Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

Twice I have said "you must have been a child bride" to someone who tells me they have an x age grown up child. Twice they have replied "yes, I was pregnant at 14". TWICE

I had to send someone to find a guy at work called "Mark"
I described him so completely - every single detail, bald, mid height, blue shirt, gorgeous brown eyes, goes out with "Claire"
I was getting more and more stressed and running out of ways to make them knew who I meant.

Eventually i managed to blurt out that he only had one arm and started that hideous hysterical laughing.

Of course they just said
"well why the f didnt you just say "

but you ... can't can you?

I did tell him - we were mates. He found it hilarious

Df told me his ndn was Mr Clampet.. Garden full of old bikes /prams /gates etc..
Ndn came knocking...
I shouted loudly to df that Mr Clampet was here..
He wasn't really called Mr Clampet.

@StarryNightSparkles

Welcome to my life op 😕

I worked in hospitality when I was younger and nipped to use the customer toilets. I was doing my number 1 when a customer opened the door and said oh sorry. I then had to serve them for the next few hours.

A few times on trains as above

One year I accidentally joined a funeral procession

One year I accidentally joined a wedding and ended up doing the last dance with the brides dad.

Every day more or less is a story. I in all honesty shouldn't leave the house 😂

You sound just like my friend. She's the sweetest person you could ever hope to meet but she cannot keep out of trouble. I often joke that she shouldn't really leave the house. There's never a dull moment. Don't worry about it, you sound like fun to be around

I know everyone thinks you're exaggerating when you say you're snorting with laughter when reading a thread. Honestly I am sitting here laughing like muttley at some of these. 😂 has cheered me right up today

This just made me snort during a teams meeting

I attended a job interview for an NHS post a few years ago. I suffer with terrible verbal diarrhea when I'm nervous so when they asked me a question about equal ops and diversity I replied that no one should be discriminated against because of their race, gender or sensuality (I meant sexuality!!!) I was too mortified to even correct myself and just carried on. Surprisingly I didn't get the job

I have committed a few blunders that I am too ashamed to admit to... but have also received a fair few.

Personal worst was when I worked Saturdays in a small local shop and had just escaped the undesirable "attentions" of a local elderly gentleman. I mentioned this to my colleague (it was a reasonably regular occurrence). Only for his son to appear from behind a shelf. It was not pleasant.

Received highlights have included:

Colleague: Oh god, do you know X and Y? They're in a totally bonkers religious cult!
They were my parents, who were overseas missionaries. Non-bonkers type (although, to be fair, my DM is a bit intense).

NDN: I can't believe you get a ride in such an amazing limousine, this must be the best day of your life!
It was the car behind my father's hearse.

And a pregnancy congratulations for a too-much-cake baby. The lady was so mortified, I felt sorry for her.

FWIW, I think our continuing shame and mortification are what sets us apart from the utter twunts in life, who actively enjoy and deliberately set out to say cruel and hurtful things. The fact that we recognise and cringe at what we inadvertently blurted out make us quite nice really. That's what I tell myself, anyway...

@MrsMadderRose

There was a thread like this once and someone had a boss/colleague or similar and had asked why the boss had a photo of william shatner on his desk. It was his wife!

Still makes me laugh every time I think about it.

OMG! Howling

@dontletthemugglesgetyoudownn I very rarely laugh out loud about things on MN but your embarrassing moment did.

My Mother is very kind but famous (or infamous) for her tactless comments. I had bought a new dress to wear at my friends wedding but wasn't sure if it suited me so I tried it on to show her. 'Oh yes, it's lovely' she said 'it will look really nice when you're wearing your Spanx'........I was wearing them

@MrsMadderRose

There was a thread like this once and someone had a boss/colleague or similar and had asked why the boss had a photo of william shatner on his desk. It was his wife!

Still makes me laugh every time I think about it.

