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Original poster

Do you ever wonder how people afford things?

218 replies

RedRobyn2021 · 28/11/2021 09:32

We're not poor, we have a little house (2 up 2 down) that us (and the bank) own, in a really nice place and we have a lovely dog and beautiful baby.

But sometimes I find myself comparing us to others around our age (I know I shouldn't)

We are so careful with money, we always have been. We own a little car which we had on finance but eventually paid off.

I know a couple younger than us in their mid 20s who live in a brand new 3 bed, with a baby and a dog, two horses, who have just had a very fancy big wedding, showing off their brand new truck on social media this morning.

Another couple I know same age as us (early 30s) have a bigger house, with two expensive cars and a baby too.

I am so grateful for what we have and I give myself a talking to often to remind myself of this. But occasionally, I will admit I secretly feel a little jealous and also like a failure, like I went wrong somewhere. How on Earth do people afford these things?

Please be kind, I know I am being incredibly materialistic, but surely I'm not alone in sometimes feeling like this?

OP posts:
Pipsquiggle · 28/11/2021 17:54

OP - have a look on the ONS.

Average net median household income is £29,900
Average net mean household income is £36,900

Obviously, this is a nationwide survey, if you live in the north, you tend to get a lot more for your money.

fuddleducks · 28/11/2021 18:08

Assuming that you know your friend's approximate level of income, it would be generous family gifts, inheritances or larger levels of debt (HP agreements for cars, etc).

In my personal experience, amongst friends, etc with mostly similar jobs, they were all given family money. A few are extremely high earning eg magic circle lawyers so in a very different league to the huge majority.

Obviously income comes into it. However, for younger people (20s, 30s), the income will be less relevant than it was in the past as the cost of housing relative to income has risen dramatically. Wealthy families generally make much more difference than income.

A580Hojas · 28/11/2021 18:12

I just assume people earn more than us or borrow more than us.

savagebaggagemaster · 28/11/2021 18:13

Something I once read has helped me to deal with this kind of thing.
Remember - there are people who are happy with less than you.
It really grounds me and makes me feel very grateful.

PoleFairy · 28/11/2021 18:22

Without being boastful I feel like I might be someone people wonder about in terms of money. Me and DH have normal paying jobs (combined income £57k in the south doesn't go massively far). We bought a house in a v nice area but were able to get at a good price because it needs total and complete renovation. We are doing 99% of the work ourselves or family in the trade are helping but we have a lot of people saying "how are you affording to do all this work and still live a normal life" and I have been honest: My grandparents have a lot of money and have been siphoning off cash to us to use to renovate. We also got a lump sum for our wedding from them. They want to get rid of it in a tax efficient manner before they pass away. It could be any scenario like that.

Friend of mine also has a lot of money from a car accident she had about 7 years ago where the other driver was at fault. The settlement was impressive but she did spend a week in hospital and also had last ptsd from it.

fuddleducks · 28/11/2021 18:29

And free grandparental childcare is another thing that can make a huge difference. It's a massive financial boost.

HairyToity · 28/11/2021 18:32

I used to wonder how a family afforded their lifestyle, then they went bankrupt.

DrCoconut · 28/11/2021 18:51

Absolutely @BertieBotts people's perception of money is so different to mine. I recall a thread where someone referred to an £80k inheritance as (I'm paraphrasing here as I can't remember the exact words) a nice little cash injection but hardly a life changing sum Shock. Id be sorted for life with that sort of money, it would literally change everything for me. Yes I would still need to work but I'd be mortgage free, the house done up how I want it and some put by for holidays and other treats too. Every month is a balancing act keeping everything paid and putting a bit by for the future at the moment, and I'm well aware that there are people far worse off too.

thisplaceisweird · 28/11/2021 18:57

I think the truth is that their salaries are much higher than you think, they had kids later so had bigger savings, plus some generous gifts from parents?

Were in a similar situation but it's us that seems to have much more money than friends but on paper we are similar. The truth is we got a head start in our careers while they were still studying, we both earn a good amount, whereas they've been more off and or one earns much less. Our parents have also given us 5k here or there which has helped a ton.

shinynewapple21 · 28/11/2021 19:05

@RedRobyn2021 there will also be people the same age as you or older who have not yet been able to save for a deposit , and perhaps never will. Or maybe have been unable to have children or not yet found a partner they are happy with . Or maybe the people who seem to have everything materially work really long hours in a job they hate, or maybe they lost a loved one for their inheritance.

People who are happiest tend to feel grateful for the things they have rather than constantly wishing for something else .

thisplaceisweird · 28/11/2021 19:08

What do they do for a living OP? Would be interesting to know!! And whereabouts do you live?

