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Original poster

Is it rude to say that a gift for your child is the wrong size?

199 replies

Dora2168 · 21/12/2021 07:44

We recently had an early Christmas party with the family and the aunts and uncles gave out presents to the children. My sister and I had a discussion before the event and she said that she would prefer clothing for her two children, so I carefully set about shopping with care for the right products and size of clothing. On the day, my nephew was overjoyed when he opened his gifts and saw that he had received a new football kit, Adidas sports tracksuit and matching Adidas trainers
His sister had new luxury winter coat and cosy jumpers. Both children were delighted and overjoyed. My 8 year old then opened his gift, and I saw his face fall when he saw a bright neon yellow track top and joggers that were at least two sizes too big slide out of the gift wrap. I felt his disappointment, especially as I had taken the time to shop with care to give a useful gift. Should I return the items as it cannot fit my child or regift it? I don't think that I would let him wear a neon yellow tracksuit.
I later found the exact item online for £10 on sale.

OP posts:

Forgetaboutme · 22/12/2021 22:50

So the size wasn't the real issue?

Original poster

Dora2168 · 22/12/2021 22:55

Wow. Did not expect so much feedback, but glad to get your insights. Yes I was upset and disappointed at the same time, because I usually give all my nephews and nieces very good and useful presents and yes this group of kids love clothing and I do take time to select with care what they get suitable to their personality and tastes. I think that I was disappointed that my sister does not do the same and this year has been the worst ever. So thanks for your advice. I will have to set a budget for future events.

OP posts:

Bananarama21 · 22/12/2021 23:08

It's over the top we spend 10-15 max on nieces on nephews. You don't give to recieve and come across slightly snobby especially the description of the clothes you gave. Kids don't want clothes they want toys.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Christmas Families

Original poster

Dora2168 · 23/12/2021 08:39

Bananarama21 I totally agree with you about kids want toys, but when the request was made for clothing instead of toys, that was respected. I was the foolish one for not further discussing and agreeing the budget. For the record, I usually spend around £25 to £50 per child, even on birthdays and whether you think it's snobbery or not, I think that if I have taken time to make an effort to get something suitable and thoughtful that the other person should do the same. I don't see why I should lower my expectations and expect otherwise.
I don't see the point in getting someone something that you know that they will not use just to say that you got something. It's totally useless waste of money, because it will certainly end up in the bin or a tombola next Christmas. It's OK though because it's totally changed my perspective. Every day we live we should learn.

OP posts:

TableLampy · 23/12/2021 08:53

You’ve spent a lot more than 25-50 here though surely op

kierenthecommunity · 23/12/2021 11:09

If you usually spend £25 why the overindulgence this year? Have you had a lottery win? 😃

And how was your DSis supposed to know you were spending about £150 per kid this year? Bit U to expect her to match this if it’s out of the ordinary

My DSis likes buying practical gifts too, so sent her a link to a T-shirt with a bee on that I do know my DS will love. She’s also got him a couple of books. I need to send her link to this thread and tell her to up her game 😉

I also want to know the age of the child who was overjoyed with ‘cosy jumpers’ - maybe 70? 🤔

DrCoconut · 23/12/2021 11:26

@underneaththeash nor would mine. It would be a total waste of money as it would be off to the charity shop by new year. Or maybe sold on Facebook to buy something fun. I'm assuming the OP knew it would be appreciated though. Most "sportswear" that I've seen appears to be the same tat as cheap stuff but a different colour/pattern and much pricier. I'd say around £10-£15 is a normal budget for a present for a niece or nephew too.

mam0918 · 23/12/2021 11:27

I don't see why I should lower my expectations and expect less

This is the definition of being entitled.

Also if you bought that much brand name 'luxuary' stuff for £25-£50 it has to be either the cheap mass-produced entry-level stuff (which usually have tacky logos thrust over them a crap quality material) or knock off.

Maybe she wonders why you keep buying cheap knock-off or entry-level crap so returned the gesture.

Also, the 90s are back in fashion and highlighter colors are in (my 3-year-old loves neon green and my 13-year-old is obsessed with neon orange, all his school stuff... try sourcing neon orange rulers at short notice lol out shopping yesterday near every shop was displaying neon pink in the window) you sound very out of touch with the kids and whats cool.

VainAbigail · 23/12/2021 11:51

@kierenthecommunity

I also want to know the age of the child who was overjoyed with ‘cosy jumpers’ - maybe 70? 🤔

😂

Op how much budget did you and your sister agree to spend? And which person forgot said budget?

Bananarama21 · 23/12/2021 12:25

It was more the description of the high end clothes you described with came acrossed as snobby like another pp said you spent alot more than 50 quid if you got branded trainners , Tracksuit alone unless it's knock offs. She likely couldn't afford to match what you spend. Some of the neon clothes are in my ds had an orange nike tracksuit

Bananarama21 · 23/12/2021 12:26

A season football kit if its not fake is 40-50 quid alone so you already went over the top to begin with.

EurghCobwebs · 23/12/2021 12:33

No it's not rude to say a gift for your child is the wrong size.

What is rude is coming online to slag off your poor sister's choice of present and berate her for not spending as much as you. You seem quite materialistic and mean.

Just accept that she didn't quite pick a present to your taste and move on, no need to be a snob about it.

