Has mumsnet changed your opinion on anything

[potentiallyme]

So many people seem so set in their ways. Have you ever changed your beliefs/opinions/actions/outlook because of something you have come across on Mumsnet.
Relationship/affairs/family/politics/work/finances? Anything at all that's made you stop and see a different point of view and take it on board?

Echoing PPs, definitely the feminist board. I always thought of myself as a feminist and was always very "live and let live". But my eyes are opened. Women's spaces and rights being eroded, even the use of words like "woman" and "mother" being sidelined. The ongoing violence against women, Sarah, Sabina and all the other women killed by men. The whole #AskRapeCrisisScotland "reframing trauma" debacle (!) was the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

Again, relationships, but more to do with family relationships. Made me see my background and upbringing in a new light. Key word being enmeshment. Still unpicking this. Probably always will be.

Mental health board, sometimes in AIBU and Chat - many women describing their day to day struggles and how they are affected, etc. Various posts struck a chord, found myself saying "that's me!" often, then eventually like many of these posters I sought help and here I am with my ADHD (and eventually autism) diagnosis.

1. I feel less lonely knowing there are women out there who can empathise and advise 2. Feminist Boards - the articulate women whose clarity helps me define my own thoughts 3. The importance of financial independence within relationships 4. I reclaimed money after seeing advice on miss-selling loans 5. Elderly Parents board helped me to get my mother some extra help - enabling me to do part time work

So very much advice in one place about how to do the women thing more easily.

@Nel246

Surrogacy

This. Plus other feminist issues. There are many fiendishly clever and articulate women on the feminist boards, a joy to read and to be part of.

Relationships board was lifechanging, not just to get over leaving an abusive relationship but to properly understand how I got sucked in to one in the first place and to change the beliefs that I hadn't really been aware I had that made me vulnerable to them.

And yes, absolutely the feminism board. The two are related in many ways: there are specific things that women need to talk about and support each other with and be aware of, both for themselves and for supporting other women.

The linking thing that I've most appreciated: the breadth and variety of life experience and knowledge of intelligent women here talking together, sharing links, books, articles, the evidence to go and make up your own mind. There's nowhere else like this.

My relationship (and how bad it was). I actually knew it was bad already really - but I was so deep in cognitive dissonance I needed confirmation if that makes sense.
Various issues around race - I was already anti-racism in theory but occasional lurking on the black mums-netters section (I don't post there) has made me more aware of things I hadn't given much thought to before I'm ashamed to say.
And yes, the TWAW debate. And how different the dominant portrayal of GC women is completely different to the reality (intelligent, not "anti-trans" or far-right, very diverse etc).

So... thanks!

Just to add - the key thing the feminist board (and then JK Rowling) gave me was the knowledge that I can be completely supportive of other peoples rights to dress how they want, live the lives they want etc AND believe completely in the right to single sex spaces, to women's rights to define themselves. Basically, you can be tolerant, left wing and gender critical.

Surrogacy is the biggest one.
I didn't believe the (what I thought was) hyperbole about gender eclipsing sex in law and what that might mean, so I came here to question it and learned a lot about feminism in general.

Also I didn't know about coercive relationships, red flag behaviour etc. I wish I'd known this stuff when my friend was in a relationship with an arsehole.

I've just scrolled through and all of my things have been mentioned by pp.

Feminism is the most striking and the most transformative. I always called myself a feminist, but in a very passive way. It didn't engage my brain very much, so when my teenage daughter called me a 'white feminist' in an argument I couldn't articulate exactly why I found that so wrong and offensive. Thanks to FWR I absolutely can now (and have )

I am better informed and have challenged and tested the views I hold, thanks to FWR. I have modified many views, widened my understanding, and realised where my own personal line in the sand is. Feminism and the current fight to protect women's rights is now a central and active part of my life.

Echoing the pp who said privilege. I have a comfortable middle class life with a nice husband and work in a woke profession. I have had personal tragedies and suffered setbacks, but MN has made me realise that I am SO PROTECTED by my circumstances. I had no perspective on that and it has really changed the way I interact with the world and my values. I am more self-aware, and also more socially aware. I often notice friends expressing opinions that show they don't have this perspective and are unaware of how their views play out outside their safe middle class bubble. it makes me very grateful that I found MN.

