Has mumsnet changed your opinion on anything

[potentiallyme]

So many people seem so set in their ways. Have you ever changed your beliefs/opinions/actions/outlook because of something you have come across on Mumsnet.
Relationship/affairs/family/politics/work/finances? Anything at all that's made you stop and see a different point of view and take it on board?

@foxgoosefinch here you go
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/922821-drug-dependant-baby-advice-needed

I agree with all you said about the thread and that wonderful woman and her DH.

Incidentally, I have often thought that many MN threads would make great radio plays. That one in particular.

@Datun I thank you for your service!

Also, Black Mumsnet is my second go to thread after Feminism. As a white woman I would never post unless invited but have learnt so much and now very aware of how much racism there is still to be dealt with and the particular problems for black women in this country especially regarding health inequalities

When I first joined MN I was one of those annoying people who would declare I wasn't a feminist because I care about men too. Thankfully the feminist board taught me to stop being a prat

Pornography.

That its ok to assert my boundaries. Ive learned the vocab to do that.

I was questioning the logic of twaw but had my eyes opened even more.

Ive dropped my baby name snobbery (well most of it).

Learned a lot more avout various illnesses, disabilities and the impact of those on your daily life.

I'm not sure I've changed my mind on anything major but I learn such a lot from Mumsnet, it is a great resource.

Most recently I learned a lot about the Meghan Markle vs ANL court case. I hadn't paid much attention to it but it is a really interesting news story about journalism and an individual's right to privacy. I was unaware of lots of minor details in the whole story about MM's letter to her father and how it was supposedly leaked to the press. I was looking forward to reading further and the Mumsnet threads would have given me so much information. But then it was deleted! I wish HQ would not delete so many threads which aren't trolls but which they deem to be "not in the spirit of the site". I still haven't learned what the spirit of Mumsnet actually is.

For me, it's the reassurance of not feeling like I'm the only furious feminist harridan out there!
And it is always an impressive level of debate, well-informed articulate passionate debate.
I've learned how abuse and violence are a continuum, and patterns and signs are not in the imagination.
I've learned and changed my views around clothing - with a DD I have moved away from thinking soem young women's clothing "inappropriate" and now much more of the view she is not responsible for what other people think of it or of her.
I'm sure there's more...

Fundamental changes for me. Big F Feminism from the FWR boards, changing my 90s cool girl lib fem bollocks into something that actually centres women.
Prob as important is the insights from the relationship boards, about emotional abuse, DV, The Script etc. I have learnt more from here about this stuff than I learnt on a four year counselling course and I’ve been of real use to clients referring to the Freedom Programme, explaining DARVO etc. This is boots on the ground feminism…

Toddler reins. I used to (inwardly) turn up my nose at people who used them. Then I read an account of a mother whose toddler had run off on a car park and been killed by a car.

It changed my mind on reins. But more importantly, it made me try to think less rigidly and judgementally about other people's parenting decisions.

I remember that @FriedasCarLoad - she would often come into threads on reins to share her story.

Some toddlers might be fine without reins. But if you have a determined bolter with no sense of risk (as my DD was), sometimes reins are literally the only way to be properly safe.

Great thread - thank you OP.
Started with the Relationships board - OMG were my eyes opened to the reality of so many women's lives as well as my own relationship flaws.
I weep on the bereavement board, feel an inadequate dog owner on the Doghouse and am daily in awe of the articulate and passionate women on the feminist boards. It feels as if we are in a fight for the identity and existence of women as a sex class. We cannot let the rights of our daughters, granddaughters and sisters disappear.
Mumsnet has so much to be proud of with this fantastic women centred site.

I agree with amillionrosepetals - I also had no idea about domestic violence and how it often starts. I'd not heard of 'love-bombing' or the boiling frog syndrome - these opened my eyes and I'm much more understanding.

[quote BloodinGutters]@Datun

And to add to my last point, I also hope Justine considers that she owes that outstanding resource that will earn her a place in political history to a vanguard of exceptionally dedicated and thoughtful women who MN banned, many for things that are discussed freely now that never should have been outlawed on a forum primarily for women’s very valid concerns that arise from the experience of being mothers, like safeguarding.[/quote]
Yes. We've lost some truly irreplaceable women.

