Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

When DH and I were dating; we went out for a meal with his family. So us, his DM&D, DB & SIL (plus 3 kids) and his other DB.
Meal went great; I was hoping they all liked me. Meal over, bill paid and we were all saying goodbye/nice to meet you. They are all very lovely - all great. I lean down to hug hid DM and grab her boob! Like whole hand on her boob for no reason.
Thankfully years later we were reminiscing and laughing about it. I was rather hoping she didn't remember/ actually feel my hand on her boob at the time. Turns out she did and later thought it was hilarious 😂
15 years later; she has been an amazing MIL whom I love dearly. We still laugh about it!

I was waiting in the vets with the cat in a basket. A man was standing at the desk paying. He had a boxer type dog. The dog took a step towards me and wiped dog dribble all up my leg. the chap apologised. Don't worry i said. Boxers always dribble. He gave me one of those looks as if to say you rude cow!

It was Barry mcguigan I didn't realise until I saw him in the paper a couple of weeks later. No wonder he thought me rude!

@Redjoy

I once took my cat to the vet to be neutered . The surgery was like someone’s front room , with a very high receptionist’s desk in one corner. I looked at the counter and saw this absolutely huge cat sitting on it. I said, loudly” Cor Blimey, you’re a bit of a porker , aren’t you?”. Put cat basket down , checked he was ok and looked up again. To meet the eyes of the very large vet’s receptionist. No sign of the cat whatsoever. Anywhere. Then said” oh no , didn’t mean you”. Did not improve the situation! Left cat , cringed back to the car. Kids had already got out there and were crying with laughter. Got my DH to pick up the cat . Never went back.

OMG I’m absolutely dying laughing!!!!

As part of my qualification I had to interview someone who used the skills I was training for in their job. I contacted the local hospital and arranged an interview with a lovely woman who was really helpful, I did well on my assignment, and I took her a card and flowers to thank her.

Someone went to get her and we had that really awkward moment where she had to walk along a long corridor area to reach me so we had the smile and wave and eye contact and then still too much distance between us.

Then to make it worse, she went to kiss my cheek while I was going to hug her, but I panicked and thought perhaps I should kiss her cheek if she was kissing mine and I moved my head and we ended up kissing the corner of each others mouths, stared at each other for a second, and then I said "Thanks" and walked out.

A very senior lady at work went on mat leave and sadly her baby died shortly after birth. She returned to work a few months later and another lady said loudly “oh, how nice to see you! How is your little boy?”

Another boss at work only had one arm, she was struggling with a chair taking it to another office, “do you want a hand?” Asked my mate.

A male colleague has a habit mixing up words, and more than once he has tried to say either "lovely" or "thank you" and ended up saying "love you" to customers. Always male customers as well.

"I remember someone telling me in my youth it's common to be uncontrollably tempted to laugh at funerals. I think it's true. It's the incongruity sometimes."

I laughed hysterically at my grandmothers funeral (dads mum, a quiet, dainty, refined lady). I was a teenager, and my mum's dad was standing in the row behind me in the church, he was a pub/booze loving, loud and proud ultra extrovert type. During the hymns he was belting them out in his usual big, loud, out of tune, a second behind everyone else, way. I looked back and he was totally oblivious as usual to people glaring at him, loving life. I started to snigger, which led to me getting dirty looks, which made me laugh hysterically. But that turned to hysterical sobbing, and my grandad reaching out to pat my shoulder in a reasuring way.

Ive had the “when are you due” question when I’ve finally been very happy with my weight for the first time in 20 years.. it was extremely disheartening and upsetting as I’d actually lost nearly 5st and am very sensitive. Also I’m in a customer facing job and had to just hold it in until the customer left before I could run to the toilets to have a little cry as it upset me so much. Luckily in a way the rest of my colleagues heard and realised I was upset and covered for me so I could calm myself down. Sorry I know this is meant to be a funny thread and it might seem a bit of an overreaction, but my point it I really don’t see how people don’t have a filter when it comes to saying things like this!?!? And when I ready someone has said it to people a few times it just hit a nerve!

Got redeployed & asked male trainer how his girlfreind Bronny was (they were often together & Bronny never shut up about him). The other trainer, let's say Jill, ran off crying. She was his actual fiancee. Oops.

