Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

I once called a supplier I had only had email contact with to date. We’ll call him David. A woman answered the phone and I asked to speak to David. She said ‘this is David’ to which I profusely apologised for always thinking it was a man’s name and for getting that mixed up. She then said she was a man. I should have hung up then because I hadn’t said who I was but instead I blustered on with the call with a very offended David!!!

It was in the early 2000’s (so before the time when people changed their pronouns and what not! He was just a slightly high pitched bloke). I still want to die when I think of it! So awkward!!!!

Best response to have when asking a non-pregnant person when their baby is due…”oh, I’m sure someone told me you were pregnant. I just have the wrong (insert their name)”

This is not a joke but many decades ago when I was 20 or thereabouts, was in a pub with friends old and new when one guy politely asked me to stop knocking his leg. I got a bit shirty and said it was the table my stiletto was knocking and he disagreed.
He really did have a wooden lower leg (with shoe) and pulled up his trouser leg for all to see.
I stupidly dismissed it by saying it wouldn't have hurt him anyway as he had no feeling in it. The shame of it 🙄🤭🙁

I went to a woman's house that I had met at a party a few weeks later mid morning. I asked the female who answered the door, "Where is Tina?" She said " How are you doing? This is a nice surprise" Confused I said" Hi is Tina there please?" She said " Its me!" I said "Really? Is it?" She said " Yes". I then blurted out " Why doesn't it look like it's you?" There was an awkward silence....it was at that point I realised that she was not wearing any make up!😳😳😳😳 I felt so bad for her she looked so crestfallen. I kept apologising and she kept saying " It's okay" which only embarrassed her more...She did not keep in touch😔

You aren't waffling, he was really imperious and high handed, it wasn't just the calling you MP but the treating you as a servant. Good on you, so few times in life do we get that kind of chance for a comeback
Thank you @Plumbuddle. That's so kind of you to say.

I have a habit of saying, “who died” when I’m served a cup of coffee that’s not full (half mast coffee, like a half mast flag)

I got given a coffee this afternoon, it wasn’t full so I automatically said, “who died?” He replied, “my nan, remember I told you she died last night?” 😳

Foot. Firmly. In. Mouth.

I really should learn to think before I speak.

Very posh boyfriend took me home to meet very posh parents for the weekend. Big golden retriever comes to greet meet - mum shouts don’t let her jump up - say down and I said ‘it’s ok I don’t mind being humped I quite enjoy it’ as the dog grabs my leg - dads face creased up and I feel backwards into the solid oak front door and banged my head hard spent the next 30 mins with his dad shining his torch in my face (consultant neurologist) and ice pack etc

1 st in new job - new patient coming to see me - I said ‘ don’t look so upset no one died yet in my clinic’ - oh fuck her husband had died the day before she was inconsolable - what the fuck was I thinking

I was at a friend's house years ago watching TV and a contestant had a certain accent and I said something like oh my god her voice is so awful its got to be the worst accent ever. Her partner had the same accent. I just didn't think!!

I went to an informal meeting about helping children to read. I didn’t agree with what the person speaking was saying, and saw that an elderly lady was shaking her head, so I shook mine too. Then I realised that she had an affliction that was causing her to do this.

Another time I was confirming a customer’s address. They lived in Regina Road, but i said are you still at Vagina Road. They just said yes!

In both cases I don’t know if others realised what I’d done or not.

Crying laughing at these. I can relate so much 😂

@AsymQuestion

OP I have very nearly done the exact same jumper/dandruff thing with my exes 80 year old dad, at Christmas time, on their doorstep. I too also said/partially shouted 'look at you!........' then THANKFULLY stepped closer to hug him in that second and stopped short as I realised. but my enthusiasm was very much OTT and out of place and I looked weird. And same as you, he would never ever wear glittery clothing, ever. Very grey/brown, church going, quiet gent - I don't know what I was thinking - I guess in the light the dandruff really does glitter and it looks real at first glance!

The poster who kissed someone on the lips with the awkward lean ins made me cackle, I did that too, with the same (poor) man, in a church!! Because he was so sweet he acted like it didn't happen.

OMG I’ve kissed the same elderly man twice in church, once he was leaning towards me to hear what I was saying, the second he was leaning past me to shake hands with someone else in the peace. Both times I kissed him when he wasn’t expecting it 😳

These are brilliant!

I still cringe to this day at my worst...

