Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

I had anaesthetic for the first time and dreamt that my husband was Cedric Diggory and he had just been murdered by Voldemort. I was inconsolable and remember sobbing to a group of people trying to explain to them how heartbroken I was and how I would never love again.
I woke up and recognised the group of people as the nurses. I was mortified, even more so when one of them asked who Cedric was.

To my husband's ex wife at a wedding where she did a reading: 'now you can take your pants off and relax'!
What I meant to say was 'let your hair down' but was flustered. And I must add where I'm from pants are trousers....
She looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

I saw a friend in the town centre soon after her mum had died. Really bad luck as her dad had died the previous year. I did my best sympathetic face and opened my mouth to offer my condolences and what came out was "So now you're an orphan!" I was mortified. Luckily she laughed uproariously and said it made a nice change from the usual platitudes.

Another one. Someone at work brought in cakes for her birthday. I remembered (wrongly it seems) from the previous year when she had mentioned her age that she was the same age as me. I said jokingly "Many happy returns, we are the same age - 29!" (knocking off 10 years jovially in a sort of "21 again" way). Unfortunately she took this literally and thanked me for the compliment as she was actually 38. This would have been OK had I not immediately blurted out that it was only a joke and I had thought she was 39 like me. So not only did I withdraw a comment that she looked 10 years younger, but confirmed that I thought she was actually a year older than she was. She barely spoke to me after that and many years later we still work at the same place.

Like another PP on this thread I have ADHD and blurting out inappropriate things does seem to happen a fair bit.

@maofteens

To my husband's ex wife at a wedding where she did a reading: 'now you can take your pants off and relax'! What I meant to say was 'let your hair down' but was flustered. And I must add where I'm from pants are trousers.... She looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

This made me laugh so much, thank you!

when i first started dating my now dh his mum was showing me her wedding photos and i made a comment about his dad not having changed only difference was he had longer hair........ it wasnt the groom it was actually the grooms mother i had mistook for a man.

Sorry I got a giggle from this. And yes I have done some similar things in my time. In my teens I was in the cadets. I told one a very high raking officer who was doing a course with us in Sandhurst that I knew his grandson, it was his son.

We went for a weekend away, walking down to breakfast slightly behind DH and DS2 who was a toddler with DS1 (4) chatting. DS1 ran up to DH in the buffet line and held his hand and I gave his bum a good squeeze just as I noticed my actual DH putting DS2 in a highchair. Poor man jumped out of his skin and to make matters worse DS1 was still holding his hand. In my defence he was very similar build and was wearing a similar rugby shirt as DH.

This is not funny but was so mortifying, and the reason I will never ever again ask anyone if they're pregnant... years ago I worked in retail and I saw a regular customer, heavily pregnant. I didn't get to speak to her that day but a week later I did. She was wearing a baggy jumper. I said "wow you're pregnant again, how exciting"... she replied "no, I'm not"... I floundered and said "oh I'm so sorry I must have mixed you up with someone else, I thought I saw you pregnant"....... then she replied "yes, I was, we lost her".

I will add that one Christmas as my BiL parents were leaving a celebration, I thought that his dad was wishing us all "Live long and Prosper" hand gesture (like Spock from Star Trek)....and I reciprocated....except he wasn't. He had lost part of one of his fingers in a work accident so when he was waving good bye, it looked like the V symbol from Spock. I wanted the ground to open up and eat me whole! Mortified so I was.

I commented to a blind woman that she’d ‘gone over to the dark side’ when I noticed she’d changed from iPhone to Android. I’m literally cringing thinking about it 😢

@Keeping2ChevronsApart

I shouldn't laugh how awful, I'm cringing for you!

@HangingOver

Ex-DPs friend once came over and his face looked so terrible I instinctively said, "Oh god, what happened to your face?!". Nothing had happened, he'd just shaved his beard off.

That really made me lol.

@dontletthemugglesgetyoudownn have you shared that one before?

Im sorry this made me laugh so much. "Look at you with your glittery jumper on!"

Oh god I have more.

Was in an airport in the US waiting for a very delayed flight and trying to keep our 7 year old occupied. Like me he has ADHD (though we didn't know at the time) and when he was tired he would actually get MORE hyperactive and run around like a loon. We were pacing up and down the airport to try and burn off his energy with strict instructions that he was to walk not run as we were afraid he would get lost in a crowd or knock someone flying. He had to be reminded numerous times and we were getting tired and ratty. For the nth time we heard his feet start thundering and we knew he was breaking into another sprint. We bellowed in unison "STOP RUNNING!!!"

