Why are more families not like us?

[wingingmywaythroughlife]

As a child, my parents refused to visit any relatives on Christmas Day whilst my brother and I were young enough to believe in Santa. Anyone wanting to see us would visit, to allow us to play with our toys. Growing older, we would do a quick 30min-ish per household visit on Christmas Day to see the kids of extended family, before going back to DPs for the afternoon/evening. Now I have my own DC, DPs come to me, for same reason they wouldn't take my brother and I out of the house on Christmas Day, and Christmas Dinner is served up in mine, allowing for anyone who wants to visit in the day. Is this not normal???

@RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie

There is no right or 'normal' way. People do what works best for them.

This.

My grandparents' house was the hub of the family when I was a kid. It was a huge farmhouse in the country and was amazing for Christmas. I loved going there. Now they are gone my mum's taken on that role, as they have a lovely big house too. Plus she insists on doing all the cooking and letting us just put our feet up

We've done Christmas at home before and it's nice but it doesn't quite have the same magic for me. It's hard to explain but getting out the car with bags of presents on Christmas Eve and opening the door to see the huge tree and my Grandad rushing to give us all a hug is one of my best memories of Christmas. Not playing with presents, particularly. My little girl's face when she sees we are at my mum's house is amazing too.

I agree that I wouldn't want to be driving around different places on Christmas Day though.

Normal for me growing up and for my family now.

This is exactly how we do it. Anyone can visit up to lunchtime. We all live close by though so not much travelling time. Only my mum then stays for lunch. Same every year. I will probably pop out to my see my niece, only lives 5 mins away. My DC and come or not depending on what they are doing

That is what we do too - my DP's and PIL come to us and then DS gets to play with his toys. Before DS (he is 6 now) really took notice of Christmas we still went to mine or DH's parents but I think it is nice for DS to stay home and play with his presents.

My DPs we're the same

I don’t really understand the relevance of kids believing in Santa/not leaving the house?

We used to do Christmas Day at one set of grandparents or they’d come to us, and then the other on Boxing Day. Most years anyway.

Don’t know what my parents thought but as kids we enjoyed going. It was nice to see all the cousins and play our games with them, get spoiled by the grandparents.

No, OP the way you do things is not "normal". There are as many traditions as there are families.

When I was a child my parents alternated hosting with my grandparents. One year we travelled (3 hours), the next year I had Grandma and Grandad sharing my room.

When my children were little we went to my parents, usually on Christmas Eve (4 hours). Now they are adults and we live 30 mins from my mum we all go to her.

Don’t know what my parents thought but as kids we enjoyed going

I think a lot of this "My DC don't want to leave the house" stuff is projection - the parents CBA, and the kids are a convenient excuse.

Despite the usual ageism on this thread, I know of very few older people who expect kids to be anything other than excited and hyper on Christmas Day. Most older people enjoy that. You'd think from some PPs that anyone over 45 expects DC to spend Christmas Day leafing through a Bible in silence.

@IDontLikeMondays88

Forcing the kids to leave their home and toys deary me 😂

The great thing about being an adult is that apart from the need to earn a living and the law no one can make you do things you don't want to do. You might think you should but that is a different matter. You don't have to do things. It is your choice and you take the consequences because you are an adult.

When you are a child there are sensible constraints like never going with strangers, doing your homework and at least trying the liver and bacon. But my parents never made me do things I didn't want to do unless there was a good reason. Duty visits and leaving my Christmas toys at home was not a good reason.

I now realise that my parents also didn't think they should do things "just because" and I am grateful to them for instilling me with this important life lesson at an early age rather than working it out for myself in middle age.

I think it depends on the family. DNs have a lot more family than we do and so have a huge number of presents compared to DS. As this is the first year he truly has been interested in presents and Santa I don’t want him to get over-excited by other children’s Christmas experiences and then be disappointed by his own. So all presents get opened at home in the morning and THEN we travel (if needed).

