Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

How do you deal with ageing?

183 replies

CaveWoman1 · 04/01/2022 17:40

I’m going to turn 40 this year (admittedly not until autumn!!) but I’m DREADING it. Coming at it from a completely emotional perspective but I’m hating getting older. Hate that I’ll no longer be able to say ‘I’m in my 30’s,” even though it’s my late 30’s.

Hated turning 30 too; the decade ones just seem so……final & depressing. BUT turning 40 is going to be nothing compared to turning 50, & turning 50 is going to be a walk in the park compared to being 60.

I HATE HATE HATE it. I’m struggling to age gracefully, I’m bloody annoyed & I don’t want a party, don’t want to see anyone, certainly don’t want to celebrate. Celebrate what exactly? That I’m another 10 years closer to death, whenever that may be? It’s fucking shit & I don’t know how people do it with a modicum of style or acceptance.

OP posts:
leavingtime · 06/02/2022 22:42

I'm 72, soon to be 73. I look ok, feel absolutely fine most of the time. I enjoy every day - there's always something to enjoy, to learn, to look forward to, places to go. I'm interested in so many things, enjoy a few hobbies, am busy every day, and appreciate life every day. There is so much to do in this world so it's up to you how you spend your years in it.

I'm lucky, I'm fit, I'm healthy but I enjoy looking after myself and eating good food. A best friend died aged 66, others I know have gone far too early. I feel I'm living the years they didn't have and feel privileged.

OP don't make the mistake of thinking life is all about appearance, it's not. It's doing the things which make you happy, lift your soul and spirits, calm you...and how you interact and affect those close to you. And try and see how interesting it all is, find some enthusiasm and positivity if you can. Every decade brings different joys [and yes trials] and so don't be so worried about the future years, they can bring enormous pleasure.

Predictably I'll say that grandchildren can be an utter joy for example. So celebrate birthdays, laugh, enjoy the excuse to enjoy yourself, let go. The alternative is dank, draining, dragging negativity...not a way to make the most of life.

TheBestForLast · 06/02/2022 22:48

You'll never be as young as you are at this very moment. Some people don't get the privilege of growing old, count yourself lucky and enjoy it ❤️

Cocomarine · 06/02/2022 22:58

My sister died at 42. I think people who whine about getting older need to put a bloody sock in it.
Not comments about struggling with looks or physical changes - we’re all human.
But self pitying crap about not wanting to turn 40? Pathetic.

OldTinHat · 06/02/2022 23:08

I was 50 last summer. My DF started trying to wind me up about it from when I turned 45. I decided to take his pleasure away by saying I was so excited and couldn't wait to be 50 - then I started to believe it and actually got very excited!

I've already saying how much I can't wait to be 60. My DF is very unhappy!

Embrace it OP! After all, do you really want the alternative to aging?

TheVanguardSix · 06/02/2022 23:21

Fuck it.
Meditate, practice yoga nidra, and box breathe like a Navy SEAL is my advice.
I’m 2 months shy of 50 and seriously OP, work on you from the inside out (I started doing so in my early 40s… and stop drinking. You don’t have to. But I’d strongly advise this).

Meadowblossom · 06/02/2022 23:22

Gracefully.
It’s a privilege so many are denied…

YesitsBess · 06/02/2022 23:26

I'd be much more forthcoming on the subject if you hadn't posted and then immediately disappeared.

blyn72 · 07/02/2022 00:16

I am 72. I don't mind ageing. The only time I felt a bit sad about it was when I had my 20th birthday because that meant I was no longer a teenager. Since then I haven't cared a fig. If I did it would achieve nothing anyway, I cannot halt the process. I'm still me, regardless of age.

jenkel · 07/02/2022 00:25

I’m 52, feel great and never been fazed by my age. I’m actually very grateful to be here and healthy, probably because my dad died at 42 frrom cancer. Actually, it was hardest when I turned 42 as I felt that I was on borrowed time then, and that he may have felt like me at 42 and that he should have had lots of life ahead to look forward too. I turned those feelings around though quite quickly. I learnt to snowboard at 48, ok not that good admittedly. I’m up for doing anything and grateful that I can.

Lightning020 · 07/02/2022 07:52

I feel grateful to be alive at age 58 but definitely dreading my sixties. I suppose we just need to be relieved if we have sufficient health to keep going.

romany4 · 07/02/2022 11:20

I was 50 a few weeks ago
I had worried about every milestone birthday before that. But found I actually didn't give a shit about being 50.
I have my health apart from a few niggles (IBS and menopause)
I have a wonderful DH, 2 kids and a previous first baby grandchild.
I'm aging gracefully. Don't do dyeing my hair or cosmetic stuff.
I lost my best friend at 41 to Cancer. My ds lost his best mate in an accident at 23.
I'm very happy in my own skin. My great grandmother and my nan loved till their nineties. My mum is still working full time and healthy in her mid seventies. I'm hoping I have all their genes

romany4 · 07/02/2022 11:21

Precious not previous!!

