Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

I used to work in a call center and I knew the phonetic alphabet but for some reason it wasn't coming to me on that call. I was reading out his postcode and said, 'right, so that's D for Delta and E for...um....eczema...'

The guy I was speaking to was to disgusted he hung up 😮

Oh I've remembered a worse one...

When we moved into our house years ago I started frequenting the local shop that was run by a lovely lady with a large round tummy. After about 6 months I said "haven't you had the baby yet, it seems ages!" No, she wasn't pregnant but luckily she burst out laughing and said "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat!"

The worst thing was I didn't just apologise and make a swift exit, I just kept rambling on about her body shape and how she hadn't got fat arms or legs and had such a neat looking bump 🤦‍♀️

We t for a smear test, as the speculum went in and opened I sold something on eBay and my phone went kaching like a till opening. The dr pissed herself laughing so did I and the fucking thing shot out and hit the floor 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I asked a local shop pwner when the baby was due. She wasn't pregnant. I haven't gone there since.

@rosebud5678

There was an art teacher at my daughter's school who only had one arm. Without thinking, my daughter asked him one day if he was right or left handed...

Not quite as silly as it sounds. Brain dominance develops very early on, during pregnancy and is thought to be genetic. A friend's child was born with part of their arm missing but apparently it was their non dominant limb so he didn't have as many difficulties as he might have otherwise had.

When I was younger I was staying the night with my nan (around 11 or 12), someone she knew had lost their young child.
The evening before the funeral, the family were having a bit of a gathering in the house and my Nan took me along as she wanted to pay her respects.

There were a lot of children there running around and my Nan piped up and said “they’d better calm down or they’ll be dead in the morning” 😫 I was only young myself and wanted the ground to swallow me up.

My 7&5 year olds have just started learning piano. I was showing my Nan videos of them. Showed her my 5 year olds first… then showed her the 7 year olds and she turned to DS at the top of her voice and said “oooh you’re better than her” 🤯🤯

She’s a nightmare

Trying to say at least I haven't got a hole in my head meaning stupid to a friend and said hole in my heart. Turned out he did have a hole in his heart but as I was new to the school I didn't know. He never held it against me as he liked me liked me but OMG I still feel crap. Really sadly, he died young .

@PunchedTit4ASoul

Mine is about me and it really did make me laugh. I was the only person working at the bar I supervised. I was collecting glasses and wiping tables etc. As I approached the hatch I heard a customer (one of our regulars) say "Where's Miss Piggy gone? I need a drink." I replied ever so brightly and enthusiastically "I'm here Gonzo! Give me a sec to wash my trotters." He did apologise but I never chatted or helped him with technology issues again. (I unlocked his phone for him and showed him how to his ipad a lot)

This is hilarious, I nearly choked on my coffee.

I did a Freudian slip - my neighbour is a friend but can be quite prickly and on occasion mean. We were chatting and I mentioned how I had met her sister then I said “she’s so warm and friendly you’re absolutely nothing alike”. Cringe! I meant physically as they looked nothing alike but the same applies personality wise too!

Well first of all, why shouldn't a man wear a glittery jumper?

But secondly, don't be embarrassed. Really he should be embarrassed that he had so much dandruff on his jumper that it looked like glitter! Eww!

@rosebud5678

There was an art teacher at my daughter's school who only had one arm. Without thinking, my daughter asked him one day if he was right or left handed...

I went to the same school. Small secondary in a rural county beginning with H .We did a production of Oklahoma one year. He played the male lead , a cowboy. He had the full gear of course, with a gun and a holster . Not sure if there was a shortage of holsters for the correct side at the costume hire place but the gun was on the side without an arm.

When I was at school another friend had bad spotty skin. She said she was happy her acne was starting to clear up. I then commented on her face. She said the acne was on her back

I had to go to boots to get a prescription for some cream for , let's just say an "intimate" area, which was pretty embarrassing. The chemist looked all sympathetic and said "oh, is this for your face?" There was nothing wrong with my face!!! which made it even worse.

