Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

Was invited to the evening do at a wedding. Went in the room, put my pressie with the other gifts, got a plate of food and sat down. I hadn't seen anyone I knew and the happy couple hadn't arrived so I sat and waited. Bride and groom arrived to cheer and claps and I realised I didn't know them! The do I wanted was in another room. Bit awkward retrieving the pressie off the gift table though!

This thread is superb! The Shatner anecdote made me laugh for ages.

In my late teens, I was in the pub with a big group of other youngsters, some of whom I knew better than others. We were reminiscing about the school we had all attended. Someone mentioned Mrs B, the Home Ec. teacher. I said: ‘Oh God, I hated her. Such a dragon and such a terrible wig!’ At which someone piped up: ‘She’s my Grandad’s partner’.

Oh, the shame. I tried to backpedal but clearly that wasn’t going to work.

I was a recipient of a few of these as my mum was a teacher (who was doing supply for a while) and also at various times a Brownie and Guide leader. There were a couple of times when other kids (not knowing she was my mum) went on about what a cow Mrs G was. 😆 To balance it out though, I lost count of the number of kids who told me they loved her!

A few days after the birth of my 4th DC I was waiting in for the midwife, was quite busy as you imagine so had a lot to be doing rather than just waiting for her to turn up at no specified time.

She eventually phoned to tell me she was just leaving a nearby village and would be with me soon. After quite a wait, much longer than it takes to drive from that village, I said to my sister who was round, “really, how long does it take to get here from village!!”. Just them there was a knock at the door, it was the midwife who announces “this is how long it takes to get here from village” It was mid July, we were in the middle of a heatwave, so all the windows were wide open 🤦🏼‍♀️

That was an awkward visit!

My DH SHOULD be embarrassed at this one! Was in the stirrups at the fertility clinic having my first every embryo transfer - not the most elegant position, particularly with a huge light shining on your fanjo. DH strikes up as the Doctor's poised to carry out the procedure - "ooh, it's just like being at the dentist isn't it?" 🙄. No, it really wasn't...

Some of these are hilarious 😂

@Row1n

In my head I was formulating a compliment about how my friend can wear anything and make it look amazing, what I actually said was 'look at you in your Tesco boots'

Tesco boots

Oh God. I still feel a bit sweaty when I think about the time, many moons ago in an office, standing around at a beige buffet leaving do, when I helpfully noticed a stray hair stuck to a colleague's face. I said 'oh you've got a hair stuck to you! Let me get it!' but wasn't able to get a hold of it for ages, to the extent that she laughed: 'Haha! It's probably GROWING THERE isn't it?' Oh how we continued to laugh... until I had a hold of one end, was pulling hard, and it wasn't shifting, and I was suddenly aware that her entire cheek was also being pulled in the same direction as I was pulling the hair, and I had to just replace the hair gently on her face and say 'Yes. Sorry. I think it is attached actually.'

I hate myself for it still, decades on. The only thing that made it better was that she was young and so devastatingly beautiful and well dressed that really, she could have been growing a full Stalin style moustache and would have carried it off perfectly and stylishly.

I should not be allowed in offices. Or in the world.

@WestendVBroadway

I have told this story on MN, it happened many moons ago,when I worked in a supermarket. I was filling up the tomato display and somebody asked me if I could show her where a particular item was. I started to say " Just one moment while I throw out these tomatoes." However for some reason my brain decided that 'chuck ' was a better word. So I actually ended up saying " Just one moment , while I fuck these tomatoes!" My colleague standing nearby nearly pissed herself laughing while just lead the customer to the item she required, while silently dying.

That's REALLY tickled me.

@devuskums

29 years ago my friend came round after an operation. I opened the door and I cant explain why but I said "Hello Teeth".

The operation was to remove all her teeth. We didn't mention what I said but I still cringe almost 3 decades later.

This is my favourite

I've just woken a child up with my hysterical reaction to 'hello teeth' I've got tears running down my face!!

.

@estellacruella

when i first started dating my now dh his mum was showing me her wedding photos and i made a comment about his dad not having changed only difference was he had longer hair........ it wasnt the groom it was actually the grooms mother i had mistook for a man.

