Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

Oh my, so many are coming back to me now.
During lockdown I let my hair go grey, out with my sister and my teenage some a man asked if my sister was my daughter (she’s 4 years younger than me).

First time I met my DH’s family was at his grandfather’s funeral. When the coffin came in they played “whiter shade of pale”. I thought this hilarious and had to sit shaking with laughter with tears rolling down my face. Hopefully they thought it was grief- although I had never met him.

@Twinsmummy1812

Oh my, so many are coming back to me now. During lockdown I let my hair go grey, out with my sister and my teenage some a man asked if my sister was my daughter (she’s 4 years younger than me).

First time I met my DH’s family was at his grandfather’s funeral. When the coffin came in they played “whiter shade of pale”. I thought this hilarious and had to sit shaking with laughter with tears rolling down my face. Hopefully they thought it was grief- although I had never met him.

I remember someone telling me in my youth it's common to be uncontrollably tempted to laugh at funerals. I think it's true. It's the incongruity sometimes.

I've got another one

I was ordering some oil fragrances online and I ordered an oudh oil.

The vendor sent me a lovely message saying it's not like the westernised Oudh scents and the intended recipient might not like it if he's not familiar with it as it's usually bought by middle Eastern customers.

My single self and my social anxiety not wishing to pick a replacement in case I got it wrong just said "oh it's fine, my boyfriend is from the middle East"

The vendor got chatting and she kept asking questions and I ended up fabricating this backstory about my boyfriend being from Yemen and with each message I had to just create more lies to make this boyfriend seem real which just made my anxiety spiral.

I loved one of the fragrances but I daren't buy from that vendor again.

@Santaischeckinglists same!
DH friend lost legs in accident, in just one conversation I said 'you didn't have a leg to stand on' ....'I had too much to drink, I was legless' ...and 'pull the other one it's got bells on and 'sorry, I keep putting my foot in it'
DH dragged me away, but luckily his friend has a good sense of humour. I felt terrible, I am one of those people who the more I try not to say something (or not look at something) I always get in trouble!

I once told a colleague that he had a spot of green ink on his forehead. He look mortified and just muttered ‘no, it’s nothing’
So I reached over and said ‘yes, here’ and touched his forehead and tried to wipe it off rather unceremoniously. He pulled away and got all huffy. I left it as I didn’t know what was going on.
Late that night in the pub he told me, with a heavy expression and obviously years of upset about it that his kid brother had stabbed him in the forehead with a green biro and effectively tattooed him on his forehead for life. For some unknown reason I started giggling and then collapsed in hysterical uncontrollable laughter with tears rolling down my face. He did NOT see the funny side. I thought he was going to cry. My colleagues were looking at me in horror. Inside my head i was screaming ‘stop laughing it’s not funny’ but i couldn’t stop.
I couldn’t look at him for weeks after that. Luckily he forgave me and we were pretty good friends

Well I have done the old classic and asked a lady rubbing her tummy (large tummy) when are you due?? To the answer…. I’m not pregnant 🥴 the shame.. and the back tracking rubbish I mumbled afterwards pretending I thought she was someone else and a case of mistaken identity.

I congratulated a friend's friend on her pregnancy only to be told she wasn't pregnant. (she had just put on weight). This was years ago and it still haunts me.

@190190tnt oh my god that’s hilarious.

Our friend was in a terrible accident and had to have metal wires through her legs and a brace on the outside connecting them. A group of us all went round to her house when she got home and when we saw the girl with me just blurted our ‘run Forest run’….. we nearly died laughing.

I'm the master off doing things like that 😩.
My friend told me a mutual friend of ours was pregnant so the next time I saw mutuall friend I really shouted congratulations when are you due?
But time must have passed by in a hazed from me being told the news because she said thanks he's 6 months old now !
I just wanted the ground to swallow me up 😳

@Row1n

In my head I was formulating a compliment about how my friend can wear anything and make it look amazing, what I actually said was 'look at you in your Tesco boots'

🤣 this one has had me proper chuckling

I'm an immature and strange 30 year old.
Our dog was barking as we walked into our block of flats and out of frustration I pondered on ways to stop her whilst she's doing it so she learns. I then said to DH "we need to squirt her with water whenever she does that, but we can't carry a gun.... hmmmmm, wouldn't it be great if my boobs were like water pistoles and I could spray out water whenever I want"
We turned the corner and my grumpy ass neighbour was standing there. I quickly turned back around and ran down the stairs saying to DH "our neighbour just heard me, run!" ... she could obviously hear me say that. She was right there....
We then waited in the communal post room for a few mins whilst I screamed into DH's chest.

BY THE WAY - your story has made me LITERALLY cry out loud with laughter, for several minutes. You'll be glad you did it in a year or so once the shame wears off. You'll have a great dinner party story to tell forever. So, it's basically worth it x

I told someone whom I hadn't seen for a while he was lazy getting his wife to push him in a wheelchair, when I caught up with them and saw from the front, he'd actually had both legs amputated :(

Sooooo funny 😄 😆 🤣 I wouldn't worry really. Maybe it'll make him think twice about sorting his dandruff probs out!

