Covid losses ( not deaths) you have suffered

[CaliforniaDrumming]

I wanted to vent a little but not on the Covid board because that tends to be very aggressive. I want to scream loudly about the unfair Covid losses that I have suffered that are not deaths ( though I have also had deaths), because these are so often overlooked.

My DD, for instance. I have lost her. Her entire personality has changed with online university. She used to be so confident and outgoing. Now she is timid and shy. She used to love studying. Now she hates it after she lost two internships to covid. She used to see a purpose in life. Now she looks at a decimated economy and can't see one. I may get her back eventually but it is very hard to see now.

Please don't say she needs to be more resilient. I am tired of hearing that two years into the pandemic.

DS lost his prom, saying goodbye to all his school friends. Learning to drive. A part time job to fund uni. A Freshers year. A normal student social life. Lectures, tutorials, everything that makes a brick uni not the OU.

I've lost a lot of resilience. I gave birth in July 2019, but when my ds was five weeks old my mum got admitted to addenbrookes with leukemia. We moved in to provide support for my dad, until my dh started uni. She was there until November, then back in December for a stem cell transplant. So, she missed my son's first Xmas. We stayed our first night with my mum in February, just before things started to escalate, then didn't see my family til the two weeks in the summer we were allowed to meet outside.

We had a lockdown wedding, reception outside in September, 23 people. December, lockdown meant my early scan with Dd and Ds',s second XMAS with mum got cancelled.

My dh's family are in the states, so have seen him twice. I'm also trying to buy a house! Church being closed for months and months was also difficult, as it was a lot of my social/charity input.

I've had three new bosses at work I've never met, done a redundancy interview on my honeymoon...

It's all petty, apart from my mum, but it's all so tiring.

Some of you have so much hardship and trauma from this most awful time, it is humbling to realise the impact of covid, but also how brave everyone is, I've nothing but admiration and send good thoughts to all.
My own personal shite is that my lovely Dad has gradually declined in health, had to shield to being very high risk group, his mental and physical health is now shocking, he is now a shell of himself, my Mum is doing everything she can to look after him at home and knackered herself, social services are on theri knees trying to support everyone ,it
breaks my heart to see this.
On a positive note, I work for the NHS and been able to go into work everyday, I live on my own, so despite the extreme work load, a lot of negativity (we have to do what we are told, what is safe etc we don't
make the rules!) at least I have the social aspect that being in work brings, we do our best to support each other, have a bloody good moan but can still smile. I can't wait for some normality again, this current period is so divisive with some extreme views, but no one knows what is right anymore, and we can only comment by how our own lives have been affected

@Da1sycha1n you are not alone .
Please speak to someone in real life and if you feel you really can't then message me and I will listen.

Heartbreaking reading many of these posts, has given me a new perspective on lots of things we have noticed e.g. I was talking to my hairdresser recently who has seen a massive increase in the number of fairly last minute cancellations (for non covid reasons). She is struggling to understand the reason for it, but I think people are just absolutely traumatised and that has impacted so many facets of their lives.

In my case we are relatively unscathed but I think my work productivity has suffered as I always thrived on the social interaction in the office. I am now back in a few days a week which has helped but I would prefer to be back in full time.

My relationship with my parents has also suffered. My DF had covid early on and then had long covid with real health anxiety. It now feels as though we are polite acquaintances, and I really mourn the loss of the close relationship I had with DM before all this happened.

Great thread op .
It has not been too bad for us, the main thing has been having to be so careful because of my immunosuppressed dh and the anxiety that this brings.
It has been worse for our four kids aged 16- 22. The eldest has missed out on a whole year of socializing etc at Uni, the youngest missed out on end of year 11 proms, parties etc. She is in the sixth form at the moment but barely sees anyone. Elder ds's have missed out on travel and experiences and forming relationships.
DH and myself consider ourselves lucky to have been able to work from home, although my workload has risen hugely ( cancer related) and it's taken it's toll dealing with clients who have had delayed diagnoses and who are hugely anxious because they can't visit their relatives in hospital even when they are critically ill. The nature of y work has meant that people losing their jobs etc during lockdown has just impacted cancer patients and their families even harder.

My patience- at work where I have not had stability in my job or a fully staffed team since Feb 2020 (work in healthcare), out and about I have no patience for people not wearing masks, going out and about with a cough, doing stupid things whilst driving (is it just me or does driving seem to have got worse?).

Also lost my wedding, we ended up marrying over a year later with only 10 guests and a rapidly slimmed down guest list for some form of a party to celebrate. The shine was really taken off the day, it was a chore in the end to organise because we'd organised so may different days that couldn't work due to covid. We both couldn't enjoy the lead up to the day, it was down to the wire as to whether we could get married or not right up until 2 days before.

Also lost any joy in going out. Any time I do try to go to anything nice there are hoards of people and someone will be maskless and hacking up a lung next to me- can't relax like that. We also can't get hold of anything for our house renovation- moved Sep '19. Even simple things like chest of drawers are taking 20 weeks + to arrive and lots of shops not being honest when you order about realistically how long it will take for things to arrive.

My sanity. I’m a nurse. My job is whatever my managers tell me it is on a daily basis, including where I am working. I feel like nothing more than an agency nurse, I have no purpose anymore. I’m done.

@jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey and @BeingATwatItsABingThing

Thanks so much for your kind words, it's really very comforting to know that there are strangers out there that empathise. Like so many people, as this small snapshot shows, we are grieving for the life and future we thought we had and now no longer do. It takes a lot of processing.

Life is just so very different now, but we have to hope that it will get better and posting today has
Made me realise how low I am, so I will be making a Drs appointment to talk it all through and make some changes.

Honestly, your kind words mean a lot and I'm very grateful, thank you. x

[quote Da1sycha1n]**@jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey* and @BeingATwatItsABingThing*

Thanks so much for your kind words, it's really very comforting to know that there are strangers out there that empathise. Like so many people, as this small snapshot shows, we are grieving for the life and future we thought we had and now no longer do. It takes a lot of processing.

Life is just so very different now, but we have to hope that it will get better and posting today has
Made me realise how low I am, so I will be making a Drs appointment to talk it all through and make some changes.

Honestly, your kind words mean a lot and I'm very grateful, thank you. x[/quote]
Rooting for you! 💐

Thank you @CornishGem1975 that's very kind. I'm having therapy for it but I'm still in the early stages

My 4 year long distance relationship crumbled because we couldn't see each other. I miss him so much

@Pinkflipflop85

My ds started the pandemic as a happy go lucky, wonderful funny child.

He is now constantly angry and regularly tells us he wants to die.

@Pinkflipflop85 my son too. He is 8. I'm heartbroken looking at old pictures of him laughing he is on the mend but it's going to take years to undo the damage done.

I haven't seen my parents, sister or nephew since summer 2019. I lost the last holiday I had planned with DS when he still wanted to spend time with me. DS lost months of normal schooling, scouts, sport, socialisation and developing independence. He missed his DofE expedition (luckily did the practice one in the week the schools shut).

Lost my friend who died of bowel cancer after being told by her GP her problems were IBS and stress. By the time her tumour was found it was too late.

I’ll lose another friend soon to breast cancer. She didn’t want to overburden the NHS with the tiny lump she found in April 2020. It’s now spread and is terminal.

My mum is a shadow of her former self. Gone from an outgoing, sociable and happy person to one who shuffles around and is too scared to drive or meet up with her friends any more.

Lost a neighbour to suicide during first lockdown as he couldn’t cope with the loss of his job and the loneliness of being at home alone for months on end.

DS lost his A-levels he studied so hard for, his 18th birthday party, his university place and he’s only just passed his driving test after almost two years of stop start lessons.

I’ve quit my job after 20 years because I couldn’t deal with working from home on a permanent basis.

Lost myself after not being allowed to meet up with friends and family for so long. I no longer want to plan anything to look forward to in case it’s snatched away again.

Sorry for everyone else who has suffered as well

Lost myself after not being allowed to meet up with friends and family for so long. I no longer want to plan anything to look forward to in case it’s snatched away again.

@Iheartmysmart I hear you.

I can't remember how it feels to be happy and free of worry for more than an hour or two and don't even now how to start putting myself and my life back together again.

[quote Da1sycha1n]**@jesusmaryjosephandtheweedonkey* and @BeingATwatItsABingThing*

Thanks so much for your kind words, it's really very comforting to know that there are strangers out there that empathise. Like so many people, as this small snapshot shows, we are grieving for the life and future we thought we had and now no longer do. It takes a lot of processing.

Life is just so very different now, but we have to hope that it will get better and posting today has
Made me realise how low I am, so I will be making a Drs appointment to talk it all through and make some changes.

Honestly, your kind words mean a lot and I'm very grateful, thank you. x[/quote]
I’m so pleased you’re going to get some help. A few years ago, my job came to be so much for me to deal with that I couldn’t face going in. I was having panic attacks nearly every day and I wasn’t coping. I nearly deliberately crashed my car on the way to work. That was the moment I realised I needed help. I was signed off and just being told that I had depression and anxiety by my GP and admitting it to myself and others really helped me.

Sometimes we need to hit rock bottom before we’ll accept that we can’t get through this on our own and it’s not a failure on our part to admit it.

Please know that there are people out there who care about you and really want you to be ok, even strangers on the internet.

I am finding comfort in the fact that I am not alone, but also so sorry to hear that so many are suffering. @Da1sycha1n especially, I really hope you can find help. I need to count some of my blessings for sure, though I also wanted this thread to be a vent for people with even "trivial"problems. Trivial intended to be in quotes because no problem is too trivial.

I decided to take a break from my troubles and ran out to see The House of Gucci today. It was a mixed bag, but it was the first movie I have seen in the cinema for over two years, so I enjoyed the fashions, the locales, even the hammy acting by Jared Leto. The theatre was quite empty as well. I think I need to consciously shoehorn some joy into my life.

My wedding

My hen do

Seeing my most favourite singer in concert.

Obviously all of the above has been rearranged (a couple of times ...) but by the time it comes around, it will be 2 years wasted.

And I was so confident that it would be ok by next year. But now I'm not so sure.

I visited a prison the other day.

All the education and reform services within the prison are still not running or severely reduced. Kids who've gone from care into prison have no help to get them back on track.

@MintyCedric

Lost myself after not being allowed to meet up with friends and family for so long. I no longer want to plan anything to look forward to in case it’s snatched away again.

@Iheartmysmart I hear you.

I can't remember how it feels to be happy and free of worry for more than an hour or two and don't even now how to start putting myself and my life back together again.

This is so relatable, unfortunately.