This just made me spit my tea out. Think I would have died on the spot lol

Oh ffs dh has just given me the death stare for sniggering at my phone when he’s trying to sleep, live long and prosper has finished me off full on snorting commenced for a few minutes, had to take myself off for the bathroom for a self imposed time out.
Just typing it out has made me snort again
If I don’t post on MN ever again, please look for me under my patio!
(I should add poor dh has been poorly for a few days and really does need to catch up on some sleep )

I have another one. I was working as a receptionist at a GP surgery when a patient came to the desk to let me know they’d arrived for their appointment. I asked them to take a seat. You’ve guessed it, they were in a wheelchair

Didn't happen to me but I was there.

I'd just given birth and my brother in law (DH's brother) came to visit us at the hospital with his wife. Our lovely midwife saw him and immediately blurted out 'you look so young to be his Dad!'

He's only 4 years older than DH.

She was so embarrassed, she hid from us until they left. Sister in law found it hilarious, as did we

These are hilarious!

I was once out with my ex mil she was holding my toddler and playing with a ping pong ball with them (hiding it etc). Somehow she managed to lose it and me being helpful point out "oh it's fallen down the back of your top let me get it for you!" Only to go and grab a lump of skin on her back then stand there awkwardly for just a bit too long.

I was also once in a shop and saw a guy I thought was a dad from my childrens school. I went up to them and said the whole "hi! How are you and the kids are you going to the summer Fair....." he just starred blankly at me and walked off. I left thinking how rude only to realise an hour later it was in fact Shane Richie who must have thought I was insane!

Not mine really but the cable tv mans embarrassment which he richly deserved .
He was fitting me some phone points and he had been flirting outrageously which I was ignoring, he walked into the dining room swinging a pair of my dusty knickers on the end of a pen saying “ ooooh look what I found behind the radiator and wiggling his eyebrows. At that point his phone rang and his ringtone was ‘ it’s the wife it’s the wife it’s the wife’ he looked like a rabbit caught in headlights 🤣🤣

A colleague from another office comes to visit me, Never met in real life before. I showed his to a spare desk and made a joke about the desks usual occupant being a leftie (why did I do this?) then when he was setting up at the desk I realised he was missing his left hand

Just remembered another one....

Once we were going for a house viewing, and the estate agent's keys for the flat didn't seem to work. He kept ringing the intercom but they weren't answering. I joked "They probably think we're Jehovah's Witnesses or something!". He goes "...I am a Jehovah's Witness". So awkward!!

When I was about 15 a friend of ours (a few years older) had just had a baby. We went to visit and the baby was having cuddles with great granny. I bent down and said ‘oh how sweet, you can really hear baby breathing, she sounds like a little old lady’. My friend looked at me with wide eyes and then kind of shook his head in disbelief. I then realised it was actually great granny making the noises! Luckily she didn’t speak much English so didn’t understand, but it makes me cringe almost 20 years later

I commiserated with the IT guy at work that he had caught the cold that was going round. He said no, he had adenoid
problems and always sounded like that!

Oh God. Office block where I worked had about 20 floors and it was really irritating when people got in the lift and just went a couple of floors while others going to the higher floors had to wait in the lobby for the next lift.......anyway, one very busy morning, lift absolutely packed, chap leaned across and pressed for first floor. Lots of meaningful looks, then one man said 'what's the matter with you, can't you walk one bloody floor?'.....yes, you've guessed it, the lift doors opened and man with really serious mobility problems staggered out.....

Working as a waitress many years ago, we staff had been chatting about bras and knickers and preferences, just the usual inconsequential chit chat. I took someone's food to their table, noticed they needed new cutlery and instead of saying what I meant to say, I said " Oh, sorry, I will sort this out for you, it is really difficult to eat your food without underwear....laugh, laugh".

I remember one when I was child, we were at an out door swimming pool with some friends - adults and children, I didn't know all the people. One woman had only one leg - she had taken off her prosthetic leg for swimming, and for some reason I blurted at her 'what happened to your leg, was it bitten off by a shark?' She looked at me coldly and said 'no' .

I can only put it down to social awkwardness, knowing you shouldn't mention something somehow makes you feel compelled to mention it. But obviously her leg wasn't bitten off by a fucking shark - why would I think that ? (She'd lost it in a car accident as it turned out)

I was chatting to a friend of the bride at a hen do, having never met her before. We were discussing the upcoming wedding in York. In my head I heard her say 'You're so beautiful', to which I replied: 'Thank you' (somewhat baffled). It was only the next day I realised she'd actually said 'York's so beautiful'.

What made it worse was the fact this woman realised what I thought she said and kindly chose to ignore it (I know this because my friend later told me when I explained the blunder to her). Still makes me shudder, a decade on.