Do you ever wonder how people afford things?

[RedRobyn2021]

We're not poor, we have a little house (2 up 2 down) that us (and the bank) own, in a really nice place and we have a lovely dog and beautiful baby.

But sometimes I find myself comparing us to others around our age (I know I shouldn't)

We are so careful with money, we always have been. We own a little car which we had on finance but eventually paid off.

I know a couple younger than us in their mid 20s who live in a brand new 3 bed, with a baby and a dog, two horses, who have just had a very fancy big wedding, showing off their brand new truck on social media this morning.

Another couple I know same age as us (early 30s) have a bigger house, with two expensive cars and a baby too.

I am so grateful for what we have and I give myself a talking to often to remind myself of this. But occasionally, I will admit I secretly feel a little jealous and also like a failure, like I went wrong somewhere. How on Earth do people afford these things?

Please be kind, I know I am being incredibly materialistic, but surely I'm not alone in sometimes feeling like this?

I can only answer for myself and my family. We are in the top 1% of earners thanks to DH's successful business. I'm in a professional job working 4 days a week and earn an average professional salary.

DH worked incredibly hard at school and at university and he now works 12-14 hour days. We don't have any finance on cars etc, everything is paid up front. We had a large mortgage on our new house but DH has paid off most of it so there's only a smallish amount left.

I do feel incredibly fortunate and lucky to be in this position, the downside is that DH works long hours and does a lot of work from home so 90% of childcare is on me.

I wouldn't have nearly the amount I have if it wasn't for my parents who would rather set me up now when I need it than wait until they are dead.
They bought me a house and car and pay for the running of the car and give me money for holidays so I can concentrate on the children and work part time.
Although I'm very aware I can't have my inheritance and spend it so when the time comes I will only have their house and what's left of the savings but I do think more and more parents are doing this especially boomer age parents.

Comparison really is the thief of joy. The reality is you know nothing of these other people. Having money, a nice car, a horse, a big house, etc etc doesn’t make a person happy.

Enjoy your own life, which sounds lovely by the way, don’t worry or compare with others.

These threads are always so bitter. You assume you have more than those with less than you due to hard work, but those more fortunate have some sort of unfair leg up or irresponsible lifestyle. The vast majority of the time you won’t find out so better just to not compare and enjoy/improve your own circumstances

I do think that often people who seem extremely well off disproportionately to their jobs, there is family money there, and they have had/do have a lot of financial help.

I know someone who is a beautician part time in a salon at her house. Her husband works in a factory. They live in a beautiful house which is a converted barn, totally mortgage free as it's on her parents' land and her parents paid the costs of building it. The parents also pay private school fees for their children.

They always have designer items, nice holidays, and expensive days out because they have very few expenses

As others have said the earn more or have come into money.

As long as you are happy and not scrimping and saving every month then do not worry. People who plaster their new things all over social are not usually that happy on the inside. It is often trying to make up for something missing in their life. They probably do not even realise this.

I have struggled to buy my own home and find it still very hard financially. No help from parents though. My df is wealthy enough to help but won't (his choice, that's ok) and dm would dearly love to help but can't afford to. I have a good job and it pays very well but we live on a single income.

I have friends though who have had substantial amounts given to them for cars and houses (think of £20, 000). This has helped them put deposits down for houses and vehicles. Not to mention the extras that when they need new kitchens, etc. the family also step into help.

I wouldn't compare your situation to others. It will make you very unhappy, we have to see it that many people are lucky to have help from family who can afford to. I would do it for my dcs if I could in the future.

We were lucky as dh bought a house when he was young, this meant when I moved in (and in a very unmumsnetty way he put me on the mortgage)! I helped pay some of it off and by 34 we were mortgage free. We then moved and will be mortgage free again by 49 as we had a good deal of equity- we've planned this to be in line with when our children go to (or if they go to) uni so that we have a bit of a money cushion. We could pay it off today but it would cost us in penalties.

We aren't in high paid jobs now but are paid well enough to have a comfortable lifestyle.

They may a lot of income from one or more sources. They may have a lot of debt. They may live a sham lifestyle, such as buying a lot of stuff and then returning it after they have taken pictures of it for social media.

In either case, not your circus not your monkeys.

Oh, and there's also a lot of people making lots of money via Cryptocurrency these days

And drug dealing....

They probably earn more than you do.

I know quite a lot of people who have two good incomes coming in but have a lot of credit card debt.

Comparison is the third of joy, but it’s hard. I want to be happy I have just bought a house but I will have to do what I want to it but by bit. All around me people seem to move in and start ripping out kitchens, changing floors right through, adding extensions.

@ Bluntness100

Really - why exactly? Please do enlighten me as to what I wrote that smacks of envy.

People like you that always comment on other peoples comments rather than the topic in hand get right on my wick.

One or more of these:

They earn more
They have been left money by family members
They've won a big chuck of money (rare but I've known it happen)
They are given money regularly by parents
They got their house deposit from parents
The car comes with the job
They are in debt up to the eyeballs and one redundancy/illness away from it all imploding.

