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Original poster

Help me not be that smug parent?

175 replies

Pigletting · 28/12/2021 18:05

DS is the dream baby. Sleeps well, laughs all the time, doesn't cry unless really gassy which doesn't happen much. You get the drift. Fully aware this is pot luck and if we have another child we might have a real wailer.

But people continually ask things like "is he keeping you up all night" / "I've not heard him cry yet, does he save that for when you're alone" etc. I really don't want to lie. But I am struggling with ideas for responses which don't sound smug. "Luckily he's pretty content" just seems to make (some) people roll their eyes! I get it would be annoying if you were having a hard time right now with your own baby, but I don't actually have any friends/relatives with babies so it's not that. But for whatever reason it really winds people up! I don't want to be annoying!

So any ideas for honest, non-smug answers to these types of questions?

OP posts:

Bunnycat101 · 29/12/2021 22:20

There’s no point faking tiredness etc. you can just be grateful that you have excellent sleepers. My first was an easy baby after the newborn phase so from around 3-6 months she was placid, slept through and was lovely. I remember googling and freaking myself about about additional needs because she just didn’t cry. That placid trait stopped at 6m and never really came back. She was an early mover and a confident walker by 11m. All my friends at baby groups had non-movers and could sit there with a cup of tea with their happy older babies while I was trying to stop mine climbing the walls.

My second was an amazing sleeper as a baby. Shit sleeper as a toddler. I’ve been crying with sleep deprivation this week as she’s been up so much. No-one has any sympathy when it’s an older child though.

There will be something your lovely baby does that is hard work later on unless you are very lucky. Enjoy them now while things are easier for you and feel no guilt for it as the mums struggling now will also (hopefully) have periods where things are easier for them.

Bertiebiscuit · 29/12/2021 22:52

I'm scared for you, you are tempting fate - one swallow does not a summer make - just wait - so don't say anything

BocolateChiscuits · 29/12/2021 23:15

My eldest woke every 3 hours until 10 months, my youngest woke every 2 hours until 6 months. I was on my knees with sleep deprivation. My brains felt like they were dribbling out of my ears.

Recently a couple of friends told me about their easy babies who sleep through the night. On the surface I smiled and said enthusiastically "oh how amazing, I'm so happy for you", inside I wanted to slap them, and wishing them horrible 4 month sleep regressions. And I was shocked at my internal reaction. It's been 3 years since those sleep deprived days, and I should be over it and I should be happy for my friends. It's probably jealousy, because those baby rearing years were really marred by sleep deprivation. I struggle to even remember it - sleep is needed by your brain to lay down long term memories.

So yeah, thank you for your self-awareness. And I hope you continue to have a easy going time with parenting. And I actually mean it this time.

Interested in this thread?

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Families

mrsplum2015 · 29/12/2021 23:20

I don't think it matters how you respond but I have a super successful child in all areas and I struggle with this.

I would never want to sound smug or even over proud as I totally accept what she has achieved is very little to do with me 😂

So I generally make some kind of jokey remark or put it down to luck.

I know most people don't give a shit but I do have the odd friend who would take some of it to heart if their child is struggling with achievement etc so I am sensitive to those situations.

I also make sure my dd knows how super she is but not for her achievements but because she is a genuinely gorgeous person.

Sadbri · 29/12/2021 23:22

Omg you could pretty much be talking about my first born. She never cried slept through pretty much from 1 month. I even took her to the doctors as she never cried not even for a bottle or nappy change.
By no means is she perfect we went through terrible twos. But it was made worse when baby number 2 came around and was a great sleeper and generally a happy baby.
I’ve got to the point I don’t want a third as I nature must have all this pent up energy for a nightmare baby.

mrsplum2015 · 29/12/2021 23:23

Oh and said dd slept through the night from 8 weeks old. 7 to 7 like clockwork! Sorry that was the point of the post 😂

Friends with same age babies did hate it but I downplayed it, never mentioned it unless directly asked and put it down to luck. Nothing else you can do.

Liervik · 29/12/2021 23:28

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

Mamanyt · 30/12/2021 00:25

Mine were just like that, and remained so until that fateful day when Spawn 1 went to take a shower, unzipped his jeans, and I could hear his hormones fizzing from the kitchen! All hell broke loose, and didn't settle down for about 8 years, when Spawn 2 got over puberty (they were barely a year apart).

Enjoy this while you can.

bedheadedzombie · 30/12/2021 01:35

You could go the other way and say that as their parent you of course think that they are the easiest, happiest, cutest and most perfect baby ever! Say it with a big smile and people might just nod along with ypu.

lynntheyresexswappers · 30/12/2021 01:52

"I'm sure it won't last"

I had the dream baby, slept well from birth, never cried, smiley, ate well, never slept in with us - he's now 4, refuses to sleep anywhere but my bed, and makes himself sick at the sight of 99% of food, and is an utter lunatic.
I look back on my smugness and curse myself

He is rather lovely though - even if he did wake me at 1.30 (hence why I'm online) to ask whether I would like 1000 kisses.

