Has mumsnet changed your opinion on anything

[potentiallyme]

So many people seem so set in their ways. Have you ever changed your beliefs/opinions/actions/outlook because of something you have come across on Mumsnet.
Relationship/affairs/family/politics/work/finances? Anything at all that's made you stop and see a different point of view and take it on board?

It’s wonderful to see how many women are referencing the feminist boards.

I remember an epic thread in November 2015 which I think was the jumping-off point for a lot of us. Before Fair Play for Women, before WPUK, before Posie Parker, before that first event when transactivists beat Maria Mac up at Speakers’ Corner.

The Women’s Equality Party had just expressed their support for the inclusion of trans-identifying male prisoners in women’s prisons, and I for one realised at that point that if we didn’t do something no bugger else would…

I don’t know about changed opinion but has made me more aware of the range of views on everything from daft, meaningless stuff like people thinking it’s common to sit out the front of your house to more important stuff around relationships etc.

I’m also more aware of the lengths that some people will go to (manipulating facts and distorting reality) in order to make a point, which makes me reflect on communication generally.

I also reflect sometimes that the reason these things are surprising to me is that I choose not to spend time in real life with people who communicate in that way and question why I am getting sucked into a debate with these people (ostensibly inviting them into my home).

Oh there is something I’ve learned, that even if someone has the best of intentions, spends all their time looking after other people and / or are struggling with something, some people will think you’re a selfish arsehole if you’re late.

the sheer hatred of men and victim mentality

Where do you see this on a regular basis, if at all? I don’t.

The feminist board and relationships board. Absolutely eye opening...
Sex/gender politics and what's at stake for me, Grey rock concept, DARVO.

Then I stick around for Christmas, chat, gardening, maybe a few more
I love hearing women talk. I work in a male dominated env, 3 boys at home. Love them all but sometimes I need an antidote to all that maleness everywhere.

Biggest gathering of women in history - and happy to be a part of it. ( @Datun - quick copywrite it.)

And I have been pleased to find that my views and practices regarding hygiene and housework are reassuringly moderate, if a bit on the slack side.

Mumsnet has opened my eyes to many feminist issues including:

Gender critical views
Surrogacy
"Sex work"
Autistic girls and women

It has also made me realise what an unbelievably privileged bubble I live in, and made me much more aware of issues around poverty, race and disability.

And on a more cheerful note this website has helped me have some amazing holidays and was also responsible for my discovery of Georgette Heyer novels, for which I will always be thankful .

I learned that Spoony Fuckers exist outside of my household, and what they are called.

Not sure if it's changed my mind so much as opened it.This is a lovely thread.

Ive found so much support and advice on here regarding children. Feminism seems to be a key theme here, and my lifetime of fairly strident feminist ranting has been validated on here somewhat too.

I have posted on relationships and found a mix of views helpful. Not sure whether it's changed my mind on action to take, but has made me realise that my concerns are at least valid.

@Mouseonmychair

Really agree. The often unaware man hating and immediate victim mentality in any circumstance has really turned me off support for feminist groups. So many are just so one eyed here.

Feminism boards - I used to think "live and let live" but the feminism boards made me wake up and realise what was really going on.

I also think MN has opened my eyes to how privileged I really am.

[quote SaltyPepper]@Mouseonmychair

Really agree. The often unaware man hating and immediate victim mentality in any circumstance has really turned me off support for feminist groups. So many are just so one eyed here.[/quote]
I’d be interested in examples of where you see this. I find the exact opposite on many threads not on the feminism boards — a widespread tendency to defend obviously dreadful partners, and to jokily excuse male behaviour.

Lots of things but the main one is that people on low incomes/benefits aren’t just “not trying very hard”

I’m not great at remembering names, bar the greats that we all know about, but there’s a poster on feminism boards who has said a few times how Justine really should be more proud of the collective knowledge and resources of the posters on fwr.

She’s right.

It opened my eyes, although possibly in a slightly different way from how others are meaning.

The feminism I grew up around, read about and studied in women’s studies modules really was liberal ‘feminism’. That we must support any choice women make because that’s feminism. The social construction of gender course taught gender=being a woman, and sex=female. Was basically a precursor to twaw. And I always felt somewhat turned off feminism by that.

