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Original poster

Do you enjoy staying at peoples houses?

157 replies

Cleopatra2022 · 28/12/2021 13:08

Or having people to stay at yours?
Personally, I dislike both! If I have to stay at someone’s house I can’t stay more than 2 nights max. I very rarely invite anyone to stay at ours and if I do it’s for no longer than 3 nights.
MIL on the other hand will stay with us for a week at a time. It drives me crazy and always causes rows with DH and I. It’s just too long and feels very intrusive. Because of how long the visits are I end up making excuses for why she can’t come in order to put off her visit for as long as possible.
She doesn’t seem to have noticed that we are always putting her off with the flimsiest excuses. DH won’t talk to her straight and I tried once but was ignored.
I’m just so confused as to why she’d want to stay so long anyway? Why isn’t she desperate to get home to her own house and bed like I would be?!

So am I unusual in feeling this way?

OP posts:
Original poster
Cleopatra2022 · 28/12/2021 23:09

@kite22 minus the distances involved you could be describing mil’s family.

OP posts:
AlwaysLatte · 28/12/2021 23:17

I love to have people stay, and the spare rooms are always ready just in case (we had two couples and my brother to stay on Boxing Day) but I prefer being in my own house, rather than staying elsewhere. Probably more to do with logistics of having kids/dog/chickens than anything else.

homealoneagain1 · 28/12/2021 23:39

I hate it! Hate even 1 night either way tbh. I like my peace and my privacy.

Kite22 · 28/12/2021 23:40

minus the distances involved you could be describing mil’s family.

Well, I'm not a MiL yet, so I can't be her, Wink but I do sometimes feel I've entered a parallel universe on MN with some of the threads I read about people either being really inhospitable, or people WAY overstaying their welcome, or somehow expecting hotel service when they stay with others.

Puppyseahorse · 29/12/2021 00:06

Same. I hate both. Hate not having my own space, hate having to be ‘on’ all the time, hate just sitting around with family members.

I’d much prefer to go somewhere and have an experience with a family member than sit around in each others’ houses.

You’re not being unreasonable at all.

gsaoej · 29/12/2021 00:06

Can’t stand either. So avoid it like the plague.

marchingtotheend2021 · 29/12/2021 00:08

@Alayalaya

I dislike both. It makes me feel like I have to be constantly on my best behaviour and I can’t relax, it’s exhausting. If I’m the host I have to stay on top of politely offering tea and snacks and clearing away, and if I’m the guest I have to wait to be offered and can’t just grab something if I’m hungry or thirsty. You can’t just watch what you want on the telly or have a nap if you’re tired, and you spend most of the time holding in a fart. Very unpleasant, I’d rather be at home alone.
Hahaha I came on to say the same thing GrinBlush
100problems · 29/12/2021 00:21

I enjoy hosting but I have a strict help yourself policy; if you want something please just help yourself

I on the other hand can do one night only as a guest and then only if I know everyone will be hammered and pass out. I snore like a locomotive and light sleepers hate me.

Workyticket · 29/12/2021 00:29

I quite like both. I often say to DH I'd quite like to live in some kind of 'community'

We have a couple fo sets of friends that we visit and who visit us regularly. We all have similar approaches to visits so it tends to work

Scottish pals stayed recently. Me, Dh and ds 9. They have the same age ds

I like to cook, the friend's dh is a tidying fiens and does the dishwasher.

Friend organises us into getting packed up to go out and about and makes arrangementswith other mutual pals etc.

My DH wrangles the boys, keeps us in drinks and legs it to Tesco for top up stuff

Works well for us, we've stayed in lodges etc together too.

MadisonAvenue · 29/12/2021 07:33

I don’t like either.
My in laws live three hours away so an overnight stay is needed there, I’d rather stay in a hotel but my husband maintains that his mother would be offended (and she’s always looking for something to offend her) if we did.

She, in turn, invites herself to stay at our house for several days and nights at a time, the only good thing about the pandemic is that she’s not done this for over two years.

Having said that, we have two adult sons who live at home and I quite like to have their girlfriends here to stay.

I wonder if this is influenced by your childhood?
I’ve often thought that. As a child my family were all nearby so there was never a need to stay over for any of us. My husband’s immediate family moved hours away from where they originated and had other family in other parts of the country too so to see them there was always a requirement to stay with them or have people to stay at their house, and now he’s perfectly happy to do the same as are the rest of his family.

silverstrawberry · 29/12/2021 07:41

I'm in exactly your situation only mil is from abroad she came over last year for two months!!I hated every minute and was angry at the whole situation.It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.It wasn't like she helped in anyway and I was waiting on her hand and foot absolute nightmare 🙈

MaryBoBary · 29/12/2021 07:53

I hate both. I hate living to someone else's schedule when we stay at theirs and I hate feeling awkward in my own home by having guests here. I'm very much an introvert and need time without people (except OH and DS... although even they get on my nerves if they are hanging around the whole time!).