I too am going say gender ideology and the issues with the "trans women are women" school of thought. I used to think "be kind" and now understand better just how dangerous that mentality is, and I think it's a mentality a lot of women have been conditioned into having "be kind, don't rock the boat, budge up and make room for men."

Many threads on relationships have made me realise how lucky I am to have DH.

I would also add the Money boards educated me on the importance of pension savings and a lovely poster on there encouraged me to open a Stocks and Shares ISA when previously I'd just assumed it was only for real financial boffins. That board really opened my eyes, gave me confidence and has enabled me to take charge of my own financial future.

It's a mixture of Mumsnet and getting older for me (plus a smidgeon of getting myself back after being divorced).
I take no shit now. If my view is unpopular, then so be it. Not in a bad way, (I'm very aware of prejudice, bias and intolerance), more in a 'not afraid to speak up if I know something's wrong' kind of thing. So for example, I might speak out at work even where others wouldn't.
I also see what support a bunch of complete strangers can give to each other, which heartens me when a lot of what I see of people in real life is that folk are more selfish and entitled nowadays.

The realisation of how many truly appalling men there are out there.

The realisation of how many truly appalling men there are out there.

Yes. And how similar a lot of the things they say and do are. So many women’s accounts of their husbands/partners/boyfriends are exactly like they’re describing my father and the other men I’ve known that have abused my female relatives and friends.

@Rissole and @QuiteQuaint, I kind of knew it, but coming to Mumsnet familiarised me with the term gaslighting and confirmed what an arsehole my XH was.

LangCleg . . . . .

Men. I'm a lesbian and didn't really speak to men much anyway but the Relationships board is horrific and killed any faith in men that I had to start with tbh

@GalaxyPostcard

Men. I'm a lesbian and didn't really speak to men much anyway but the Relationships board is horrific and killed any faith in men that I had to start with tbh

Aw, that's a shame. I kinda see where you're coming from but honestly, my husband is amazing. He's a genuinely good person, kind and loving with integrity and good humour. I think he'd restore your faith!

But I know that sounds very namalt of me and I'm not denying there are many many shits out there... if anything reading about them on here has made me appreciate mine so much more. Not that he's doing anything extraordinary by being a decent human being of course, it should be the norm.

Yes. Before MN, I really thought feminism had achieved equality.

Now, I understand it was only for women like me and only until they had children,

My eyes have been truly opened to domestic violence, coercive control and financial abuse.

I came for AIBU, having been on a US forum that I thought was pretty outspoken - it was soft stuff in comparison. Hilarious threads like the one about the guest towels, Mexican house thief,etc. Then I began reading Relationships, total eye opener and goldmine of information about psychology. And then to FWR - even more eye opening - solidified my 90s lib feminism into something much stronger, taught me so much. The transwidows thread is heartbreaking, but I'm thankful those women have each others mutual support and aren't wholly alone. Surrogacy I'm now totally against. Some amazing professional advice on threads about work problems. And some great additions to my vocabulary: spoony fucker, cf, cocklodger, etc., etc.

For me, under a different user name, I discovered so much:

The malevolence of MLMs and their exploitation of vulnerable wormen

The ways in which men control women, and why women often can’t leave

The kindness of strangers (especially when my son had leukaemia)

But I’m afraid I also have to credit the feminism board. Back in 2013 when my son and I were in hospital for long periods, I started reading the board because I was unable to concentrate on books or even TV shows. I have developed a real and abiding love of other women and a fierce wish to protect every one of my sisters. I have become anti surrogacy, anti pornography and anti prostitution. I have understood the the rules of misogyny and the dangers of manipulating thought through language. I’m less “kind” but more concerned with justice.

The men who do it are often those you would least expect.
As far as I knew I had a wonderful partner.

Then one day there was this overweight ugly man punching and kicking me.

All I have are bad memories. He had planned to do it.

When I posted on MN about it a lot of the replies were vile. Things like 'Have you no boundaries?' and a lot worse

How was that going to help me?

People can be horrible