Covid losses ( not deaths) you have suffered

[CaliforniaDrumming]

I wanted to vent a little but not on the Covid board because that tends to be very aggressive. I want to scream loudly about the unfair Covid losses that I have suffered that are not deaths ( though I have also had deaths), because these are so often overlooked.

My DD, for instance. I have lost her. Her entire personality has changed with online university. She used to be so confident and outgoing. Now she is timid and shy. She used to love studying. Now she hates it after she lost two internships to covid. She used to see a purpose in life. Now she looks at a decimated economy and can't see one. I may get her back eventually but it is very hard to see now.

Please don't say she needs to be more resilient. I am tired of hearing that two years into the pandemic.

My job, then another job as restrictions ended and things changed again.

My enjoyment of food, I've had taste distortions for the last 18months and I'm mourning my former life as a foodie. I subsist on bread, butter, cheese and huel.

I was due to have an ablation, that would have been life changing, had just finished the investigations when lockdown started. Now the waiting list has been closed, and I'm getting iller and iller as every month passes and I get more and more anemic.

I'm trying so hard to push past it all, but it's getting harder and harder.

My mother. She went into a care home at the start of lockdown. By the time I was allowed to see her 16 months later, she had no idea who I was.

And maternity leave too. Spent all of it in lockdown, returned to work in lockdown. My DC has been at nursery for a year and I've never seen inside the building.

My one and only (fertility issues) DS was born in the pandemic. Lost out on all the pregnancy joy / Events as well as time with him and my family together. (I live abroad - haven't seen my family in 2 and a half years)

I’m another one with long Covid, which I’ve coped with since the start of the pandemic. It’s changed my life completely, and it’s also had a knock on effect on my DH and DDs. The extra responsibility of being primary carer to our 2 adopted DDs (now 12 and 9), DD1 in particular has SEN and is challenging behaviourally. It’s pushed him to breaking point and he had to take 2 months of work due to burn-out. It’s impacted on our DDs too, obviously.

I am finally getting help from a long Covid clinic in our city, and I feel that things are looking up. I still have very limited energy, however.

I feel fortunate compared to so many posters on this thread, however.

I lost precious time with my grandmother. Her Alzheimer’s progressed so much in the time that I wasn’t allowed to see her (care home 200 miles away) that she now doesn’t know who I am. I’m afraid to go and visit now that I’m allowed because I know it’s going to be really upsetting.

@CornishGem1975 I’m so sorry

I’ve had issues with dd 9. She absolutely loved school to the point if she had half term and such she would cry, when we had the first lockdown I saw the spark slowly drain away. It changed something in her. We stopped homeschooling by June and she stopped being interested, it actually broke my heart. Now she’s picked a bit of it back up, she’s eager to learn but always tried to get time off school etc.

My tolerance for bullshit and actually giving a shit has been completely lost since this pandemic because I work in retail and quite frankly some people are bigger twats than they were before, I get people have a rough year but don’t come and take it out on a poor shop workers....who have thier own shit going on.

@CornishGem1975 I'm in that situation too. DC1 born April 2020 so my maternity leave also started & ended in lockdown. We weren't able to attend classes or see family for such a long time, it was a very difficult time. People always say it must be strange for my DC to see people in masks but it's all they've ever known. My MH has taken a nose dive & my health anxiety is crippling at times

A close friend, who thought it was all a conspiracy, and bad mouthed he on social mefia

DH has just lost his job due to covid cost cutbacks.

I lost a lot of money with my business and the lockdowns so we are under immense financial pressure now. I'm so stressed I can't sleep. I feel almost paralysed with stress. I can't really say this to DH as I don't want him to feel bad for losing his job - his company made 40 odd people redundant in one go. It's just the covid economy.

We lost MIL in 2020 lockdown 1 (not covid). We couldn't go and see her in hospital and she died alone. Were only allowed 10 people at her funeral and I singing and no wake.
FIL had to spend his last Christmas alone due to lockdown. He died in June.
Another heartbreaking covid funeral.
DS lost out on schooling due to "home learning" being so scant.

DD felt so lonely during January February lockdown. She would come in at 9pm and sit and cry with me because she was so lonely and missing her friends (DD is 12).

I can see from this thread that everyone lost a lot during covid.

I feel like I've lost out on friendships and I've been feeling very lonely too.

I was just whinging to my husband about stuff I was unhappy about in life and after reading this thread, I feel so ashamed.
I'm so sorry to you all for the hardships you're going through. This is a truly heartbreaking thread and I honestly hope that things get better for you all.

My freedom, confidence, job, financial independence.

My wonderful dad was declared 'end of life' with frailty a couple of weeks into the first lockdown. I was fortunate to be able to work from home initially but when I had to return (full time secondary school support role) it proved too challenging to manage.

I took an unpaid sabbatical to care for him and support my mum until he passed away in May of this year, returned to work in September and within a few weeks had a breakdown. I think a combination of grief and complete overwhelm as I'd pretty much isolated myself for 18 months to protect my parents.

My mum is 82 and very high maintenance emotionally but increasingly physically and cognitively. We have no other family support and my job was so inflexible my stress levels were through the roof so I resigned from my job and am now her full time carer.

