Do you ever wonder how people afford things?

[RedRobyn2021]

We're not poor, we have a little house (2 up 2 down) that us (and the bank) own, in a really nice place and we have a lovely dog and beautiful baby.

But sometimes I find myself comparing us to others around our age (I know I shouldn't)

We are so careful with money, we always have been. We own a little car which we had on finance but eventually paid off.

I know a couple younger than us in their mid 20s who live in a brand new 3 bed, with a baby and a dog, two horses, who have just had a very fancy big wedding, showing off their brand new truck on social media this morning.

Another couple I know same age as us (early 30s) have a bigger house, with two expensive cars and a baby too.

I am so grateful for what we have and I give myself a talking to often to remind myself of this. But occasionally, I will admit I secretly feel a little jealous and also like a failure, like I went wrong somewhere. How on Earth do people afford these things?

Please be kind, I know I am being incredibly materialistic, but surely I'm not alone in sometimes feeling like this?

They usually have more money

It’s a huge range of reasons

Jobs, investments, inheritances, debt.

Being able to do things yourself.

We saved 3k because DH could fit our kitchen. DS and DH built a big patio and new fencing in lockdown, materials cost about 1k. To pay someone to do all that would have been at least another 1.5k. I can do basic plumbing. I taught DS how to decorate a room properly in lockdown. We can both do stuff like replace a windscreen wiper and change the oil in a car, he can do more car stuff. I can sew and have made clothes, curtains and can do upholstery.

Plus being good with the money you have, ok it’s not going to buy a yacht but who here has ever haggled in John Lewis? I have and got 20% off due to a slight scuff on the box the item was in.

True about life choices FearBreedsCompliance as well as job and college choices there is emotional stuff as well. When young I met a really good looking nice guy, he had two small children. Date went went well he was a decent Dad and paid maintenance and saw them all the time. But I just didn’t go on that second date because straight away that’s a more complicated life and an income split.

There is also being willing to relocate, I have relocated twice in my life, many seem reluctant.

I'm really interested in this too (I'm nosy).

For most of the people I know who are in a similar position to the people you have mentioned, it's family money, which has given them an initial boost. These people are teachers, nurses and social workers, so they are not high earners. I'm not talking hundreds of thousands of pounds, but gifts of £40-£80,000 on a mortgage deposit can really reduce repayments, leaving more disposable income.

Also, not having to pay for childcare is another big financial boost. A grandparent who can do the school run and school holidays can save the parents thousands of pounds a year.

I remember feeling the same, when our children were pre school and it felt like we were just about getting by financially, but things did become easier for us, as our children started school and our earning increased.

@Bluntness100

I don’t mean to be rude, but surely you must know the answer to this, predominantly they earn more than you.

Yes you're quite right!

But I thought we had quite a normal income. We both have good jobs, we both try to save, have life insurance, pensions etc. I thought these couples had comparable jobs but maybe not, perhaps they do earn better

Some of the comments have made me think actually. I had never considered they could be borrowing more or had help from family or quiet lottery wins.

And the comments about comparison being the thief of joy is right, it is. Besides which money isn't the most important thing anyway. I think perhaps sometimes I just get tired of always buying second hand clothes or toys, spending ages trying to work out how to save as much as possible when planning a trip and I think how much easier and nicer it would be just to throw money at it and not worry.

I think it also has a lot to do with the fact I would love so much to have more children but when we factor in needing a big house and car, I just don't think we can do it and that makes me really sad because I really want more children.

Remember the opposite is also true - plenty of people your age can't afford to own a house or run a car.

As you go through life, there are always people richer than you and people poorer than you. There's no point dwelling on how and why.

People tend to look at people who are poorer than them and assume they have worked harder and made better choices. Then they look at richer people and assume that those people have had better luck or some unfair advantage in life.

