Why is it women?

[julieca]

I have known so many women who restrict where and when they drive because of anxiety. They won't drive at night, in the rain, in cities, places they don't know, etc, etc. And sadly it is always women, not men.

I know for some there will be issues such as astigmatism that means driving at night is not safe. But men can also suffer from these issues. Yet I rarely meet a man who restricts where and when he drives, unless he is very elderly.

So why is it always women who are anxious about driving?

It's not always women in my experience. I know only 2 people who are completely restricted about where and when they'll drive. Both are middle aged men.

It's more dangerous for a woman to be stuck somewhere alone if the worst happened?

I have a touring caravan. I am the only woman I have ever seen towing; it's always the male partner! So there seems to be some reluctance about towing, too.

Often men don't feel like they can share their anxiety as it could be perceived as weakness or not macho. Women in general find it easier to talk about this kind of thing. There are lots of campaigns to try to get men to open up more, but it's a societal problem hence change being glacially slow

Probably for the same reason that women have fewer fatal car accidents at the wheel, because it doesn't offend their ego when they know the conditions when their driving is compromised.

I think it's just human nature. You're either that way inclined or you're not. I know plenty of confident women who'll drive anywhere.

Ive no car and I get by. People rarely have to go somewhere late at night that they've never been to before.

I would only use public transport if it was safe/easy/bearable weather. If it's not practical, I wouldn't force myself to be uncomfortable.

Not in our house - my husband (who is actually a really good driver, enjoys driving and has to drive a lot for work) will still go to huge lengths to avoid driving at night, making right turns into busy roads etc., and is reluctant to drive in London. I don’t worry about or restrict when and where I drive (as long as I am in a fit state).

@TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth hello fellow tower! DH can't reverse the caravan to save his life, so I do it all. Much easier on my sanity. I accept I'm a control freak who loves driving and loathes being a passenger.

Someone who is undergoing or who has undergone treatment gets all my sympathy. Someone who just moans about their "anxiety" but does fuck all about it can GTFO.

And yes, I suffer with dreadful anxiety when I have depressive episodes. It's crippling. I have panic attacks, I hold my head in my hands sitting in the car alone and I spend a fortune on heartburn treatments. But I also request and take meds, do my therapy and crack on. Just stopping isn't an option. Opting out makes someone else's life harder, so I keep going. And it does get better each time.

I know absolutely loads of women who are anxious around driving.
I have a friend who refuses to drive one junction on a usually quiet motorway as it is scary. She would rather do loads more miles, drive through the busy town where cars park on double yellows, people walk out in front of you than get on the slip road which is less than 300m from her house.
A former co worker refuses to drive outside our town ' because she doesn't know her way'
Our job role changed and we had to be able to drive. Staff were given opportunity to learn by being allowed off with pay for driving lessons and being helped financially. If they couldnt drive for medical reasons they would be exempt. They didnt have to own a car, just be able to drive the works car. I was shocked when 6 people didnt even try and gave their job up. They were all women and said during looked frightening. The men took up the offer and sai it was a brilliant opportunity to get a licence.
I'm always surprised at the number if confirmed t women drivers who refuse to drive abroad as well! I an understand in so e major cities but not so much in quiter places.

I hate driving at night nowadays. The new car head lights are blinding.
We did car maintenance classes at evening school, back in the 80s - modern cars are def not fixable by the roadside by a novice.
Women feel vulnerable, perhaps, hence moderating their lives (we are told, remember, to take precautions out and about, to carry keys a particular way, not to wear certain clothes, etc) Perhaps if men had a curfew, more women would go out at night?

@MrsColon

Often men don't feel like they can share their anxiety as it could be perceived as weakness or not macho. Women in general find it easier to talk about this kind of thing. There are lots of campaigns to try to get men to open up more, but it's a societal problem hence change being glacially slow

No sorry, I don't buy it. The women don't talk openly about it either. You only find out when you are talking about meeting up and it becomes - oh no I cant get there at that time because I don't like driving at night and a taxi will be too expensive there. Or I will have to see if my partner can drop me off as I don't like driving in the City. If it was men too it would be obvious by their behaviour. My dad is elderly and was forced to give up driving recently. He would deny being anxious, but it was obvious he wouldn't drive anywhere new.

