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Original poster

Help me not be that smug parent?

175 replies

Pigletting · 28/12/2021 18:05

DS is the dream baby. Sleeps well, laughs all the time, doesn't cry unless really gassy which doesn't happen much. You get the drift. Fully aware this is pot luck and if we have another child we might have a real wailer.

But people continually ask things like "is he keeping you up all night" / "I've not heard him cry yet, does he save that for when you're alone" etc. I really don't want to lie. But I am struggling with ideas for responses which don't sound smug. "Luckily he's pretty content" just seems to make (some) people roll their eyes! I get it would be annoying if you were having a hard time right now with your own baby, but I don't actually have any friends/relatives with babies so it's not that. But for whatever reason it really winds people up! I don't want to be annoying!

So any ideas for honest, non-smug answers to these types of questions?

OP posts:
thisplaceisweird · 29/12/2021 19:15

@Moonface123

" I've been lucky, so far ".
Great response. Truthful and acknowledges you know you're lucky and it could be temporary.

Don't overthink it op you're doing great!

Tictocrobot · 29/12/2021 19:17

3 months, oh my. Just wait for 4 months Wink

Franklyfrost · 29/12/2021 19:24

I remember feeling like you’re feeling like you might actually fall over you’re so tired and kind of hope you do and knock yourself out so you can get some shut eye and maybe even a day or two unconscious in hospital and then someone tells you how their baby sleeps from 6pm - 8am, but does sigh get up at 10pm for a feed. I can’t advise you to do anything other than change the subject and enjoy your baby!

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TheRemotePart · 29/12/2021 19:29

I also have an Angel Of a Baby.
He sleeps very well ( apart from the dreaded regressions) eats anything,drank his milk at any temp , chill will all family/friends/strangers , sleeps anywhere, teething was a mild annoyance, no reflux /gut issues etc has an occasional moan,rather than cries. And rarely does.
Happy little sausage as theee ever could be.
The only “complaint “ is he’s a very light sleeper!
I try and only say to my in-laws how good he is as no one wants to hear he’s a darling.
The other Mothers at our play group are often taking about how their babies were refusing sleep and up at 11pm etc and I would just be nodding along ,but mine was out like clockwork, as ever.

If I DO say how good he is: I usually follow with “ he ll probably be a wild toddler..”

I had a friend who had terrible PND and I really think it was made worse by spending time with my baby - she couldn’t understand why her own baby was crying and not content 24/7 , despite me reassuring her that my baby is the “abnormal “one !
( obviously I didn’t wax lyrical about how lovely he is! I’m not daft)

It actually filled me with terrible guilt!

Just be grateful and sympathetic to others , maybe make the tea if they are too ragged Wink

San141 · 29/12/2021 19:31

Actually...ignore my post I was wrong!! BE GRATEFUL, and shout it from every rooftop!! Why do we have to hide the fact that some babies actually are GOOD for while?! Then as the grow up we're judged if they are naturally clever! Being a parent is hard regardless of their age!!!

IdreamofPilates · 29/12/2021 19:31

DS, now aged 26, was THE most happiest baby, toddler and little boy. He woke up smiling, laughing and chirping like a little bird. He went to sleep smiling, happy and with a full tummy, having had whatever was on the menu and ate it with gusto. As a baby, we went for long walks with him facing me in the pram and he laughed and smiled at my constant tour guide chat - pre-mobile phone days, we laughed, talked and looked at each other the whole time. His face would paint a picture of total happiness. He has grown up to be an amazing man, and one of the biggest compliments he could ever bestow upon me, is that he hopes he will be able to do the same for his children. To all mothers out there, FGS, stop yacking on that F'ing mobile phone when you are with your children - engage with them instead - they are way more important than discussing crap stuff with someone else.

Mangofandangoo · 29/12/2021 19:40

Dd was the easy baby you describe. She's now almost 5 and I'll leave the rest to your imagination 🤯😴

TheWayTheLightFalls · 29/12/2021 19:43

OP, meet Four Month Sleep Regression. Four Month Sleep Regression, meet the OP.

Grin

Seriously - some periods are easier, some are harder, enjoy the easy bits and rest up when you can.

FWIW DD was and remains the easiest thing ever - sleeps, eats, sociable, happy, off-the-scales bright, we spent many happy mornings wandering and chatting like smuggy mcsmuggerson up there^^. And now she's four and I have newborn twins Grin.

TabithaTittlemouse · 29/12/2021 19:45

@UnitedRoad

I had the two easiest babies and little girls. They’re both in their early 20s now, and are great.

NOTHING prepared me for the teen years. Hell. It was absolute hell.

Exactly this. I feel that I was lulled into a false sense of security!
Scotland32 · 29/12/2021 19:46

Just enjoy it. My first was the same. Second…..very much not the same!

TabithaTittlemouse · 29/12/2021 19:48

My second was a screamer and didn’t sleep. My first and third were happy little things. First was a shocker as a teen but second and third were great!

DDMAC · 29/12/2021 20:18

Eldest slept most of the night and was really good until 6 months. Once the teething started that was the end of it.

lemonsquid · 29/12/2021 20:20

My baby is very challenging and an awful sleeper so I often do ask other mums how they're finding it and about sleep etc to see if I can find anyone going through the same stuff for some solidarity and support. I can tell instantly if I've stumbled across someone genuinely going through the same thing!

For those with chilled babies and great sleepers I am perfectly happy for them to be honest with me. The only thing I find smug if if they attribute their babies good sleep or laid back nature to anything other than good luck. Comments like "oh yes my DC sleeps great but we do have a really good bedtime routine and we're really strict with it".
Perfectly happy when people acknowledge their good luck and just be honest about it.