MN taught me something huge: that you can have a public SM platform which doesn't inevitably descend to name calling and abuse but facilitates intelligent, supportive discussions even on delicate, difficult or controversial topics.

Yes there are trolls that pop up, but they're dealt with firmly and fairly for the most part.

What a great thread, OP! Who would have thought there was so much thinking and growing and challenging going on. No wonder people who just want women to be quiet, compliant and kind froth about MN so much. We're terrifying them.

It really is a fantastic resource. And this thread shows how all the boards dovetail together.

You find out about red flags and the script and coercive control on relationships, you go to feminism and realise how that fits in to wider society and what is expected of women, and a lot of things come shuddering into place. Your views change, unseen perspectives emerge left field.

Sometimes I feel it's like I can suddenly see through the matrix. There's a clarity that was hidden before.

And yes, to all the other things. Realising where you, yourself, fit into society and how a lot of people struggle. It promotes tolerance. And not in a happy clappy, let's be kind to everyone sort of way. It's in a fierce, viperish, protective sort of way.

Thousands upon thousands of women. All talking, all sharing their experience. The benefits are immeasurable. It's very powerful.

It’s definitely a resource Justine should be very very proud of. It makes MN part of a political movement, it will make history.

Yes.

The covid data threads have been great as well.
On the flipside it's made me aware how dismissive people are of "mums" online, and not just sneery blokes (who are just as "online") but other mums etc. I had to explain to one irl friend (mum with a professional job) that a thread had e.g. legal experts on who happened to also be mothers...

I learnt the 14 rules of misogyny

Number 12: Women's ability to recognize male behaviour patterns is misandry.

Not so much changed my opinion but I understand more about things such as pregnancy and childbirth. Before I joined MN I was clueless about any of the finer points of having a baby - I never wanted one, so I'd never looked into it. I wouldn't call myself an expert or anything now, but I am no longer totally clueless.

This was helpful when I had to manage pregnant colleagues at work as it meant I could offer some support and advice when doing things like risk-assessments rather than sitting like a lemon waiting for the colleague to speak.

@Datun

And to add to my last point, I also hope Justine considers that she owes that outstanding resource that will earn her a place in political history to a vanguard of exceptionally dedicated and thoughtful women who MN banned, many for things that are discussed freely now that never should have been outlawed on a forum primarily for women’s very valid concerns that arise from the experience of being mothers, like safeguarding.

I think it would be interesting to know how long posters have been MNers for too as it would probably reflect how we use MN. I have been here since early 2000s so have benefitted from so much advice and support throughout the baby/toddler/primary/secondary/further education plus SEN, health, elderly parents etc It's been invaluable.

Now I am older and my DC are young adults I have more time for the "leisure" sides of MN, style and beauty, gardening etc and learning about FWR. Like PPs, I've always been a feminist but have been so much more educated and aware of issues via MN and now I am proud to be an activist.

I am also in awe of just how many knowledgeable and talented and articulate amazing women there are on here. It's fantastic (and I genuinely feel sad for women who don't see that and just fall for the clichès of man hating hysterical witches. If that's what people "see" it says so much about them, and surely seeing the huge number/vast majority of posts on this thread saying how beneficial FWR is, would give them pause for thought?)

It really annoys me that by standing up for women, we are accused of having an agenda of man hating (and in RL people also add "and you're probably a lesbian") I don't hate men, I have DSs and a DH who I love very much but I'm intelligent enough to see the disadvantages women face in society and want to help eradicate them. Someone turning that around, making it all about the poor men and dismissing feminist concerns gets very tiring after a while. And they are scoring a spectacular own goal against themselves - how can a woman not be in favour of women's rights?!

As well as some of the stuff already mentioned, I've learnt a lot about racism. Not the overt, EDL type, but the casual racism that almost goes unnoticed. Things like hair cuts or use of language, the lingering effects of colonialism etc. And how much racism there actually is still.

Another one who came for pregnancy advice and got sucked into the MN universe and now feel very much at home here.

The first board to change my life was the Relationships board. Before I started reading that I had no idea what emotional abuse was or how many women were living controlled and miserable lives. It was heartbreaking to have my eyes opened to that but I now understand a lot more, donate to women's aid, and will never automatically take a man's side when heading about Relationship issues from a woman. I feel so ashamed of how I'd been socialised before.

