Jeez! Performance parenting is driving me insane!

[ChilledFizz]

Has anyone else noticed a performance parenting epidemic going on?

I know we all ham it up sometimes, but honestly this competitive, virtue signalling parenting seems to be turning into the norm.

p.s. I used the word milieu on purpose to get on your tits, if you're wondering if I was performance posting

Is all fish showing off? Are fish fingers showing off? Or cod? What about fish pie. I'm guessing a seafood risotto is THE most heinous dish imaginable?

I might go to WAITROSE to buy some MONKFISH for TABITHA to eat after BALLET. But I better put on my BOBBLE HAT first.

@Franca123

I might go to WAITROSE to buy some MONKFISH for TABITHA to eat after BALLET. But I better put on my BOBBLE HAT first.

Showing my age now. I had Simon Day's 'Competitive Dad' in my head all the way through my reading of this thread.

Now, after the last post's mention of MONKFISH, I can't dislodge from my brain the immortal line 'Put yer knickers on and go and make me a cup of tea. Two sugars!'

There was a performance "fun aunty" in Sainsburys yesterday afternoon. Could be heard from four aisles away and was doing 360 spins of the trolley in the middle of the supermarket. Then loudly strolled down the coffee aisle with said trolley because "that's where mummy's getting her HAPPY FUEL from".

It's the volume that's annoying, not what's being said. You don't need to shout to engage a child.

What I don't get is why, on an island, so many people think its risible to eat fish.

[quote Cornettoninja]@MollysDolly Tbf I only labelled it ambiguous for your benefit. I don’t think it’s ambiguous at face value and given that’s all we’ve got I’m questioning why you feel the need to keep pushing that it might be performance parenting by creating extra information out of thin air? Why not just pick up on an actual example of performance parenting from the thread to rebuff someone?

I’m clearly not holier than thou, the thread title appealed to me for a reason (!), I’m just not prepared to make up my own context to make someone else’s observation valid.[/quote]
I've given plenty of other examples. I'm not "picking up" on one.

My examples don't require any further explanation. But as this one sentence. That one person posted. On a performance parenting thread. As an example of performance parenting. Well....she didn't say the woman said it in an attention seeking way. So therefore it could (if it wasn't on a thread about performance parenting, as an example of performance parenting that they'd witnessed) have been said in a totally normal manner.

And the "context" you think I'm adding, is simply what a performance parent does. It's not invented or a stretch of the imagination. Some people are have real difficulty in seeing why this one sentence is performance parenting, because the context wasn't spelled out to them.

Because you need too. On a thread about performance parenting. As an example of performance parenting

I'm not trying to rebuff anyone. Or use an "off" example. I'm repeatedly explaining the same thing. Other examples don't require that. Because people have typed words to the effect that it was said in a performance parenting style.

Ok

@ThePlantsitter

I just think show-offs are show-offs whatever their milieu. Parenting is no different except that parents are often just trying to go about their day in whatever way they can and people being openly judgemental about it is inhibiting.

p.s. I used the word milieu on purpose to get on your tits, if you're wondering if I was performance posting.

Yes, they are absolutely show offs.

And alas, your posting doesn't "get on my tits" at all. Soz. Just like performance parenting doesn't. It's not irritating, not to me anyway. Most performance parents are just ignored. The only internal response that most of their audience have, is how pitiful that people have to try and validate themselves like that.

The audience is not self absorbed, how silly. You don't "wonder" if you are in the presence of a performance parent. You know.

If you go through the world convinced that loads of people are acting out for your attention rather than their own child's, that's the definition of self absorbed.

@Franca123

I might go to WAITROSE to buy some MONKFISH for TABITHA to eat after BALLET. But I better put on my BOBBLE HAT first.

It's Monkfish after 'Fencing' in our house.

Shall we make a list of perceived upper middle class foods, activities and names? I think that would be the best way to document 'performance parenting'. Plus of course, people having too much fun.