@LucentBlade wow you're very talented!! You know about plumbing but can also make clothes? That's so cool

I think everyone maybe wonders like this .However often people who have good jobs ,and maybe family help(cant think there are too many quiet lottery winners TBH .Odds are painfully low against winning!) are spending a lot as well IFYSYIM. One rise on interest rates ,or losing their jobs may cause a problem .I think your life sounds lovely ,and one thing I have realised is that you cannot compare like for like . If you would like more children then you could still probably have one more .Look at extending your home maybe or letting DC share while small .Lots of ways round it really

Absolutely nothing wrong wondering where others get their money, and nothing wrong wishing you had a bit more. We are all human. I've found it eye opening the inheritances and family money some folk get. And of course others have well paying jobs.
Lucky buggers

I used to think this a lot when we were in the same boat as you. Having to watch every penny while others splashed the cash. I think its really important to remind yourself that the bigger house, the nice car etc doesn't make a jot of difference to their happiness. You're doing really well and I know when DH and I were in our little 2 up 2 down with our baby boy we were like pigs in muck. We gradually did start to do better financially and bought a bigger house but I have very fond memories of those early days. Even the winter when we had no heating because we couldn't afford to fix the boiler, it might sound twee but it bonded us and we've always really pulled together as a team. We also understand the value of money and have been very frugal over the years. We now have a £20k cushion of savings in the bank and are nearly mortgage free in our mid 40's. We don't have a fancy car or luxurious holidays and many people on the face of it are far better off than us but we'll soon own our home outright and I'd rather have that security than anything else. We also only had 1 DC which has made things easier and means that he could potentially get a full inheritance when we die.

Anyway, I'm rambling now but just keep doing what you're doing. Make your home cosy, enjoy the simple things in life, be frugal and you'll have the last laugh.

@purpledagger this is a good point. I have some friends the same age as us and their families gave them cash to buy their first house, a lovely 3 bed detached in an expensive area (mortgage free wow) and they're also having a really big wedding soon. They're so lucky.

They aren't in well paid jobs at all, either of them, so I guess you just never know what people have going on in the background

Comparison is the thief of joy. How many times ive read that and wondered where are these wonderful people who never compare themselves to others???

Several of my friends/families, now in their 40s, are still bankrolled by mom and dad.

Mn seems to be full of them

To be honest when we saw our peers around us able to get into the property ladder we assumed family help/inheritance. We earn £80,000 between us, and it’s taken us until the age of 35 to get a decent deposit together (we did spend ten grand on our wedding to be fair) we’re in London so it’s a big leap to get the money together and get out of renting.

No inheritance coming either of our ways, that’s just the way it is.

@ArblemarchTFruitbat you're right.

DDUW we paid our mortgage off when we were 35 we had only had it for 5 years, due to a very good investment. We didn’t tell a soul we were mortgage free until it started to come up in conversation as we all got older. My sister paid hers off and directly asked how long we had left. I said we paid it off a few years ago, It had been almost 16 years.

My beloved Toyota Corolla car was the worst car on our road for years amongst all the Mercedes, Jaguars and Audi’s. I could have gone out and bought a brand new car but my car was fine. Some git crashed in to it when it was parked in a car park and wrote it off. I think the neighbours were relieved as it brought down the road :)

The range of salaries that jobs pay can be staggering.

My uncle recently mentioned to my mum that his 30yo son, who went to uni but didn't do staggeringly well then fell into recruitment and was good at it, earns £120,000.

He lives in a not overly expensive area of the country.

I would have had no idea at all that he'd be earning anything like that much.
His parents, and mine, were staggered.

@FourTeaFallOut

People tend to look at people who are poorer than them and assume they have worked harder and made better choices. Then they look at richer people and assume that those people have had better luck or some unfair advantage in life.

You're right, this is what I have done. I'm glad you've said this because that was stupid of me to think like this.

Opps, overuse of staggered / staggeringly there!

I always think it's pretty bitter to just assume someone is in debt if they more than you, my first assumption would be they earn more money? People would probably assume we are in debt as public sector workers with the house and lifestyle we have, but our only debt is our mortgage, our other outgoings are quite low.

Help from family I think. A gift of tens of thousands would be unbelievably lifechanging for us whereas in some families it's just a totally normal thing. Mumsnet taught me that - I find it mind blowing!

@user0176

I always think it's pretty bitter to just assume someone is in debt if they more than you, my first assumption would be they earn more money? People would probably assume we are in debt as public sector workers with the house and lifestyle we have, but our only debt is our mortgage, our other outgoings are quite low.

Totally agree

@Highlanders372 thanks, that's really kind. Well done for being almost mortgage free! That's one of my dreams