Flickflak · 30/12/2021 01:56

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Bleachmycloths · 30/12/2021 04:14

Why should you care what people think? Your stock reply sounds very reasonable. Enjoy your contented baby.

Dibbydoos · 30/12/2021 08:42

It's not smug and it's not pot luck either. I'd be honest and say he's a really good baby. My health visitor told me it's about how relaxed and confident the parent is.

angela99999 · 30/12/2021 08:44

My DC were pretty normal, but my first GD was amazing, she would just lie on a quilt on her back for hours, playing and smiling. The second GD hit my DIL like a train, she was "normal" but so different from the first. I have to admit that I put the calm first GC down to my very calm DIL's way of dealing with her, but now I just think she is a calm and happy person (now aged 11 and still the same).
DIL said she was always a bit embarrassed when other Mums moaned about the crying and sleepless nights. She did say "She has her moments"!

CrimbleCrumble1 · 30/12/2021 08:45

My three DC were absolutely brilliant sleepers from 8 weeks
but quite difficult during the day and then a nightmare when they turned 2.
They are grown up now and believe me there will be many unsmug moments coming up.

crazycrochetlady · 30/12/2021 08:47

Say "He's saving up trouble for his teens".
Because he probably is.... mwhahahaha

Original poster

Pigletting · 30/12/2021 10:54

Thank you everyone for all the ideas and points of view, especially @lemonsquid

The most interesting thing about this thread is that I've realised DS does not sleep as well as I thought! I thought waking every three hours was a good sleeper Some people's babies sound much easier than this even!

I think my experience may be coloured by the fact that my first baby was stillborn, so whatever DS does it's impossible to feel cross in any way, because he is alive, and that is so good. (Don't accuse me of dripfeeding! I didn't think this was relevant to my question, but this thread has made me think that the whole way I see him is probably in this context, so I'm maybe not seeing his flaws properly! Haha)

All the best to all those of you currently in the baby stage. I wish you long sleeps and sweet smiles 😊

OP posts:

EllieSattler · 30/12/2021 11:17

@Dibbydoos

It's not smug and it's not pot luck either. I'd be honest and say he's a really good baby. My health visitor told me it's about how relaxed and confident the parent is.

Your HV was talking shite :)

DixieSun · 30/12/2021 11:19

@Dibbydoos

It's not smug and it's not pot luck either. I'd be honest and say he's a really good baby. My health visitor told me it's about how relaxed and confident the parent is.

QueenoftheFarts · 30/12/2021 14:26

My first did nothing but eat, sleep and fart.... he was bliss. Everyone at mums group hated me and I secretly suspected I was just a fucking brilliant mother.... But then my second arrived.... it took many years to recover.... enjoy it while it lasts because not all babies are the same.

CrankyFrankie · 30/12/2021 20:10

I love that you’re in love with your baby 💜 lap it up, number 2 will be a headcase, guaranteed!
If other parents are willing you to say negative stuff to make them feel better, we’ll, sod them!
...That said, I would probably have made some self-deprecating-by-proxy joke that he’s probably a simpleton, but actually I hate myself for reflecting my own self-deprecation (?) onto my kids and hope to break the cycle!

CrankyFrankie · 30/12/2021 20:12

Ah that has actually reminded me, I did say to people when necessary something along the lines of my theory being that colic is the first sign of a genius coming to terms with landing on earth 🤣 seemed to make people feel better anyway 😆

Original poster

Pigletting · 31/12/2021 11:52

@CrankyFrankie knowing my luck, number 2 will not only be a headcase but twin headcases!

@Dibbydoos my health visitor told me that too! I nodded politely and knew it wasn't true. My cousin is laid back and she has had two monster babies. I think health visitors tell you these lies to make you feel confident 🤣

OP posts:

AliceW89 · 31/12/2021 12:07

DS was the baby from hell (brill toddler so far touches all the wood ). Despite this, I’ve never, ever found new mums describing their babies as ‘content and happy’, ‘a decent feeder’ or ‘a pretty good sleeper’ as smug or arrogant. They are literally just statements of fact. I feel relieved for them because any newborn is hard work.

The annoying people are the ones who think they are the cause of these things, eg ‘my baby is content and happy and sleeps well because I’m a relaxed person and I got them on a routine from birth’. Nah you were just lucky.

Keep on enjoying your beautiful baby and telling people you are! X

Usernamerequired · 02/01/2022 10:50

With my first DC i always said “I’m so lucky, bet she’s saving it up for teenage years though!!”

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