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Original poster

Am I being awkward or is DH?

152 replies

Fretfulmum · 21/12/2021 15:59

DH has lots of cousins with a wide age range, only a few have their own kids. We have DC aged 2 and another on the way. They have a tradition of doing an activity on Xmas Eve but DH hasn’t been since we’ve been married due to things like us being away and covid last year. It is not my idea of fun and I’ve always stated it’s not something I’d be doing with them. DH is fine with that.
DH and I have discussed starting our own traditions now we have DC. We’ve spoken about Xmas day traditions but not anything on Xmas Eve before. I forgot about his family activity on Xmas Eve and booked a festive treat for oUr DC in the day and planned a cosy Xmas Eve night in as it’s the first Xmas they understand anything at all. DH wasn’t happy as he said he’s planned to go to this activity with his cousins. I said fair enough but I’m still taking DC to the things I’ve planned and creating a cosy evening for them. DH wants to take DC to this activity instead but I really want to be with my DC on Xmas Eve and this activity is not my idea of fun. I don’t want to be home alone without them.
I think DH should grow up and put us first now. Am I being unreasonable? I don’t know if I’m being awkward or not ?

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 21/12/2021 17:44

If neither of you had discussed it first I think you should take the kids to your thing that you’ve planned, and you know in future that they will be going with him.
It’s not up to you to read his mind.

ShirleyPhallus · 21/12/2021 17:48

@keepOutOfTheFridgeDerek I’m answering someone’s question, how does that make me a thread monitor?

SoSickOfItNow · 21/12/2021 17:48

@GoodnightGrandma

If neither of you had discussed it first I think you should take the kids to your thing that you’ve planned, and you know in future that they will be going with him. It’s not up to you to read his mind.
Missing the point that op didn’t discuss her thing with DH, she just booked it despite his thing, that she knew about, because it’s been happening for years.

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Christmas Families
GoodnightGrandma · 21/12/2021 17:50

It’s been longer than one year 🙄

Stade197 · 21/12/2021 17:50

[quote Fretfulmum]@Stade197 Christmas Day is also with the ILs. To be fair all DHs cousins won’t be there but some will and his siblings and parents will be[/quote]
Having seen the activity I would want to keep the child home with me, given the ages of the others going its going to be a more grown up competitive activity. Also check with the place they are going to, just a quick google search of laser quest has shown a lot of places have a minimum age requirement of around 6/7 so your child may not be able to go anyway)

If you are already spending xmas day with family then its not unreasonable to want to spend xmas eve with your child and let DH go to the activity on their own. If DC will be busy with other family and presents on xmas, and if you are busy cooking etc then they wont have much time with you so it would be nice to have a cute evening in xmas PJs, hot chocolate, xmas films etc. Maybe when DC is a bit older and more suited to Laser quest then let them go but at 2 years old I'd keep them home

stuntbubbles · 21/12/2021 17:51

Missing the point that op didn’t discuss her thing with DH, she just booked it despite his thing, that she knew about, because it’s been happening for years.
It’s not been happening since they had a child, though, and while she shouldn’t have booked a family activity on an important day without discussion with DH, he shouldn’t have done so either – it’s his family’s tradition, not OP’s. She’s allowed to want to spend Christmas Eve with her kid.

Alayalaya · 21/12/2021 17:51

He’s being very unreasonable. A 2 year old can’t participate in laser quest, nor will they enjoy a 3 hour round trip in the car on Christmas Eve. Your husband won’t be able to participate because he won’t even be allowed to take the 2 year old in with him. I’d let him go if he wants to but it’s ridiculous to take a toddler.

Foreverlodger · 21/12/2021 17:52

There’s absolutely no way a 2 year old can do laser quest. There’s usually a minimum height and age restriction. The guns/vests are fairly heavy, in the dark with grown adults running around. Even if your two year old was allowed in the arena without the suit/gun (which would never happen) he’d probably hate the dark, freaky glow in the dark aliens and want the adults attention - not to mention how he’ll kill their fun as they’ll have to watch out for a tiny thing walking around in the dark. It’s bad enough when you find 7-year-olds in the arena. He might as well take the 2 year old bowling with no barriers on the lanes and no metal ramp.

The only way I can see this working is if there’s 40 of the family going and with only half the group being in the arena and the others can babysit him?