@Franca123

Shall we make a list of perceived upper middle class foods, activities and names? I think that would be the best way to document 'performance parenting'. Plus of course, people having too much fun.

Like 'Anoushka, step away from the aubergines or your Stella McCartney Kids Dalmatian Spot cape will snag on the stems!'

or

'Artemis, put down the endamame poké -- you'll spoil your acai berry and skyr smoothie elevenses'

or

'Ptolemy, darling hasn't silly Mummy told you before it's not 'pho' to rhyme with toe, it's pronounced 'fuh' -- like fun without the n!'

@kharen4alone

honestly I've noticed this as well, and I am a culprit. As soon as I see another mum I put on a mask and begin this pretence of 'gentle parenting'. I feel the same pressure that we all do to treat our kids perfectly all the time and honestly its exhausting. I've just stopped taking my three out at all.

This makes me sad. I know it's easy for people who are more nonchalant about strangers' opinions of them to tell others that they shouldn't care so much. It's quite another thing to put it into practice if you happen to be of the persuasion that you do care.

It's a cliche, but what other people think of you is none of your business. It really, really doesn't matter. You will likely never see these people again, but your children do need to go out and participate in normal activities. Ask yourself who is the most important.

Judgemental people will judge you no matter what you do, whether you have children around or not (although parenting is the first thing complete strangers will queue up to tell you you're getting wrong). And anyone with half a clue knows all kids act up sometimes, and that when they're tried to the hilt, parents get frazzled. I've exchanged sympathetic comments with parents I've seen in this predicament, and they've done the same for me!

It's not you. It's them. Go out and enjoy your kids, and screw them.

It's Monkfish after 'Fencing' in our house

It’s caviar after dressage and lobster after jousting in our house. My little Ptolemy and Peregrine simply love their sea food. Ptolemy’s first words (when he was 2 months old) were, “Stop, mother! That’s not the fish fork!” I had been about to use a salad fork instead of a fish fork to eat my monkfish! The shame!

I’ll tell you an example of performance parenting.

In an interview Prince Harry said Archie’s first word was crocodile.

I’d bet my house it wasn’t 😆

@Franca123

If there's an epidemic of performance parenting then why are examples so thin on the ground? There's more made up examples than real examples. If people see it all the time, why not relate an example they've actually seen?

Because we all got turned off by the PP deniers and the thread became a tedious sanctimonifest

Instead of the juicy stories we were hoping for

HTH

@Pleasebeafleabite

Exactly!

@kharen4alone

honestly I've noticed this as well, and I am a culprit. As soon as I see another mum I put on a mask and begin this pretence of 'gentle parenting'. I feel the same pressure that we all do to treat our kids perfectly all the time and honestly its exhausting. I've just stopped taking my three out at all.

Please don’t not take your children out because of miserable sods. Ignore the tuts and sneers and eyerolls from such people.

I saw a classic example of this yesterday at the park and it made me sad. A little boy sat on a swing whilst his dad with big headphones on was taking photos of him and the little boy said "you haven't even pushed me yet" whilst sitting there all sad whilst his dad was messing around putting filters on the photo. So on Instagram it looks like they had a lovely day out with dad, when actually he ignored them most the time they were there with noise cancelling headphones on

If you go through the world convinced that loads of people are acting out for your attention rather than their own child's, that's the definition of self absorbed

No no, not loads of people. Just performance parents.

HTH

Because we all got turned off by the PP deniers and the thread became a tedious sanctimonifest

Bingo

Next door used to pp with their very biddable child. It all came to abrupt halt when Velcro baby turned up and they realised they weren’t naturally gifted at parenting.

This has gone on forever. It’s not a new phenomenon. I have seen many parents unable to leave a child at school unless they have elicited an upset response from the child. They can’t believe that their precious bundle is actually more than happy to see the back of them for a while.
Also the parents who spend most time on their phones rather than attending to their kids are often the ones who then complain loudest about something inconsequential to ‘prove’ how much they care.you’re just noticing it more cos there’s generally been less opportunity for these people to have an audience.