Understanding that it always was about political liberation of women helped it become something that resonated and gave me reasoned arguments for things I instinctively had felt were true already.

So the women of fwr helped me understand what sociology and women’s studies academics from my uni only confused me about.

It’s definitely a resource Justine should be very very proud of. It makes MN part of a political movement, it will make history.

It has really brought home to me how sheltered so many y people are. The sheer ignorance and bigotry on display is astonishing. Middle class mouthy folk spouting opinions about people who are struggling, so much xenophobia, so much fattism and ableism. It's like being a spy and being able to listen in on conversations.

Like so many PPs, the feminism board opened my eyes to TWAW, pornography, surrogacy, prostitution. I have always identified as a feminist, but it now means something completely different to me. I see things so much more clearly now and I feel a real solidarity with other women, more than any other characteristic.

Also, just how many women are in shit relationships and how much men get away with day to day.

The feminism boards have opened my eyes to systematic, structural inequalities and the way the world is geared around men’s wants and needs in a more holistic way that I’d previously appreciated. The trans issue is just more of the same but on steroids.

I understand safeguarding frameworks better.

The relationships boards opened my eyes to the more insidious forms of domestic abuse like coercive control and financial abuse. Previously I’d puzzled over why women didn’t just up sticks and leave. Once I understood the way in which all her support networks and confidence in her own thoughts and decisions are destroyed, it helped me understand why women stay. That knowledge helped me see what was happening to a close relative and to work with relatives to make sure she wasn’t cut off from us. We were able to collectively offer consistent, careful support and help her get out of a rapidly escalating situation. Thank you vipers!

The gender debate. Previously I was live and let live. Who cares what people wear and so what if Eddie is a woman today. That’s all changed now. I understand the sport issues, the sex vs gender debate, changing rooms etc etc.

It’s opened my eyes to how much time & effort some ppl will go to discredit, harass and attack a website predominantly used by women who - the horror - talk and have opinions some men don’t like and how many ppl do think that being a mum equals ‘even if she was a professor of astro physics, now she’s a mum she has fluff for brains and can’t understand hard things!!’

Completely unexpectedly as a childless woman I’ve found phenomenal understanding and support from the women here as well as way more women without children than I expected

I’ve definitely realised how incredibly lucky I am compared to many

I’ve also learned that no matter how outlandish your celeb crush is, someone n mumsnet will share it

Another one for the Feminist board. When the Spartacus movement started up, I thought it was a load of unmitigated crap. Then I started to notice what was going on in the world, and realised how important it was to remain alert to how various rights were being utterly undermined - and right in front of us.

I came for The Archers, found help on the Health and SEN boards, had my mind opened on Relationships, and learned the concept of critical thinking on Feminism.

It has been a massive education. I have spent far too much of my life trying to change myself and be nice to fit in, and now I see how it doesn't work.

I am no longer addicted to The Archers

I will add though that I differ quite significantly on various lines of argument on the feminist boards too.

[quote SaltyPepper]@Mouseonmychair

Really agree. The often unaware man hating and immediate victim mentality in any circumstance has really turned me off support for feminist groups. So many are just so one eyed here.[/quote]
I think this is what the Feminist board has offered me: information to change my mind about key things (I used to wonder what all the fuss was about surrounding trans issues), and information for me to realise that sometimes I disagree with the consensus on that board significantly. I do not believe in "The Patriarchy", for example, and I find the misandry on here breathtaking at times.

It has been a massive education. I have spent far too much of my life trying to change myself and be nice to fit in, and now I see how it doesn't work

Me too! (but I'm still addicted to The Archers )

Oh yes definitely.

Gender debate
Surrogacy
How schools deal with SEN pupils

Not feminism so much as I was always a feminist to my core but in specific areas, like surrogacy, mn has clarified my thinking and hardened my position in that I’m very anti surrogacy now because I can see the wider implications.
On the flip side MN has opened my eyes to how insanely uptight a lot of women are about really normal things! Like.. answering the door, or getting your mum to babysit for free or shouting at your kids. I always thought people were really the same deep down no matter what class or income level, but I have learned how polarising some really small things can be, which is a bit sad really. Plus I have learned I am quite common.