Do you ever wonder how people afford things?

[RedRobyn2021]

We're not poor, we have a little house (2 up 2 down) that us (and the bank) own, in a really nice place and we have a lovely dog and beautiful baby.

But sometimes I find myself comparing us to others around our age (I know I shouldn't)

We are so careful with money, we always have been. We own a little car which we had on finance but eventually paid off.

I know a couple younger than us in their mid 20s who live in a brand new 3 bed, with a baby and a dog, two horses, who have just had a very fancy big wedding, showing off their brand new truck on social media this morning.

Another couple I know same age as us (early 30s) have a bigger house, with two expensive cars and a baby too.

I am so grateful for what we have and I give myself a talking to often to remind myself of this. But occasionally, I will admit I secretly feel a little jealous and also like a failure, like I went wrong somewhere. How on Earth do people afford these things?

Please be kind, I know I am being incredibly materialistic, but surely I'm not alone in sometimes feeling like this?

You should also ask for pay rises every 6-12 months, and if they don't grant it, leave. Loyalty is not rewarded - moving on is.

What planet are you on?

They probably got sponsorship for the wedding of the two horses who live in the house as it's quite unusual.

@megletthesecond

You can't ask for payrises in many jobs. Public sector, third sector and retail don't work like that.

Also difficult if you have a family commitments, kids settled in school, and don’t live in London or a major city.

@RedRobyn2021

We're not poor, we have a little house (2 up 2 down) that us (and the bank) own, in a really nice place and we have a lovely dog and beautiful baby.

But sometimes I find myself comparing us to others around our age (I know I shouldn't)

We are so careful with money, we always have been. We own a little car which we had on finance but eventually paid off.

I know a couple younger than us in their mid 20s who live in a brand new 3 bed, with a baby and a dog, two horses, who have just had a very fancy big wedding, showing off their brand new truck on social media this morning.

Another couple I know same age as us (early 30s) have a bigger house, with two expensive cars and a baby too.

I am so grateful for what we have and I give myself a talking to often to remind myself of this. But occasionally, I will admit I secretly feel a little jealous and also like a failure, like I went wrong somewhere. How on Earth do people afford these things?

Please be kind, I know I am being incredibly materialistic, but surely I'm not alone in sometimes feeling like this?

I have often thought the same things and a lot it has turned out to be debt when friend etc have disclosed things. Many have things on finance and credit cards etc which is Personal choice. I prefer to save for things in advance and buy them outright as the debt would worry me but i know that's not an option for everyone. If you're feeling like this, reflect back on how far you've come yourself and focus on what you would like to work towards

From my experience of other people I know it's parental help.

For us it was buying our place young before prices increased massively.

I’ve got one of those jobs that a lot of people don’t know what it is but it pays well! My DH has a trade and also earns great money but again I’m not sure if people really realise it. So people look at our lifestyle, our cars etc and may wonder how we do it, but the answer isn’t debt or family money. It’s just well paying jobs that people underestimate

Yes, I wonder about this too! I’m not comparing and I feel fortunate, but I get curious about some people.

Our dc and their cousins all got inheritances and used them as house deposits.
One of them partner's parent died also and left a house and savings.
I know someone who works in finance and says a lot of people inherited over the last couple of years. This will only continue as the rich babyboomers pass on their wealth before or after death.
I think bank of mum and dad and inheritances from grandparents make up a vast majority of it.
Several friends dc who graduated walked into really good salaries.

@AnneElliott

From my experience of other people I know it's parental help.

For us it was buying our place young before prices increased massively.

How odd, from everyon I know it’s been done themselves

It really is classic that if someone earns more than they are in debt or someone gave them money, they couldn’t possibly just earn more. Ans for everyone poorer they just made bad choices and didn’t work as hard.

So weird.

@Glassofshloer

Is it a smart car OP?

No, it's a Suzuki ignis. I love it. And we can just about fit the both of us, the baby, the dog and the pram in

Probably got masses of debt tbh

Almost everyone I know with big house car and lots of ‘things’ also has a sizeable credit card bill

Could be all sorts

Inheritance
Good investments made previously
Luck
Debt
Credit
Loans
Parents help them out

@Thadhiya

I'm interested!

What kind of jobs in IT?

I was brought up very privileged, lots of long holidays to villas in the south of France. Did all the hobbies I wanted and always had expensive clothes and presents. My parents owned a business, had luxury cars and a lovely large house. They always bought things whenever they wanted and were both quite flashy/extravagant. They never thought twice about taking out credit or getting into debt. My dad died recently. He’d paid off the mortgage but only had a few grand of savings in the bank. My mum will hopefully live another twenty years and will likely downsize and spend all of the equity in the house. I will be unlikely to inherit a single penny (I don’t mind).