@allotmentgardener

I was waiting in the vets with the cat in a basket. A man was standing at the desk paying. He had a boxer type dog. The dog took a step towards me and wiped dog dribble all up my leg. the chap apologised. Don't worry i said. Boxers always dribble. He gave me one of those looks as if to say you rude cow!

It was Barry mcguigan I didn't realise until I saw him in the paper a couple of weeks later. No wonder he thought me rude!

That's so classy - love it.

@Santaischeckinglists

This is not a funny one tbh.. Came back from my solicitor ranting about ex and him not having a leg to stand on. To my mate who was without lower legs. I wanted to crawl into a hole. Felt like the worst friend ever... I hope I was a good friend really as sadly her dh was a fake twat.

I said something similar in work to a patient. I'm a nurse, they'd had their toes amputated, I was suggesting changing the dressing regime to heal the wound more effectively but as it was the first time I'd met the patient I said I wasn't sure as the previous nurse had obviously decided in the current dressings. I turned and said "I don't want to go stepping on anyones toes". To someone who'd literally just had their toes removed 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️. Luckily they saw the funny side of it and told me I was a "cheeky bugger".

God I sound pathetic reading that back... sorry to ruin the fun!!

Oh dear OP don’t worry, we’ve all had moments when we wish the ground would swallow us up!

When I was about 8 we were at an elderly aunts house who I was meeting for the first time. In the hall way was a gorgeous grand piano.

My aunt sashayed down the stairs to meet us and I said with enthusiasm “ Aunty...could you please play a song on the piano?” When she got closer I realised she had no arms

SIL brought wine for dinner. It was rather rough. Mentioned this out loud TWICEthinking DH bought it. Silence was golden 😂😂

Round at next door neighbours house in the 90s. He was a bit dim but a nice bloke. He was telling us about the new picture rail he’d put up in the lounge. Kept calling it Dildo rail...true story

Not something I said but that was said to me.

MIL wanted me to take our baby DD to her workplace so all her friends/colleagues could have a cuddle.

So I rocked up, tired and dishevelled with MIL, baby in tow, everyone gathers around ooh-ing and ahh-ing and one of her colleagues says, "How nice that both grandmothers have come in with the baby". I know I looked rough but COME ON!

@Laufeythejust

I had anaesthetic for the first time and dreamt that my husband was Cedric Diggory and he had just been murdered by Voldemort. I was inconsolable and remember sobbing to a group of people trying to explain to them how heartbroken I was and how I would never love again. I woke up and recognised the group of people as the nurses. I was mortified, even more so when one of them asked who Cedric was.

My favourite clinic placement was in the Day Surgery Unit; the things people say when they’re coming round from general anaesthetic are hilarious.

@Visitors

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric. We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

I really need to know .. did he go and de-glitter at any point ?

At work in a patients home we were in the bathroom trying to solve some transfer problems.
After throwing some ideas about that didn't work I said 'well I am stumped'. He was an amputee!!!!

I was working in a department store and was trying to be nice when I asked a lady when was she due (to have a baby). The lady said she wasn't pregnant and left the store.
I had shame face for the entire week

@Santaischeckinglists

This is not a funny one tbh.. Came back from my solicitor ranting about ex and him not having a leg to stand on. To my mate who was without lower legs. I wanted to crawl into a hole. Felt like the worst friend ever... I hope I was a good friend really as sadly her dh was a fake twat.

I'm going to the bad fire for laughing.

this thread has made my evening

At our wedding reception many moons ago during his speech, my husband thanked the hotel staff for their work and the lovely food. One of my Uncle's heckled “Where's the (insert regional dish here)”.
Husband's reply “Maybe next time” 😬

I’ve done loads. The most memorable is from back in the day when smoking was still allowed inside pubs. I was working behind the bar and a regular customer was stood at the end of the bar with a cigarette hanging out the corner of of his mouth. I told him he looked like Popeye……..he had a glass eye

I’ve been asked previously when I was due, I replied that I was jst fat!

@NigelWithTheBrie79

I witnessed this recently. I was waiting at a bus stop that is right outside a McDonald's. There was a bloke sat down minding his own business. This woman walks past, sees him, crouches down and says in a very gentle manner "I'm just about to nip in there for a hot drink. Can I get you anything?" The bloke is puzzled and says "No thanks I'm waiting for the bus." A look of horror appears on this woman's face as she realises what she has just done. She then asks if I want anything and scarpers when I start laughing. After she went the guy asked me if he looked destitute. Of course he didn't.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