Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

Hsppened to my husband - twice.

He said to his friend, "Is that your mum in law?Referring to the lady sitting next to him in his car.

His friend replied, "No, she's my sister in law".

Another time my husband bumped into his friend and said, "Is she your mum?". Referring to the lady standing next to his friend.

His friend replied, "No, this is my wife".

@NCsobroke

Asked my friend how his dad was doing while texting one evening . His dad had died about 2 weeks earlier - I knew this, I’d been comforting him, we’d chatted about funeral arrangements. Proper wtf moment at myself

I dread doing this so much.

It’s sometimes difficult to remember who has died when you don’t know them personally or see people often.

I avoid asking people how their parents are now after very nearly asking bil (who we see once a year) how his parents are, and just remembering in time that his dm died a couple of years ago. (We never knew her). Then I couldn’t remember if his df was still alive, as he was always in very poor health. Awful I know but we aren’t hugely close!

I once said to a colleague at work, oh no didn't you have time to dry your hair this morning? She said that she hadn't even washed it - it was just very greasy

@StealthRoast

Oh these are great. I have ADHD and sometimes ( often ) don’t think before I speak so empathise. Here’s mine- I’ve told this one on here before I think-

It was just after Christmas, before New Year’s Eve in 1996/7 so I was 18/19 and was in the queue for customer services at M & S, it was heaving and some people were chatting to those around them.
One lady started talking to me, looked at my stomach and asked when I was due. I still to this day don’t know why I said I what I did which was “November” 11 months away.
We didn’t speak after that and I hate going in that queue now.

Second one-I got a taxi home from somewhere a few years ago, it was daytime and I was definitely not drunk. I paid and as I got out instead of saying Thank you to the driver I said “I love you”

I’m such a tit.

Oh gosh I get this! I'm recently diagnosed autistic (and now realise why I've done this so often!) but I have said 'love you, bye!' at the end of so many inappropriate phone calls over the years. Think at work, to a GP, to friends parents when I was a teenager etc etc.

It's because in my (undiagnosed at the time!) autistic brain I have a script for how phone calls end with most people. 'Love you, bye!' is how I say bye to most of the people I speak to (because I've never liked speaking on the phone and mostly only do it with family) so then sometimes I say it to other people too without thinking or noticing until it's already out if my mouth. It's automatic.

Argh. Cringe. Isn't neurodiverity wonderful?

I temped at a place for two weeks and on my last day there was just me and another colleague there by the end of the day when I was leaving.

For some reason when I was saying goodbye (someone I'd spoken to about three times during the two weeks) I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Just so awkward. Fortunately I've never had to see the man again.

@PearlSlaghoople

Oooh, just remembered a real clanger of mine, when I was a teenager working in a tea shop - Marched up to a table carrying 2 coffees and asked “Whose the black one?” You can guess the rest… Even my super-confident teenage self died a million deaths😮 Thankfully, they weren’t offended. I am still gnawing my knuckles at the memory..,

Similarly, but again it wasn’t me who said it thankfully…

I used to breed and show hamsters, and I was at a country show incorporating a hamster show, lots of members of the public coming in to see what was going on. I was stood with a fellow hamster enthusiast behind a table which was set up to explain hamster care to the public, including some live exhibits to show off to people. All different breeds of hamster.

The chap I was with was talking to a child who was interested in the Chinese hamster in front of them. He said, “Oh you have to be careful with the Chinese, they can be a bit aggressive to each other!”

Then looked up to see a very unimpressed looking Asian woman standing at the table.

@devuskums

29 years ago my friend came round after an operation. I opened the door and I cant explain why but I said "Hello Teeth".

The operation was to remove all her teeth. We didn't mention what I said but I still cringe almost 3 decades later.

I'm reading this on public transport and now people are looking at me. Can't stop laughing.

when my DD was a teenager, we met up with one of her school friends and her Mother, the girls were going off for a pizza lunch, someone's birthday. I said to DD's friend 'Oh you were obviously in a rush this morning, coming out with wet hair' Silence. Her hair was not wet. It was extremely greasy.

I've had plenty of Cherry-Blossom Lattes in my time.

I was introduced to a new colleague and when I asked her surname, she said "Clutterbuck" and I laughed in her face. I don;t know why. I can only assume it just sounded like a character out of a 70s BBC comedy - like the Vicar from Steptoe and Son (who was actually called Rev Cakebread). She was very taken aback, not surprisingly, but forgave me and was very nice to work with.

One directed at me - my Dsis and I went to see our cousin, who is a solicitor, to sort out my parents' estate. After the business was sorted, we had a bit of a catch up as we hadn;t seen each other for a while. DCousin was about 4 boyfriends behind on my DSis, so DSis brought her up to date. All lovely.

Then DCousin turns to me and says "So, Mrs Ashwell, you're a lesbian, right?" Errrrm no. I said that if I was, I was a spectacularly unsuccessful one. She went absolutely crimson. I laughed, though. I've not exactly cut a swathe through available men either, which is probably why she thought that. She was pretty relieved that I didn't care (well, why would I?).

