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Original poster

How do you deal with ageing?

183 replies

CaveWoman1 · 04/01/2022 17:40

I’m going to turn 40 this year (admittedly not until autumn!!) but I’m DREADING it. Coming at it from a completely emotional perspective but I’m hating getting older. Hate that I’ll no longer be able to say ‘I’m in my 30’s,” even though it’s my late 30’s.

Hated turning 30 too; the decade ones just seem so……final & depressing. BUT turning 40 is going to be nothing compared to turning 50, & turning 50 is going to be a walk in the park compared to being 60.

I HATE HATE HATE it. I’m struggling to age gracefully, I’m bloody annoyed & I don’t want a party, don’t want to see anyone, certainly don’t want to celebrate. Celebrate what exactly? That I’m another 10 years closer to death, whenever that may be? It’s fucking shit & I don’t know how people do it with a modicum of style or acceptance.

OP posts:
OhGiveUp · 05/01/2022 23:41

Age and getting older has never bothered me. I'm in my late fifties and I couldn't care less.
I'm alive and in good health, that's all I care about..

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 05/01/2022 23:53

Well…at the risk of sounding harsh, I was exactly the same as you 3 or 4 months ago (albeit that I’m 8 years older than you) and I really hated getting older, resented the impact it had on my face, body, outlook and life. Then I was a diagnosed with breast cancer in October and realised that actually, I was desperate just to stay alive and didn’t care how I looked, I just wanted to be here and not have to leave my poor kids. Maybe you need to to think about the ones that don’t have a choice. Sorry if that sounds horrible, I know it’s all relative, but please, try to imagine the choice being taken away from you and it may help to reframe your thinking. And I’m saying that as someone who understands why and how you may feel…I’m extremely lucky in that I hopefully have a relatively positive prognosis, and I don’t want to leap on you in a negative way. But try to imagine an alternative being your reality and you may feel differently.

Juniper68 · 05/01/2022 23:58

@Interrobanger

I don’t want to sound like a preachy dickhead, but I lost three really close friends in a car crash in the second year of uni and honestly, if I ever catch myself moaning about getting older, I just think about those guys and their lost futures and all that lost potential and I realise that getting older is such a gift. How could I possibly begrudge it?

Also, I had no idea how to dress for my body shape, how to do makeup properly or what hairstyle suited me when I was younger. I genuinely believe that at 42 years old I look the best now that I’ve ever looked 💅🏻

That is so awful Sad You can never truly get over that. A good friend died at 17 of meningitis. She was a beautiful soul.

I'm 53 and no wrinkles or grey hair. Genetics have played a part. I do long distance hiking. Wild swim. Go on adventures. And work in a stimulating job.

Enjoy life. Be positive as it shows on your face.

DDMAC · 06/01/2022 00:07

I understand why you feel that way. There is so much emphasis placed on being and looking young nowadays, like it’s the ONLY way to be happy. What a load of crap.

I went through a phase where I was really struggling with life not just losing my youth. Too many changes at once for me, I think that was the cause.
I’m working on building up my confidence, doing a course and getting ME back. I feel like building up yourself and seeing all you’ve accomplished will help. Write it all down, appreciate how far you’ve come.

JangolinaPitt · 06/01/2022 07:04

@Bogeyes

It's better than a wooden overcoat
Grin
JangolinaPitt · 06/01/2022 07:05

@Margitk

I’m a faggot mum
What is this? Confused
KittyBurrito · 06/01/2022 07:17

I'm struggling a bit with this too OP (although I'm much older than you). Menopause has aged me a lot and quite suddenly. I find exercise helps (it makes me think of my body as strong and capable, rather than ageing and a bit droopy). I also find it helps to turn my attention away from myself, and focus on how I can help and support the next generation. That feels a purposeful way to be older. Trying to avoid being all work/care would also combat that 'hollowed out/where did my personality go' feeling. But it's very hard to achieve at the moment.

MistySkiesAfterRain · 06/01/2022 09:27

I prepare myself for it about 3 years before the end of the decade. What have I not achieved that I still want to. What do I want to achieve in my next decade. Otherwise I think I would have a crisis!

SquirrelG · 06/01/2022 19:56

@TwoBigNoisyBoys - great post, and best of luck with your treatment.

