How do you deal with ageing?

[CaveWoman1]

I’m going to turn 40 this year (admittedly not until autumn!!) but I’m DREADING it. Coming at it from a completely emotional perspective but I’m hating getting older. Hate that I’ll no longer be able to say ‘I’m in my 30’s,” even though it’s my late 30’s.

Hated turning 30 too; the decade ones just seem so……final & depressing. BUT turning 40 is going to be nothing compared to turning 50, & turning 50 is going to be a walk in the park compared to being 60.

I HATE HATE HATE it. I’m struggling to age gracefully, I’m bloody annoyed & I don’t want a party, don’t want to see anyone, certainly don’t want to celebrate. Celebrate what exactly? That I’m another 10 years closer to death, whenever that may be? It’s fucking shit & I don’t know how people do it with a modicum of style or acceptance.

I understand how you feel OP but I have to agree with the other pp's, there is a lot to be grateful for. I am coming up to 69 and will be 70 early next year. I genuinely don't mind getting older. I had a mid-life crisis in my 40's but once I got over that I was fine. I don't look quite as old as I am so that probably helps a bit. (Sorry if that sounds immodest!).

@Almostwelsh

I find taking a much younger lover helps a great deal.

There's a saying in my 'old country' - beauty, youth and parents - once they are gone they can't be replaced.

People deal with it because they don't have a choice.
Most people move onto spiritual enhancement as they age.
Youth and beauty go hand in hand, no point in hankering over the 'passing' of both.

I look at it this way "growing old is a privilege"

19:19NeedAHoliday2021

Sad to hear about your twin.
Your birthday to you must really be a stark reminder as to how precious life is.

I hated turning 30, but I’ve since realised it was because I felt like I hadn’t achieved all these things that I’d somehow convinced myself I should have by then, like a husband, and babies. I’m 44 now and I still don’t have them (am working on the latter!) but it’s ok, I now know that everyone’s life takes a different path and they’re all of equal value. Plus I absolutely love the silver streak that’s starting to come through in my hair!
Please don’t waste your life feeling bad about things you can’t change, you’ve got so many days left that could be filled with joy and new experiences.

Sorry you’re feeling low OP.

Some really great posts on here, especially lovely one by @SerenTarot

I look at all the people who would have loved to turn 40 - the cancers, car crashes, suicides - and pull my socks up!

You're not 10 years nearer to death, it's just one day since yesterday.

I know women dead in their thirties for illness. Every day is a blessing not a negativity fest.

It doesn't bother me at all. I was a real looker when I was a young woman, I look back at the photos but I was absolutely miserable.
Now I,m 60 I've never been happier. I'm just a normal looking slightly overweight middle aged woman now but I have loads of friends, a great career and a wonderful DS and Dil that I share a house with.
Back then I didn't want to be alive. Now I feel more alive than ever.

I'm 50 at the weekend. My dad died at 54 and my mum left a widow at 51. I don't worry about it.
I am more conscious of being healthy. Get my bloods checked, check my BP etc. And I probably don't look my age. But that actually is becoming increasingly less important than staying physically healthy.
As a nurse I see people my age and younger with chronic and terminal illnesses and it really puts things into perspective.

I’m 40 this year, I’m not fussed about the ageing and I’m making a fuss and celebrating for at least a week! I wasn’t bothered about turning 30 either. I do miss being young and carefree but you can’t go back so it’s better to focus on the here and now and the future. You only get one go so you’ve got to try and enjoy while you can!

I’m in my 60s and feel great, can’t do anything about getting older so feel lucky as many people don’t get the luxury of growing old.

It's not easy to turn a mindset round, OP, but give it a go. When you're 50, and I hope you get there, you'll look back at this and wonder what on earth you were on about.

Read this, especially the bit about gratitude:

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/sep/07/terminal-cancer-live-cancer-life-death

For myself, to be fair, I've never had an ageing crisis: pregnant at 40, moving to a new country at 51, so always something going on.
At 67 and newly-retired, I've had to accept that being widowed scuppered my plans for travel with my lovely DH, and Covid has screwed my subsequent travel plans, but have to get on with it.

