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Original poster

Am I being awkward or is DH?

152 replies

Fretfulmum · 21/12/2021 15:59

DH has lots of cousins with a wide age range, only a few have their own kids. We have DC aged 2 and another on the way. They have a tradition of doing an activity on Xmas Eve but DH hasn’t been since we’ve been married due to things like us being away and covid last year. It is not my idea of fun and I’ve always stated it’s not something I’d be doing with them. DH is fine with that.
DH and I have discussed starting our own traditions now we have DC. We’ve spoken about Xmas day traditions but not anything on Xmas Eve before. I forgot about his family activity on Xmas Eve and booked a festive treat for oUr DC in the day and planned a cosy Xmas Eve night in as it’s the first Xmas they understand anything at all. DH wasn’t happy as he said he’s planned to go to this activity with his cousins. I said fair enough but I’m still taking DC to the things I’ve planned and creating a cosy evening for them. DH wants to take DC to this activity instead but I really want to be with my DC on Xmas Eve and this activity is not my idea of fun. I don’t want to be home alone without them.
I think DH should grow up and put us first now. Am I being unreasonable? I don’t know if I’m being awkward or not ?

OP posts:
RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 21/12/2021 16:04

You're being awkward. But you and DH need to talk about Christmas plans more than a couple of days in advance, in future.

Bexxe · 21/12/2021 16:08

I think your being awkward, depending the activity.

This is something that is a tradition for him and his family. Just because you don’t like it or don’t want to go, doesn’t mean your DH should relinquish any transitions he has with his family.
Personally I think it’s rather sweet he wants to involve his children in a long standing family tradition.

If you don’t want to go, then don’t. But don’t stop everyone else going too

ProudThrilledHappy · 21/12/2021 16:10

I think YABU, the kids should have an opportunity to bond with DHs family and this is an established tradition for them, your activity is not.

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Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 21/12/2021 16:11

I would look for a compromise Op.
Neither of you are in the wrong but it should have been sorted weeks ago.

Shedmistress · 21/12/2021 16:15

If he hasn't done it since you got married which could be 1 year, or 10 - then how were you supposed to magically know that he was planning on it this year?

CherieBabySpliffUp · 21/12/2021 16:16

It's difficult to comment without knowing what the activity is, clay pigeon shooting then your DC probably won't be interested.

LakeShoreD · 21/12/2021 16:17

Sorry but you’re being awkward because this is an established tradition for his family and you apparently booked something random without checking with him first. If you don’t want to go then fine but it’s not fair to stop him from doing it. And it’s a no brainier that he’d want to include his kids if it’s that important to his family. You can have any other day in the run up to Christmas to start your new tradition!

Loyaultemelie · 21/12/2021 16:19

I don't think you are being awkward if he hasn't been involved in this since you got married. Once you get married/ltr it makes sense that not all traditions will be maintained especially once DC come along that's the time to create new ones or everyone would have been doing the same things since forever.

Foreverlodger · 21/12/2021 16:22

It depends what the activity is, how long it lasts and what time you’ll all be getting home?

Is this a cultural tradition I.e. Italians eat 8(?) fishes or Eastern Europeans celebrate on the 24? Or is it in the last ten years all the cousins does a pub crawl to get shitfaced?

Is it going to church for midnight mass?

If it was something that could be done any other time of year I’d be slightly more reserved as I’d like to go to the cinema but I would prefer to sit under a blanket and wait for Santa.

MintMatchmaker · 21/12/2021 16:23

You’re being awkward. Because it’s not your sort of thing, you don’t want it to be a thing fir your husband or children.

Kbyodjs · 21/12/2021 16:25

I don’t think either of you are wrong to want to do what you want but I do think you’re both wrong not to have discussed it before making commitments. Is there not a way you can compromise where you do the day time doing his thing and evening doing yours?

DisforDarkChocolate · 21/12/2021 16:25

I think you're being awkward. It sounds like you planned an activity because you don't like what they all do and want to force your husband to do what you want.

Is there a reason you didn't ask him before you booked?

FinallyHere · 21/12/2021 16:28

Yeah, I'd let this one go. Give the DC a chance to join in the activity. If they enjoy it, you can look forward to a peaceful Christmas Eve with a little me time, doing whatever you like best.

If they try it and are not interested, then there will be time for you to plan other things.

BamberGascoine · 21/12/2021 16:29

It entirely depends in the tradition. Our large friendship group have a tradition of going to the pub on Christmas Eve. I never wanted to go but did it because husband and kids wanted to. So every year we agreed to come home early and every year we would get home ridiculously late, run round putting mince pies out for santa. I hated it and was bitter. Now, years later older kids go out with friends and husband and younger ones want to stay in with a film and christmas treats. If only someone had thought of that years ago Hmm

I regret not sorting it sooner. You need to have that chat and make a compromise e.g. alternate years

JackieCollinshasnoauthority · 21/12/2021 16:30

Sounds ok to me (subject to dripfeed where the activity is naked bungee jumping)

icedcoffees · 21/12/2021 16:30

YABU for booking a load of activities without discussing it with your DH, especially when you knew his family always do something on Christmas Eve.

Fallagain · 21/12/2021 16:31

Well both of you need to talk more. Which activity would the kids get the most out of? A cosy night in can happen any time over Christmas.

EverNapping · 21/12/2021 16:34

YABU.

It's a long-standing tradition in your children's family, even if you aren't interested & even if he's been prevented from doing it the last couple years.

TheHungriestMama · 21/12/2021 16:35

Just because it's a tradition for HIS family doesn't mean it needs to be for your little family.
If he wanted the kids to be part of it maybe he should've been thinking ahead to Xmas plans for the DC instead of leaving it to the last minute and assuming you had no nice plans. Also if this activity means you won't see DC all day to bedtime it could be a bit tight on you to be home pregnant and alone all day.

HOWEVER if you aren't that tied to the event you've booked for the DC, then it could be a bloody blessing OP and you can have a nice bath, read and eat nice food, have the house to yourself and relax without chasing a toddler round. I personally would like that.

(barring the activity being a dangerous one and stopping you from relaxing which I'm assuming it won't be)

Theredjellybean · 21/12/2021 16:36

I'd let them go... Honestly your idea of a cosy special Christmas eve in with a hyped up, over excited two Yr old is unlikely to go the way you think...
Two is too little to sit and watch a Christmas movie under a blanket with festive hot chocolate.. That only happens in the movies.
I'd be encouraging dh to take dc out...use time for a rest, finish wrapping, sort treats for santa, have a nap.... You'll all be up at crack of dawn on Christmas day so make the most of this time

MarmitesMyMate · 21/12/2021 16:37

You're being awkward.
Just because u don't like the activity your dc may enjoy it as gets older

CombatBarbie · 21/12/2021 16:38

Tbh I think you are being awkward, it's his family tradition that he wants to carry on with your children, you can do your own family Xmas eve traditions on evening when they come home, new pj's, Xmas movie etc.

Theredjellybean · 21/12/2021 16:38

Also as dc get older the over excitability gets worse and you might be very grateful for the tradition of dh taking them out on Christmas eve

wanttomarryamillionaire · 21/12/2021 16:41

I think you are being a little bit selfish and awkward. As the kids grow older you will probably enjoy some free time on xmas eve to get the things that you need to do done.

Keladrythesaviour · 21/12/2021 16:43

I think you're being awkward. Also, "a cosy night in" isn't an activity - it's not doing anything much different to a normal night, I can promise your child won't find it exciting or memorable.
What is the activity, will the children get anything out of it, and does attending preclude all other activities?