I think it's partly due to girls and boys are treated differently growing up. Boys are taught to take risks. girls are cared for more when they fall or cry, boys aren't. You can notice this at any park.

Women are just more comfortable talking about their fears than men are. Men are scared-pants deep down. With driving, it gets easier the more you do it. I used to be terrified, to the point of shaking and tears, but I've had to drive a lot and now I'm okay with it, even unfamiliar places.

This isn’t answering your query, but I have astigmatism and avoid driving at night because I can’t see well in the dark. I’ve never put two and two together that it’s because of the astigmatism!

My partner’s stepdad doesn’t drive at all because he’s had a few minor accidents and isn’t very good! So his wife does all the driving. He hasn’t driven for years. My brother passed his test but hasn’t got a car and only drives every so often. My dad avoids it now because of his age, but my mum still does. I don’t think it’s just women.
Perhaps women are more honest about anxiety though, there’s still a massive stigma about that sort of thing for men.

Oh I SEE, OP.
You will reject opinion or experience that does not match your own, understood. I'm out.

@FlibbertyGiblets

I hate driving at night nowadays. The new car head lights are blinding. We did car maintenance classes at evening school, back in the 80s - modern cars are def not fixable by the roadside by a novice. Women feel vulnerable, perhaps, hence moderating their lives (we are told, remember, to take precautions out and about, to carry keys a particular way, not to wear certain clothes, etc) Perhaps if men had a curfew, more women would go out at night?

Love your last sentence. Probably very apt.

@Constellationstation you can get glasses that help address astigmatism. Just sharing in case it helps.

@julieca I think women are more honest and open about it so probably talk about it whereas men may still do it but are quiet about it.
My dad has restricted how much he drives he's not elderly as such as he's still in his early 70s and goes on mountain climbing holidays but he's less confident on the roads. He rarely mentions it though and just works round it because when it is mentioned because he gets appalling reactions from people (I'm thinking of my brother here)
I have noticed that my FIL also a very fit and healthy man try's not to drive at night or on motorways anymore or into cities although he's quite happy for a rural drive out to go mountain biking. I think he finds it overwhelming due to the volumes of traffic but again he doesn't speak about it he just works round it.
I have a male colleague who doesn't drive which is a real pita for our job but he's carries it off with arrogance so nobody comments.

Because men are less likely to you about their problems

To tell

I was watching a Youtuber (early 30s) and her husband only recently passed his test and said he had struggled with driving because of his anxiety.

I'm a woman who doesn't get anxious about driving.

However, I also have astigmatism and it's news to me that this makes driving unsafe, so maybe now I do have anxiety! Where did you get that idea?

I think it's because, as a generalisation, most men prefer driving and like cars (eg I imagine the viewers of Top Gear are much more likely to be men than women). That doesn't mean that women aren't capable of driving, of course, but it may mean that if a couple are driving somewhere together it will usually be the man behind the wheel, especially for a long journey. Then the woman gets out of practice (as driving is something you can start to feel nervous about if you don't do it very often).

I also think there's a social aspect. It's socially acceptable for a woman to say "I don't like driving at night" or similar, whereas if a man said that his mates would take the piss out of him. So he just gets on and does it.

@wonkylegs I don't find women my age talk about it either. But I notice their behaviour and they will say when asked. I don't see men my age behaving the same way.
I am in my fifties and there is still a lot of stigma in my age group about talking about mental health. I find how young people talk about anxiety and depression pretty alien.
So maybe younger women do talk about this more with driving and men wouldn't. But in my age group I see it through behaviour. Like the woman in the sports team who when we said about going for a drink was keen until someone suggested a pub that meant driving towards the City - we changed where we went and she came. I have seen this loads with women. Also agree that it is largely men who drive when towing caravans. Why?? You don't need a penis to drive when towing a caravan.