My ex boyfriend worked for an employee owned company, when they sold it he got a £100k payout. This happens more frequently than you think, there are lots of ways of making big bucks under the radar.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 28/11/2021 19:14

@DrCoconut

Absolutely *@BertieBotts* people's perception of money is so different to mine. I recall a thread where someone referred to an £80k inheritance as (I'm paraphrasing here as I can't remember the exact words) a nice little cash injection but hardly a life changing sum Shock. Id be sorted for life with that sort of money, it would literally change everything for me. Yes I would still need to work but I'd be mortgage free, the house done up how I want it and some put by for holidays and other treats too. Every month is a balancing act keeping everything paid and putting a bit by for the future at the moment, and I'm well aware that there are people far worse off too.
On the other hand, our mortgage is still at £220k so while it would be a big help, it wouldn’t change our lives. And not because we have massive expectations, more because we were late getting on the housing ladder!
A580Hojas · 28/11/2021 20:13

I am friends with someone who won £250,000 on a spot the ball competition. I'm sure that was pretty life changing.

1haudyerwheesht · 28/11/2021 20:42

Hmmm.. I was diagnosed with a neurological degenerative condition and an insurance company paid off my mortgage. I'm only in my 30s. Lucky me.

IrishMamaMia · 28/11/2021 20:58

'A lot of things that I say I can't afford, what I really mean is are not worth it to me so I would never go into debt or even raid my savings for a lot of things which others feel are important and worth spending a lot'

@MrsAvocet upthread nailed it for me. I live in an area where most people have fabulous cars and do amazing renovation /decoration projects. A few friends have upgraded to beautiful bigger houses also.
I do get envious at times but remind myself that we all make different choices.
I spend lots on nice food, clothes and days out and like to save some too. I suppose they are my priorities for now.

WinterWeightlossGoal · 28/11/2021 21:01

@TheWayTheLightFalls

This fascinates me. I live in a really expensive area - like, really expensive. Every once in a while a couple with two young kids buys a £1.5m house and then does it up, both in jobs that really couldn’t fund that sort of thing. Wish I could ask them!
Actually this would be us, in our case we earn around £75k between us, which is decent but not enough to explain the house we live in. We bought a flat in 2007 which almost tripled in value and very sadly both of our remaining parents died within a couple of years and left us a lot of money, so we now have a huge house in a very expensive area (an area we have lived for many years in a flat) with only a relatively small mortgage. I actually feel envious of people still living in smaller homes who have both parents who are alive and active in their children and grandchildren's lives. But on the other hand I know other people who have lost both parents but didn't inherit much so I do know how fortunate we are despite our losses.
IcelandicCabin · 28/11/2021 21:01

This is so so true. I do not spend on clothes, cars or tech. I'm simply not interested. DH wanted to buy me a statement watch for my 50th and i asked if we could just put the sum into my holiday savings account instead. I do spend on holidays, and the house.

IcelandicCabin · 28/11/2021 21:02

(that was in response to @IrishMamaMia )

Wisper1 · 28/11/2021 21:17

Never mind all the reponses saying, they earn more, inheritance etc. The true answer is tick.

ThePoisonousMushroom · 28/11/2021 21:19

@Wisper1

Never mind all the reponses saying, they earn more, inheritance etc. The true answer is tick.
What is tick?
Bluntness100 · 28/11/2021 21:21

@Wisper1

Never mind all the reponses saying, they earn more, inheritance etc. The true answer is tick.
You need to earn to be able to apply for credit for goodness sake.
IrishMamaMia · 28/11/2021 21:21

@icelandiccabin saving for a holidays sounds so much more meaningful to you personally. Its really interesting. I think we live in quite a materialistic society and I guess these things are outward symbols of status sometimes. We have to judge what the things are that are really going to make us happier
OP I also think most people find life with young kids quite expensive, between nursery fees and the things they always need at each stage. Even the high earners I know complain about this. I hope I will be able to plan some home renovations when my child leaves nursery :)

Wisper1 · 28/11/2021 21:44

Yes people need to earn to be able to apply for credit but are all of their earnings needed to pay off the debt? You see it all of the time on Martin Lewis's show, up to their eyeballs because they've been manipulated by big business to keep up with the Jones's. If interest rates rise significantly there's going to be a lot of homeless people.

Goldenbear · 28/11/2021 21:57

All the people I know in these scenarios have had money given to them by parents or in my DH's case grandparents as well - they had a fairly substantial fund for his post graduate Architecture education. We don't have a massive house though. The people I know in £800+ homes have had really large amounts from parents as they all do jobs that are decently paid but not enough for the homes they live in.

Naughtynovembertree · 28/11/2021 22:12

I also wonder op, even modest houses and neighbours clearly Could only afford say 250 at the time. Then houses prices boomed but, they seemed to have lots of ££ for expensive high end loft rooms /new kixthen ok only ikea but still thousands then other works...new car.. I'm intrigued as to how they managed their finances, did they take equity out? Did he really get such amount huge pay rise?
Also I know many people actually don't pay off the capital on their mortgages they only pay off the interests which saves an enormous sum.