We've done both and if we are going out the toys go in the boot of the car. We are lucky we live up north where property is cheap so everyone has space for a few extra toys on Xmas day

The whole - OMG it is awful to force the kids to leave their home, only works if they have no cousins or you don't care about seeing siblings and nieces and nephews on Xmas day.

@limitedperiodonly I strongly disagree. You should do some things you don't want to do because you care about the people involved. I didn't want to go to various music shows featuring my niece playing violin, but I did because I know she wanted me there. Only doing things you actively want to with total disregard for others feelings, seems pretty selfish to me.

We just stay at home and it suits us, really. Growing up I stayed at home too, to play with toys from Christmas.

The DC like taking their time pottering around, go for a woodland walk too just to get outside for fresh air. We just enjoy going at our own pace. Got whole of the holidays to visit relatives and vice versa.

In our house pressies are all open by about 6am and we go to my parents at about 2pm when the kids have started fratching. Works perfectly Then Boxing Day and the remaining few days til school goes back at home with either mummy or daddy playing with new toys.

I think it is very normal to think the way we ourselves do things is a gold standard as otherwise why would we do it? Your way sounds lovely too OP merry Christmas

But my parents never made me do things I didn't want to do unless there was a good reason. Duty visits and leaving my Christmas toys at home was not a good reason

I now realise that my parents also didn't think they should do things "just because" and I am grateful to them for instilling me with this important life lesson at an early age rather than working it out for myself in middle age

Self-centred parents produce self-centred kid. No surprise there.

@Decemberfinances

We had no family anywhere near so always spent Xmas day at home. Now I am grown I keep this tradition. I find the idea of spending Xmas day at someone else's house really unappealing.

Same here. I like being at home, wearing comfy slippers, familiarity etc. I would hate to be staying over at someone's house for a few days. I have four DC too, so just want to spend time at home with them and go out locally for a walk.

I do however appreciate others enjoy large gatherings, it's really a good job we are all different.

Nobody I know "visits" on Christmas day. Some may be attending others for Christmas dinner, but this is all pre arranged.

Nobody pops in for a 30min visit ..that's what boxing day is for. Christmas day is just at home with family and ore arranged guests. No visitors, what madness is this lol.

As a child we stayed home for Christmas, and went to my Grandmas for New Year.

When we became a family we lived away from both sets of parents. We told them we were more than happy for them to come to us, but we weren't travelling with small children and their paraphernalia, so they came to us.

One of these days my DC will go elsewhere, till then, I'm happy to host them.

All these people "dragging" their children around.

Mine just get in the car. Maybe because they like their extended family and toys will be there all year.

Genuinely I cannot remember Christmas presents from my childhood. I do remember being at my Grandma's with all my cousins eating dinner, and later in the evening when the adults would play cards, the smell of my Grandad's pipe, while we sat on cushions on the floor watching tv, having crisps and the luxury of fizzy orange.

Yes that's what my parents did exactly. We had family come to us on Xmas day and we visited on Boxing Day.

I do the same with my kids, home on Christmas Day and Boxing Day too.

[quote RoyalFamilyFan]@limitedperiodonly I strongly disagree. You should do some things you don't want to do because you care about the people involved. I didn't want to go to various music shows featuring my niece playing violin, but I did because I know she wanted me there. Only doing things you actively want to with total disregard for others feelings, seems pretty selfish to me.[/quote]
Really? I strongly believe that your way sounds awful and my way sounds good. But each to their own. Are you listening to any scratchy violin recitals this year or has Omicron conveniently intervened?

I am choosing Xmas day at home without visitors this year.

We have always done parents/PiL on Xmas day but not any more.

Will see one of my siblings and niece/nephew on Boxing Day because they are not knobs unlike the rest of our wider family.

Totally over duty, loyalty and being told what to do.

It doesn't really work when there is more than one child, more than one family etc. One of my siblings insists that everyone goes to them. My other sibling goes to my parents. There are young children in both families. Unfortunately, the children of the non-travelling family miss out.