Oh My GOD I’m so embarrassed!! Please tell me you’ve done something similar 😭

[Visitors]

Went to visit DH’s aunt and uncle earlier, we only see them once or twice a year. Lovely people but a little dry and very slightly eccentric.
We arrived, they opened the door, we were probably slightly too ebullient with the ‘hello’s’ and ‘lovely to see you’s’ and I went ahead to uncle and said

‘Ah and look at you with glittery jumper on!!’

They both looked at me really oddly and as soon as I said it I could see that actually the ‘glitter’ was an awful lot of dandruff on his dark jumper.

How I didn’t vomit with shame, I literally stopped breathing. Nothing was said but I genuinely felt weak as I followed them into the lounge.

I then spent the next hour with burning cheeks and desperately trying not to look at the dandruff on his jumper.

Please tell me you’ve done worse…I feel I’ll just thinking about it now 😥😢

@Flatflatflat

I had one where I'd just started at a new job and was trying to make a good impression. The girl sat on the desk next to me was telling a story but the room was quite loud. She said she cared for her disabled hamster around the clock, around her paid work. I said something like, 'Aren't you kind, not many people would give so much time to them.' It turned out that she had said SISTER not hamster and it wasn't until a few days later when I re-told the story to someone else that I found out that it was he sister and that was why she was staring at me like that when I replied. I think about saying that hideous comment and what the others who overheard me must have been thinking about me, at least once a week - and I want to curl up in a hole.

Looooooool this made me laugh out loud.

@MrsRussell That is awful, I'm really sorry that happened to you and your DH x

This is another one which was at me not from me (I've said plenty of embarrassing things, but so many that I can't remember any funny ones right now): I was on the train to school with my sister. Some bloke called me her mum. There's three years between us, we were both teenagers, and we were both in school uniform. WTAF?!

I work in IT. Some years ago we had an internal request for a large storage disc which, at the time was the largest we'd ever been asked for and required some internal discussion on if and how to provide it. It made it a bit of an Event.

A few weeks later I was asked to do some intros at a work event and had to introduce the chap that asked for it.

My intro went "And now someone who will forever be known for needing the largest disc ever... [name]"

Only I didn't say disc. I said dick. Didn't realise and left the stage so couldn't even correct myself.

I was never asked to do intros again

I did the 'when's the baby due?' faux pas to a old friend who I hadn't seen for a very long time.
Turned out she had successfully given up smoking but had replaced it with snacking instead.
She'd given up smoking as she & her husband were planning to conceive.
They hit the jackpot first time & a few years after the birth she has now got back to her post-giving-up-ciggies size through exercise & strict diet (& no cigarettes!).

This reminds me of the friends episode OP poor you don’t worry about it will be a funny anecdote in time

Three people have asked me when the baby's due in the last year. I'm in my late forties so I told them I take it as a compliment

We were at an airport seeing-off a friend who'd been staying and he said Thanks for having me and I replied Thanks for coming. OH asked, Have I missed something??

Some of these are bringing tears to my eyes (of laughter!).

chatting to a nice colleague about what he was up to at the weekend - Him "going to blackpool". Me " oh god what a hell hole, what an earth for, a stag do?" Him " we've actually got a caravan there, we go all the time and love it. Tumbleweed silence....

@dontletthemugglesgetyoudownn

We t for a smear test, as the speculum went in and opened I sold something on eBay and my phone went kaching like a till opening. The dr pissed herself laughing so did I and the fucking thing shot out and hit the floor 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Proper proper LOL at this!

On maternity leave and took baby into work to see everyone. I found out a friend of my husband's had been transferred to the station where I worked. I was surprised to see him and said, "What have you done to deserve a move here." He looked embarrassed and the woman I worked with dragged me off and told me he'd had an affair with a young officer he was supervising, his wife had left him and complained to the Superintendent and he was moved in disgrace.

We never heard from him again. DH was upset, they had been close friends.

I blame baby brain.