The worst for me would be lying and saying oh yes I'm finding it so hard when you're clearly not. I'm desperately trying to help my non-parent friends understand why I have dropped off the face of the Earth socially and why I can't book onto their hen-dos abroad just now and it doesn't help when mutual friends with great sleepers who are seen enjoying loads of freedom (and booking on said hen dos etc) then go and chip in pretending their in the same boat. It doesn't help anybody! Just skews the whole understanding.

I definitely vote honest but not smug ☺️

Harmonypuss · 29/12/2021 20:25

Every child is different, so if you've got a good one, enjoy it!
My first slept straight through at 3 days old and has never had a problem sleeping, the second was almost 2yrs old before he slept all night.
By the time they were teenagers, the good sleeper was (and still is at 32) an absolute nightmare child, whereas the bad sleeper has been (and again, still is at 25) an absolute dream.

TheJade · 29/12/2021 20:33

This baby is great but my next one will probs make up for it - or something light hearted!

Luck you! Enjoy your well behaved baby! I have had one of each, one a really nightmare baby and one who was perfect. Now they’re older it’s the well behaved baby who is more than a handful and the difficult baby is a dream 🤣🤣

Teawithsugar40 · 29/12/2021 20:34

You don’t need to lie as long as your acknowledging that your just very lucky. Just a ‘counting our blessings’ ‘so far’ or enjoying it while it lasts’ should make that clear.

DevonTF · 29/12/2021 20:38

This was our first DS. Didn't cry, perfect bedtime, always happy and smiling. We were so smug.

Second DS - Nope. We just use the words 'Spirited'.

Now both teenagers - both amazing. First DS is still calm, studious etc. Second DS is hilarious, full of life - both are brilliant and well behaved, caring young men. Feel incredibly proud (and a bit smug).

cannockcandy · 29/12/2021 21:01

Tbh I would lie. I was the unfortunate one with the child who only slept in 2 hour spells and had both colic and reflux so tbh the first 2 years of his life were a bit of a nightmare, my best friend of the time had a dream baby who slept through the night and rarely cried and when she did it was like a little kitten mewing whereas my son could shatter glass!
Just say "he has his moments" or "it's been a good day". Also, don't bank on him always being this "easy" cause they all go through changes as the months go by so I'd stick with those answers lol.
My friend, wasn't until her 3rd baby that she experienced the complete lack of sleep and the ear bursting screaming lol

AllTheUsernamesAreAlreadyTaken · 29/12/2021 21:02

@cannockcandy

Tbh I would lie. I was the unfortunate one with the child who only slept in 2 hour spells and had both colic and reflux so tbh the first 2 years of his life were a bit of a nightmare, my best friend of the time had a dream baby who slept through the night and rarely cried and when she did it was like a little kitten mewing whereas my son could shatter glass! Just say "he has his moments" or "it's been a good day". Also, don't bank on him always being this "easy" cause they all go through changes as the months go by so I'd stick with those answers lol. My friend, wasn't until her 3rd baby that she experienced the complete lack of sleep and the ear bursting screaming lol
Haha my first was the same as yours. My friends said they were getting plenty of sleep and their babies never screamed, I just thought they were liars 😂😂
Teawithsugar40 · 29/12/2021 21:11

@lemonsquid

My baby is very challenging and an awful sleeper so I often do ask other mums how they're finding it and about sleep etc to see if I can find anyone going through the same stuff for some solidarity and support. I can tell instantly if I've stumbled across someone genuinely going through the same thing!

For those with chilled babies and great sleepers I am perfectly happy for them to be honest with me. The only thing I find smug if if they attribute their babies good sleep or laid back nature to anything other than good luck. Comments like "oh yes my DC sleeps great but we do have a really good bedtime routine and we're really strict with it".
Perfectly happy when people acknowledge their good luck and just be honest about it.

The worst for me would be lying and saying oh yes I'm finding it so hard when you're clearly not. I'm desperately trying to help my non-parent friends understand why I have dropped off the face of the Earth socially and why I can't book onto their hen-dos abroad just now and it doesn't help when mutual friends with great sleepers who are seen enjoying loads of freedom (and booking on said hen dos etc) then go and chip in pretending their in the same boat. It doesn't help anybody! Just skews the whole understanding.

I definitely vote honest but not smug ☺️

This exactly, I’ve had one extreme to the other and would of been very tempted to be smug if the easiest one had been my first. Parents who attribute it to anything else but luck really are the most annoying, absolutely no need to lie either as if someone can’t be happy for you then they’re probably not worth associating with.
Mammyloveswine · 29/12/2021 21:19

My second was an absolute dream! I was so smug..

Hes now 3 and fucking FERAL Grin

Kinko · 29/12/2021 21:38

'So far he's been straightforward but I'm aware it can change at any moment'

And that's the absolute truth. You don't know when you'll get the rug pulled from under you at any point along your parenting journey.

Thinkbiglittleone · 29/12/2021 21:39

Our DS is 4 and has always been really good, most people have and do comment on him being well behaved and well mannered I just say "aaawww yeah he's a good boy" or something similar, because he is, I'm not smug, he may turn feral, but I'm happy to acknowledge he's a good boy at that time.

DixieSun · 29/12/2021 22:01

"Shush! He'll hear you. Don't be giving him ideas"

WhoKnowsProbsNotMe · 29/12/2021 22:19

It’s not smug! To be fair when my friends/family tell me how well their child is sleeping I always think (light hearted) yeah ok you’re trying to trick me into volunteering into a sleepless night of babysitting 😂🤍