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Original poster

Covid losses ( not deaths) you have suffered

171 replies

CaliforniaDrumming · 04/12/2021 12:46

I wanted to vent a little but not on the Covid board because that tends to be very aggressive. I want to scream loudly about the unfair Covid losses that I have suffered that are not deaths ( though I have also had deaths), because these are so often overlooked.

My DD, for instance. I have lost her. Her entire personality has changed with online university. She used to be so confident and outgoing. Now she is timid and shy. She used to love studying. Now she hates it after she lost two internships to covid. She used to see a purpose in life. Now she looks at a decimated economy and can't see one. I may get her back eventually but it is very hard to see now.

Please don't say she needs to be more resilient. I am tired of hearing that two years into the pandemic.

OP posts:

thefirstmrsrochester · 04/12/2021 22:03

My beautiful auntie. She died of sepsis during the first lockdown. Fine on the Sunday, dead on Tuesday.

tiredanddangerous · 04/12/2021 22:03

My sense of smell. I can't eat a meal with my family because I can't bear the smell of a lot of foods. Definitely can't go out for a meal.

DrRamsesEmerson · 04/12/2021 22:05

I hate my house now after being imprisoned in it for so long, and Covid has taken all the fun bits of my job. And travel - we used to travel a lot, was hoping to get away over Christmas but our trip has just been cancelled. I don't suppose we'll get back to being able to travel easily before DD is grown up. I'm so sorry about everyone else's much more serious losses.

Opal8 · 04/12/2021 22:06

I'm so sorry for all your losses and struggles 💔

Personally, I was unable to go to my aunts funeral abroad in May last year. She was amazing, devoted her life to others, raised 100s of 1000s of euros for charities...there were 12 people at her funeral. I admired her immensely and had to watch her funeral online. In normal times there would give been 100s of people there.

My mums mobility has decreased hugely, shes not been the same since she ended up with sepsis in August after the GP refused a f2f appointment for a uti.
She's failing before my eyes.

Dh is back to travelling for work but not sure how long that will last now with Omicron.

My ds1 has had his 17th and 18th birthdays, A levels, driving lessons...everything has been different and hard. He's done amazingly well but university is not what we'd hoped for him. £10k for 4 hours f2f per week...

Ds2 finished primary and started secondary school. No celebrations, leavers assemblies...all the usual rites of passage have been denied to so many of us for 2 years now.

I've had 3 x 2 week wait cancer referrals since January (bit unusual I'll grant you!...) which has been really stressful and horrid.

What with that and mums hospital admissions I'm seeing the nhs fall apart. It's really really scary.

My voluntary roles have been incredibly busy - it's so stressful having so much responsibility at such a difficult time.

I'm trying to get on the festive mood as I usually love xmas but I'm finding it hard this year.

Lots of things have been cancelled - day trips, holidays....not major in the grand scheme of things.

I just want a few weeks of no worry. I can't remember when I last felt carefree.

Galvantula · 04/12/2021 22:09

My kids haven't seen their grandad for 9 months due to nursing home/hospital restrictions.

SmithfamilyRobinson · 04/12/2021 22:09

My DH lost his job; luckily I am main wage earner (he took early retirement too which will have ramifications for his pension). DF died, had COPD and dementia but was at home so we could sneak in to see him when the carers were gone. He died in hospital alone (not of covid). As others have mentioned, only limited number of mourners permitted at his funeral. Have spent the last year tying up his estate and selling his house. DS1 had a breakdown and failed year 2 of uni, now back home working. We are still paying his rent FOR THE YEAR. DS2 dropped out of sixth form and started college - seems to have developed weed habit.
Workwise line manager had breakdown which caused all kinds of issues with team - then left. Currently going through what might be ugly restructure.
All I can say, I have got good at compartmentalising (there are gains too but this isn't the thread for that...)

Nancydrawn · 04/12/2021 22:11

I've lost a lot of faith in people. The belief in conspiracy theories, the selfishness, the happiness in being cruel. From everyday pettiness and stupidity to coughing on people as a joke...it's been awful.

