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Original poster

Why are more families not like us?

207 replies

wingingmywaythroughlife · 22/12/2021 12:38

As a child, my parents refused to visit any relatives on Christmas Day whilst my brother and I were young enough to believe in Santa. Anyone wanting to see us would visit, to allow us to play with our toys. Growing older, we would do a quick 30min-ish per household visit on Christmas Day to see the kids of extended family, before going back to DPs for the afternoon/evening. Now I have my own DC, DPs come to me, for same reason they wouldn't take my brother and I out of the house on Christmas Day, and Christmas Dinner is served up in mine, allowing for anyone who wants to visit in the day. Is this not normal???

OP posts:
Bigboysmademedoit · 22/12/2021 13:05

We do this. Christmas is for the kids and why drag them away from their toys. Anyone is welcome to visit (they don’t). No pressure and remember Christmas is more than one day - drag them round the relatives another day.

Snoken · 22/12/2021 13:05

I loved my large childhood Christmases where we all (about 30 people) went to my grandmothers house. All us cousins had such a great time playing together, the adults ate and drank, father christmas came, it was bliss.

My kids have never experienced that, and as time has gone on our Christmas has got smaller and smaller. Now it's just us 4 and the dogs. It's nice too but it never feels like Christmas to me. I

StationaryMagpie · 22/12/2021 13:05

we stayed home, and relatives came to us on an alternative schedule, so moms parents one year, dads the next.

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Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 22/12/2021 13:06

There's no such thing as normal here, just different ways of doing things. It's perfectly possible for children to take their toys with them and play with them in other people's houses so that is no reason to have to do things your way.

DumplingsAndStew · 22/12/2021 13:07

We don't go anywhere. We used to have my parents round on Xmas Day, but a few years back made the (fantastic) decision to just do the three of us (me and two now-teens) We rarely even get dressed tbh.
Parents visit us for a couple of hours on Boxing Day now.

When the kids were younger and still had a relationship with their dad, he used to drop in for an hour or so around 10am, sometimes bringing his elderly grandparents with him for a cuppa.

Lahlahlah · 22/12/2021 13:07

Normal with me too !
Some years we will have relatives to ours for dinner, but we don't go anywhere else on Christmas day.

RoyalFamilyFan · 22/12/2021 13:08

And what about families with multiple children?

haba · 22/12/2021 13:09

Every family's way is the right way! Xmas SmileWine Merry Christmas!

Elphame · 22/12/2021 13:12

Fine I guess if you have family local.

Many people do not.

Malibuismysecrethome · 22/12/2021 13:13

We like a big family Christmas the more the merrier and often have good friends as well as family on the day!

Purplecatshopaholic · 22/12/2021 13:14

Sounds normal. We never went anywhere for Christmas when I was a kid - we stayed home as a family with presents, Christmas films, board games, etc. If people wanted to pop over over between Christmas and NY that maybe happened but we defo didn’t travel around, see loads of relatives etc at all. That’s my way at Christmas too now. I won’t travel around, do a proper big dinner for the masses, get into whole heaps of stress etc, no way.

5128gap · 22/12/2021 13:16

Well clearly not. Its just the way your family chooses to do things. When I was a child we were always out, which I loved. I had the rest of the year to play with my toys at home. Out of interest what about when you brother has children? Whose children will your parents go to the home of so they can stay in?

CrimbleCrumble1 · 22/12/2021 13:16

I always stayed home with my nuclear family on Christmas Day and saw relatives on Boxing Day.

WeeFae · 22/12/2021 13:17

It's how we did it as kids and how I do it now. I have never left my house on Christmas day.

Lovemusic33 · 22/12/2021 13:17

OP, my family were the same, we always stayed at home, grandparents would visit, it was lovely and we got to play with our presents and stay in PJ’s half the day. I can’t imagine my kids opening their presents and then being dragged away from them to visit relatives. My dc are teens now, they don’t really want to go anywhere but some year we have visited relatives in the afternoon but we like to have Christmas dinner at home. We were going to visit relatives this year but due to covid it’s been cancelled.

elbea · 22/12/2021 13:18

We are on our way to my parents house now with our young child and can’t wait. They have a massive house for hosting and lots of things to do there. My siblings (4) are all early to mid twenties so will be there too. My child loves spending time with lots of people who can give her their time and attention. She much prefers this to toys really. Our closest relative is 4 drive hours away on a good day so we can’t spend time together normally.

AgathaAllAlong · 22/12/2021 13:19

We live a significant drive from all our other family so it makes sense for us to stay there. We do not have the space to accommodate everyone who would have to stay over. However with young kids I'd find hosting stressful, and if we lived near would prefer to have morning together, visit parents or in-laws for lunch and a walk, come back and unwind in the evening. Kids can bring their toys with them!

Hesma · 22/12/2021 13:21

That was my childhood experience too

User2638483 · 22/12/2021 13:21

As a child we only had xmas lunch at our house one in 3 years. But family was all local so we went to another house for lunch but still had time at home to open and play with gifts and never had to sleepover anywhere.
Plus when we went to my grandparents my siblings cousins and I were still the focus and had lots of time to play etc, j loved it!

Others may have family too far away or abroad so can’t visit for 30 mins. Different people do different things. And kids will survive if they are elsewhere and then have the rest of the xmas holidays to play with presents at home.

Macaroni46 · 22/12/2021 13:22

As an only child I would've been miserable at home alone on Christmas Day. In fact, especially in my teens years I was often left to my own devices completely on Christmas Day whilst my mother gallivanted with her latest conquest.
I realise my circumstances were unusual (at least, I hope so), so I'd say, different families do what works for them. My own DC, now adult, used to enjoy seeing their aunts and uncles on Christmas Day who made a real fuss of them.

quietinhere · 22/12/2021 13:22

I don't have grandchildren but if that happens I would naturally expect my DC to stay at their own homes with their partners and their children. Such a special time x

QueeniesCroft · 22/12/2021 13:24

OP, your title unwittingly sums up a very common problem on MN- so many people are so utterly convinced that everything, everywhere would be just fine if the rest of the world would just be like them!

There are many different ways to be happy. Don't waste any of your happiness in fretting about other people's looking different.

Wonmoretime · 22/12/2021 13:24

I’m with you OP. DC1’s first Christmas we ran around two or three sets of parents/grandparents. Never again. I would happily host grandparents for Christmas Dinner but never took DCs out again. I have grandchildren now and still think little ones should not be dragged out on Christmas Day

KoreyBay18 · 22/12/2021 13:25

Normal for me. We spent every Christmas at home as children and I don't drag my son out to visit people on Christmas day either.

thepeopleversuswork · 22/12/2021 13:25

I guess the answer to your question is probably because many people's families guilt them into going to visit and families go along with it because it isn't worth the grief of standing up to them.

I think what you're describing is great but a bit of a utopian scenario and many families would love to do this but don't feel able to. My parents are both dead now but when they were alive not going to visit would have caused a huge row.

Christmas is always a time when people have traditionally got together with family. That may not suit everyone and you are totally within your rights to decide not to do this but surely you can understand it just isn't that simple for a lot of people.