Am I being awkward or is DH?

[Fretfulmum]

DH has lots of cousins with a wide age range, only a few have their own kids. We have DC aged 2 and another on the way. They have a tradition of doing an activity on Xmas Eve but DH hasn’t been since we’ve been married due to things like us being away and covid last year. It is not my idea of fun and I’ve always stated it’s not something I’d be doing with them. DH is fine with that.
DH and I have discussed starting our own traditions now we have DC. We’ve spoken about Xmas day traditions but not anything on Xmas Eve before. I forgot about his family activity on Xmas Eve and booked a festive treat for oUr DC in the day and planned a cosy Xmas Eve night in as it’s the first Xmas they understand anything at all. DH wasn’t happy as he said he’s planned to go to this activity with his cousins. I said fair enough but I’m still taking DC to the things I’ve planned and creating a cosy evening for them. DH wants to take DC to this activity instead but I really want to be with my DC on Xmas Eve and this activity is not my idea of fun. I don’t want to be home alone without them.
I think DH should grow up and put us first now. Am I being unreasonable? I don’t know if I’m being awkward or not ?

I didnt even think laser quest allowed under 5s (might even be under 8s).

So I'd not budge this year, but as soon as they are old enough, then you need to be a bit nicer about it. It's one afternoon a year.

How can a two year old go to Laser Quest?

Going against the grain – it does seem unfair that because it’s your DH’s family’s tradition it’s automatic that your children go. Leaving you with the choice to either join in something you don’t like, or not see your kids on Christmas Eve.

What would have happened if your family had a long-standing tradition? Why does his activity take precedence over yours? Fine for it to take precedence for him, but they’re your kids too.

Can’t they do laser quest earlier in the day? Or alternate years? Or do it on a less special day than Christmas Eve? It’s the best of the three festive days!

A laser quest..ok, well I can see you don’t want to go then, and 2 too young for a laser quest anyway. Also a long way to drive. I think I take my yabu back. 😂 Or he can go and dc stay with you. But I’d probably be a bit sad too in secret..

Honestly, I can't see a 2 year old enjoying laser quest. He'll get scared as it's dark inside and people running around, shooting. I'd keep him at home and send husband out to play!

A quick Google says minimum age for Laser Quest is 7 - so I cannot see how you are being unreasonable! What is your DC going to be doing while all the extended family are playing? Plus its a hell of a long drive for a young child who will be over-tired and cranky i imagine.

Sounds like my idea of hell. When DC IS 7 I'm sure they'll enjoy being part of the tradition - but for now? Nah!

I'd let him go and find out that 2 year olds can't do laser quest, after driving 75 minutes, on Christmas eve. Sink or Swim, I say.

YABU. You need to have some give and take here.

If it really is laser quest, then DH should go without the 2 year old. But you can't then grumble if he does go.

DH thinks he will entertain DC there somehow if they’re not allowed in the game.
By the way, it’s DHs cousins not DC. DC have 2 cousins who are 8 and 9 and will be playing the game. Everyone else is much older. 25-40 years old.
I think I also feel a certain type of way as it’s Xmas eve. Any other day I wouldn’t mind but Xmas period I always thought I would be spending time with my DC and now I’ve come to the realisation if I don’t go to an activity that I don’t enjoy 75 mins away then I’ll miss out spending time with DC over the Xmas period. But I also accept it’ll be fun for Dc in the future so I should just sit this one out

YABU. You need to have some give and take here.
Where’s the DH’s give and take? This sounds as though every Christmas Eve he’ll take the kids and the OP gives up on her preferred Christmas Eve.

@icedcoffees

How can a two year old go to Laser Quest?

Mine would love it. All you do is run around and press a button on a plastic gun.

Drip drip drip

@girlmom21 I know that, but LaserQuest say you have to be 7 years old to participate, so how would a two year old be able to join in?

@ShirleyPhallus What’s the drip? Revealing that the activity is LaserQuest? It’s not a drip if “an activity” is in the OP; it’s obvious she didn’t put it there because “Christmas Eve cousins LaserQuest” is fairly outing.

the way, I never said to DH he shouldn’t go. I wouldn’t do that. I just said I would like the DC to do things with me as their mother on Xmas eve. If DH wants to join us then fine, it not then also fine.

It's clearly not fine you don't want him to take the toddler out on Christmas eve

I just said I would like the DC to do things with me as their mother on Xmas eve. If DH wants to join us then fine, it not then also fine.

YABU and selfish - just because you don’t like it, it doesn’t mean you should stop your DC from going.

[quote stuntbubbles]@ShirleyPhallus What’s the drip? Revealing that the activity is LaserQuest? It’s not a drip if “an activity” is in the OP; it’s obvious she didn’t put it there because “Christmas Eve cousins LaserQuest” is fairly outing.[/quote]
No, adding in it being 75 miles away AND there being no other children AND whatever the post was after the laser quest reveal

Almost like the OP is adding weight to her argument after a lot of people have told her YABU!

The other drip is that the husband will be seeing his family on Christmas Day anyway @stuntbubbles

YABU, you knew about his traditions but want things your way.

I think he's being awkward. Your plans sound much more suitable for two year olds. And yes, in your place I would also be thinking he needs to grow up and put his young family first. He can't truly think such small children want to tag along to an adults Laserquest game! What does it even have to do with Christmas? Sounds like he's a bit of a people pleaser when it comes to his extended family (but not when it comes to you). I'd be mortified if I were his cousin and he turned up with small kids in tow and no wife on Christmas Eve. Surely they will understand!

I do think the two of you need to talk more about Christmas plans rather than each of you making arrangements without the other's knowledge.

@ShirleyPhallus

The other drip is that the husband will be seeing his family on Christmas Day anyway *@stuntbubbles*

Jesus, who made you thread monitor?

Hmm. I don’t see those as drips! It’s literally in the OP that very few of the cousins have children. I see a drip as more “and I only have days to live and this Christmas Eve is my last!”, not “and here’s some further information in response to questions”.

What activity did you book?
Could you make that a Boxing Day tradition from now on?

Laser quest 🤣
Saying you’d be missing out on time with the DC over Xmas when we’re talking 1 activity is being ridiculously precious. The point you should be making is that DC could go to something age appropriate that they’d really enjoy with you, but instead they’d be spending ages in the car to go somewhere where they can’t even join in the activity, because no laser quest will let a 2YO play. I wouldn’t trash the tradition but I would say that DH should go solo until your children are actually old enough to join in.