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Original poster

DH didn’t come home from night out without a text how mad would you be?!

361 replies

Wifewiththerage · 02/12/2021 07:18

I’ve name changed for this but been around quite a long time.

Like 100’s of others DH’s went on his Christmas night out last night, he told me he would be leaving around 2300 to catch the bus and as of yet has still not appeared.

A few details so I’m not drip feeding, DH is an all round good guy, very family oriented and last time he went out was 4 years ago. He is however very happy and gregarious when he’s had a few pints and over the years has woke up the next again day regretting life decisions (Yeager bombs, clubs (deffo not a club person) etc)

He is on the force’s, which are traditionally messy as nights out go, he has his ID card with him which is why I’m definitely not panicking as has access to base/accommodation etc and military personnel quite often book a room for after a night as sometimes quarters are quite far from base city centre etc.

We probably are quite independent compared to some as DH is often away on courses/meetings etc so he can go for dinner and watch football and I might not hear from him until the next day and likewise with my plans.

I’m not well, no COVID thankfully but have been in my bed for the last 4 days and DH has been fabulous with work, children, life admin etc. He said he couldn’t miss tonight, had to show face hence telling me it wouldn’t be late.

He’s 100% been swept up in tide of social expectation, drinking games but I actually feel so hurt that he didn’t see fit to send a text and I’ve laid awake most of the night (mostly with rage) because I’ve kept the front door unlocked.

He’ll definitely play the my “phone died” and “I missed my bus” card but I did get a wee bit stalkery at 0230 and checked last time on WatsApp which was 2300 ish so he definitely had a point up until then to make contact!

How angry would you be and how would you play this when you hear from him?

I’m predicting the “Hi, I’m really sorry” WatsApp within the next hour!!!

OP posts:
makelovenotpetrol · 02/12/2021 09:13

[quote Wifewiththerage]@makelovenotpetrol so let me guess this straight, it wouldn’t matter what medical condition I had from something viral, broken, heart related, breathing related, or something that effected my balance or vision I’d still in your eyes I’d still be pathetic and demanding.

Wow you sound like a joy.[/quote]
Yes.

And you sound needy as hell.

LowlandLucky · 02/12/2021 09:13

Having been to too many mess do's i understand how easy it is to continue drinking but it is unforgivable not to let you know. Please let us know how it pans out today. Hope you are on the way to feeling much better Flowers

Ellen888 · 02/12/2021 09:14

girlmum21

"Is your entire experience of the armed forces what the army were doing in 1940?"

Cut the sarcasm.

The UK National Threat Level has been raised from substantial to SEVERE – meaning an attack is highly likely.

We expect the armed forces to be mobilised in the event of such an attack. They aren't going to be much use with hangovers are they?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Sprostongreen21 · 02/12/2021 09:14

I don’t even have kids and wouldn’t like this.
My partner of ten years stays out as long as he wants ( not late tbh) but a text is very easy to send. To stay out all night would have me worrying especially with no contact!

The 4 year thing is not as it seems if you read @Wifewiththerage posts he hasn’t stayed home for 4 years he has been doing plenty of other things socially. I think OP has every right to be worried/annoyed when she’s already ill and has 3 kids to get to school. He said a time to come home and wasn’t: why not send a text ‘caught up with it all will be a late one. Don’t wait up!’ It’s not difficult. The phone dying excuse is shit.

CoachBeardless · 02/12/2021 09:16

@Ellen888

As a side issue I find it concerning that someone in the Armed Forces decides to go 'out on the lash' midweek when they don't have a day off the next day.

These are people that are supposed to be defending our country aren't they? Shock

Defending our country from what?

Terminallysleepdeprived · 02/12/2021 09:16

As a one off I would probably go with being disappointed that he didn't have enough thought about his sick wife to at least text. But mostly I would probably let it go. If it was every weekend I would probably offer to help you build a new patio Grin

Catfog · 02/12/2021 09:16

@Ellen888

girlmum21

"Is your entire experience of the armed forces what the army were doing in 1940?"

Cut the sarcasm.

The UK National Threat Level has been raised from substantial to SEVERE – meaning an attack is highly likely.

We expect the armed forces to be mobilised in the event of such an attack. They aren't going to be much use with hangovers are they?

They don't phone them and say ah you have to do x right now, they do get a bit of a life. Some will be on 24 hour or 48 hour readiness but they aren't constantly poised.
Gearedtoyou · 02/12/2021 09:16

@Ellen888

girlmum21

"Is your entire experience of the armed forces what the army were doing in 1940?"

Cut the sarcasm.

The UK National Threat Level has been raised from substantial to SEVERE – meaning an attack is highly likely.

We expect the armed forces to be mobilised in the event of such an attack. They aren't going to be much use with hangovers are they?

