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Original poster

My husband is thinking about joining the Masons and I am horrified

280 replies

SovietTrumpet · 20/12/2021 18:35

I hate boys’ clubs and silly rituals etc and doing each other favours. He thinks it will help him at work. Arguments please against and in favour…

OP posts:
Pashazade · 20/12/2021 18:57

All the men I have known to be Mason's were very generous and good people, my father included although he is no longer an active member and it certainly had nothing to do with him getting on in his career as his work was nothing that would be on that kind of radar. As a pp said I think it does very much depend on the Lodge like any group of this kind.

gogohm · 20/12/2021 18:57

I have an issue with them not allowing women, until that changes it's a no from me.

The wi is open to anyone and yes men can come along! You have to be chosen to join the masons very different. Dp was invited, he refused

Nesbo · 20/12/2021 19:00

The mason I know well is one of the kindest, most generous blokes I’ve ever met. Not racist or misogynistic in the slightest. Seems ridiculous and incredibly unfair to tar them all with the same brush.

TerrifiedandWorried · 20/12/2021 19:01

My dp was invited, he refused too.

Amongst many concerns, the amount of money was probably the biggest.

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 20/12/2021 19:01

@Taoneusa

Misogyny, racism, classism, elitism. A secret club to provide a leg up for bigots.
This.

I’ve met a few (they couldn’t help but tell me Hmm).

Additionally, not a single one of them wasn’t a raging Tory (and latterly, a UKIP’er).

I judge.

AgathaMystery · 20/12/2021 19:01

Mason do allow women - there are women only lodges. Josephine Baker was a mason! I am totally okay with them having men-only lodges. I really value single sex spaces and if my WI admitted men I would leave.

They aren’t a secret society they are a society with secrets. The london HQ is open to all, it’s cool, I was there last week. The gift shop is 20% normal gift shop 80% max masons shopping centre. Everyone from city traders to cabbies were in there buying regalia.

I would join if I were invited and could afford it.

thatsallineed · 20/12/2021 19:03

You have to be invited. Has he actually been asked?

Jessica60 · 20/12/2021 19:06

Full of police officers. Promote each other and prevent the sexist ones getting sacked from force. Makes it impossible for women to make complaints. Boys club.

Somepup100 · 20/12/2021 19:07

😲

WonderfulYou · 20/12/2021 19:12

I don’t know much about them myself but from the replies it seems very evenly divided.

I’d say tell him to go for it and try it and if he doesn’t like it he can leave.

gofg · 20/12/2021 19:13

Why are you horrified? Surely it isn't going to impact on your life, and it is your DH's choice, nothing to do with you. You hating "boys' clubs and silly rituals" is your issue, not his.

Sally872 · 20/12/2021 19:13

If thus organisation can help him at work then I am appalled. I naively thought those days were long gone.

The masons would give each other work and promotions based on the fact they were masons rather than have a fair process. Best person often overlooked. That aspect of it is not OK.

Charity, handshakes and outfits are their own business.

Marchitectmummy · 20/12/2021 19:13

So many myths around the masons. My husband was in it for years, lots of fundraising work for local charities mixed with traditions. Some fun events throughout the year including ladies. Not sure its still the networking it once was, probably depends on the individual group.

Otterseatpuffinsdontthey · 20/12/2021 19:14

I live in a small village - been here many years. If a man was a crook, he was in the Masons. Also, as were the good, God-fearing Church elders/pillars of the community - who really, really weren't. Oh, and, nearly forgot the "Swingers".

citycitycity · 20/12/2021 19:15

@DillonPanthersTexas

They make nice jam jars though.
😂
ParkingDiagram · 20/12/2021 19:15

It depends on the lodge. If it’s a more diverse one with younger members then the culture will not be the same as one full of old white men.

It’s pretty interesting from a historical point of view but it’s a LOT of work to keep up with learning all the words and there are regular meetings and events. Masons are also often expected to get involved in charitable stuff - they do a huge amount for various charities including domestic violence and refugee charities. As I said, a lot of it depends on the lodge and who’s in charge.

Also, if he thinks it will help him in his job, that’s a bad reason to join. My understanding is that it’s not an automatic leg-up for anyone just for being a Mason. If he joins a lodge where there is a lot of other people doing similar jobs then it’s essentially the same as any networking group but it’s not like a secret version of LinkedIn.

girlmom21 · 20/12/2021 19:16

Wait until a "ladies evening" when they declare how good it is that the women have all made such an effort "for us" 🤮🤮🤮🤮

StormBaby · 20/12/2021 19:17

@Sally872

If thus organisation can help him at work then I am appalled. I naively thought those days were long gone.

The masons would give each other work and promotions based on the fact they were masons rather than have a fair process. Best person often overlooked. That aspect of it is not OK.

Charity, handshakes and outfits are their own business.

I can confirm it still goes on. My boss is a mason. He just shoehorned an outside candidate into a vacancy that did not exist just because he’s a mason. Said candidate is now getting preferential treatment with overtime, holidays during peak times etc.
Longdistance · 20/12/2021 19:21

My dh keeps getting invited. He keeps saying no. Some reason they’re desperate for him to join. Weirdly, our wedding was at a Masonic Lodge which was suggested by a friend of mine.

godmum56 · 20/12/2021 19:21

I have known a few male masons well from different lodges and they all seemed to be normal ok blokes. Your husband is a grown up and can make his own choices without needing your approval. You need to ask yourself if this is a dealbreaker or not.

succession · 20/12/2021 19:22

How much time would becoming a mason take up? If you have children, that would be my first question.

Second, family money.

Nc123 · 20/12/2021 19:23

My dad is a mason and it takes over your life. They do a lot of charity work but it’s definitely a place for tedious, pompous people to find likeminded friends (I love my dad but at his worst he is both of these things). My Stepmum used to have to go to loads of their events as a spouse, and ended up getting pushed into joining the soroptimists (women’s masons). My dad joined in his forties (he’s now 70) and was the youngest person in his lodge by about thirty years.

User00000000 · 20/12/2021 19:26

Ugh I have a few family members in the Masons and they definitely fit the stereotype! Racist bigoted and self important.

Probably would help him at work though.

Kshhuxnxk · 20/12/2021 19:30

Masons, Round Table, Rotary - all old boys clubs do a heck of a lot for charity. So what if they keep a goat in the basement - not harming anyone. You could maybe even join the womans order.........

JudgeRindersMinder · 20/12/2021 19:31

The men in mum mum’s family are/were all masons and a few of the women are members of the Eastern Star.
I don’t recognise the descriptions of misogyny etc