CrimbleCrumble1 · 07/02/2022 11:36

I deal with it the opposite way to the OP and throw myself a party for the big birthdays and I book a holiday too. For my 50th I had my hair, make up and nails done, new dresses and had all my friends over to my house for a good old knees up. In my family lots of my relatives don’t live until a very old age, particularly the women so I’m not spending any of my one precious life worrying about something that can’t be changed-time.

NoSauce · 07/02/2022 11:44

Get some botox, have a facelift if you’re really that upset by it.

Or get a grip and enjoy being alive while you are!

SpinsForGin · 07/02/2022 11:44

@Meadowblossom

Gracefully. It’s a privilege so many are denied…
This. I've lost too many people at a very young age so I feel privileged to be ageing.

It was my 40th this weekend and although I usually keep my birthdays relatively low key I decided I wanted to celebrate this year and it's been brilliant. My friends and family have seemed to really want spoil me..... which has been so lovely and has made me feel quite emotional.

Big party at the weekend and I can't bloody wait!!

FirstAconite · 07/02/2022 11:58

I've just turned 60. It made me realise that the time I've got left is ticking by. But that was the same when I was 59, 27, 42 whatever.

My two closest friends, my husband's sister and my dad weren't lucky enough to make it to anything like my age. That's spurred us on to make the most of getting older, we're so lucky to be here. It sounds trite, but really, the are so many good things to enjoy in life, why spend it fretting about being an age with a zero on the end of it.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 07/02/2022 12:01

Ageing? I just take it in my stride...

... but with a Zimmer frame now, of course.

JMAngel1 · 07/02/2022 12:08

I see it as a challenge to myself - keep up to date with current affairs/“in” trends, be the fittest I can possibly be, look as good as I possibly can, be as gracious as I can about it all.
I’m turning 50 this year and planning a wonderful holiday with my family and a spa weekend with my friends. Also a romantic weekend away with DH. Life’s too short.
You are the youngest you will ever be today.

I did get nice reassurance at work - I told some work people that I couldn’t work Easter weekend as I had a “significant” birthday. Every single one of them assumed I was going to be 40 Grin

Nsky · 07/02/2022 12:14

60 this year, menopause, hormones and bi polar, all given me grief, eye issues to sort, then I’ll be happy.
Annoyed at things changing, glad I’m still here

Ozanj · 07/02/2022 12:16

Keep yourself fit, healthy and you will always be beautiful.

SeafrontBingo · 07/02/2022 12:29

Joan Collins seems to have extraordinary vitality & to have defied ageing, she’s over 85 I think.

Lightning020 · 07/02/2022 12:58

Joan Collins looks painfully thin and overly made up but I do agree her vitality is good.

CounsellorTroi · 07/02/2022 13:05

@Aquamarine1029

Sorry, op, but your attitude is a dreadful waste of your life. We all get older or we don't because we're dead. Life is a gift, you should be grateful for it. Ageing doesn't mean anything, it has nothing to do with who you are as a person. Don't squander the time you have obsessed with something you can't change. It's so silly. Getting older is fabulous, you become so much more confident and self-assured. Embrace it.
I couldn’t agree more. I am 60 and it is so liberating to no longer give a damn what anyone else thinks. When I go swimming I wear a flowery swimming hat which makes me feel quite retro glam, lime Elizabeth Taylor in her flowery hats. Some people probably think I look ridiculous but am I bovvered?
oldwrinklyhands · 07/02/2022 13:09

Hated turning 40 too (3 months ago). Always thought my life would be different by 40, so we had a lovely trip to NY with the kids and are soon moving to a bigger house (like I thought I'd be living in at 40) People always seem surprised I'm 40 and place me at late 20s!!! So happy with that (thanks to oily skin!)

JuergenSchwarzwald · 07/02/2022 13:21

I'm not far off 50 and I don't think it's worth making loads of effort celebrating, but I haven't suffered the loss of friends or family before their time, which I am sure does put a completely different perspective on things. My son is 19 so if I died suddenly I wouldn't be leaving a young child, he'd get on with his life, I wouldn't be leaving behind small children.

I think the issue for me is that I enjoy running and have been running really well in recent months, but that can only go downhill now. And I clearly look my age as someone was surprised I hadn't had my covid jabs last year when the over 50s were having theirs :(

So while I completely accept it is all self-indulgent twaddle (like a lot of stuff we get het up about!), I have a certain amount of sympathy OP (if you are still reading).