Hmm I’d stay home with DS, bake some cookies, have a walk around the Xmas lights, dance around to cheesy music and have a snuggle before bed. Or I’d be tempted to let DH take him, it be an absolute shit show, all of his family will think he’s an idiot and you’ll get to have a nice relaxing bath

Cherrytart23 · 21/12/2021 17:56

Sounds like you are being awkward and want dh all to yourself. Why would you not ask him before planning anything?

cherryonthecakes · 21/12/2021 17:57

A 2/3 year old won't enjoy laser quest. This year your h is being unreasonable and he's going to struggle looking after his son and playing. Does the venue have terms and conditions on their site?

Your son will probably love it when a little older so worth adjusting Christmas Eve traditions in the future but it's silly taking him this year and wasting the tickets you organised imo

LadyCatStark · 21/12/2021 17:58

Ok I take it back, taking a 2 year old to laser quest is ridiculous!

optimistic40 · 21/12/2021 18:01

Haha. You're not being unreasonable. Not sure whether a two year old can do laser quest? And you can't, being pregnant... and a few hours of driving for it. Nah, I wouldn't be keen either!

LostForIdeas · 21/12/2021 18:01

I’m sure you are being awkward.
What’s the point of taking a child to an activity they won’t be able to really enjoy or do?

Whatever you do this year has no impact on what will happen next year or the next.

As to what will happen, your DH just cannot expect you to just agree to that tradition. Not should you impose your way of doing things.
You need some discussion and compromise about the whole of Christmas.
Eg if you dint like big gatherings, you should have to sit out said big gathering on Christmas Eve and then Christmas day because it suits your DH and his family.
It would also be wrong to refuse to engage in ANY of the gathering around Christmas time so no one goes to the laser quest, huge family meals etc…

LostForIdeas · 21/12/2021 18:02

Sorry it was supposed to be
I am NOT sure you are being awkward!

Tal45 · 21/12/2021 18:02

I thought you were being unreasonable until I heard it was laserquest - with a two year old??!! That's crazy. Tell him when the kids are actually old enough play - like 7 years old - they'll love it and you'll be happy for them to go. Till then it's a flat no.

I would suggest he go and you do your plans with the kids if it's really important to him - but he needs to make sure he up for lots of family time before he goes and on Christmas day.

LostForIdeas · 21/12/2021 18:02

@Cherrytart23

Sounds like you are being awkward and want dh all to yourself. Why would you not ask him before planning anything?
Why didn’t her DH ask the OP before planning the lazer quest?

Goes both ways….

Travellingraspberry · 21/12/2021 18:05

@Fretfulmum I haven't read all responses but have read your replies.

If he insists I'd let him take your DC on his own this year and he'll soon find out what a ridiculous idea it is and won't suggest it again! Hopefully you can do something nice with DC in the morning and then have yourself a lovely relaxing afternoon on the sofa watching a christmas film

bg21 · 21/12/2021 18:06

your being a dick really

Raindancer411 · 21/12/2021 18:07

I think you are both being awkward as in neither of you discussed it before arranging either of the activities.

Activity wise, he is a bit silly to expect a 2 year old and pregnant women to go to an event neither can play.

CoffeeMuggins · 21/12/2021 18:07

@bg21

your being a dick really
Talking to yourself?
largeprintagathachristie · 21/12/2021 18:08

You’re being awkward.

largeprintagathachristie · 21/12/2021 18:10

Oh, just saw it’s laser quest. You’re not being awkward.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 21/12/2021 18:10

@stuntbubbles - this is a group activity important to DH. They have the rest of the Christmas period to do their own family stuff.

MsSquiz · 21/12/2021 18:12

You're both being awkward, but:

Your DH is being awkward in that Your dc is too young for laser quest so what is the point in them going? Maybe when they're older it can be a thing they do.

You're being awkward in that you don't want your child doing something without you over the festive period/Xmas Eve. But you have no problem with DH missing out due to a double booking. I'm not sure 1 parent trumps the other.

This Xmas Eve I'm sending DH to softplay with dd for an hour to tire her out in the morning and so I can get some food prep/dessert made, then we can all go out in the afternoon! Spending time without your child doesn't automatically need to be considered a bad/sad thing.

I would suggest speaking to your DH, pointing out your child is too young for the activity this year, but you would be happy for them both to join in once it's age appropriate

Trixiethewhore · 21/12/2021 18:13

I think DH should be able to continue going if he wants.

But a 2yo is far too young to take to laser quest, there's no way he'll be allowed in.

I'd stay home with DC and let DH go.