It was not our child, but a much younger child with his Dad who started apologising to us. We immediately tried to explain that we had mistaken the child for our own son but realised how unconvincing this looked given that our child was age 7 and white and the poor kid we had yelled at was an Asian toddler.

Much more recently at a firework display with our youngest (coincidentally also 7), obviously a genetic trait but she gets excited and goes darting off and we were afraid she would get lost in the crowds and the dark. My OH spotted her haring off again and grabbed her by the coat with a firm "STAY HERE". Same coat, same hair colour/length sticking out but ... not our child. Profuse apologies while the mother understandably looked daggers at us and our own child (at our side as instructed) looked bemused.

I once went on a pastoral visit to a man who had been unwell but was now recovered. For many years he had been confined to a wheelchair. I cheerily told him that I was pleased to see him back on his feet

I get referred to as granny a lot for my youngest (I live in a town with a disturbingly high teen pregnancy rate, so it is entirely plausible i guess) but it has embarrassed a couple of people when I've corrected them - it's so often that I sometimes don't bother correcting them to save the embarrassment.

I once accidentally said it'd be great to be like my gran and her dementia. Obviously I realised on that day she was happily stuck in a memory that wasn't scary for her and there was no awful news, no need to get her head round a death in the family or the pandemic. Obviously her dementia was terrible. But for a second i envied her ignorance. And was stupid enough to say it out loud!

I told my friends mum (basically my second mum) that her new range looked fab.

She looked at me completely puzzled because the oven door was hanging off, it was missing half the knobs, and it's the same one she'd had for 20 years.

She said it's not new, and I doubled down and said well I think it looks so fab and clean.

Wouldn't have been so bad but it was my friends baby shower and about 30 other people saw me.

I was also 37 weeks pregnant though at the time and my focus was on a million different things.

But I felt so embarrassed.

@amusedbush

I’ve done the whole ‘wow, don’t you look fancy! Do you have a hot date? ’ thing and it turns out the person is going to a funeral… twice. To the same colleague a year apart.

Well, if it was a cremation...

@EnrouteNOTonroute

One of the best ones on here I ever read was the woman at the dentist getting some treatment, the dentist said “suction” so she put her lips around his finger and sucked, not realising he was actually asking the dental nurse for the piece of equipment used to suck away fluids 😆

OMG! Similar thing happened to me in the dentists chair.

I was having a filling and my mouth had been very numbed. I thought the dentist said “bite” so I did - hard! What he had actually said was “light” to the dental nurse indicating he was ready for her to pass him the ultraviolet light that is used to cure composite fillings.

On a separate occasion, with this same dentist, he wanted to give my teeth an X Ray. It was all set up. I had to clamp these uncomfortable pieces of plastic between my teeth whilst a camera was put against my cheek and he and the nurse popped out of the room to avoid exposure to the rays.
When he came back, and maybe it’s my sort of humour, but asked him if he was ever tempted to stay out of the room and see how long a patient would sit there before getting up to see where he had gone?

He looked at me as though I was incredibly stupid and just said, “No I haven’t!”

When I was at uni I did some irregular volunteer work so I would see my colleagues there every couple of months or so. Just before Christmas the manager told me she was pregnant. Fast forward to February when I returned I greeted the manager, thanked her for having me back and told her she looked blooming. Turns out she had sadly lost the baby a month before and had only just returned to work that week. I have never felt so guilty about a comment in my life. She was very understanding though.

Oh god, we met a couple on holiday once, and arranged to met up for drinks. When we arrived the (lovely) woman asked me if I liked her dress. I made all the right noises then she said “we bought all our clothes for this holiday from Matalan, £100 for the lot”. I replied “yes, you can tell”

Oh god, I can still see her shocked face, I meant you could tell they were all new, but she clearly thought I was saying they were cheap tat.

@dontletthemugglesgetyoudownn

We t for a smear test, as the speculum went in and opened I sold something on eBay and my phone went kaching like a till opening. The dr pissed herself laughing so did I and the fucking thing shot out and hit the floor 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I had a dodgy smear result so was referred to the hospital for a biopsy. Consultant is down at the intimate end ,speculum in and opened. He was staring completely intently at my cervix when he suddenly said "Have you been painting your house". I just blurted out in horror "Oh my god I surely haven't got paint down there". Oh no he said its under your elbow. Resumably he was trying to make me feel relaxed in such an odd situation. Chaperone nurse and I collapsed laughing ,out shot speculum. Took a moment to compose ourselves and carry on

My bosses dad kept getting ill,then better,then Ill again
I hadn’t seen her for a few weeks
Me-oh,how’s your dad?any better?

Nope,he’d got ill again,then died

That was the day after they buried him