This made me laugh so much

@MrsMadderRose

There was a thread like this once and someone had a boss/colleague or similar and had asked why the boss had a photo of william shatner on his desk. It was his wife!

Still makes me laugh every time I think about it.

This just made me laugh so hard I woke up my baby 🙄🤣

@JumperandJacket the mason’s handshake has made me laugh so much
Thanks!

Laughing out loud at the 'have you been painting ' smear test one also

@LookItsMeAgain

I will add that one Christmas as my BiL parents were leaving a celebration, I thought that his dad was wishing us all "Live long and Prosper" hand gesture (like Spock from Star Trek)....and I reciprocated....except he wasn't. He had lost part of one of his fingers in a work accident so when he was waving good bye, it looked like the V symbol from Spock. I wanted the ground to open up and eat me whole! Mortified so I was.

Live long and prosper 🖖
🤣🤣

Many years ago I was in a house share, and we lived next to an elderly woman. My flat mates referred to her as Mrs Brady, so that is how I spent some months addressing her.

It was only much later that my flat mates said they had no idea what her actual name was, they just called her (behind her back) Mrs Brady from the Viz comic strip Mrs Brady-Old Lady.

Not by me but to me:

Client comes in to the office to sign off his paperwork so I popped in to say hello. We passed the time of day beautifully until he he said 'and you can't have long before the baby is due', while his wife was desperately stamping on his foot to shut him up. It's a cake baby so I just shrugged it off with a laugh and moved swiftly on. He came back in after about 1/2 hour with a big bunch of flowers to apologise. They were beautiful but I had to give them away to one of my staff as all I could think every time I looked at them was how fat I was.

The other one was also a client. He was on the phone and finished the call with 'love you gorgeous, bye!', which I understood was an automatic thing, but I just wanted to bathe in bleach as he was sleazy.

She said she cared for her disabled hamster around the clock, around her paid work. I said something like, 'Aren't you kind, not many people would give so much time to them.'
It turned out that she had said SISTER not hamster

It could have been worse; you might have started musing about euthanasia

Overheard in a very overcrowded small lift W

White man trying to break the awkward silence when we are all nestled in each other armpits: “It says the maximum capacity of this lift is 15 people - how would you fit 15 people in here? Maybe 15 Ethiopians!”

Black male responds: “I’m Ethiopian and you definitely wouldn’t fit 15 of me in here, maybe I need to go on a diet?”

White bloke than died for duration of what must have been the world’s longest lift journey. But if you’re going to make jokes about Ethiopians that should have died out in the 1980s, you have it coming.

I have told this story on MN, it happened many moons ago,when I worked in a supermarket. I was filling up the tomato display and somebody asked me if I could show her where a particular item was. I started to say " Just one moment while I throw out these tomatoes." However for some reason my brain decided that 'chuck ' was a better word. So I actually ended up saying " Just one moment , while I fuck these tomatoes!" My colleague standing nearby nearly pissed herself laughing while just lead the customer to the item she required, while silently dying.

@MrsMadderRose

There was a thread like this once and someone had a boss/colleague or similar and had asked why the boss had a photo of william shatner on his desk. It was his wife!

Still makes me laugh every time I think about it.

Sorry, I don't think my story above actually fits the brief of the thread.

@User123654123654

😂😂😂 this has really tickled me

Me too...I was laughing too hard to explain to DH what was so funny so I showed him the post...he just looked confused and said it wasn't quite as funny as I'd made out

@Newnameneededxx. 6. Lastly (and probably the worst). We were at a friend’s 30th birthday party, and his sister and her husband were expecting their first child. Our friend told us they’d just found out it was a girl! I was merrily chatting to the friend’s mum and dad about the upcoming arrival and asked if they were excited about their first grandchild being a girl? Big silence across the room..... Apparently the sex was being kept a secret and only our friend and the parents-to-be knew! It was awful and I still cringe about it now!
That was not really your fault as your friend should not have shared that information with you. It should be your friend who was mortified.