because we're dead. Life is a gift, you should be grateful for it. Ageing doesn't mean anything, it has nothing to do with who you are as a person. Don't squander the time you have obsessed with something you can't change. It's so silly. Getting older is fabulous, you become so much more confident and self-assured. Embrace it.

This, and everything everyone else has said.
What possible difference do you think there is going to be between being 39 and 364 days and being 40 ?
It is just a number.
I had a party for my 40th and my 50th and am looking forward to one for my 60th too. It is a privilege to be alive and healthy and have so much in my life that is good.
You really do need to change your thinking, or you are going to spend the next 40+ years of your life being very miserable, and for what ?

I am 51 on the outside, but inside I only feel 19 and I suspect I always will.

I’ve loved being 40. My dad died at 32 so for me it was a real privilege and I was so happy to have a really lovely special occasion birthday when my kids were old enough to be left for a few nights and I had enough income now to actually do some amazing things with DH and friends.

It’s great. Very freeing. People tell me I look young for my age but aging doesn’t bother me. I am going to embrace Helen Mirren, Su Pollard et al and be an amazing older lady.

The reason people hate ageing for vanity reasons is because men like Jeffrey Epstein want to fuck teenagers and it’s become normalised.

On that basis alone, I feel like it’s an act of rebellion against the pervy old patriarchy to give zero fucks about getting older.

I think it's ok to be scared, upset, disgruntled about ageing. It is something that you have to learn to accept. Bit me on the bum in my early 40s and it surprised me how much it made me sad - and that I was embarrassed to admit it. 18 months on, I'm sorting out my life as I want it to go for next phase - house buying, moving, taking work opportunities, looking at training, found the right hairstyle for me now, next sorting make up and clothes.

Annoyingly, you just have to face it head on. And if you can, spend some money or time on yourself. I've found it gets better but it was a difficult period for me.

Some things about being older are genuinely better. For example, you care less what other people think (sometimes at least). You have much greater knowledge. You have some interesting memories and experiences.
You can laugh at the stupidity of kids who think they know it all. The knowledge that you have less time to waste gives you greater clarity. But oh the aching joints and dodgy eyesight are rubbish.

I read an article a while ago by a young man who knew he would die of cancer in his early 20s. He said please don’t worry about ageing, it’s a privilege to live long enough to experience the changes.

There really are good things about getting older. You care less about what people think of you, you’re less prepared to waste time on pointless friends and activities you don’t enjoy, I’m in my early 50s but I’m fitter and more active now my children are teenagers and I have more time. I’ve embraced not wasting time on dying my hair, and I appreciate my ageing body for what it can still do rather than how it looks.

On the other hand OP, you feel how you feel. And you shouldn't be feeling guilty or embarrassed for feeling how you feel. However, I hope that you get some ideas out of this thread for how to feel better about getting older!

I can’t even rem we being 40 it was that long ago!

I love being old/older. Everything I say is taken seriously because it’s assumed that wisdom comes with age, so it’s great that everyone wants to listen to my point of view.

I’ve taken care of myself so I don’t look old and decrepit and I am very comfortable in my own skin and find that my confidence attracts men just as much as when I was a young woman although obviously it’s not young, young men that are interested.

I don’t have to weirdo about finances or have to go to work as I’m retired. No mortgage etc.

I know what suits me so buy lovely clothes instead of wasting money on constantly buying the latest throwaway fashion.

I sometimes wish I had been older sooner as this is a great stage in my life.

^^ remember

Growing older is a privilege denied to many. My husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer at 36. Turning 40 is a dream he'll never realise.

I had a baby at 41.

I really don’t get the hang up over the number. I am much older than you but fwel lively and happy and healthy. Changed careers aged 52 -never been more fulfilled. Left a pant husband and now have a fling/fledging relationship with a younger man who thinks he is lucky to have me when other men fancy me. Thrive!!