A 41 year old woman here just died, leaving two small daughters behind. There are much worse alternatives to ageing.

smileyemoji · 06/01/2022 20:05

I used to struggle with it too, but sadly I lost someone I really loved when she was just 33,she died of anorexia and in fact would have been 41 today and would probably love to still be here because she was trying to recover, before her heart just gave up. Since then I have been trying to live life for the 2 of us. It's not easy and we live in a very ageist misogynistic society around aging. Could you plan something nice for yourself that you would like to do for your birthday? It doesn't have to be done with others

HepzibahGreen · 06/01/2022 20:20

Ageing is mainly in the mind. I have met 85 year olds who have hobbies, friends of all ages and are interested in life and the world. Things shift- at 30 you care so much how you look, but your focus has to change. Look around you, look outwards, help someone, get involved in making the world better, laugh more, plan adventures. Life is about more than taut skin and perky boobs.
Oh, and, for me, orgasms over 40.. so much better! ( And very good for the skin!)

TwoBigNoisyBoys · 06/01/2022 20:37

Thanks @SquirrelG…was trying hard not to be harsh but wanted to put across that I really do understand, as I was the same, until I got the worst reality check. It really did completely stun me into changing my outlook.

My treatment so far is going ok, mostly, thank you so much for your goid wishes FlowersSmile

Ilkleymoor · 06/01/2022 20:38

I want to look like Emma Thompson in late night in my 50s. Or at least, have good hair, great earrings and excellent trouser suits.

Butchyrestingface · 06/01/2022 20:51

That I’m another 10 years closer to death, whenever that may be?

Well, it's better than actually BEING dead, surely? Because that's the alternative.

Just about everyone will know or have lost someone who died long before their time so I hope you don't actually VOICE such self-indulgent clap trap around other people.

Ilkleymoor · 06/01/2022 21:00

I don't know why people are putting the boot into you so much. One way to really enjoy the years they have left.

User48751490 · 06/01/2022 21:22

Grow old gracefully. Enjoy every single day. I have loads of grey hair but have earned them. No desire to dye my hair!

LightSpeeds · 06/01/2022 21:30

OP, what is your actual life like? You don't sound very happy or positive and maybe your age isn't the main problem...

Juniper68 · 07/01/2022 10:51

@Ilkleymoor

I want to look like Emma Thompson in late night in my 50s. Or at least, have good hair, great earrings and excellent trouser suits.
Not the toyboy though? Wink

I want to look and be like Joanna Lumley. Won't happen as I'm not posh Grin

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 10/01/2022 18:29

@Juniper68 I think Dame JL looks fab. However, saw her in Shirley Valentine recently, and she looks quite different!

shinynewapple21 · 10/01/2022 20:03

@PandoraRocks I am also in my late 50s and have recently been looking into resources about positive ageing - keeping healthy, keeping busy, making new friends , hobbies, new experiences etc
It might be too late to relive your 30s, 40s or 50s but it's not too late to make the rest of your life the best it can be.

ariamylithios8 · 06/02/2022 20:55

This reply has been deleted

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willowstar · 06/02/2022 21:39

My best friend died completely out of the blue when she/we were 42, leaving her beautiful children. I think of her every single day. If I EVER look at myself with pity for the sagging skin and wrinkles I have, I instantly remember how lucky I am to age. My friend didn't have this chance. I am almost 48.

You need to sort your head out. I am a nurse and have watched so many people with serious illness and disability struggle on through life, or not. Ageing is a privilege.

frenchfancy81 · 06/02/2022 21:43

The alternative is death...make the most of it.

Paleodiet · 06/02/2022 21:58

I ignore the numbers (and I am a lot older than the OP).

FloraPotts · 06/02/2022 22:13

I'm late fifties and I don't enjoy looking in the mirror any more but I try and keep two things in mind:

  1. My very close friend died of cancer last year having only been ill for six months, and she would have given anything to have just a few more weeks with her DC, so to be alive is a gift really.
  1. When I look back at photos of myself in my 20s, 30s and 40s I'm surprised to see that I don't look as half as bad as I thought I did at the time, so I try and be less critical of myself nowadays

Op my sisters and I really enjoyed really enjoyed our forties. You are young enough to be in good health and have energy but older and wiser enough not to sweat the small stuff! You may enjoy it more than you imagine Smile.

The only thing I would say is: please make sure you exercise. It's definitely not too late to start if you haven't done so already and will make such a difference to your health twenty years hence!