Do you ever wonder how people afford things?

[RedRobyn2021]

We're not poor, we have a little house (2 up 2 down) that us (and the bank) own, in a really nice place and we have a lovely dog and beautiful baby.

But sometimes I find myself comparing us to others around our age (I know I shouldn't)

We are so careful with money, we always have been. We own a little car which we had on finance but eventually paid off.

I know a couple younger than us in their mid 20s who live in a brand new 3 bed, with a baby and a dog, two horses, who have just had a very fancy big wedding, showing off their brand new truck on social media this morning.

Another couple I know same age as us (early 30s) have a bigger house, with two expensive cars and a baby too.

I am so grateful for what we have and I give myself a talking to often to remind myself of this. But occasionally, I will admit I secretly feel a little jealous and also like a failure, like I went wrong somewhere. How on Earth do people afford these things?

Please be kind, I know I am being incredibly materialistic, but surely I'm not alone in sometimes feeling like this?

But the other thing in my own case, I had DS1 when I was 19. I don't regret that, but it has compounded financial issues by simutaneously crippling my earning capacity and increasing our living costs. Something I didn't really appreciate the compound effect of at that time.

I can see that if I'd been working full time at 19 (or studying for a qualification) and had lived in share houses or even a 1 bedroom place from 18-25ish when I married DH, we would have probably had savings by the time we had (the younger) DC, and my earning power would be 3-4x what it is now due to experience that I don't currently have.

RedRobyn2021 thankyou, we've overpaid every spare penny we've ever had and whilst we did move to a bigger house it was only a small step up the ladder. We're pretty low maintenance people. Just keep plugging away, you'll get there.

Most of my immediate circle earn roughly the same amount as me. I know this because most of us are in careers with very clear payscales (local govt, civil service, nursing etc) and we're also very open about how much we earn.

However, we all have different amounts of "stuff." It's about priorities (savings/spending), debt, and inheritance, mainly.

My friend who earns the least has the most "stuff" because of a series of deaths in her family which left her with a whacking inheritance. She has a stunning house and a massive fancy car, but of course she'd swap it all to have her family back.

Then there's the friends who have a small house and an ancient car, but loads in savings, because they're just not arsed about having "things."

There's other friends of ours who always have new cars but they're always on credit- just because having new cars is important to them.

I'm somewhere in the middle. No fancy holidays, and a very basic car, but we have a big mortgage because having a nice house was a priority.

Horses for courses innit.

RedRobyn21 I was taught how to sew and knit when very young. My Mother taught me, no TV when she grew up people had to fill their time with something. She also taught me how to make jam, chutney and ginger beer. I also remember her fitting a pane of glass, no double glazing in those days. DH taught me about plumbing, he is actually a science Professor but is good at everything practical.

@Chasingsquirrels woah!!!

That's crazy!! Come to think of it, my friends brother works in recruiting and she's said a couple of times that her brother does really well. It's not the sort of job that comes to mind when you think of the big salaries, I always imagine solicitors and dentists to have good incomes 😂

I earn the exact same as my colleagues and our DH's are broadly similar. They live in bigger houses in nicer areas with nicer cars because they all come from solid middle class families and we are from working class families. They have lots of family money and we have zero. That can make a big difference. It's not just about your salary.

I’m my job are others on same pay, same home/parenting situation, get same benefits but they can afford to run a car, smoke, have meals out. No 2nd jobs. It’s a mystery

[quote RedRobyn2021]@Chasingsquirrels woah!!!

That's crazy!! Come to think of it, my friends brother works in recruiting and she's said a couple of times that her brother does really well. It's not the sort of job that comes to mind when you think of the big salaries, I always imagine solicitors and dentists to have good incomes 😂
[/quote]
I know, I was amazed. And £120k would go a whole lot further in the area he lives than eg London.

I don't actually know any solicitors but do know quite a few dentists.
Dentistry used to be very lucrative, but as with medicine there is a long qualification period initially.
It's becoming less lucrative with conglomerates buying up smaller practices, but I don't know any poor dentists!

Either better jobs, more debt or lots of help from family

ime, 80% of big houses/big weddings in my circle have had parent help/inheritance, 20% have been very good with jobs, money, investments, sacrificed other things and worked hard.