MaryBoBary · 29/12/2021 07:54

I'd feel differently about being in a hotel but in someone else's home I just feel awkward and uncomfortable.

dudsville · 29/12/2021 07:59

It's painful. I like having house guests but loathe being one. We have 3 or 4 friends who regularly invite us to stay and we never do it. My OH feels bad about it but I don't. I've never had the problem of a loved over staying their welcome and don't know how I'd handle it. Good luck to you.

00100001 · 29/12/2021 08:02

Depends.

99%of the time I like it either way.

But one very good friend has a spotless "show" home, and it's a wee bit stressful staying there, as it's so spotless, even your empty mug looks out of place and you feel compelled to put it straight in the dishwasher, or you need to line your shoes up very neatly by the front door etc.

Poppop4 · 29/12/2021 08:10

I don’t sleep well not in my own bed, on holiday it takes me almost the full week to settle and then we come home so no I don’t enjoy staying out.
I used to happily stay over at a friends house when she was single, felt I could get up and make a coffee in the morning if she was still asleep, now she’s married I don’t like staying there. Her husband isn’t really my type of person and makes me feel quite uncomfortable at their house.

My house isn’t really big enough for people to stay here, my sister often comes to stay and sleeps on the sofa but she’s 18 and would sleep on a washing line.

With New Year’s Eve approaching we are thinking of having DPs single friend over for a curry and some board games. Will offer him to stay over so he can have a drink but I can only offer him the sofa and I do have a 3 year old so we will be up around 7/8am so it’s entirely his choice. He’s welcome to make a drink or get a snack if he’s hungry he knows that.
Generally I don’t mind people staying at my house but we just don’t have the space and that being said no longer than a night or 2.

Missey85 · 29/12/2021 09:16

I don't like staying at others houses I feel weird and am never to sure what to do but I like people staying at mine I just had a friend stay for awhile because she lost her flat in a fire

Original poster
Cleopatra2022 · 29/12/2021 22:19

@silverstrawberry

I'm in exactly your situation only mil is from abroad she came over last year for two months!!I hated every minute and was angry at the whole situation.It's nice to know I'm not the only one who feels this way.It wasn't like she helped in anyway and I was waiting on her hand and foot absolute nightmare 🙈
I’d be divorced if my mil stayed that long! I’m feeling anxious and resentful enough about one week.
OP posts:
ouchmyfeet · 29/12/2021 22:46

OP I think you may be me. I feel exactly the same about overnight stays and appear to have the same MIL as you. She knows she is unwelcome but invites herself along for days on end regardless. Mine even admitted this to a friend we bumped into while out walking this week.

Original poster
Cleopatra2022 · 30/12/2021 03:54

@ouchmyfeet

OP I think you may be me. I feel exactly the same about overnight stays and appear to have the same MIL as you. She knows she is unwelcome but invites herself along for days on end regardless. Mine even admitted this to a friend we bumped into while out walking this week.
Oh my God! The brass neck! I honestly think my mil has a really thick skin. I don’t think it’s occurred to her that she isn’t welcome even though we are constantly putting her off and delaying her stays.
OP posts:
RedHot22 · 30/12/2021 04:07

I hate it so avoid at all costs.
Tbh, I don’t even like visiting people or having visitors.

There have been a couple of pushy friends though who have insisted. We never invite them back so that usually solves the problem.

Flickflak · 30/12/2021 04:33

This reply has been withdrawn

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TalkToTheHand123 · 30/12/2021 14:33

My parents have a couple up from Birmingham for a weekend, once a year. They invite themselves and my parents are very happy when they leave. They've tried putting them off, but then just like to get it over with. Since covid, they haven't been up.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 30/12/2021 15:22

I hate it and normally book a hotel nearby. I hate using other people’s bathrooms, in fact I hate everything about staying in somebody’s house.

Original poster
Cleopatra2022 · 30/12/2021 17:12

@TalkToTheHand123

My parents have a couple up from Birmingham for a weekend, once a year. They invite themselves and my parents are very happy when they leave. They've tried putting them off, but then just like to get it over with. Since covid, they haven't been up.
What is it with people inviting themselves? Do they have such high self esteem they couldn’t conceive that anyone wouldn’t jump at the chance to host them? We have never once invited my mil and most of her visits only take place after she’s given us several dates that we’ve made excuses why she can’t come. If my kids did that to me I’d stop asking.
OP posts:
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