That's when you say 'oh that's strange there's no glitter, trick of the light I suppose'

Asked my friend how his dad was doing while texting one evening . His dad had died about 2 weeks earlier - I knew this, I’d been comforting him, we’d chatted about funeral arrangements. Proper wtf moment at myself

A nurse did it to me a few years back. I was seriously ill and being admitted to hospital and DH and DS, who was four at the time, had waited with me in the admissions unit while they worked out what was going on. DH is six years older than me - he has long hair, and at the time he also had a beard. As he and DS were leaving the ward, the nurse came over to check on me and said 'Aww - it was nice of your daughter and granddaughter to stay with you all this time'.

@GertrudeBElion

Aye, my foot often meets my mouth.

Late November - being introduced to a new colleague who was sporting a full Kev Webster moustache and saying 'wow Movember hey, bet you can't wait for the 1st December to shave that off haha!'

Yep, he wasn't doing Movember, and I have no idea why I'd felt the need to comment on something on someone else's FACE. I had to work with him and his moustache for another two and a half years.

This has made my day :D

@itsacat

I seem to have successfully repressed any memories of having put my foot in it really badly, so I’ll share what others have done instead.

My colleague congratulated a woman in the office on her pregnancy, of course she wasn’t expecting. He was sitting down and she was standing up so he was eye level with her belly as he said that. It was awful

As a teenager, my Norwegian friend was backpacking in Thailand and at one point found herself sharing a hotel lift with a middle aged man who was in the company of a very young woman. My friend then remarked to her partner, in Norwegian, how awful all this sex tourism was, with older men preying on younger women or something along those lines.

As they all exited the lift, the man turned to my friend and politely said ‘after you’ - in Norwegian…

A simi;lar thing as happened to your Norwegian friend happened to my daughter. She was working in a pub while at university and a group of German drinkers were making some comments about the physical appearances of other people, how some people like her needed a proper job etc etc. Eventually one very drunkenly made a comment about her employement directly to her and she was able to tell him, in perfect and very colloquial German, exactly what she thought of him and his friends.

Used to work with a man who was blind, got in the lift with him, general chatter, he said he'd been with the company over 15 years, I said 'blimey, I bet you've seen some changes over the years'

I'm my first job when I left Uni I had to make the drinks.
I made two coffees, for a senior colleague and his client in the Boardroom.
I handed a coffee to one recipient, saying"Right, youre black" and then to the other saying "and youre white".
I was so focused on not spilling the drinks, I hadnt realised that the first guy was a black man (the client) and the second was a white man!
They both smirked thankfully!

I once said to a recent widow "congratulations" instead of "comiserations" (well, the equivalent not in English).

I had the “wow, look at you, all done up, who’s the lucky guy?” comment from the postman - it was the day of my DHs funeral…
Also had the “ Hows your DH, haven’t seen him out with the dog lately, tell him I said hello”… Me: “ he died last week”
Actually felt sorry for these guys, they meant well, but soooo cringe for them!
I’m also guilty of the “you look well, when’s the baby due…?” remark, to a colleague - who wasn’t expecting a baby…🤭

I once had a friend who was older than me, we got on well and because I'd just moved to her country she invited me to hers to meet her partner and some of her friends. I was eager to impress so I dressed up and promised myself I'd be on my best behaviour. I arrived at this lovely house and we were having a pre dinner aperatif; think cheese and nibbles. We were standing in a circle chatting, quaffing champagne (her partner was an expert) and I went to bite into a particularly juicy cherry tomato and the fucking thing squirted everywhere, including up the arm of her partner, who was in short sleeves. He at first didn't say anything but he saw me turn beetroot red so he had to say something. I still die thinking about it.

Oooh, just remembered a real clanger of mine, when I was a teenager working in a tea shop -
Marched up to a table carrying 2 coffees and asked “Whose the black one?” You can guess the rest…
Even my super-confident teenage self died a million deaths😮
Thankfully, they weren’t offended.
I am still gnawing my knuckles at the memory..,

@Capferret

When I was 13, friend said she wouldn’t be at school next day. I said she was lucky, why not? She reminded me that it was her father’s funeral!

Ugh I did similar once.

Wife of DHs friend was in the pub having a drink on a Sunday night, and I was moaning about upcoming Monday and having to go to work to hated job. She said she was off tomorrow and I replied 'oh lucky you, I'd give anything not to have to go in!'

She had the day off to go and look at the hospice that her Dad was shortly to go and spend his last days. I could've cringed myself inside out.

Argh.