And my family. I miss them so very much. It's hard to be an expat in a pandemic.

tulips27 · 04/12/2021 22:15

This is selfish but I was supposed to meet my best friend in another country for the trip of a lifetime, it got postponed and postponed and travel was banned etc. then finally they got a job in another country and emigrated. There won't be the time for that trip ever again, if they go back it will be to visit family and not for a trip.

pregnantncnc · 04/12/2021 22:16

My sense of self.

I blamed motherhood for perhaps the first year, but it wasn't that - or perhaps it was a contributing factor, but wouldn't have been anywhere near as back without covid and lockdowns. I used to be an avid planner; always looking forwards and dreaming. Now I can't even bring myself to plan this Christmas as there is always a lingering feeling that everything I plan will be ripped out from under me. I have no idea how I want life to be, what I want to do, what I like, what I even think sometimes, and have so much doubt over every decision because I will not allow myself to believe any of it is possible or will happen.

DS, my first child, was born in Feb 2020. He's brilliant but he has a shell for a mother and I really worry what impact that will have on him long term if I can get myself back soon.

tulips27 · 04/12/2021 22:24

Just double-dipping to add another highly selfish and relatively unimportant complaint which is that I lost my looks. Not that I ever had any but before the pandemic I could pass for a few years younger, over a very short space of time I have aged terribly and even look a bit older than my age.

I think I lost the last chances to socialise as a relatively young/not old person.

TreborBore · 04/12/2021 22:26

Sorry to hear of everyone’s difficulties

A relative is bedridden now due to life changing COVID related injuries. We make the best we can of the situation but I miss doing the things we used to do and I feel so sad for them.

I lost a lot of free time as work became much more pressured from the start of the first lockdown and it hasn’t slowed down yet. And it sounds trivial but I’ve lost my waistline and a lot of fitness. I’m damn exhausted.

TravellingSpoon · 04/12/2021 22:29

We lost the ability to give my DGD the send off he deserved.

I am so sorry for those of you who have been so affected by the pandemic.

Oakdene · 04/12/2021 22:38

Not as major as some of you, but I've lost my love of the Uk and my faith in what I thought was the very decent country we live in. I see selfishness, lack of tolerance, such low expectations and standards.

I've lost me, I've worked, along with my DH, tirelessly in a local authority in education and still more is demanded. We have little home life, no time and no energy for our relationship or our family.

I've lost really good teachers too. Young professionals with young families, passionate and skilled teachers who have lost their careers through long COVID, three headteachers too.
We continue to lose more teacher and leaders as the pressures of OFSTED are increased.

Sad times.

ILoveHuskies · 04/12/2021 22:40

Oh op I'm really sorry to hear this about your daughter

My dc are younger than yours. But I have a 15 year old who is angry, depressed and demotivated and unlikely to pass his GCSEs. He's worried about his chances in life in a decimated economy and pissed off at how much school he missed.
He has lots of mates but they socialise online mostly, it's like they've forgotten how to do it in person 😞

Then I've got a 12 year old with severe anxiety. She is year 8 but still sad over missing half of, and the end of year 6 and having a terrible first six months of year 7.

My 7 year old is the least affected but during the last lockdown she basically reverted to being like a 4/5 year old, tantrums, crying, even napping in the day like a toddler. She couldn't cope with any home learning so I didn't make her. (Couldn't anyway as I needed to work so illegally had to take her to my mums / my mil / whoever could have her)
And she desperately missed all her little mates.

I feel all my 3 are "younger" than their years due to missing out so much school and so many life experiences

It's so fucking unfair and awful how young people have been affected

As for me - my business almost folded and dh was furloughed for 6 months with the constant threat of redundancy (he is a project manager in construction - Luckily that industry is booming again but for how long ? )

Anyway ...Money / income wise we lost approx £20,000
of income over those months. I will never forget how traumatising it was to feel like we could lose everything

I have also lost friends as they didn't think I was scared enough of covid. But good riddance tbh

And I wasn't - I've never been scared of covid itself - only of the knock on effects of lock down etc on my family and quite rightly.

