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Original poster

Do you enjoy staying at peoples houses?

157 replies

Cleopatra2022 · 28/12/2021 13:08

Or having people to stay at yours?
Personally, I dislike both! If I have to stay at someone’s house I can’t stay more than 2 nights max. I very rarely invite anyone to stay at ours and if I do it’s for no longer than 3 nights.
MIL on the other hand will stay with us for a week at a time. It drives me crazy and always causes rows with DH and I. It’s just too long and feels very intrusive. Because of how long the visits are I end up making excuses for why she can’t come in order to put off her visit for as long as possible.
She doesn’t seem to have noticed that we are always putting her off with the flimsiest excuses. DH won’t talk to her straight and I tried once but was ignored.
I’m just so confused as to why she’d want to stay so long anyway? Why isn’t she desperate to get home to her own house and bed like I would be?!

So am I unusual in feeling this way?

OP posts:
CharSiu · 28/12/2021 13:41

I love staying at my brothers house, he is in America and haven’t seen him since 2019. He has an entire guest suite in his basement with two bedrooms a bathroom and a kitchen. I also love staying at my friends house as she spoils me rotten. I dislike staying at FIL, MIL or SIL as they were all exceptionally untidy, think move boxes to be able to sit at the dining table sort of lower level hoarding issues.

I also like hosting because I love cooking and also any visitors is a shared experience here. MIL is here for Christmas, DH sorted the spare room out completely, he acts as kitchen porter to me as chef. DS hates one aspect of MIL staying and that’s because it’s English food only while she is here.

Hairyfriend · 28/12/2021 13:41

I dislike both and have a max of 1 night tolerance. I hate:

  • not being about to lounge around my own house in PJ's/braless in the evening with guest/s staying
  • when we had a flat, and 1 bathroom, being able to hear our guests use the bathroom was awful
  • Staying with friends/family where they had the most uncomfortable, wiry pull out sofa, blow up bed that deflated in the middle of the night or a tiny double bed in the guest room where we both rolled into each other all night.
  • Another place we had to sleep on the sofa at a friends house. It was also where their dog slept and it snored and panted loudly ALL night.

The only exception was staying at a friends house. The room was large enough that we could each get into the bed from each side- no crawling over each other to get in. The bed was king size and the most comfortable I'd slept in, with lovely linen and a memory foam topper. We also had an en-suite which was bliss.

Couldnt your DH take his mother out for lunch/brunch to 'catch up' and in turn, give you a break? Ask MIL to take the children (if applicable) to a nearby park for a walk?

ufucoffee · 28/12/2021 13:41

I like it if they are close friends. Always have a great time. And I hope they do too when they stay with me.

bumblingbovine49 · 28/12/2021 13:56

As the old saying goes visitors are like fish, after three days they start to go off.

TheChosenTwo · 28/12/2021 14:00

I don’t mind house guests for a few nights, we have the room and a spare bathroom so everyone has space to retreat to.
I on the other hand always pay for a hotel if I’m going to visit someone, I just don’t really feel comfortable staying with other people for some reason! It’s different if I’m on my own but if I’ve got any of my family with me we book rooms elsewhere.

MrsPear · 28/12/2021 14:05

How can I put this - you all seem rather well stiff. Why can’t you wear pjs around guests? Why can’t you use the same loo as your mother?! Why do you need to make tea or coffee? When I have people stay they don’t expect me to be a skivvy nor do I when I stay at there’s. If I want a drink I make one and offer the host. I also tidy after myself. My family stayed for Christmas. They made their own drinks, washed up and striped beds before they left without being asked. My home is your home was the motto I grew up

CruellaDeVilla · 28/12/2021 14:13

I’m fine with it if there’s a decent spare room and an en suite, otherwise I’ll stay in an hotel. I don’t mind having people staying but we have spare rooms with en suite bathrooms.

HelloDulling · 28/12/2021 14:15

It may be that she stays for so long because you keep putting her off. She never knows when she will be allowed to visit her son again, so she’s making the most of it. Next time she wants to visit, suggest going there instead, but book a hotel for a couple of nights.

I find more than three nights exhausting, as I seem to be chef, chauffeur and entertainment officer, but fortunately no one stays with us for longer than that.

I almost never stay at someone else’s house, I like my own bathroom, and to get up early without worrying I might disturb the dog/kids/host. Hotel breakfasts are wonderful, too!

TalkToTheHand123 · 28/12/2021 14:27

My ex's friend who lives quite locally wouldn't stay over, but would stay for hours (anywhere between 4 hours and 8 hours ish) each time.

I started to do housework or sneak off to bed, did wonders catching up on chores and sleep!

FlutterbyNightTime · 28/12/2021 14:30

As I've got older, no. I just want my own bed at the end of a day.

I do like having people stay over and enjoy hosting. I never invite more people than I have proper comfy beds though that I would happily sleep in (no air beds/sofa beds etc) because I know I don't want to stay out and most other people don't either.

Xyzzzzz · 28/12/2021 14:33

Nope I hate it but DH likes it.

Chasingsquirrels · 28/12/2021 14:41

Not really, I like my own space.

Don't really have visitors, my parents and exH parents used to stay for the weekend occasionally, but mine moved much nearer about 17 years ago and ex and I split 14 years ago. I think the spare room has only been used a handful of times since then.

Used to stay at late-DHs mum's or sister's for the very occasional night.
DPs parents live abroad and we've stayed with them a couple of times, 4 days the 1st time and a week the 2nd time - a week was too long for me.
Other than that, and staying at mine and exHs parents years ago, I've probably only stayed at someone else's house 1 or 2 times as an adult.

