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Original poster

DH didn’t come home from night out without a text how mad would you be?!

361 replies

Wifewiththerage · 02/12/2021 07:18

I’ve name changed for this but been around quite a long time.

Like 100’s of others DH’s went on his Christmas night out last night, he told me he would be leaving around 2300 to catch the bus and as of yet has still not appeared.

A few details so I’m not drip feeding, DH is an all round good guy, very family oriented and last time he went out was 4 years ago. He is however very happy and gregarious when he’s had a few pints and over the years has woke up the next again day regretting life decisions (Yeager bombs, clubs (deffo not a club person) etc)

He is on the force’s, which are traditionally messy as nights out go, he has his ID card with him which is why I’m definitely not panicking as has access to base/accommodation etc and military personnel quite often book a room for after a night as sometimes quarters are quite far from base city centre etc.

We probably are quite independent compared to some as DH is often away on courses/meetings etc so he can go for dinner and watch football and I might not hear from him until the next day and likewise with my plans.

I’m not well, no COVID thankfully but have been in my bed for the last 4 days and DH has been fabulous with work, children, life admin etc. He said he couldn’t miss tonight, had to show face hence telling me it wouldn’t be late.

He’s 100% been swept up in tide of social expectation, drinking games but I actually feel so hurt that he didn’t see fit to send a text and I’ve laid awake most of the night (mostly with rage) because I’ve kept the front door unlocked.

He’ll definitely play the my “phone died” and “I missed my bus” card but I did get a wee bit stalkery at 0230 and checked last time on WatsApp which was 2300 ish so he definitely had a point up until then to make contact!

How angry would you be and how would you play this when you hear from him?

I’m predicting the “Hi, I’m really sorry” WatsApp within the next hour!!!

OP posts:

BoredZelda · 02/12/2021 09:00

We trust each other and he has a right to his own time. Also a basic tenent of a relationship.

That you jump to this being a trust issue is pretty telling. It isn’t.

No because I respect my husbands right to his own social life and his own time and I woklsnt expect that level of detail from him.

Still not getting it. It’s not about his social life, it is about making a commitment and not sticking to it. If he was going anywhere, for any reason, and said he’d be back and didn’t do that, it’s a shitty thing to do.

I can’t believe people have such low expectations that they don’t even recognise they deserve what is a basic courtesy.

Catfog · 02/12/2021 09:01

I'm just glad I'm not married to someone who keeps me on as tight a leash as you lot do to your husbands. Nights out with deadlines that must be adhered to come what may, dramatic anxiety at the idea of being out of the house past midnight...

A text takes less than a minute, if I said to my husband I'd be getting the bus at 12 and he didn't hear a peep from me until 0830 the next morning, I'd expect him to be worried. Not annoyed, angry, begrudging a night out, but wondering if I'm okay. If yours doesn't then that's sad. OP wasn't demanding he return home or laying on a guilt trip, but wondered why he hadn't let her know.

PinkWaferBiscuit · 02/12/2021 09:01

@Aroundtheworldin80moves

So when are you allowed to worry when someone doesn't come home? Next day? Two days? A week?

Fuck knows. Judging by some of the responses on here you're always going to be needy, selfish, demanding or keeping your partner on a leash no matter how long they have been MIA or not got in touch.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems

Skeumorph · 02/12/2021 09:01

It's the no contact after divering from agreed plans.

So disrespectful.

Kids in school? I wouldn't be there when he got back. And phone off.

BoredZelda · 02/12/2021 09:01

So you’re children really can’t be very young?!

She already said how old they were.

Ellen888 · 02/12/2021 09:02

As a side issue I find it concerning that someone in the Armed Forces decides to go 'out on the lash' midweek when they don't have a day off the next day.

These are people that are supposed to be defending our country aren't they?

Gearedtoyou · 02/12/2021 09:03

@Ellen888

As a side issue I find it concerning that someone in the Armed Forces decides to go 'out on the lash' midweek when they don't have a day off the next day.

These are people that are supposed to be defending our country aren't they?

Have you ever met someone in the Armed Forces?

Catfog · 02/12/2021 09:04

@Ellen888

As a side issue I find it concerning that someone in the Armed Forces decides to go 'out on the lash' midweek when they don't have a day off the next day.

These are people that are supposed to be defending our country aren't they?

Lmao

BoredZelda · 02/12/2021 09:04

You are married to someone who wouldn’t be in the slightest bit worried if you didn’t come home after a night out, and still hadn’t appeared the next morning?

Wow. You really do deserve better than that.

Original poster

Wifewiththerage · 02/12/2021 09:04

It’s funny from the tone of of some of the posters that I have in some way killed my DH’s social life.