Oh god, just remembered.......emotional teenager me, broken hearted at a party as boyfriend was dancing with another......host's parents were in the kitchen ( we were only about 14/15).....I said to them 'you are so lucky being old and past it'. cringe

I met a lovely handsome fella a good few years ago at a party on holiday in Marbella and I bumped into him the next day at a beach bar.
He was gorgeous.... and topless. So we greeted with a big hug like "heyyyyy!" And I stepped back and said "oh you're so SANDY!" And attempted to brush off the 'sand' from his muscly tanned shoulders, back, arms, chest.....
turns out it wasn't sand, it was stubble. He was very very hairy and shaved his whole body.
No idea why he would've been sandy at a POOL party anyway, not a beach insight.

Met at a *pool party.

Getting my venues confused lol

I think a great rule of life is never ask if when the baby is due

Never. Ever.

I've just thought of another one 😳

Me and dh were doing the weekly supermarket shop and were in different aisles. I went into the aisle were dh was and seen him looking at cheese or whatever. I went up to him squeezed his bum and whispered can't wait to get you into bed.

Yeah it wasn't my husband 😳😳😳

I think a great rule of life is never ask if when the baby is due

This times a million.

Christ I can think of 2 in particular. Absolutely scarlet thinking of them.
A good friend of mine was expecting a baby. So we had a little baby shower for her. She knew it was a little boy so we were throwing out names to call him. Now I’d had a glass or two of vino. her surname was Roche. So the usual few names were thrown out. Then there was silence. And then I shouted COCK. As in Cockroach- Wtf like I could have died on the spot. I apologised so much.

Second one was I’m a nurse. So I was taking bloods from this lady. Her husband was with her and insisted on staying with her (she was fine!!!) and was practically standing over me as I was getting ready. He was annoying me and wanted get him to take a seat outside. so I said “ are you ok with needles and blood sir”. He says oh god yes I’m fine. I said “are you sure now cos I’ve had many a man go down on me” meaning fainting etc. He just looked at me. Wife didn’t cop on. I nearly died and couldn’t get the story out to tell my colleagues due to inconsolable laughter.

I've done something really similar, I was at a work Xmas do and said "oh, you've got breadcrumbs on your jacket!". It was dandruff....

Years ago .. made a Shepherd's pie for a dear male friend , half way through I told him "he had a bit of mash on his face" ..only to be told it was a wart 🤦🏻‍♀️

I witnessed this recently. I was waiting at a bus stop that is right outside a McDonald's. There was a bloke sat down minding his own business. This woman walks past, sees him, crouches down and says in a very gentle manner "I'm just about to nip in there for a hot drink. Can I get you anything?" The bloke is puzzled and says "No thanks I'm waiting for the bus." A look of horror appears on this woman's face as she realises what she has just done. She then asks if I want anything and scarpers when I start laughing.
After she went the guy asked me if he looked destitute. Of course he didn't.

@ThereWeAreThen79

To be honest I did laugh and act all.breezy but my feelings were genuinely hurt. I used to chat and exchange stories with him so when he was so rude about me in such a glib manner it really baffled me. I was polite and pleasant to him afterwards but yeah it wasn't the same anymore. Sorry for waffling I completely get that. I've had similar happen to me. My bil had my number saved on his phone as 5 bellies. I know this as he accidentally sent me a screenshot of a conversation we were having about present ideas.

That is bloody horrible 😢 I hope you never speak to him again

@SmallWaistFatFace

I used to work in a call center and I knew the phonetic alphabet but for some reason it wasn't coming to me on that call. I was reading out his postcode and said, 'right, so that's D for Delta and E for...um....eczema...'

The guy I was speaking to was to disgusted he hung up 😮

Oh gosh, this just reminded me of when I had to spell out a car registration over the phone (can't remember why) but said Y for wanky instead of yankee. Mortified!! 😂

A female friend got married and had a register office ceremony which was close family only, followed by a church blessing to which we were invited. We arrived at the church and the groom, who we knew slightly was waiting quietly for the photographer to finish taking pictures of the bride. Trying to break the ice with the groom who was rather shy I said, “Well that’s the first leg over”.

43 years later I still cringe.

My lovely FIL sometimes helps a friend out milking cows on his farm, you know when he's been there cause he stinks, we make a joke about the pong.

Anyway, he came to visit us with MIL, stepped through the door and I exclaimed 'wow you stink! How were the cows this morning?'. Nope, he hadn't been milking, oh the shame!

One of my ex's lived with a family member who didn't have legs - they were in a wheelchair and lived a very normal life with adaptations etc.

When I first met said family member, we were making small talk and they showed me a box of stick insects, they kept them as pets.

I was oohing and aahing and asking questions about them and honestly these words actually came out of my mouth "Gosh, they're so small! What if they escaped and you stepped on one?"... THEY HAD NO LEGS LET ALONE FEET?!

I honestly could have died right in that moment. I was almost sick with embarrassment.