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Original poster

Why are more families not like us?

207 replies

wingingmywaythroughlife · 22/12/2021 12:38

As a child, my parents refused to visit any relatives on Christmas Day whilst my brother and I were young enough to believe in Santa. Anyone wanting to see us would visit, to allow us to play with our toys. Growing older, we would do a quick 30min-ish per household visit on Christmas Day to see the kids of extended family, before going back to DPs for the afternoon/evening. Now I have my own DC, DPs come to me, for same reason they wouldn't take my brother and I out of the house on Christmas Day, and Christmas Dinner is served up in mine, allowing for anyone who wants to visit in the day. Is this not normal???

OP posts:
CrispAndFrosty · 22/12/2021 12:51

Yes, that's what we did growing up too. Then we'd go and visit relatives for a few days afterwards. We had no relatives nearby. Loved Christmas at home.

I'm on the fence now I'm a parent. I do love Christmas at home, but Christmas is more than just one day, and it is nice to be catered for and DC to play with cousins. Bit hard to tempt people to ours as it's small and not a "destination". Might change as DC get older.

Bluntness100 · 22/12/2021 12:51

Everyone has their own normal. Everyone does either what they enjoy or feel they need to. It’s quite arrogant to decide yours is the best way.

Littlehouseinthebigcity · 22/12/2021 12:51

I would love to host my parents. But they live two hours away and my grandfather lives with them who is too old and frail to travel and can't be left. This year we are hosting my inlaws (who live 3.5 hours away) over Christmas and then going to my parents for a few days after that. Next year we will probably go to my parents, then spend a few days at my inlaws. We couldnt possibly do 'half hour pop ins' to either set, though it does sound nice in theory!

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Christmas Families
TitoMojito · 22/12/2021 12:51

Surely every family's Christmas is different and yours is normal for you but not normal for someone else who does things differently? You do you.

MiddleClassProblem · 22/12/2021 12:51

We never visited family on Christmas Day unless staying for a few days but no one lived close enough to pop in. Sometimes my aunt or grandparents would alternate hosting but we would all be together Christmas Eve until Boxing Day then head to see other family after that.

I don’t think this is unusual. DH’s family were the same and now we just have my parents for Christmas each year or go to them.

PotteringAlong · 22/12/2021 12:51

We do exactly the same. It got to a point where we just said, if you want to come to us you’re more than welcome, but we’re not moving.

freelions · 22/12/2021 12:52

We have always done same as you OP

My parents always hosted until we had our DC and then we started to host

BarefootHippieChick · 22/12/2021 12:52

@ShirleyPhallus

that sounds normal to me. I couldn’t think of anything more miserable than being dragged around old rellies on Christmas Day when I’d want to be at home playing with my new toys?

That was my childhood Christmases, watching Great Auntie Ethel fall asleep with her mouth open right after the Queen's speech. I always enjoyed Boxing Day more because I knew we wouldn't be going out anywhere and I could actually enjoy playing with my toys.

Ginger1982 · 22/12/2021 12:53

Different things suit different families. As a kid, we always went to my mum's parents on Christmas Day and my dad's parents on Boxing Day. I got presents at both houses, meals cooked and then back home to play with my increased trawl of gifts. We would never have all combined the day together as my mum's parents and dad's parents were quite different.

As newlyweds, we did the rounds of my mum, DH's parents, his sister and his brother on Christmas Day and it was exhausting. Now we have DS, my mum and his parents come to us and we host. We can have a drink, DS has all his toys and we all get along. Then through the Christmas period we'll see the other family members at leisure.

Do what works for you. No one rule fits all and no one way is 'normal.'

Moonface123 · 22/12/2021 12:53

All families have their own ways, l do what feels best for me and my family as l am sure others do. As the children grow older, the day evolves differently. l am from a mostly all female family so l understand my two older teenage sons can get bored with the conversation, my own personel opinion is the simpler, the better, but l know that wouldn 't be for everyone.

RedCandyApple · 22/12/2021 12:53

Normal for me, I’m a single parent and spend Xmas at home with just me and my kids, don’t visit any family mind you they don’t visit me either, (none of us drive that’s why, more than anything else) I don’t get why people visit family when they clearly don’t like them

Thesearmsofmine · 22/12/2021 12:54

This is what we do at Christmas. Usually grandparents pop to ours for an hour or so Christmas Day morning. My in laws always spend the day with golden child SIL anyway and my parents wouldn’t really want to host us all plus our family is spread out and have our own families.