I’ve never once moaned in all the times he’s gone out, it’s often been hard over the years as I’ve been stuck home with 3 DC while DH has been wined and dined at balls, port jolly’s in beautiful countries and been free to really do whatever he wants when he wants.

I’ve always tried to not hold a grudge it as you have to take these opportunities while you can.

We lived somewhere very sociable up until 5 years ago, family BBQ, groups down to the pub, Friday night in someone’s kitchen but we moved here for a change of pace and we both love it.

My DH has always struggled socially which is why he wouldn’t choose to often go out and why I think why he probably drinks quite a lot when he does go out. I’m guessing as he’s got older he find that pattern pattern fairly in heathly which is why he chooses not to do it often.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 02/12/2021 09:05

People end up in hospital or dead after they've gone to work for the day too (as my DP did a couple of years ago) (hospital, not dead). Should I worry myself sick whenever he sets foot out of the door, and only stop worrying when he's safely back inside? Why does this only apply at night?

Nobody's worried that he went out. People worry when there's no contact a few hours after they're due home.

If DP told me he'd be home from work at 4 and I didn't hear from him by 7pm, I'd try and contact him to make sure he was ok.

If he'd said he wouldn't be back before 7, I wouldn't bother.

Surely, when your DP ended up in hospital, at some point you'd have started to worry if he didn't come home?

BoredZelda · 02/12/2021 09:05

Have you ever met someone in the Armed Forces?

They’re fuelled by beer, aren’t they? 😆

diddl · 02/12/2021 09:05

"he told me he would be leaving around 2300 to catch the bus"

Then he should have done that , updated or said that he would stay over somewhere in the first place!

Happy1982ish · 02/12/2021 09:05

@makelovenotpetrol

Do you have children?

I remember also being very laid if my boyfriend was late home

When we had children, it was different

Burnamer · 02/12/2021 09:06

Hi OP, my relationship is similar to yours in that we are really independent. Not forces though.
I would be annoyed about the lack of text under normal Circumstances but really really disappointed given that you’re unwell and he doesn’t know whether you e got better / worse over night.
How would I handle it? I’d be mad and would probably ignore / be silent until he raised the subject. Not sure if that’s right or not though.

girlmom21 · 02/12/2021 09:06

@Ellen888

As a side issue I find it concerning that someone in the Armed Forces decides to go 'out on the lash' midweek when they don't have a day off the next day.

These are people that are supposed to be defending our country aren't they?

Is your entire experience of the armed forces what the army were doing in 1940?

BoredZelda · 02/12/2021 09:07

People end up in hospital or dead after they've gone to work for the day too

Oh dear. You’re really not good at understanding and assessing risk, are you.

Polmuggle · 02/12/2021 09:07

Honestly with a 16yo, 18yo, and 8yo I wouldn't have expected him to miss or take it easy for his first night out in 4 years, even if you are ill!

makelovenotpetrol · 02/12/2021 09:08

[quote Happy1982ish]@makelovenotpetrol

Do you have children?

I remember also being very laid if my boyfriend was late home

When we had children, it was different[/quote]
Yes.

Ellen888 · 02/12/2021 09:08

geared,

"Have you ever met someone in the Armed Forces?"

Yes, my husband.

makelovenotpetrol · 02/12/2021 09:08

@JustFrustrated

Give over now. You're being nasty.

She has clearly stated several times he HAS been out in the last 4 years. However not in a major way.
She has ALSO stated that she doesn't care as and when he goes out. Just that actually, a text would have been nice.

For all you know she could be receiving cancer treatment, or god forbid palliative care. Or some kind of illness which actually most people do need support with, and standard in most relationships where people aren't mercenary and cold, the partner is the person to give that support and care - because they want to.

You should leave this thread, you're choosing to see things that aren't there and you're being downright unpleasant.

God forbid indeed as I'm being treated for one of the things on your list.

Happy1982ish · 02/12/2021 09:09

@BoredZelda

So you’re children really can’t be very young?!

She already said how old they were.

Where? The youngest 8, no other ages But I was just curious about her saying that 16/18 years ago she had three young children

Happy1982ish · 02/12/2021 09:10

@makelovenotpetrol

How old are your children? Because rather different if you don’t have them at hone and school age!

Original poster

Wifewiththerage · 02/12/2021 09:11

@makelovenotpetrol so let me guess this straight, it wouldn’t matter what medical condition I had from something viral, broken, heart related, breathing related, or something that effected my balance or vision I’d still in your eyes I’d still be pathetic and demanding.

Wow you sound like a joy.

OP posts:

makelovenotpetrol · 02/12/2021 09:13

[quote Happy1982ish]@makelovenotpetrol

How old are your children? Because rather different if you don’t have them at hone and school age![/quote]
Very young

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