I had a friend who lived in a 5 bed detached & I was in a little 2 up 2 down. I felt a little low that she seemed to have everything & we just plodded along.

Turns out she couldn’t sleep at night because her mortgage was so huge and the fancy cars they drove, designer clothes & handbags and the holidays they took were all on loans/finance/CC.

We had a tiny mortgage, hardly went on holiday, wore high street clothes but we slept just fine.

Op please be happy you have it all - you don't know what is going on inside other peoples lives, & marriages.

On of my dc friends had a lovely big house in the centre of town - the dh got sick & died & the house had to be sold for debts & the wife had to go back to work & lived with her adult daughter. Another friend of mine always seemed to be able to buy everything & go on overseas holiday. We only managed a week in a cheap chalet in Norfolk (but we enjoyed it) But it turned out the couple was buying everything on tick & their debts broke their marriage.
Comparison is the theft of joy.

I’ve got a couple of friends who have bought big 4 or 5 bedroomed houses as first time buyers as there are now schemes available that help you to do this.

We bought our flat, when these schemes weren’t available, with a view to selling and moving up the ladder to a house. But house prices have moved on so much we can’t afford to buy a house so we’re stuck in our flat.

I believe that many people literally just spend their money with NO thought ahead to their future . They don't think or care about retirement, pensions , unexpected costs - all they are interested in are the latest in brands , cars , TVs , phones etc and all of their money goes on that often in credit form . They have cars , phones etc on contract plans.

A lot of people have a lot of debt.

Other people I know have a lot of family help - either that family give them cash / gifts or do things like childcare that saves them money or pay for holidays for them.

Other people just earn more than you think. My job sounds modest on paper but I probably earn a good amount more than most people would guess at.

I know a few people who have inherited plus a few people who’ve had big redundancy pay outs or other windfalls.

I also know someone who shows off his latest purchases on social media and all I think is what a dick he is!

Parents? I.know some people have extremely generous parents who give them allowances or pay for huge purchases that's never been a thing in my family, I m lucky if I get a box of chocolates and a dressing gown for my birthday

I used to wonder this. Sometimes I'd think "what jobs do they do to be able to afford all this?" But now I know many of these people have had a lot of help from family.
I know many young families that are really well off, but they may mention their parents gave them £50k towards the mortgage or their Gran died and they received a large inheritance. Or some who where their parents have bought them a house outright!

I've never had that and there isn't anyone in my family who have money to leave.

@FourTeaFallOut

People tend to look at people who are poorer than them and assume they have worked harder and made better choices. Then they look at richer people and assume that those people have had better luck or some unfair advantage in life.

This is very true. You see it on here all the time. It must be debt or parental help. When in reality they are just as likely just to earn more.

It’s absolutely the case, it’s if you’re poorer then you made bad life choices and didn’t work as hard to achieve, and if your richer then you’re a twat getting parental help or have so much debt, you’re an idiot.

@Appiandterri that's actually really sad. Is your friend ok now?

@Linnet you mean like part ownership?

Those aren't as good as you imagine. They really screw you when it comes to selling to move on too. I guess it depends on your perspective they've never appealed to me anyway.

Inheritance
Debt (I've had some shocking conversations with people who don't earn much but are blasé about high debt).
Being very smart with money.

Worked overseas for five years to earn enough to buy our house outright when we came home. Cars; we bought older models and maintained them ourselves - I still drive a 30 year old Land Rover. The only real expense was as we both worked full time we employed a nanny.

[quote RedRobyn2021]@Linnet you mean like part ownership?

Those aren't as good as you imagine. They really screw you when it comes to selling to move on too. I guess it depends on your perspective they've never appealed to me anyway.[/quote]
No they aren’t part ownership that’s a different scheme. These are schemes where you are helped to buy your first home, you own the house.

It’s a government initiative, I’m in Scotland so I don’t know if this is just a Scottish initiative or if it’s uk wide. There are rules like the property must be a new build for example and you can only buy a house within a certain price bracket. But the house is yours.

How much do you earn?
There are plenty of jobs that pay decent salaries.At least 30K after 5 years of work .
These people maybe have debt but they have decent salaries to be able to pay it off.
And these salaries aren’t in the traditional professions either …

They earn more.

DH and I are both 30, debt free (mortgage paid off too)
People who have more aren’t always in debt. We would never finance a car or white goods etc like some people I know.