Oooh and almost forgot - I was threatened with physical violence for working in lockdown (Altho legally perfectly allowed) .
And some lovely local people took it upon themselves to my trash and lie about my business online for no other reason than I had stated on a Facebook local page that I did not agree with masks in schools. Fucking cunts

NothingIsWrong · 04/12/2021 22:42

My mental health, shredded by anxiety and WFH stress. With that - my marriage, although I'm still trying on that front.

Dyerun · 04/12/2021 22:42

Similar to a lot of others, my sparkle and enjoyment of life, any last bit of enjoyment I had in my job and a big holiday with my DD. My mental health is hanging on by a thread. A lot have lost so much more though, so I try to keep it in perspective

WhatDidISayAlan · 04/12/2021 22:44

Like others, lost the chance to have a nice funeral for my brother who died at 47. We were allowed 12 mourners and I couldn’t hug anyone. Small potatoes compared to others posting. Let’s hope 2022 is an improvement.

redferrari · 04/12/2021 22:45

Lost my smell, taste, nearly a year now. Lost my job and my confidence and don't enjoy going out at all. I feel v anxious being in a restaurant and never go out.

redferrari · 04/12/2021 22:50

I am so sorry for everyone's losses, someone of these are so sad I am almost in tears now. Just praying and hoping 2022 is better

RedPandaFluff · 04/12/2021 22:55

It's trivial in the grand scheme of things, but I lost the maternity leave that I'd planned. DD was three months old when we had the first lockdown, and I didn't get to take her to baby groups, swimming lessons, spend time with family and my antenatal class friends. I also felt guilty because I felt so incredibly isolated and caged in, when actually I was so lucky to have her in the first place (DD is the result of several rounds of IVF).

It was just precious time that I had hopes and dreams for, and I won't get it back.

ILoveHuskies · 04/12/2021 22:57

@RedPandaFluff

It was just precious time that I had hopes and dreams for, and I won't get it back.

Absolutely not trivial at all I feel so sorry for new mums since early 2020. It's so bloody unfair

for you x

freckledsloth · 04/12/2021 23:00

I've seen my Grandma become increasingly frail and forgetful as a result of lockdown shrinking her world, and that has been tough. She's not the same person she was two years ago. I'm hopeful that as we can see more of her we might start to get a bit more of her back but at the same time I know this probably won't happen, the damage has been done.

RedDeadRoach · 04/12/2021 23:03

I lost my last Christmas with my beloved nan. She adored Christmas, every year we had the same traditions revolving around going to her home, she would revel in putting on a huge spread for the whole family. She was absolutely heartbroken when we cancelled because of tier 4 being announced a couple of days before Christmas. We were so scared of a) passing covid b to her and b) getting ratted out by neighbors. She passed away a couple of months ago so we lost what should have been our last Christmas with her.

MyCatHatesWhiskas · 04/12/2021 23:05

Mine pale into comparison with some of the ones above. I’m so sorry for those of you dealing with late diagnoses, redundancies and more.

Another one who missed out on a normal maternity leave. I’m incredibly lucky to have had such a thing with DC1 pre-Covid but we moved and I’ve really struggled to make friends. Being on mat leave with DC2 (born early 2020) was going to be my chance. We’d just started going to baby groups when we went into lockdown.

My easygoing relationship with DC1. He had only done 1.5 terms of school before Covid hit. The combination of Covid plus a new brother has been very difficult for him. His behaviour has been appalling at times. We suspect possible neurodivergency but it’s difficult to tell where the effect of Covid (and new sibling) ends and neurodivergency begins.

Not being able to spend time with family at a distance has had an impact on our relationship and also brought some home truths to the fore which we’d been able to gloss over previously. The loosening of restrictions has, ironically, complicated things.

willowstar · 04/12/2021 23:06

@Mittenmob
I feel exactly the same. I used to enjoy my job as a lecturer. I have grown to really hate online teaching and I don't think it is good for students at all. My school in our university has made working from home permanent unless you have demonstrable occupation health reasons to have a desk in our building, which has largely been completely repurposed. There are some hot desks. All with no consultation with staff at all. The school feels decimated.

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