Cryingbutstilltrying · 22/12/2021 12:54

My parents, in-laws and siblings all live in the same town about 3 hours drive from us. I only get 2 days off work at Xmas, so if we didn’t go there we wouldn’t see any of them. No other time off around Xmas allowed, company doesn’t allow leave in December. So my kids have had to suck it up for their whole lives, or not see family at all. We only have room for one set of visitors at a time. I’m careful about what gifts they get when there so it’s not got loads of tiny bits to get lost, anything else they have when they’re home. They don’t appear to be too traumatised.
Last year when we had to stay home it was a bit flat, just us for a day.
This year will be the same as I only get Xmas day off work.
Hurray for healthcare jobs!
Not all families are the same.

Camomila · 22/12/2021 12:55

My favourite Christmases as a kid were the ones where everyone came to us for Christmas dinner, second favourite were when we visited relatives, and least favourite were when it was just the 4 of us (moved to a different country from grandparents and cousins and missed them). Everyone's different.

We have 2 small DC (1 and 5) and apart from one year where it was just us and baby DS1 we tend to go to the grandparents for Christmas dinner. We are going to the ILs this year.

I would like to start hosting when we have a house though (always lived in small flats).

MajesticallyAwkward · 22/12/2021 12:55

That sounds pretty normal.
We travel to my mums Xmas Eve because we live about an hour away from my family (DH has none), kids have their own rooms and love staying at grandmas anyway. all of the gifts are there for Christmas Day and anyone else who wants to visit can do anytime.

It makes sense that we travel and stay rather than 4 or 5 households making the trip where they can't stay over.

I think the dramas you see on MN would happen anyway with stroppy or difficult family members.

JudgeRindersMinder · 22/12/2021 12:55

Your normal hen growing up was the same
As mine. Our grandparents came to us on Christmas Day, and when I had my own kids, my parents came to us.
In addition to not want to drag the kids about I also saw it as my mum’s turn to relax and be entertained after being the one to do it all for the years when we were growing up

Squirrelblanket · 22/12/2021 12:57

It's probably normal for lots of people but then obviously they aren't going to be posting about their problems with Christmas. So it just seems unbalanced on here

SparklyGlasses · 22/12/2021 12:58

I think your way is totally normal, just as visiting relatives for Christmas is normal. You just do what works for your family surely? Which depends on how far away relatives live (30 mins per household visits wouldn't work if they live 2 hrs away), size of house, covid situation, what the rest of family are doing, whether family have someone to spend it with etc etc. I don't think there's a one-size-fits-all Christmas!

Comedycook · 22/12/2021 12:58

When we were kids we'd stay at my aunt, uncles and cousins house for Christmas...we had a blast with our cousins going crazy from Christmas eve to boxing day

Original poster
wingingmywaythroughlife · 22/12/2021 12:58

Fully appreciate that we are lucky to live close to family (1hr drive tops), but given that that the majority of posts seem to hate visiting/having visitors for days, just wondered what everyone else does for the 25th 😊 there is obviously no right or wrong, everyone does what suits them!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 22/12/2021 12:59

@Newchallenge

Perhaps you lived closer to your families? A half an hour visit is not long if parents live 2 hours away, say.
If they live two hours away, it isn't reasonable t odrag the kids there unless you're staying for dinner and tea anyway
housemaus · 22/12/2021 13:02

Normal for us! Grandma (mum's mum) would visit for an hour or two in afternoon if she wasn't away on her coach package Christmas trip haha. Dad's parents we'd visit for lunch on Boxing Day.

Now I'm older, we spend Christmas Day afternoon at my mum's an hour away. Boxing Day we visit our dads.

I would hate staying at someone's for a few days, and would hate having visitors for days too.

Isthatthebestyoucando · 22/12/2021 13:02

We did that when I was a child, there was always a flat period in the day where you felt like you’re sat with all these toys and you don’t know what to do. I don’t think toys always fill a kids every minute and especially if you have cousins that could be a really fun special thing to see them on the day. As a kid I loved opening presents and then I loved the busy feel of Boxing Day when cousins were there. If you could have all of that in one day I think I’d have liked that. It’s a long day to stay indoors.

RoyTroyAndChris · 22/12/2021 13:03

Our family are spread all over the country. We used to spend Christmas Day at Nanny and Grandad's (big house).

It was SO special seeing all my cousins, opening the gifts together, big Christmas lunch.

Waftypants · 22/12/2021 13:04

That's the way we do it in my family too. No point in dragging kids to different people's houses , Christmas is supposed to be magical for them. We still see family over the Christmas period but at a time that suits everyone.

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