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Original poster

Why are more families not like us?

207 replies

wingingmywaythroughlife · 22/12/2021 12:38

As a child, my parents refused to visit any relatives on Christmas Day whilst my brother and I were young enough to believe in Santa. Anyone wanting to see us would visit, to allow us to play with our toys. Growing older, we would do a quick 30min-ish per household visit on Christmas Day to see the kids of extended family, before going back to DPs for the afternoon/evening. Now I have my own DC, DPs come to me, for same reason they wouldn't take my brother and I out of the house on Christmas Day, and Christmas Dinner is served up in mine, allowing for anyone who wants to visit in the day. Is this not normal???

OP posts:
TheOldLadyOfThreadneedleStreet · 22/12/2021 13:25

Same as OP here. We visited my parents and the in laws (on alternate years as they live at opposite ends of the country) until we had kids. I did take my PFB to my parents for Christmas day when he was 2 months old and that was just a day trip for lunch. But christmases after that were at our house and my parents began to visit us instead. As a family we do very little travelling on Christmas Eve/Day /Boxing Day.

WinniePig · 22/12/2021 13:26

Totally normal for us. Christmas was always just DPs and DBs. Grandparents and cousins all lived three to four hours’ drive away so not possible to pop round. Absolutely loved our little family Christmas. Now me and DBs all have DC of our own, we do the same except we take it in turns to have DPs over for Christmas Day.

needmoreshinys · 22/12/2021 13:26

OP

I don't see any of my family apart from DP or DS on Christmas day, why are you not more like my family?

Interested in this thread?

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Christmas Families
Alarmset · 22/12/2021 13:27

So as adults you would never spend Christmas with siblings who also have children, all the cousins together? And you think that's a good thing?

delightly · 22/12/2021 13:27

We always have Christmas day at our house with our 2 kids so they can stay at home. This means we're always the ones hosting. This year has slightly changed as my Mum is now housebound so we will have to visit her in the morning for an hour or so. They're only 15mins away luckily. Then it will be back to mine to make dinner for MIL, and my Dad and step mum, and possibly a friend.

My friend has 2 kids and goes to one set of parents for Christmas breakfast then the other for Christmas Dinner. That seems too much for me personally but whatever works for your family is fine!

My sister started the tradition of staying home and everyone going to theirs because she didn't want to take the kids out on Christmas day away from their presents. I always stayed home too growing up. I prefer it personally. Before I had kids we went to other people's houses, now it's our turn to host them.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 22/12/2021 13:28

It should be normal, Christmas Day is meant to be about relaxing, having fun, not dashing about never getting a second to relax.

Kotatsu · 22/12/2021 13:28

We lived too far away, so it was Christmas day with one Grandparent (drove up Christmas eve), then drove on to second set on boxing day, stayed a night, then came home.

When the middle (geographically) grandparent died, we did Christmas at home, but kept up the boxing day at other.

Now I have my kids, and we live even further away from all grandparents, I pick a set and stay with them for the weekend, or stay at home and visit them at some point during the holiday - everyone's laid back about it, and we just do what works best for each family each year.

I think little visits, if you live close are fine, but it would severely disrupt my breakfast champagne plans if it wasn't walkable.

APurpleSquirrel · 22/12/2021 13:28

As a child we lived too far away from family to visit on Christmas Day, so it was always just the four of us.
Now we spend both Christmas Day & Boxing Day (not overnight) at PIL's ever since my mum passed away. DHs entire family goes, so our DC open a few presents at home, then we go to PIL for the day, but there will be more presents there for them & DC (who are the only children in the family) love making their uncles play games with them.
MIL cooks & I help out with food on Boxing Day.
I'd love to host Christmas but our house isn't big enough to have everyone over. We're hoping to get a bigger house next so maybe we'll host then.

Katela18 · 22/12/2021 13:29

We always did this as children and now I have a family we do the same.

We have three sets of 'parents' due to split / remarriages, 5 sets of siblings between us and its just way too much.

We see them around christmas but the actual day is just quiet at home

sasparilla1 · 22/12/2021 13:29

I have 4 dc's, but more like 2 + 2 as they are 32, 30, 15 & 9.

With XH I spent years doing alternate with Chrismas Day's with his and my family and hated dragging the dc's out.

With DH and the two younger ones we stay home all day on Christmas Day and discourage visitors! Dh and I put something nice on but the kids will be in pj's all day I expect.

Boxing Day we would normally go to my parents with my older dc's, dil's and grandchildren (my parents have the biggest house) but not this year as mum is very poorly and can't cope with it. But we will all pop in and exchange presents at some point.

I think everyone should just do what suits them, with no pressure!

ICouldHaveCheckedFirst · 22/12/2021 13:32

As children, we were always at home - few close relatives anyway, those who lived in the area we saw between Christmas and New Year.

MIL (an excellent cook and hostess) always hosted Christmas Day, until we had a baby. After that it was always at ours. I hosted, cooked etc. Definitely ideal for the DCs.
If my DCs ever have children and want to see us on Christmas day, I will offer to cook, wash up etc at theirs. PIL were lovely but never offered to help.

BareTrees2021 · 22/12/2021 13:32

Think that is a very good system - we did that and welcomed anyone who wanted to come and stay. Alas our DC go to their in laws rather than celebrating at home. We would be very happy to travel and easier for them....