Over the last year ds1s gf has stayed a fair bit - but she is his guest not mine. They both went to (different) uni in Sep and its been nice having them around over the past couple of weeks.

Original poster
Cleopatra2022 · 28/12/2021 14:57

@HelloDulling

It may be that she stays for so long because you keep putting her off. She never knows when she will be allowed to visit her son again, so she’s making the most of it. Next time she wants to visit, suggest going there instead, but book a hotel for a couple of nights.

I find more than three nights exhausting, as I seem to be chef, chauffeur and entertainment officer, but fortunately no one stays with us for longer than that.

I almost never stay at someone else’s house, I like my own bathroom, and to get up early without worrying I might disturb the dog/kids/host. Hotel breakfasts are wonderful, too!

I don’t think so as she has always stayed that long in the 15 years I’ve known her. We do visit her - usually for 2 nights only and stay in a hotel - she always complains the visits are too short. I’m sure it’s cultural as where she is from they all live in each other’s pockets and will stay overnight on the sofa even though they live twenty mins away. Unfortunately I’m not like that and DH isn’t either.
OP posts:
Seabreeze2 · 28/12/2021 15:01

I hate both. The thought alone of someone staying in my house for a week is enough to make me anxious… sorry not very helpful DP 😞 I do feel for you! You need DH to understand how it makes you feel and get on your side so you can tell her how long she is allowed to stay. Good luck

Moonshine160 · 28/12/2021 15:01

I hate both.

Mittenmob · 28/12/2021 15:04

Hate it, both ways. Really hate people who suggest to come and stay with them when we are on holiday in the area, because apparently they want us to hate our holiday??

Clarice99 · 28/12/2021 15:08

I hate staying at other people's houses and haven't done so for decades.

As for having people stay to with me/us, never again after my SIL turned up asking to stay a couple of nights. Two weeks later, she was still there. Thankfully DH stepped up and told her it was time for her to go back home. 30 plus years later, I can still recall the nightmare of her overstaying her welcome (or should I say 'no welcome' as she just turned up unannounced).

Original poster
Cleopatra2022 · 28/12/2021 15:09

@Seabreeze2

I hate both. The thought alone of someone staying in my house for a week is enough to make me anxious… sorry not very helpful DP 😞 I do feel for you! You need DH to understand how it makes you feel and get on your side so you can tell her how long she is allowed to stay. Good luck
It is making me feel anxious! I’ve talked to DH until I’m blue in the face but mil is manipulative and he has always given in to her.

Since it seems unanimous from this thread that nobody enjoys staying in other peoples houses very much I’m even more puzzled as to why she stays so long.

OP posts:
VenusClapTrap · 28/12/2021 15:17

I like hosting but I hate being someone else’s guest, because I feel uncomfortable ‘making myself at home’ - rooting around in their cupboards to make myself a cup of tea etc.

Fallible · 28/12/2021 15:22

I don't mind doing an overnight provided they have a proper guest bedroom. My days of sleeping on an airbed in the lounge are well behind me now. I find any longer than that too stressful as I have young kids and they are harder to entertain in someone else's house.

We never ask anyone to stay as we don't have space. I'm secretly quite happy about that though!

Kite22 · 28/12/2021 15:24

I do read it quite a bit on MN where people go and visit parents but stay in a hotel, or expect parents visiting them to stay in a hotel. I find that really weird and inhospitable not to say expensive . I genuinely have never met anyone that I am aware of doing that. I am very happy to bunk down on the floor or someone's settee or a roll mat or something, and enjoy the chatting into late into the evening then just going to sleep. So I think the idea of staying at a hotel when you visit people is odd.
BUT I'd agree with the 'not staying longer than a couple of days' being a good plan.
We have people staying here all the time (friends of my student / young adult dc) and anyone is welcome to stay, but it is more bunkhouse style where they are welcome, and encouraged to help themselves to breakfast / drinks etc, and my dc will sort food for them - I just change sheets when someone has stayed. There isn't work in "hosting" - and people rarely stay more than 2 nights.

Holly60 · 28/12/2021 15:24

OP it’s only unanimous on this thread as you are unlikely to get people coming on to say how much they love staying with other people. That’s not the point of this thread! I love staying with other people - it’s nice to properly have time to catch up, I like the fact that we can have a few drinks without anyone having to drive, I like experiencing their lives for a little while, just as a change from my own. In an actual impartial survey, as many people would say they love it as would say they hate it, but that’s a good thing - it would be boring if everyone was the same.

icedcoffees · 28/12/2021 15:27

The only people I never minded staying with were my grandparents and cousins in Australia - but that was because we weren't "hosted" as such - it was a case of "make yourself at home". So yes, we had meals together in the evening but everything else was up to us, we came and went as we pleased etc.

I would never go and sleep over at anyone's house as an adult though - even as a child/teenager I hated sleeping over anywhere that wasn't home.

Kite22 · 28/12/2021 15:33

I agree @Holly60

Plus, the population on MN is really skewed in terms of then number of posters that really just don't like other people, that in no way reflects the population as a whole.

I am another who likes having people to stay and who likes going to stay with people I love.

Delatron · 28/12/2021 15:34

I hate it both ways. I hate the faff of making up all the beds. I’m grumpy in the morning and don’t want to talk to people or cook a massive breakfast.

DH is the opposite and it causes lots of arguments.

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