Conversely, DH's parents lived a very frugal life. DH wasn’t allowed designer clothes, the musical instrument or the mountain bike he desired all his teen years. He once got a football strip from a charity shop because his parents wouldn’t buy him one. He got made fun of at school because it was five season old. His parents never took them abroad. They had four or five holidays his whole childhood in a friend’s cottage in the UK. They have a 4 bed house in a nice area, but they never decorate and have very old kitchen/bathrooms. They have had the same car for twenty years. His parents gifted him and his sister £30k each when they were in their late twenties to get onto the property ladder.

I actually feel very bad about it. It hasn’t made a massive difference to our lives as both DH and his sister would have managed without. But their parents sacrificed a huge amount to be able to gift them that.

DH and I try to live a life balanced somewhere in the middle. We overpay our mortgage and save quite a lot. We try not to mindlessly consume expensive items, but will indulge if we really want something. We never buy anything we cannot comfortably afford.

No, it's a Suzuki ignis. I love it. And we can just about fit the both of us, the baby, the dog and the pram in

Then it’s not really a ‘little car’ it’s just a car isn’t it

I mean it sounds like you’re underpaying your achievements. You’ve bought a house, a lot of people would love to be in that position.

There will always be people better off than you, it is what it is 🤷🏼‍♀️

I should say, his parents had jobs which paid slightly higher than the average salary.

Im always buying new stuff. My house is paid off we have a lot of holidays, day trips and weekends away. And I have savings despite a not great income.

However week by week we live extremely frugally.. As in I keep my outgoings below £200 pw including food (( bills come to £80 pw food maybe 80 too))

Basically i save hard to afford what I want, nothing extravagant, im too boring for that.. But I do see people scratching their heads wondering how can i afford the stuff I do on my not great income...... Theres nothing to it other than the fact I benefitted massively from the house prices in 2001 and the fact I save hard on the things I need so I can have fun and buy the things I want.

People have different priorities. I know people with a far lower income than us that spend more on their holidays than I ever considered, even when I was earning a six figure salary and had no children, A lot of things that I say I can't afford, what I really mean is are not worth it to me so I would never go into debt or even raid my savings for a lot of things which others feel are important and worth spending a lot on.
It's really best not to compare yourself to other people OP. You will never know the ins and outs of their situation or that they are any happier than you because they have more material things anyway.

@Goatinthegarden

I was brought up very privileged, lots of long holidays to villas in the south of France. Did all the hobbies I wanted and always had expensive clothes and presents. My parents owned a business, had luxury cars and a lovely large house. They always bought things whenever they wanted and were both quite flashy/extravagant. They never thought twice about taking out credit or getting into debt. My dad died recently. He’d paid off the mortgage but only had a few grand of savings in the bank. My mum will hopefully live another twenty years and will likely downsize and spend all of the equity in the house. I will be unlikely to inherit a single penny (I don’t mind).

Conversely, DH's parents lived a very frugal life. DH wasn’t allowed designer clothes, the musical instrument or the mountain bike he desired all his teen years. He once got a football strip from a charity shop because his parents wouldn’t buy him one. He got made fun of at school because it was five season old. His parents never took them abroad. They had four or five holidays his whole childhood in a friend’s cottage in the UK. They have a 4 bed house in a nice area, but they never decorate and have very old kitchen/bathrooms. They have had the same car for twenty years. His parents gifted him and his sister £30k each when they were in their late twenties to get onto the property ladder.

I actually feel very bad about it. It hasn’t made a massive difference to our lives as both DH and his sister would have managed without. But their parents sacrificed a huge amount to be able to gift them that.

DH and I try to live a life balanced somewhere in the middle. We overpay our mortgage and save quite a lot. We try not to mindlessly consume expensive items, but will indulge if we really want something. We never buy anything we cannot comfortably afford.

I really really hope my parents don’t live the rest of their days frugally so that they can give me money. I can earn my own money. I hope they spend it all on holidays and good wine!

Why is it odd @Bluntness100? I'm speaking from my own experience and you're speaking from yours. Nothing odd about people having different experiences surely.

Stop comparing, I know people in their early 30’s with no assets and renting a room in a shared house. I know others in 4 bedroom mortgaged houses with a couple of DC. It’s just the way it is.

Well I think you're lucky you own your own house at the same age as me but poor you

I think also (not saying you do) but a lot
of people make massive assumptions about salaries. I know people think I’m basically a kept woman, DH is well paid in a normal job. I however, am freelance and work around the kids and him, but because I’m freelance am paid well. I know the in-laws refer to it as pin money. Really, I contribute to half.

In the near future, when we have sold the businesss we have spent 30 years creating, and sold our family house to downsize, we shall give our only child a hefty wedge to buy a house. It may not pay for it outright, but it will leave DC with a manageable mortgage that he should be able to service. Not in London, mind you.