I divorced a few years ago and Covid and it's repercussion have taken away the opportunities to meet other people and potentially have a new relationship.

On the upside 17yo DD has coped incredibly well and after a rough 2020 is probably in the best place she's ever been emotionally, physically, socially and academically, for which I'm hugely grateful.

Wow some of these are so hard

I feel Covid has just sucked fun and joy out of things. A party isn't the same now. Social distancing, hand sanitising, mask wearing etc. I'm not complaining but nothing is as spontaneous or light anymore.

One thing I did find was my love of the outdoors and trail running in particular. I got confident about being out on my own and exploring new places. This did help keep something 'good' I guess.

I meant to add the lack of support for vulnerable people and their carers has been and still is appalling.

Even with vaccinations, summer weather and social distancing/mask wearing so little is functioning. The nearest centre to us (and we're in a fairly large town not a tiny rural place) for elderly people is a 25 mile round trip. Befriending services are by phone...not ideal when your elderly person is deaf.

I attempted to get counselling a few months into my dad's illness. Initially referred to Carers Support...they weren't offering anything due to Covid.

Counselling on my own account has been non-existent despite having been referred to the CMHT for suicidal ideation last year. It took them so long to contact me things had settled down by the time we spoke. When I self referred for counselling six months later I was told they couldn't help me and I should consider private therapy.

On Carers Allowance and Universal Credit...righto.

Thankfully I have the most amazing best friend without whom I'm not sure I'd be here ranting on MN now.

My relationship - ex DP started drinking heavily and we split up.

My mental health and joy for life. Everything just feels like a slog now. I'm finding it difficult to make decisions because it's so hard to plan.

My husband was "lucky" as bad life saving surgery at the beginning ofcovid. He suffered complications however and then his entire rehabilitation programme was cancelled due to lock down.

We've lost the chance of him making anything near a full recovery due to covid.

Older child lost their job.

Younger was out of school for 2 years as a tribunal was so awkward to organise.

I had an interview but that was cancelled and the job pulled.

Couldn’t see my auntie, then she died.

And I’ve a lot less patience with the absolute arseholeness of people who think the rules don’t apply to them, that they’re special or know better than everyone else.

My physical and mental health.

I no longer have my usual positive “everything will be fine” mentality. Instead I am now utterly terrified of what the future holds for me and my precious family whom I have spent the last 26 years nurturing and protecting.

My two lovely DSs have also gone from being happy and carefree late teens to anxious and despondent young men in the space of two years due to all the restrictions and missing out on what should have been some of the best times in their lives.

I was in self isolation the day DDog was PTS so DH took him to the vets. I have owned dogs all my adult life and have never not been with them at the end.

DH was upset and didn't want him PTS in the back of the car. As a result the vet took him inside and he was PTS without any of his family with him. The thought still plays on my mind now, though I have every faith in our vets that they treated him with kindness and compassion

@RobinPenguins

My mum is in the early stages of dementia. It really seems like the various lockdowns accelerated it. I’ve lost my mum as a source of comfort or support.

Same here, except my mum is now mid stage. Hard not to feel bitter about it all. I won't be in favour of any more lock downs.

I also lost my mental health, several break downs over the last 20 months.

@SilverGlassHare

Normality for my infant school aged DS. He had 1.5 terms of normal primary school, then Covid struck. Even though there haven’t been any closures this term, nothing is how it should be - carol concert on the freezing school field instead if a nativity play, sports day without parents to watch, no mixing with his friends in other classes, no bringing in school bags, classrooms all bleak and empty (and cold!). I suppose he doesn’t really know what he’s missing out on but that’s kind of heartbreaking too.

This for me too. Nearly 7 and no experience of normal school fun. My DD 's one and only nativity play is next week but now I can't go to that either.

Thank you all for your replies! I realised my entire post, including my title, is so clumsily written. I was not myself yesterday.
I suppose what I meant is that apart from the death toll, Covid has completely changed so many people. I myself am totally changed. I used to be an optimist and an extrovert. Now I don't recognise myself. I have become a dull old stick. I do my best to soldier on to model resilient behaviour for DD who but god, it's hard to be constantly evaluating your risk and have so many things cancelled. We are not cowering inside at all- all jabbrd- but DH is CV as well so that makes it harder. We also have family abroad. I luckily did a quick trip back in September but the rest of the family could not.

Am very sorry for so many of your losses. DH's workplace laid off a lot of people and he had to do some of the layoffs. He WFH so I could overhear it. So cruel before Xmas.

I feel like we all need more kindness but I see little of it. Many of DDs friends have dumped her because she has become withdrawn and stressed with online uni last year. I feel like begging them " Please give her a chance. It's a pandemic."

I hope I am making some sense.

It makes sense op. Hopefully, we can get some of ourselves back over time. One of the positives for me is realising how wonderful some of my colleagues really are.

The end of my pregnancy and maternity leave I spent at home, often alone and in too much pain to walk far when walks were the only thing we were allowed to do. I spiralled into severe depression and I now struggle to look back on the last 18 months without getting very upset, and feeling very angry.