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Original poster

Why are more families not like us?

207 replies

wingingmywaythroughlife · 22/12/2021 12:38

As a child, my parents refused to visit any relatives on Christmas Day whilst my brother and I were young enough to believe in Santa. Anyone wanting to see us would visit, to allow us to play with our toys. Growing older, we would do a quick 30min-ish per household visit on Christmas Day to see the kids of extended family, before going back to DPs for the afternoon/evening. Now I have my own DC, DPs come to me, for same reason they wouldn't take my brother and I out of the house on Christmas Day, and Christmas Dinner is served up in mine, allowing for anyone who wants to visit in the day. Is this not normal???

OP posts:
HardbackWriter · 22/12/2021 13:41

You have fond memories of what you used to do, so do that with your own children. Great.

I have fond memories of having huge extended family Christmasses with cousins to play with and it being loads of chaotic, noisy, messy fun that felt really special and specific to Christmas to me. So that's what I do with my own children (when I can - this year we have Covid Sad). Surely that's also great?

Judging by adverts, most people have the ideal of the big, chaotic family Christmas. For a lot of people it doesn't actually work out like that, and I completely understand why people opt out when it's stressful rather than fun because of their own family dynamics. But surely it isn't so hard to see why some people actually want to do that?

OGenkiDesuKa · 22/12/2021 13:42

I’d hate to spen Xmas day at home. Christmas to me has always been a huge family get together, sometimes it’s the only time we actually see some family members. I grew up with spending Christmas Day with 30+ people having dinner together, all the cousins playing together etc. I loved it and I still do.

Sparklingbrook · 22/12/2021 13:43

I am also happy with staying at home because I really don't like staying at other people's houses. Even close relatives. Or having people stay here.

Interested in this thread?

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Christmas Families
ElephantOfRisk · 22/12/2021 13:43

That's normal to me too but I don't have a very complicated family and we also lost most GPs when DC were still small. MiL came to stay with us for DS1s first Christmas, she was recently widowed and the following year DSiL and her family went to stay with her from USA. The following year she'd passed away. In the meantime my Dad had died and my Mum cam to stay with us and she visited various family for Christmas until she passed away.

It's generally been the 4 of us, in our own house every year and DC are now adults. I'd never expect my DC to bring any GC out to us on Christmas unless we were all very local and it was a pop in. Obviously they'd be completely welcome to come all day and or stay with us if they'd want to, but I appreciate that young DC should have christmas at home if they prefer.

Jabbawasarollingstone · 22/12/2021 13:43

As a child we'd spend Christmas with just our parents.

Now we have to go to the ILs from Xmas Eve to Boxing Day.

My family lives 80 miles away.

I'd rather spend the day with just the 3 of us but there are diktats in place that will exist as long as the ILs are alive...

humdingle · 22/12/2021 13:43

@Comedycook

No that's not usual. I don't understand why you would do that?
Seriously? 😂
HardbackWriter · 22/12/2021 13:44

@Kotatsu

so I’m always very envious of the big family Christmas’s I hear about.

That's because you've never experienced sitting on a footstool at the kiddie table when you're 14. Grin

At my nana's house we'd end up on essentially random chairs (I think some neighbours donated some and relatives who lived close had to tak their own?!), all perched at different heights, some of us nearly on the floor, others on bar stools Grin

She's been dead 10 years and god I miss her, thinking of that.

Original poster
wingingmywaythroughlife · 22/12/2021 13:45

So good to hear everyone's different experiences! I am also sometimes envious of those with massive families doing Home Alone style Christmases 😂 reading the replies on here, I do think a lot of it is just hearing others complaining about visitors/visiting as it wouldn't be their first choice. Glad to hear from others that I'm not depriving my DC from some sort of family rite of passage experience 😊

OP posts:
Metallicalover · 22/12/2021 13:45

Everyone is different, we visit both sets of parents, in the 20 years we've been together we've never had Christmas dinner together. If I'm off work we go to his parents in the morning, he stays for lunch whilst I go to my parents and have my lunch, he comes up to my parents for a little bit then we go home! That way our daughter has been with both sets of grandparents and we can have a chilled evening.
I also work a lot of Christmas' so don't put the emphasis on just one day.

FortunesFave · 22/12/2021 13:45

@Paddingtonthebear

But if may be unusual. A lot of my friends (in 30’s and 40’s) still go to their parents or family every Xmas and wouldn’t comprehend having their own day at home and making their own food 😆
I'm still Shock at a friend who admits she's never once made a Christmas dinner...she's 50! Still packing up her teenagers and husband and going to her Mum and Dad's every year and regressing while her 80 year old Mum makes dinner!
Original poster
wingingmywaythroughlife · 22/12/2021 13:47

@Kotatsu

so I’m always very envious of the big family Christmas’s I hear about.