Was about 18 in my first proper office job. Walking through the office, not looking where I was going as chatting to someone behind me and walked straight into some woman. Embarrassing of course but what I didn't need to do was put my hand straight up.. literally putting both hands on her boobs.

She was in for an interview and complained. I was then taken into my new boss's office and told 'that's not the way we great people here as if walking around honking women's boobs was something I did on a regular basis. Was so mortified I actually sat there and cried. I'm female btw!

*greet

Phoned a friend who I hadn't spoken to for ages, and had in the meantime forgotten key facts about her life I asked her how her step mum was, and she drily replied 'Oh, you know, still dead.'

I said to a friend who was looking a bit miserable "Who died?!"

Her mum had

At a wedding i once told a woman she had food on her face and then pointed it out. I think i specifically said chickpea because one of the dishes on the menu had chickpeas in it. Turned out it was just a giant mole. She literally didnt say anything and i think i just got flustered and walked away smiling. Felt terrible.

Okay this makes me the worst person in the world but it entertained my DH no end. My husband used to coach a children’s rugby team and we had a presentation day/bbq in our garden. One mum was there with a 6 month old baby who was crying non-stop, i (being a good hostess) offered to hold him while she had something to eat. She looked unsure saying he was clingy but turned him towards me at the same time. It was the most spectacularly unattractive child I have ever seen. He was covered in an angry rash and had green snot all over his face. I actually recoiled and said maybe it would be better for her to to hold on to him and offered to go and get her food instead. I’m sure everyone saw my look of horror, I know my husband did because he was wetting himself laughing.

Red hot day in the queue for the Ice cream van and said to what I thought was a very pregnant lady I bet this heat is killing you! How long have you got to go for her to go bright red and tell me she wasn't pregnant! Once I mistook my next door neighbor that I hadn't seen that much so diddnt know her that well but had spoke to her fella loads, her husband had died an I saw her out shopping, I said I'm so sorry for your loss he was a lovely guy and after talking about him for 5 mins she said well it has been 20 years now!!! Completely wrong person!!

Also mud labour when I screamed I feel like my Fanny's being ripped in 2 midwives face was a picture!

My husband's mum and her partner are swingers. So there's that first. After their wedding reception we were back at their house and their two "close friends" showed up for drinks. They were a woman and a much younger man. I didn't know they were close friends and when they introduced themselves to me I said, "Oh, is this your son?"

I once took my cat to the vet to be neutered . The surgery was like someone’s front room , with a very high receptionist’s desk in one corner. I looked at the counter and saw this absolutely huge cat sitting on it. I said, loudly” Cor Blimey, you’re a bit of a porker , aren’t you?”. Put cat basket down , checked he was ok and looked up again. To meet the eyes of the very large vet’s receptionist. No sign of the cat whatsoever. Anywhere. Then said” oh no , didn’t mean you”. Did not improve the situation! Left cat , cringed back to the car. Kids had already got out there and were crying with laughter. Got my DH to pick up the cat . Never went back.

@HerbertChops

Done worse. Can barely type this am still so mortified (was about 20 years ago and I've never told anyone).

At work, sneaked into the staff kitchen to grab a bit of chocolate, started choking on the chocolate. Tried to cough it up, got worse. Ran into work area still choking and the two hottest guys in the office ran over, one said 'oh god, she's choking, do the heimlich manoeuvre', the other one bent me over and pressed on my podgy belly, he didn't do it properly but the act of bending over meant piece of chocolate somehow fell out of my throat and onto the floor. Everyone stared at it (by now there was a crowd). Everyone was very relieved. I was mortified. Had to change jobs.

I don't understand, why was that so mortifying? Surely it was meant to happen?

We have a group of regulars at the restaurant I work at. We always have a little chat and a bit of banter. The guys are all retired. One was showing me a picture of lady he had recently met. I said she was a nice looking mid 40’s lady. He said she’s only 40 so I gave him a bit of a look and said so she’s my age?! Then I said she looks older than me Then without hesitation I said she’s still 20 years younger than you (insert name). His friend…without missing a beat said 25 years younger! 🤣 I’m glad it was the friend that interjected but OMG I shouldn’t have tried to guess her age!

My mum once asked my friend where she got her jacket from “ trudi’s been looking for one for ages but we can’t find one big enough”

And the first time I went to stay at a friend’s, I told her mum “ I eat all vegetables because I’ve been brought up proper” just as she was asking what I would like because my friend didn’t really eat any veg… 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Luckily most people around my family have a sense of humour