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Original poster

Jeez! Performance parenting is driving me insane!

437 replies

ChilledFizz · 03/01/2022 17:09

Has anyone else noticed a performance parenting epidemic going on?

I know we all ham it up sometimes, but honestly this competitive, virtue signalling parenting seems to be turning into the norm.

OP posts:
liveforsummer · 04/01/2022 11:17

@Franca123

Science museum, talking to your kids, books, walking, wholesome. Aren't these all good things?! We need better examples!
I've given a couple - it's the looking around for approval
ShowOfHands · 04/01/2022 11:17

Aah performance parenting threads always go the same way. We all know about interaction, language acquisition, hyper focus, engaging children, extra challenges in some family which might make this seem more intense than usual and so on. This really isn't what people mean by performance parenting. I've seen the odd example over the years. It's parenting done for the benefit of the audience, not the child. Noticeably, the child actually isn't getting their needs met, but the parent is. I haven't seen it increase as a phenomenon however.

ShowOfHands · 04/01/2022 11:19

@Franca123

When I'm out with my toddler, sometimes in a museum, I'll often talk loudly and clearly to him so he understand what I'm saying and that I mean it. This is one way I avoid problems...... are people judging me?
No they're not. You're interacting with your child in the way they need you to. That's not performance parenting.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Franca123 · 04/01/2022 11:20

OK. I'll keep an eye out for it. Can't say I've noticed it. But then I am often on my phone Grin

girlmom21 · 04/01/2022 11:21

@Franca123

OK. I'll keep an eye out for it. Can't say I've noticed it. But then I am often on my phone Grin
You'll notice it at farms or petting zoos. Particularly round ostriches/emus/rheas or llamas and alpacas Grin
MsTSwift · 04/01/2022 11:21

It’s funny though. We had an epic performance granny once at a museum craft / calligraphy session. Even my then late primary aged kids were eye rolling - all at TOP VOLUME with lots of attempted eye contact with other parents

“What lovely flowers darling! Though not quite as nice as the ones in granny’s garden! Do you know their name in French”

“Come on darling I am sure they teach you to hold your pen better than that at St Cuthberts !(local swanky school)”.

They were doing calligraphy DD2 cruelly announced unprompted that she was going to do her calligraphy in Mandarin. Thought performance granny was going to cry.

jgw1 · 04/01/2022 11:23

@Franca123

I don't know what this is so I'm worrying it's me Shock
You and me both.
jgw1 · 04/01/2022 11:25

@Franca123

When I'm out with my toddler, sometimes in a museum, I'll often talk loudly and clearly to him so he understand what I'm saying and that I mean it. This is one way I avoid problems...... are people judging me?
It would appear so. Please in future ignore your child.
BeMoreGoldfish · 04/01/2022 11:27

Ooh I love spotting performance parenting - dh and I have great fun trying to compéte! Or at least we did - our DC are the ones doing the eye rolling now Grin

BeMoreGoldfish · 04/01/2022 11:27

I’ve no idea why there’s an accent on compete! 😂

ElftonWednesday · 04/01/2022 11:27

No, I haven't noticed it at all. Now my kids are older I hardly ever notice how other parents are towards younger children.

Prinnny · 04/01/2022 11:31

Ah, performance parenting, the insult of the disengaged Grin

BlusteryLake · 04/01/2022 11:31

One person's "performance parenting" is another's "parenting". There are loads of annoyances when out in public. Just ignore any you wish to.

yourestandingonmyneck · 04/01/2022 11:32

@Franca123

When I'm out with my toddler, sometimes in a museum, I'll often talk loudly and clearly to him so he understand what I'm saying and that I mean it. This is one way I avoid problems...... are people judging me?
Well it depends, none of us can know, really.

The difference being discussed on this thread is:

a) the people just taking an active and involved role in parenting their child;

and b) the people making a performance out of parenting their child, wanting an audience and admiration / validation from others, regardless of their child's actual needs.

Woodlandwater · 04/01/2022 11:33

I was in a book shop with DC yesterday and another mum was loudly congratulating her 2 yo for counting the books so well. My 2yo was pretending to be a dog and licking the floor. But he's a second child so I've given up as my PFB was amazing to show off with loud declarations of "oh you know how to do long division at 3 and have read Tolstoy on your own, well done darling!!" but this one is feral.

liveforsummer · 04/01/2022 11:33

Lots of people missing the actual meaning (otherwise they are indeed the performance parents and not engaging with their dc quite in the way they think they are)

georgarina · 04/01/2022 11:36

Just overheard a parent saying "I've brought you risotto to have before your ballet lesson 😂

Coronawireless · 04/01/2022 11:37

@liveforsummer

Ah the performance parents will have their phones out, so they can take photos to post and let everyone know they do all this wholesome stuff.
Oh dear, this is me. Seeing myself through other’s eyesShock
hellosunshineagainx · 04/01/2022 11:37

@Iamnotthe1

I hate that what was once just considered the parenting norm has now been labelled as performance parenting by those who don't want to do it.

You should be actively talking to your children about the world around them and getting them engaged with it. It has a huge impact, particularly in those early years and, as a teacher, there is a noticeable difference between children who have had that and children who haven't.

I agree
Wotagain · 04/01/2022 11:38

@ChilledFizz

Has anyone else noticed a performance parenting epidemic going on?

I know we all ham it up sometimes, but honestly this competitive, virtue signalling parenting seems to be turning into the norm.

And it impacts on you in what way exactly?
Briony123 · 04/01/2022 11:38

@Woodlandwater

I was in a book shop with DC yesterday and another mum was loudly congratulating her 2 yo for counting the books so well. My 2yo was pretending to be a dog and licking the floor. But he's a second child so I've given up as my PFB was amazing to show off with loud declarations of "oh you know how to do long division at 3 and have read Tolstoy on your own, well done darling!!" but this one is feral.
I love this.
liveforsummer · 04/01/2022 11:39

I've another example- a dad (it's always dads ime maybe they have more energy for it as they only have to do it occasionally) he's the dad of a boy in DD's class, about 6'4''. He's always charging round inside the fenced play park with a huge group of 8/9 year olds charging after him lots of boisterous pushing and swinging. Parents of toddlers having to snatch them out the way lest they get caught up in it - he doesn't see those he's too busy looking for the administration of the standing on parents (who are cursing him for winding their kids up to 90 and wondering who's will inevitably end up in tears first).

Coronawireless · 04/01/2022 11:40

@BeMoreGoldfish

I’ve no idea why there’s an accent on compete! 😂
It’s a special type of ancient Frankish competing obviously.
ldontWanna · 04/01/2022 11:40

@liveforsummer

Lots of people missing the actual meaning (otherwise they are indeed the performance parents and not engaging with their dc quite in the way they think they are)
The issue is performance parenting means different things to different people. When you really dig into it you get examples from truly eye rolling to bog standard stuff that is any way different to the "hearer"'s life or they deem pretentious or whatever.
WheelieBinPrincess · 04/01/2022 11:41

I’m a nanny in an a fluent area so I get to hear alllllll the time. My favourite was in Waitrose. At the fish counter. Mum and girl about 3.

M: Ottilie, what fish shall we get for our supper tonight?

O: (looking like she couldn’t give a toss) mmmm pink one.

M: salmon? Salmon darling? Wild salmon? That’s a wonderful choice but we had salmon en croute with purple sprouting broccoli just last night didn’t we?

O: (pointing randomly) that one.

M: sea bream! Sea bream! What a gorgeous choice! Will we have it with kale and lemon butter?

O: (gritted teeth) yes mummy

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