That's because you've never experienced sitting on a footstool at the kiddie table when you're 14. Grin

Love this, completely New Year for us (Scottish, Hogmanay, the entire street welcome in my granny's house for steak pie 😊)
OP posts:
TopCatsTopHat · 22/12/2021 13:48

I dislike going anywhere on xmas day I don't want the clock watching or sense I can't relax on that day, so staying over happens. Whoever is hosting (us or grandparents) guests arrive about xmas eve and leave on 27th or after so everyone gets 2 days to hang out and all muck in. Suits everyone in our family and we are lucky to have the room (even if it is blow up beds etc)

lesenfantsdelesperance · 22/12/2021 13:48

It's not unusual or original, but obviously lots of people do different things and have different options.

inappropriateraspberry · 22/12/2021 13:49

It's what we do. Never went anywhere on Christmas Day as a child, and don't do it now we have our own children. Happy for parents/in-laws to come for the day, afternoon etc. but I'm not taking my children away from all their new toys to sit in someone else's house on their best behaviour.
We eat about 1pm and it's up to others if they are happy with that. If not, they don't have to visit, doesn't upset or offend me in the slightest.
I've never understood those families that go all over the place, cramming in so many visits into 2 or 3 days. I'd rather stay home and relax!

LittleBabyCheeses · 22/12/2021 13:49

Judging by adverts, most people have the ideal of the big, chaotic family Christmas. For a lot of people it doesn't actually work out like that, and I completely understand why people opt out when it's stressful rather than fun because of their own family dynamics. But surely it isn't so hard to see why some people actually want to do that?

And of course many of us don’t opt out, we just don’t have any extended family.

NigellaBangBangTurkey · 22/12/2021 13:50

I've always gone to others for Xmas but now I have DS I will be staying at home. No way would I drag him round - Xmas is way better when you're a kid so I plan on revolving mine around him.

However, each to their own. I hope everyone manages to have a decent crimbles X

BobLemon · 22/12/2021 13:51

Our routine is just the same as yours for just the same reasons, OP Xmas Smile

Rrrob · 22/12/2021 13:51

We would do that if we lived closer and had a big enough house to host. Both sets of parents live 2-3 hours away (in completely different directions). We go to my parents over xmas for a few days and may/ may not visit ILs. No space to stay with them so having to get a hotel with 2 toddlers is not fun!

ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 22/12/2021 13:52

when i was a child we spent Christmas day touring all the relatives, and I was desperate to get home to my own house to play with my new toys!

Since I have had kids we go nowhere on Christmas day. And yes, especially when they were younger the whole day did revolve around them, and that's the way I think it should be!

Don't understand kids being made to wait to open their presents, or not allowed to leave the table between courses either

Fallagain · 22/12/2021 13:53

My Mum is too ill/disabled to manage to short 15 min journey and half a day in someone else’s house.

namechange30455 · 22/12/2021 13:55

Do your DPs always come to you? Does your DB not have kids?

RussianSpy101 · 22/12/2021 13:56

We do this too OP. It’s the best.

ParishSpinster · 22/12/2021 13:56

Growing up, unless we were going out to have Christmas Dinner, we weren't allowed to leave the house. The front door remained locked. When we got a dog when I was 15, my dad was allowed to walk her. The control was shattered once I moved out and wrestled dog walking duties from my dad (he was secretly happy, and it meant I got to go out for a ciggie and meet my pal). Mum was appalled any Christmas day i wanted to go out for a run.

It felt a bit stifling tbh.

There was an expectation once we had DC1 that we would stay with my parents for a few days including Christmas day every other year, SIL the other years. It was awful for us and DC so i put my foot down and we now have Christmas day here, either visit my parents in the afternoon or they come to us for afternoon to boxing day, or we go to SIL from boxing day onwards.

DH and I do allow the front door to be unlocked, we got out for a walk or play with new toys.

Looking back, it was incredibly weird of my mum to not even let us out to play on a new bike or skateboard or whatever.

Decemberfinances · 22/12/2021 13:56

We had no family anywhere near so always spent Xmas day at home. Now I am grown I keep this tradition. I find the idea of spending Xmas day at someone else's house really unappealing.

SickAndTiredAgain · 22/12/2021 13:57

Kids don't want to be dragged everywhere on Christmas day

That’s not necessarily the alternative though. DD is 2.5, and we’re going to my in-laws on Christmas Eve - Boxing Day. BIL, and MIL’s parents will be there too. I appreciate not everyone wants to do that, but the alternative to staying at home isn’t dragging kids around to multiple relatives’ houses on Christmas Day.
MIL does provide childcare for us one day a week, so DD is very comfortable at their house etc, she adores BIL, and her great grandparents will (nicely!) spoil her, so for her at this age, it’s a better option. We don’t have the space to host that many people and DD will have a great time.