HesterShaw1 · 22/12/2021 13:32

We used to go and stay with aunts, uncles or cousins for a few days, or they would come to us. Grandparents weren't really in the picture. On Christmas Day we would do a big walk or go to the beach or something then come back for dinner and presents. We'd all be sharing rooms, with kids sleeping on the floor etc.

I always used to feel sorry for the people who just stayed in their own house with their immediate family!

5128gap · 22/12/2021 13:32

@quietinhere

I don't have grandchildren but if that happens I would naturally expect my DC to stay at their own homes with their partners and their children. Such a special time x
When my mother was alive I adored being able to take the DC to hers for a Christmas dinner cooked by her. It was a huge treat for me to spend the morning focusing on the children rather than faffing in the kitchen. DD has made it clear she wants to do the same, so its back to the faff for me, but I'll look on it as paying it forward. Always special with little ones back in your life though regardless of what you do.
HesterShaw1 · 22/12/2021 13:33

Aunts, uncles AND cousins that should say.

LittleBabyCheeses · 22/12/2021 13:34

@HesterShaw1

We used to go and stay with aunts, uncles or cousins for a few days, or they would come to us. Grandparents weren't really in the picture. On Christmas Day we would do a big walk or go to the beach or something then come back for dinner and presents. We'd all be sharing rooms, with kids sleeping on the floor etc.

I always used to feel sorry for the people who just stayed in their own house with their immediate family!

That sounds fab, we didn’t have much extended family as kids, and my kids don’t have any cousins, so I’m always very envious of the big family Christmas’s I hear about.
GuckGuckDoose · 22/12/2021 13:34

We do this. In fact, this is our 6th Christmas with child(ren) and the first that we will see extended family on Christmas Day itself, and also the first we are staying away from home due to DH having to work away on Boxing Day. I’m apprehensive, I love our normal quiet family Christmas…

2reefsin30knots · 22/12/2021 13:34

We took DS to the in-laws when he was 18mo and the only grandchild in a big family. He was (and still is) very sensitive and easily overwhelmed in social situations. He was passed around like a toy between many relatives who all (understandably) wanted to play with him. He was miserable after an hour and a half and cried on and off after that. We tried to get him to nap to no avail. Took him home as planned after about 4 hours and he screamed unconsolably the whole 2 hr car journey home. It was not a good Christmas for him.

We never did it again. We had Christmas at home quietly just the 3 of us after that. Now (he's 11) my parents have moved close by so we go to theirs for Christmas dinner and that's still as much social as DS can cope with.

Not everybody wants to spend Christmas surrounded by other people!

Weredone · 22/12/2021 13:36

My parents did this. I think in opposition to the Catholic upbringing they had which meant Christmas spent in church for hours on end. They also worked in social work/child protection so had a really excellent idea of all of the potential recipes for family fallouts/drama. I have the best Christmas memories as a result. Ate a lovely family dinner together, played with toys all day and watched Christmas films in the afternoon. No pressure or stress at all- some years we didn’t even get out of our pyjamas. Family would drop by if they wanted to visit. Although there was the occasional year where my dad would be working and the stories he came home with those years still stay with me.

TigerSeahorse · 22/12/2021 13:36

Sounds great if it works for your family. For me, that works some years.

But we have to think of other relatives too. If my DPs wanted to visit they'd then not have time to see my sister and brother and their families. We also like to see the siblings but don't expect them to drive over every single year. So forcing Christmas visits to revolve around our desire to stay out every year would be quite selfish.

I had the stay at home small christmases you talk about as a child and while it was probably less stressful, I was keen for my children to have lovely memories of cousins and big family feelings at Christmas. I manage it by taking things to do/show, making sure we don't stay too long or if we are staying for a few nights I go prepared. Christmas is naturally a lot to organise and some years we get it wrong but I try to balance our family time and chilled years with going to see loved ones.

Kotatsu · 22/12/2021 13:38

so I’m always very envious of the big family Christmas’s I hear about.

That's because you've never experienced sitting on a footstool at the kiddie table when you're 14. Grin

Restart10 · 22/12/2021 13:39

We have always done this. There is no way I'm carting my dc around to show face to family. My dc shouldn't have to leave their toys and then do journey trips and go from house to house. We just invited anyone to come over to ours. I never understand people who do the opposite to their kids for their entire childhood and just hate it, all for people who had plenty of their own Christmas's already. So many put themselves through misery to please people while upsetting themselves.

User12398712 · 22/12/2021 13:40

I think lots of people have a similar Christmas to you, just family or maybe one set of grandparents coming for lunch. It's just all the posts you see are about big family Christmases because they are the ones that cause all the drama - what do I feed newly vegan SIL, Uncle Pete refuses to come if Auntie Sharon will be there, DPs want to bring their dog but BIL is terrified of them... There is less to post about a simple Christmas.

ForTheLoveOfSleep · 22/12/2021 13:40

@MalbecandToast

Yeah we do that too OP, nothing worse as a kid than getting loads of new stuff but then not being able to play with any of it because you go out. We do just us Christmas day and then we do a family knee's up on boxing day.
Snap! We do exactly the same. 🎄
Weredone · 22/12/2021 13:40

Now we host Christmas and have grandparents\PIL’s alternate years. When it’s my year my parents, brother and sister come with their kids and stay for at least 3 nights- we’re really lucky to have the space to do this. When it’s PIL year they come and stay for 3 nights and my family come for New Year.