How do you deal with ageing?

[CaveWoman1]

I’m going to turn 40 this year (admittedly not until autumn!!) but I’m DREADING it. Coming at it from a completely emotional perspective but I’m hating getting older. Hate that I’ll no longer be able to say ‘I’m in my 30’s,” even though it’s my late 30’s.

Hated turning 30 too; the decade ones just seem so……final & depressing. BUT turning 40 is going to be nothing compared to turning 50, & turning 50 is going to be a walk in the park compared to being 60.

I HATE HATE HATE it. I’m struggling to age gracefully, I’m bloody annoyed & I don’t want a party, don’t want to see anyone, certainly don’t want to celebrate. Celebrate what exactly? That I’m another 10 years closer to death, whenever that may be? It’s fucking shit & I don’t know how people do it with a modicum of style or acceptance.

I'm in my 50s. Don't really think about aging )having said that I do have botox and dye my hair. )
But it's definitely not at the forefront of my mind.

I have friends of a mixture of ages. 25 -65. So I don't think of age at all really

moany not ‘pant!

When I turn 60 I have so many plans. I intend to climb 60 mountains in my 60s and am currently training for a 10k run. I have my grey hair beautifully cut (can't be doing with colouring chemicals), am the same size I was at 30 and have good skin. My business is expanding and I have many interests. Why on earth do you think 40 is ageing?

Celebrate that you didn’t die young.

OP, you need to change your mindset and roll with it. Look after yourself as best you can and enjoy life while you are able to do so.

While you can do things to make yourself appear younger, unless you are Benjamin Button, there is nothing you or anyone else can do to stop ageing. It happens to us all.

Youth is not an accomplishment, nor is beauty.

well I am older than all the pp but I don't care - I was a bit concerned when I turned 39 rather than 40 for some weird reason & I have worried about the rest of the decade(s) that followed - in my middle to late 50's I did a BA at uni to prove I could & than because we had paid our house off (yay!) dh & I were able to travel, something we were never able to do before. In my (ahem) 60's we joined our local u3a & made new friends & did new things including taking up an old hobby of art (sketching) & I have been able to improve & made friends. We can go to the theatre decide at the drop of the hat to do something or go somewhere (covid permitting) & enjoy our little gc & watch little one growing up without the responsibility or lack of sleep.
Forget about regrets of getting older, take care of yourself both in treating yourself to something you can afford or want or would like to do. Have aims & plans & enjoy the moment & the people you care about. Life is about living

agh NOT worried about the rest of the decades!

I found turning 40 pretty funny, although having my birthday in the fullest level of lockdown was definitely a party pooper.

I spent my 30s going from caring for a new baby to having a 10 & 7 yo, so I'm finding my 40s kind of exciting as I'll gain more freedom and choice as they grow up. It's not in a wishing life away way, just recognising the opportunities in the next stage.

I've stumbled into a new hobby in the past year that was pretty accessible as restrictions continued so that's put something fresh into life.

Some relatives I lost young in their 40s/ 50s. Some survivors are now well into their 80s. There are no guarentees in life but I look after myself to keep my odds favourable. Hopefully I'm not halfway yet, but whatever happens I want it to be a good, satisfying, full life.

Nearly 60 and enjoying it. I'm not sure what happened, one minute I was 35 and up to the eyeballs in career and children, next thing I was looking at an older version of myself in the mirror and feeling invincible because I'm no longer obliged to conform and be agreeable.

You're never too old to wear clothes that suit you and take care of your health.

The biggest change for me was going from 20s to the 30s. I had my children in my 30s so all the sleepless nights and zero self care really did take it's toll, also rarely bothered to go out anywhere as doing anything with young children was a pain in the bum.

Turning 40 for me coincided with my youngest starting full time pre-reception so I was actually looking forward to it. I'm 43 now and happier in my lifestyle, skin, hair, looks, confidence, finances (in no particular order) than I ever was in my 30s.

Don't think about it as some big change in your life. 40 is just the number after 39.

I'm turning 40 too and I love it! So much more confidence, less sensitive and care little for what others think. Like being given a second chance at being a teenager.

But I'm not sure I'd embrace 50s, 60s, 70s and 80s the same way. I'm very fortunate to enjoy good health, enjoy outdoorsy pursuits (physical strength and stamina for example) and do take pride in external beauty (feeling good and looking good in youthful clothes for example - don't care if shallow) and know the burning truth that these will not last. These days I tire more easily and can feel my metabolism slowing.

I hate the idea of fading out over 4 decades (50-90), slowly losing physical and metal faculties (Alzhiemer), like my grandmother and mother. Absolutely hate having to rely on others- I'd rather kill myself but the scary thing is I wouldn't even know how to by then.

I lost a very good friend at 18 (and other acquaintances later on) and appreciate the life and family i have - but there is nothing wrong with dreading ageing. Just don't let it take over you.

I’ve loved my fourties- best decade I reckon. Bring it on…

I think it’s important to focus on key things you want to achieve in each decade. I also turn 40 this year. My identical twin died even we were young so I do feel this helps me feel okay about it. Mid 40s onwards I might struggle with but I’ve accepted 40 itself.

So you've got another 40 years of life in front of you, maybe more! Don't waste it. Look after yourself, eat properly and watch your weight, don't smoke or drink, nice clothes, don't go grey, and wear a little bit of make up. A bit of exercise, outside interests ... need I go on? I'm 70 and in my prime!

I find taking a much younger lover helps a great deal.

It’s a cliche but getting older is better than the alternative.
I’ve loved my decade birthdays and planning loads of treats for myself, much more positive than dwelling on getting older or going on mumsnet saying your DH ruined the birthday by not planning anything.

What's going on OP to make you feel this way?

@Almostwelsh

I find taking a much younger lover helps a great deal.

You win this thread!

You don't owe it to anyone to be pretty. But you do owe it to yourself to be happy.

I’ve just turned 48 and am just happy to be above ground.

I didn’t know three of my grand partners because they’d all died before I was born. I’ve never had a living grandmother (they say you don’t miss what you’ve never had - completely untrue). My Dad’s mum died when he was 17 and my uncle was 12.

Both my parents also died relatively early.

If I make it to my 50th birthday, I’ll be delighted - let alone my 60th, 70th or 80th. Damn straight I’ll be celebrating.

I was a beauty in my 20s and 30s and while it’s fading, I’m OK with that, because it’s just good to be here.

I hope some of these replies have helped you, OP. You can keep on feeling miserable about it though, if it makes you happy. Does it?

*grandparents

Look at it this way -
You will never be this young again

I have my moments when my vanity kicks in and I struggle with the wrinkles and sagging, and those moments of panic like ‘shit! I’m nearly 45! What have I actually done with my life? I’m going to be old soon!’ etc. I think that’s all pretty normal and part of the process.

But mainly, at 44, I am just focused on being healthy and happy and counting my blessings. I’ve lost some people in the last year and I honestly do just feel very glad and very grateful to be alive.

Youth is wonderful and special, but every stage of life brings its gifts. Being in my forties my career is taking off again, I’m getting to see my babies become teenagers and wonderful young people in their own right, I’m definitely giving less of a shit than ever before about what other people think of me and marching to the best of my own drum…and these are all great things.

Mostly I try to remember that worrying about ageing is pointless. I am ageing, as we all do. It’s reality. And as my mum always says, ‘you’ll never be as young as you are today!’.

Wait till you turn 70!