Original poster

Dora2168 · 23/12/2021 13:22

Hey guys, thanks for your lovely comments and yes, it was certainly more than £50.00 per child. I don't think JD Sports sells cheap tat knock offs, but whatever 🙄. You are entitled to your opinions as I am to mine, but it was great to hear your perspective 😀. As said lessons learnt all round. The most important one is not to expect someone to care for you in the way in which you care for them. Merry Christmas and Wishing you all a wonderful time with your families this season.

OP posts:

CatJumperTwat · 23/12/2021 13:27

Oh come on - he is 8 and looked disappointed, nothing more than that. Very few adults would pull off immediate delight and gratefulness when presented with a crap gift.

Nonsense, MOST adults have the manners to hide any disappointment with a gift they don't love. An eight-year-old might slip up, but then it's the parents' job to teach them manners.

mam0918 · 23/12/2021 13:45

@Dora2168

You clearly don't know what 'caring' means.

Spending £100s on clothes does not mean you care (throwing money at 'problem' is usually a classic sign of toxicity in relationships) and being offended they didn't spend £100's on you actually proves you DON'T care about them in the slightest.

You are very self-involved - everything you posted was about what YOU get, what YOU spent, what YOU like, how YOU feel, about YOUR actions... despite the gift not even being for you.

and of course, the exceptionally self-congratulating overly purple prose on how generous, thoughtful and amazing everyone thinks you are and how they can't live up to your standard, have you considered you may be a narcissist?

Self realisation is usually the first breakthrough step.

Original poster

Dora2168 · 23/12/2021 13:52

So now I am the one without manners and have not taught my child manners. What started off as a dilemma which I wanted some help with from hopefully sensible mom's who have perhaps had this same experience has turned into me being a mean and horrible person. This is the very first time that I have ever posted anything online and very first time I have joined Mumsnet. I can say that this has been a very hostile experience.

OP posts:

CatkinToadflax · 23/12/2021 13:52

I'm still desperate to hear about the luxury coat!

Ginger1982 · 23/12/2021 14:01

@Dora2168

Bananarama21 I totally agree with you about kids want toys, but when the request was made for clothing instead of toys, that was respected. I was the foolish one for not further discussing and agreeing the budget. For the record, I usually spend around £25 to £50 per child, even on birthdays and whether you think it's snobbery or not, I think that if I have taken time to make an effort to get something suitable and thoughtful that the other person should do the same. I don't see why I should lower my expectations and expect otherwise. I don't see the point in getting someone something that you know that they will not use just to say that you got something. It's totally useless waste of money, because it will certainly end up in the bin or a tombola next Christmas. It's OK though because it's totally changed my perspective. Every day we live we should learn.

You shouldn't give to receive.

OverByYer · 23/12/2021 14:06

@EurghCobwebs

No it's not rude to say a gift for your child is the wrong size.

What is rude is coming online to slag off your poor sister's choice of present and berate her for not spending as much as you. You seem quite materialistic and mean.

Just accept that she didn't quite pick a present to your taste and move on, no need to be a snob about it.

This. You sound very precious OP and are only looking at this through your lens.

mam0918 · 23/12/2021 17:17

@Dora2168

Because you are and you likely haven't.

'sensible moms who have the same experience'... we are 8 pages (about 200 posts) in and NO ONE has the same view as you which means its impossible to have the same experience.

You soured your own experience with your terrible attitude and expectations.

In fact, everyone is telling you you are unreasonable, greedy and rude... that should be a hint that you are the problem but you still can't see that can you.

If everyone says you are wrong it's most like that you are actually wrong rather than all 100+ other people being wrong.

What is 'hostile' is slagging of a gift and rudely complaining people don't spend more money on you.

Bananarama21 · 23/12/2021 17:21

I think your sister was always set up to fail because your expectations like I said the amount of gifts you got and the price of them were excessive its very common to spend 10-15 pounds max on gifts. You don't seem to register that you went over board and need to lower your expectations becareful this thread doesn't wnd up in the daily mail.

Squeezita · 23/12/2021 23:17

I can see why you were disappointed, OP.

Now you know the budget, pick up something under £10 from the Christmas sales for next Christmas, a size up of course.

appleturnovers · 24/12/2021 13:57

@Mellowyellow222

Children are rarely thrilled and delighted to receive clothes.

I always remember an old episode of Roseanne where she wrapped all DJ’s presents inside clothes, and he was so excited when they were toys and not clothes😂.

Perhaps your sister has taught her children to be gracious when receiving g any gifts? While your son struggled to hide his disappointment.

Depends on the age, surely? At 6 and 7, clothes are boring. But at 11+ they're starting to get too old for toys and a lot of kids are into fashion. When I was a tween my parents were too poor to buy all the trendy clothes I wanted, but I had a rich aunty who used to sometimes get us designer clothes for Christmas and we were genuinely delighted.

You're absolutely right about being gracious though. It seems the son needs more practice at that...

Waspie · 24/12/2021 14:34

The thread title is about whether it's rude to say that a gift is the wrong size. If this is the question (which from the OP it doesn't seem to be), then no, it's not rude. You just ask for the receipt so that you can change it for the correct size (and at the same time swap it for something which isn't neon in colour).

However the main problem appears to be that OP spent a small fortune of designer sports clothes for her sister's children and her sister spent £10 on OPs child. Here I would suggest you agree a budget in advance next year.

My sister and I spend about £50 per child but only because there are only two children to buy for. If there were more children we would spend less per child.

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