@ToooSensitive

I was 18 and meeting my boyfriend’s Family for the first time. His Aunt learned in to kiss me hello on me on the cheek, so I leaned in too and we kissed on the lips.

Awful.

Howling 😂😂😂😂

@MrsMadderRose

There was a thread like this once and someone had a boss/colleague or similar and had asked why the boss had a photo of william shatner on his desk. It was his wife!

Still makes me laugh every time I think about it.

This has had me in tears 😂

Thanks, I needed this 😂

@Whatamess582

I once told a colleague that he had a spot of green ink on his forehead. He look mortified and just muttered ‘no, it’s nothing’ So I reached over and said ‘yes, here’ and touched his forehead and tried to wipe it off rather unceremoniously. He pulled away and got all huffy. I left it as I didn’t know what was going on. Late that night in the pub he told me, with a heavy expression and obviously years of upset about it that his kid brother had stabbed him in the forehead with a green biro and effectively tattooed him on his forehead for life. For some unknown reason I started giggling and then collapsed in hysterical uncontrollable laughter with tears rolling down my face. He did NOT see the funny side. I thought he was going to cry. My colleagues were looking at me in horror. Inside my head i was screaming ‘stop laughing it’s not funny’ but i couldn’t stop. I couldn’t look at him for weeks after that. Luckily he forgave me and we were pretty good friends

That is funny to be fair 🤣😂🤣

If anything, he should feel ashamed to have all that dandruff on his top

I was painting a customers nails with blue varnish ( her request) in the salon. She sat in front of me with her hair wrapped in a towel. She was telling me about her upcoming wedding. Everything was going to be the colour blue. Blue flowers, blue dress, blue shoes etc etc.

I said to her “your not having your hair dyed blue are you ? You’ll look like a smurf”.I looked up at her and a blue drip of dye was trickling down her forehead. I’ll never forget the stare she gave me !

@ToooSensitive

I was 18 and meeting my boyfriend’s Family for the first time. His Aunt learned in to kiss me hello on me on the cheek, so I leaned in too and we kissed on the lips.

Awful.

I did that to my son’s teacher. Still cringe.

Hoping it shan't out me but work in a boys' school. Went into a colleague's classroom, a lad shouted out Goodbye. Instead of replying goodbye like a normal, I said Good boy. Then flustered, DOUBLED DOWN and said ''Have a good boy day!''
Sauntered out casually as if it was a natural thing to say. Have been trying to make ''good boy day'' a thing ever since, but like fetch, it ain't ever gonna happen. Not as bad as wishing a class that had been fab a great weekend then chortling Love you before realising what the fuck I'd just said and reiterating Love this class, I really do before Love teaching this class. They must have thought I'd been at the .

A friend of ours who was writing to a neighbour in hospital for a mastectomy started the letter 'Just to keep you abreast of events'. Same friend talking to another neighbour who had had his ear removed due to cancer started the conversation with 'Hey get an earful of this'.

I was in a shop with a friend, who was about 5 months pregnant. She ran into an acquaintance, who asked her how she was, had she started getting things in for the baby etc. Then my friend asked this lady how she was, and commented "I didn't even know you were pregnant, you must be nearly due!". The woman said she wasn't pregnant. Friend looked like she wanted the ground to swallow her up. The woman replied not to worry, lots of people had thought that recently, 'cus she'd gotten so fat.

Two weeks later, my Facebook was full of posts about this woman, and her surprise baby! She'd been told she was infertile, was over 35, and didn't know she was pregnant, until she went into labour.

@HebeMumsnet

Oh God. I still feel a bit sweaty when I think about the time, many moons ago in an office, standing around at a beige buffet leaving do, when I helpfully noticed a stray hair stuck to a colleague's face. I said 'oh you've got a hair stuck to you! Let me get it!' but wasn't able to get a hold of it for ages, to the extent that she laughed: 'Haha! It's probably GROWING THERE isn't it?' Oh how we continued to laugh... until I had a hold of one end, was pulling hard, and it wasn't shifting, and I was suddenly aware that her entire cheek was also being pulled in the same direction as I was pulling the hair, and I had to just replace the hair gently on her face and say 'Yes. Sorry. I think it is attached actually.'

I hate myself for it still, decades on. The only thing that made it better was that she was young and so devastatingly beautiful and well dressed that really, she could have been growing a full Stalin style moustache and would have carried it off perfectly and stylishly.

I should not be allowed in offices. Or in the world.

I read this as orifices...

Not as good as half of these but the other day I went into work and saw a colleague who I don’t really know and hadn’t seen for a while. I asked them if they’d been in recently and they said they’d been in last week.

I replied saying ‘I must have missed you’ (as in I must have come in on the day you weren’t in and vice Versa)

She gave me the most bizarre look and I then looked at her really awkwardly as I didn’t get what I said wrong.

Turns out she thought I’ve said ‘I’ve missed you’ . Wouldn’t have been awkward if I actually had said that and we knew each other well but we’ve only met around three times.