I have much to be grateful for.

I'm 40 next month.

Yes, I don't look as good as I did but once I've lost 7lbs I'll look 25 again

I've realised I have stopped taking shit for stuff. I'll speak up more. If people are going to judge me as a 40 year old defensive mother of two small kids, I'll act like one and benefit from it!

To answer your quest op I don't have a mirror and refuse to believe I'm older than 28!

I love it

there are so many advantages to growing older, not being dead is one of the best but there are so many great things to being alive

@minipie

Gosh OP

I am 41 and didn’t find turning 40 a problem at all. Or 30.

I think I will be a bit sad once I get to the age that things start going wrong with my health and body … not sure when that is, maybe 70s judging from my parents.

But I can’t really see why 40 would be depressing? You can do pretty much anything in your 40s that you could do in your 30s! The one exception is having babies, is this on your mind?

Or are you looks obsessed and regard any tiny line or sag as a major problem?

You can't have babies in your 40s? Hmm..

Omg I was saying this exactly to my husband earlier when we were talking about me turning 40 next year. I was saying why would I want to celebrate getting older and getting closer to death!

Following this thread OP. I'm 34 but the wrinkles are here and I hate looking awful ... or feeling like I do.
Would love to change my mindset and put less emphasis on looks.

On New Year’s Day my 34 year old friend died.
34. That’s no bloody age at all.
I’m not really conscious of ageing. I mean, I know I am, I’m 37 and at the end of the year I’ll be 38 and so on. But I’ve often known it was a privilege denied to far too many. I’ve 3 funerals to go to over the next few weeks, none of them for anyone over the age of 50.
I’ll celebrate my birthdays (albeit in quite a low key way, that’s just who I am) and be proud of my age, my kids would far rather have a mother that was getting older than a dead mother who stayed eternally 37.
I think your mindset is skewed and I hope you can have a reset and thank your lucky stars that you’re here to celebrate milestone birthdays with people that want to celebrate with you

This is going to sound bigheaded.
I deal with aging gracefully.
I'm letting my hair grey naturally
I don't wear lots of makeup
I would never have any crap like Botox
I try to dress well and compliment my figure/skin in a way that looks good for my age rather than desperately trying to cling onto my youth!

It's actually really liberating!

@SerenTarot

Imagine a world where no-one aged and we all stayed the same. How would that work? You pick an age you want to stay at?

The beauty of living long enough to age is that you get to be every kind of person. The baby, the toddler, the child, the teenager, the young person, the parent perhaps, the middle aged person, the older person, the grandparent perhaps, and the elderly person ... with a long, interesting and eventful life behind you hopefully.

The alternative to that is that you die during one of those stages. You die as a child or a young adult or in middle age .... because from the moment you are born the only thing that can stop you ageing is death.

To rail against it is such a terrible and pointless waste of energy. It is as inevitable as the world turning.

Instead why not celebrate it? You've made another year, another decade, you've done more things, been to more places, met more people, had more experiences.

There is nothing to stop you being your best self at any age. At sixty you are never going to look like you did when you were thirty, but there's nothing to stop you being a fabulous sixty year old. Keep yourself fit, eat well, take care of the body you live in and cherish every day.

One of the best benefits of ageing I have found is that with every passing year you give less shits. I don't mean literally but rather you don't give a shit about the things that used to bother you. And post-menopausally (as I am!), you really don't give a shit. It's so liberating, and even exhilarating, not to care what people think of you, not to be crippled with self-doubt and insecurities. You say what you think and you mean what you say .... and it's bloody marvellous.

I'm so much more secure and happy in myself than I was when I was younger and lots of older people will tell you the same. And I was someone who cried when I turned 30!

Just love this!

I understand feeling this way as I had an eating disorder for many years, and that focus on my appearance played an obsessive part. I remember discovering a grey hair at around 35/36 and being traumatised. 5 years on and I have many more grey hairs but care so much less, which is liberating. I think I owe caring less to having my child - I'm not the number one focus anymore!

Bad phraseology on my part Tyrannosaurus of course women in their 40s can have babies but it’s more uncertain than in their 30s.