Secondly the feminist boards. From heading about and suddenly recognising every day sexism, to understanding more ably the problems of porn (and subsequently banning DP from watching porn, with a detailed explanation why) , to the issues surrounding abortion and surrogacy, and obviously the giant problem which is the clash of trans and women's rights.

If not for the feminism boards I would be a bekind lefty liberal paisley smiling while waving men into our single sex spaces.

I've been reading MN nearly 10 years and it's profoundly changed the way I see the world and my place in it.

I've also been educated by the Black MNers board which I enjoy visiting and also the politics (Brexit and Trump).

If not for MN I think I'd have got a lot more sleep over the last 5 years

Awareness of the other side of the trans/ feminism debate -' being kind' sounded so right The comparisons with racism etc. seemed not to sit well but I found it hard to explain why. The feminism board has really helped me with this.

Low carb eating and the low-carb bootcamp on here has been a life-changer for me. I thought 'food fad fashion' at first but now know much more. I learnt so much from BIWI and company -and have been able to go elsewhere to read more.

Understanding what is going on when some abused women don't leave their abusers. This made no sense to me at all; I've learnt a lot.

Came for the Relationships board and stayed for the Feminism board.

The latter has changed my views on trans issues, sex work and pornography amongst other things.

The Relationships board has helped me understand why women stay in abusive relationships which has reinforced my feminism.

I will totally speak out now on feminist issues with my teens, my partner, friends, family and colleagues - anyone in fact!

Hello - we've really enjoyed reading all your posts and we're v v pleased that so many of you have found MN helpful, entertaining and supportive.

With that in mind, we'd like to ask a favour if that's okay? We've been getting some pretty negative reviews on Trustpilot from unhappy campers who we've had cause to ban or otherwise sternly tell off for various misdemeanours.

If anyone feels able to add their honest experience of the site for the sake of balance, we'd be super grateful. Here's the link.

I love the feminism boards, but I’ve been a mouthy radical feminist since I was about fourteen, so I wouldn’t say they’ve changed my mind as such (the headmaster of my school once told me I was destined to become a “feminist lecturer” and much as I hated the ghastly sexist old fucker by god he was right )

Instead I want to nominate the things I learned about birth and babies when I had my DD back in 2013, especially birth trauma and breastfeeding. I’m not sure changed my mind is the right way of phrasing it, but I found MN immeasurably helpful and it opened my eyes to the sheer hard work and range and depth of female labour and experience in bringing up children. And the knowledge of posters about relationships, psychology, children, SEN - all sorts of things.

A real life-changing point for me was reading the long thread in Classics by the woman who fostered drug-addicted babies (she later died of breast cancer, very sadly).

Just experiencing a tiny bit through her writing the sheer love and work of what she did was transformative for me. As someone who’s always worked in very rational, male-dominated environments, it made me think very differently about what matters in life and what meaningful work really is.

(It also put into perspective the sheer darn pettiness, artificiality and endless overcomplicated busywork of most male-dominated workplaces and status hierarchies.)

I now think very differently about the separation between public and private life and what kinds of things our society could and should value differently. Things I might have dismissed earlier in my life as not very important I now think of as very important, especially the unpaid emotional work of women.

Definitely the feminism board. I'm another one who has always identified as a feminist but didn't initially understand the insidious creep of trans issues on the sphere of women's rights. Many thanks to all the wise and intelligent women for clearly articulating the issues and for sometimes making me laugh out loud with your witty ripostes to provocateurs.

Ps It hasn't necessarily changed my opinion, but I've enjoyed many books recommended on the 50 Book Challenge which I wouldn't otherwise have come across.

Oh and if anyone can find any link to the thread I mean (the lady who did fostering for the drug-addicted babies), I’d love to highlight it but can’t remember what it was called. It made me weep floods of tears and her dedication was so inspiring that I’ve never forgotten it.

@foxgoosefinch

Oh and if anyone can find any link to the thread I mean (the lady who did fostering for the drug-addicted babies), I’d love to highlight it but can’t remember what it was called. It made me weep floods of tears and her dedication was so inspiring that I’ve never forgotten it.

Wasn't she called EMIN or Earth Mother I'm Not?