I think you'll be amazed what fit young men with the right motivation can achieve with hangovers.

Struggling to believe you can be a military wife without knowing that this is competely usual.

NameChange2PostThis · 02/12/2021 09:17

Hi @Wifewiththerage I think this has confused some posters:
‘A few details so I’m not drip feeding, DH is an all round good guy, very family oriented and last time he went out was 4 years ago. ’ because it’s clear from later posts that he does go out. I think what you mean is last time he went on an all-nighter/bender was 4 years ago, but that he has regular nights out with his mates/colleagues.
In which case, he’s been a thoughtless prick. If it’s a one off, he needs to grovel and beg forgiveness. If this is part of a pattern, you have a DH problem.

BoredZelda · 02/12/2021 09:17

I wouldn't have expected him to miss or take it easy for his first night out in 4 years, even if you are ill!

Just as well the OP didn’t do any of those things.

Where? The youngest 8, no other ages

“In secondary school” is enough information

But I was just curious about her saying that 16/18 years ago she had three young children

Ah. You’re that type of poster. Careful.

Original poster
Wifewiththerage · 02/12/2021 09:17

@Polmuggle I’m not sure where you have got this though but you have only got one of my DC ages right and that’s the youngest.

OP posts:
royco · 02/12/2021 09:17

@PinkWaferBiscuit

I'm amazed so many posters are professing that they wouldn't mind and acting like it's perfectly normal for someone to go awol for hours without communication.

It's not nagging to expect your partner to communicate where they have fucked off to when you've not heard from them since last night. He's got responsibilities and a sick wife at home leaving at 11pm was perfectly sufficient.

The cool wives are out!
Ellen888 · 02/12/2021 09:17

Coach

'Defending our country from what?'

Terrorist attack.

lobsteroll · 02/12/2021 09:18

I wouldn't be happy at all.

It's not the going out, that's fine and everyone deserves to have fun. Even if he said he was going out and staying out all night, that would be fine.

It's the leaving you wondering where the hell he is in the early hours of the morning. It's just common courtesy to let anyone that you live with know that you're not coming home (especially when you've told them what time you'll be home).

It's just selfish and would really piss me off, especially as you're ill.

Quartz2208 · 02/12/2021 09:21

It isn’t about keeping people on a deadline or leash common courtesy (and safety) is texting. A simple I have decided to stay over see you in morning would have at least told the OP what was going on

gamerchick · 02/12/2021 09:21

Haven't read the full thread but I'd be more.worried than angry as it would be out of character.

It's usually me pulling all nighters if they happen and I don't text to say I'm going to be late. But I don't have any littlies.

BoredZelda · 02/12/2021 09:21

I think you'll be amazed what fit young men with the right motivation can achieve with hangovers.

And women 😉. But you are spot on here.

Struggling to believe you can be a military wife without knowing that this is competely usual.

Same. I’m not a military wife, but have family who have been over decades. Struggling to believe that anyone with any knowledge of it is surprised about the culture.

Gearedtoyou · 02/12/2021 09:23

@BoredZelda

I think you'll be amazed what fit young men with the right motivation can achieve with hangovers.

And women 😉. But you are spot on here.

Struggling to believe you can be a military wife without knowing that this is competely usual.

Same. I’m not a military wife, but have family who have been over decades. Struggling to believe that anyone with any knowledge of it is surprised about the culture.

I couldn't do it even when I was young Grin
BoredZelda · 02/12/2021 09:24

The cool wives are out!

Indeed. In fact “ultra cool”. I’ve been known to drift quite far into what’s considered cool wife territory, but this would be a step too far for me.

BoredZelda · 02/12/2021 09:25

I couldn't do it even when I was young

Me neither. But it’s all part of the training, isn’t it. (Which I couldn’t have done either 😆)

girlmom21 · 02/12/2021 09:26

@Ellen888

Coach

'Defending our country from what?'

Terrorist attack.

What's your husbands role in the military?
Ellen888 · 02/12/2021 09:26

"Struggling to believe you can be a military wife without knowing that this is competely usual."

Maybe for the squaddies but IME the Officers behave a bit better.

Ellen888 · 02/12/2021 09:26

What's your husbands role in the military?

Retired - was RCT

BoredZelda · 02/12/2021 09:28

Maybe for the squaddies but IME the Officers behave a bit better.

No, they just do it in better surroundings and with tablecloths 😉

Retired - was RCT

My dad was RCT. It was definitely part of the culture.

Gearedtoyou · 02/12/2021 09:29

@Ellen888

"Struggling to believe you can be a military wife without knowing that this is competely usual."

Maybe for the squaddies but IME the Officers behave a bit better.

Oh that's even funnier Grin