People probably think the opposite of me - I have a bashed up old car, live in a modest house in a not great area and don’t go on lots of holidays but I save a lot of money each month and don’t have any debt bar my mortgage - I’m just very cautious with money (you could say tight!) On the other hand I have friends who go for 3/4 expensive holidays a year, have flash cars, houses expensively furnished and I’m aware they have multiple credit cards and no savings.

In the long run I hope my cautious approach pays off!

@Bagelsandbrie

I think younger people particularly don’t mind getting into debt. Dh and I are in our 40s and he works with people in their 20s and the amount of debt some of them are in is staggering.

I found this too when I was teaching, there were many of my colleagues who lived from one overdraft to the next. One man bought a ver expensive car on credit he admitted he couldn't afford but he reckoned he would enjoy driving it untill it was repossessed or whatever. We were brought up with the philosophy that debt was shameful and to be avoided, admittedly it was a long time ago, and it's stuck with me.

I used to live in a village that was described as posh. Most of the ones with "everything" had no cash, it was all on tick. The amount of people with large houses and big cars that couldn't afford to pay my Husband for building work that he had done was beyond a joke, even small jobs of a couple of grand were beyond him.

@JudgeJ
We were brought up with the philosophy that debt was shameful and to be avoided, admittedly it was a long time ago, and it's stuck with me.

Well, there’s a difference between affordable debt (eg, a mortgage hopefully) and just going crazy. Basically this capitalist system of eternal growth is increasingly demanding people keep spending - that now has to be money that doesn’t exist. This is now a global phenomenon, with even populations that used to be sensible re.attitudes to debt in big trouble - eg consumer debt in China has doubled in 5 years. It’s a corrupt and broken system and the next huge financial crisis will be along in a few years with silly politicians who have thus far done nicely out of the system applying a bit of sticky tape to hold things together until the next mugs get into “power”.

Is it a smart car OP?

@LucySullivanIsGettingMarried
there's also a lot of people making lots of money via Cryptocurrency these days
There were lots of people calling it a fad, but someone who bought a couple of Bitcoin for £800 in 2016 would be sitting on £80,000 now. OK the government will take a bit in tax (if you sell) but that’s still a nice £50k+ profit!

These threads they always insist everyone has it all on credit. We don't. None of my close friends buy anything on credit. We talk about these things and talk about upgrading our cars or needing to buy a new water softener, or hoover.

You sometimes see in threads around this place that there's a large group of people who think 25k is 'a good salary' and there's no point aiming higher. My mum brought me up to aspire to no more than to 'work in Marks and Spencers'. That was it. Getting 25k to her was like winning the lottery. There was no awareness or concept of a higher salary other than for 'astronauts' or 'brain surgeons'.

It's not true. You can get into tech and start on 25k, be on 35k in under a year and be on 55k in under 3. I've got colleagues on 75-125k and they can still earn more by changing jobs every 18-24 months, some as frequently as every 6 or 12.

My mother, still disappointed I don't work in M&S, doesn't even listen when I talk about work. She thinks I 'mess about on a computer all day' or it 'sounds hard'.

Thing is, there are young people who think this too. I engage with groups and workshops who try and encourage young women into tech so they too can have these salaries, but there's a lot of resistance and disinterest. 'I can't', 'That's for men', 'I could never'. The salary amounts are simply too unbelievable for them so they think we're kidding or something, or the job must be next to impossible.

In short: there are some healthy salaries out there, but people aren't often aware of them as they may only know the pay-ranges in very low paid work like retail or social work. When your whole idea of what a salary is is only "25k-32k", you can't fathom a short course and a job switch to 55k.

You should also ask for pay rises every 6-12 months, and if they don't grant it, leave. Loyalty is not rewarded - moving on is.

@IamGusFring

I believe that many people literally just spend their money with NO thought ahead to their future . They don't think or care about retirement, pensions , unexpected costs - all they are interested in are the latest in brands , cars , TVs , phones etc and all of their money goes on that often in credit form . They have cars , phones etc on contract plans.

I also think this. I used to work in a job that required really close scrutiny of finances [divorce law!!] and the amount of debt people had was eye watering. I am really fiscally conservative and have bank accounts separated out for big events such as christmas etc with standing orders set up. I drive an 11 year old car, but we bought it outright. My phone is an office joke because it does not connect to the internet nor does it have a camera. I think we are really well off because we have minimal debts. I buy my clothes from Tesco! I'd be scared to have alot of debt. On the other side though- I think because I have been really poor in my time- I sometimes struggle to be a little carefree with spending and I need to find a better balance where that is concerned.

You should also ask for pay rises every 6-12 months, and if they don't grant it, leave. Loyalty is not rewarded - moving on is.

It doesn't really work like that in the public sector....

You can't ask for payrises in many jobs. Public sector, third sector and retail don't work like that.