Does anyone feel sad on Christmas Eve

[backonceagain2]

I love Christmas and the build up to it but every Christmas Eve, once the children are in bed, I get this overwhelming feeling of sadness and I don't know why

I get a bit tearful. I think about Christmas when I was little and how things have changed. About the loved ones we have lost over the years. Even just how quickly the year has gone. My parents are not in good health and each Christmas that comes, they are able to do less.

I also got a bit tearful today thinking about how my wee Christmas baby will be 16 tomorrow. He’s a great boy and he’s grown up so lovely but I still feel a bit of a loss of my wee boy who used to be sick with excitement on Christmas Eve.

When DD (now 20) was born they fucked up my epidural. This was a few days before Xmas. No after care, no advice just "here is your baby, go home". I wasnt told that the best thing I could and should do is lie in bed to allow the dural membrane puncture to heal. So I did what I could and ended up in such bad pain after 4 days that I couldnt stand. The midwives were saying to take paracetamol. In the end my husband called the GP who was furious at the lack of care and ordered an ambulance as I couldnt even get in the car.

My newborn baby was sent home with then DH because she wasnt breastfed ( I have no milk ducts, its not like I had a choice) and they were short staffed.

I had my blood patch which was so stressful and painful that I lost bladder control and vomitted. I was then left alone in my room.

At 2 am a midwife came in with a Xmas gift....a nice thought, except that there was one for me and one for my baby. The baby that they have literally said that there was no room in the inn for on Xmas Eve.

I have PTSD as a direct result and although she is now 20 I still have flashbacks to that night. Thankfully my reactions are more sadness than a full on breakdown that they used to be.

Sorry probably not what you were asking!

I usually pop across to the other side of town where I grew up to deliver cards and presents on Xmas Eve and drop in on family.

But driving home through those familiar streets, often as it's dark with the Xmas lights on, makes me think about my childhood Xmas's and family members who are no longer alive (there's a lot of them, including my parents) that my children didn't get to know. It feels like just about everyone has gone.

I'm usually OK when I get home and back into the cooking, wrapping, busyness going on but it sometimes catches me early on dark Xmas mornings if my children are later getting up.

Christmas reminds me of how lonely I am. I have no kids, no family. I want to be part of a happy family like they show in the adverts. Things are a bit better this year, but a couple of years ago the only present I had to buy was my secret santa for work. That broke me a little bit.

I find I feel sad quite a bit over the chritmas period. Its just all a bit much, the childhood nostalgia, loved ones lost, thinking of future Christmas days when current loved ones might not be with us anymore, always a bit worried about spending too much (we're not in debt but the cost of it all is always a bit of stress), thinking of the year ahead. Just too much pressure for it all to be perfect.

@The3rdWatermelon

Yes. I had hoped I would be pregnant by this Christmas. Our IVF failed and I’m not. Christmas is so much about children (and it feels like my entire Facebook friends list appears to have chosen tonight to announce pregnancies!) I’ve spent all evening doing santa things to help out my SIL to make tomorrow really special for my niece and nephew. My husband has had to go to work to fill in for someone else so they can be with their kids. I’ll have to put a brave face on tomorrow. But tonight I’m alone and having a good cry. Every Christmas feels like a marker of another year with no baby for us.

@The3rdWatermelon

Bless you, I know those feelings.

Eventually our ivf did work and then I had a miscarriage on Xmas eve 9 years ago. Tried ivf again 3 months later and it worked again and the following January my ds was born (he’s 8 next month)

My friend (sorry for the cliche) had ivf at the same time as me, same clinic in fact! hers failed 3 times but worked on her fourth.

Please don’t give up hope x

Yes. It all goes by so fast.

I had a few self-indulgent tears last night. It was when it dawned on me again, that I’ve been on my own for many years, without much success or luck in finding a love interest.

I’m generally a very happy person, with two wonderful grown-up DC, and I count my blessings every day. I’m reasonably attractive and intelligent, so I don’t know why my love-life is such a shitshow.

Also, I’m a teaching assistant in a secondary school, which I love, but some people don’t realise what a high-risk job it is currently in relation to Covid. I’m fortunate that I’m very risk-tolerant to the threat of Covid, but I have many colleagues who are scared every day.

Compared to some people, and to previous replies, I know these are first world problems. I’ll be even more maudlin on NYE (which I loathe), but hopefully 2022 will be better for us all.

We had an awful, emotional day too yesterday, lost my lovely MIL recently, yesterday was tearful as we all miss her so much and we’re remembering last Christmas that we spent with her. .

I hope someone special comes into your life Alina
You deserve it.

@Pegasussnail
Thank you so much for your kind words. It made me tearful again, but in a good way

May I invite you to try the Christmas puzzle - hope you enjoy it

@TonyThreePies Wishing you much happiness in 2022

@CPL593H Thank you so much. It's been a lovely day actually, I hope yours has been too.

This thread is so sad. Much love and support to you all.

My mum spent most of the afternoon yesterday crying into her pillow as its our first Christmas without my brother. Last year we knew he was ill but we had no idea he was going to die so soon. My mum is pretty good at putting on a brave face generally but yesterday it all came out and she sobbed for hours. I don't think she'll ever be the same person again really.