I seem to have successfully repressed any memories of having put my foot in it really badly, so I’ll share what others have done instead.

My colleague congratulated a woman in the office on her pregnancy, of course she wasn’t expecting. He was sitting down and she was standing up so he was eye level with her belly as he said that. It was awful

As a teenager, my Norwegian friend was backpacking in Thailand and at one point found herself sharing a hotel lift with a middle aged man who was in the company of a very young woman. My friend then remarked to her partner, in Norwegian, how awful all this sex tourism was, with older men preying on younger women or something along those lines.

As they all exited the lift, the man turned to my friend and politely said ‘after you’ - in Norwegian…

After swimming with baby DS, who was still almost hairless at that stage. Mum at the next changing table was brushing the beautiful hair of a child similar age. I said " Oh DS, wouldn't it be wonderful to have so mich lovely hair" only to look up and find mum was completely bald.

I actually met her again at a toddler group and we became quite good friends (in that transient way you hav some mum friends when DC are small). She never admitted that she remembered me and my gaffe, but she must have?

I went to my nephews christening in a Spanish speaking country which was at easter
Everyone was saying Felix Pasqua ( Happy Easter )
And I was told to smile and reply Igualmente ( same to you type thing)
The priest came and shook my hand and I thought we were doing the same thing as everyone else
Turns out he was telling me his name was Pascal and I told him yes same.. 🤦🏽‍♀️

@OakPine

I said to the Big Issue seller. You can go home now you've sold your last paper. He said "If I had a F home, I wouldn't be F selling the F big F issue in the F street" Why I then said "No need to swear!" I have no idea!

Oh god I can't breathe for laughing 😂

My husband went to the funeral of an uncle some years ago.It was a big funeral and he ended up in a long cortege of family cars.He became stuck at a busy junction whilst the rest of the cortege carried on and out of sight. He hadn't worked out the location before heading off as they were all setting off together so he got to the crematorium in a big panicking flap . It was a huge crematorium in the North of England. As he screeched into the carpark a big group of people were just going into the room. He joined the end and sat down at the back , heart beating out of his chest and massively relieved he hadn't missed it. He has the face blindness condition so it took him a lite while to process the fact that he didn't recognise a single soul in that room and the funeral he should have been at was in fact going on next door.

When I started my current job many years ago I was chatting to my new boss at his desk, he had some family photos and I said to him oh is that you and your Mum, nope it was his wife...cue tumbleweed!

I was greeted by a fellow dog walker yesterday with a cheery “hello”
I replied with “yes thank you”. I think in my head he asked if I was ok

Once spotted lovely ex ndn and her adult eldest dd in our local M&S store and went breezing over to say hello. Noticed that they looked a bit bewildered and not their usual friendly selves so asked if they were ok and they replied almost in unison that no as they had just 'lost' DH'sname / dad. 'Oh' l said empathising, 'mines the same, says he' ll be in food aisle and oh no he' s wandered off into men's knitwear or whatever'.
Noticing her DD"s expression at this point which was a cross between murderous and horrified l stopped, to be told that 'no, we haven't lost him in the shop, he died two days ago and we are out to buy mum a funeral coat.

I was bitching about a uni classmate one day and thought I'd sent it to my group chat of a few close friends. Nope. The full class group chat. With the classmate in question in it. And we were IN CLASS AT THE TIME. I've never been so mortified in my life.

New mum friend met us at the park with kids and very glamorous mother who was visiting.
Glam granny said to my 3 year old: you look very cute!
To which he replied: you look very old
I honestly looked down at the grass hoping it would swallow me up.

One of my colleagues was chatting to our new accountant at the Christmas party. Accountant mentioned he had been to a school play earlier that day, "oh the grandchildren?" Replied my colleague........... "No, my children" red faces all around. To be fair I would have made the same assumption. He looked ALOT older than he was!