A useless grandparents rant

[Liverbird77]

I just need to moan!
I haven't been to the hairdresser for more than a year. Just saying this so it's clear I am not in and out of salons every month.

I finally booked a hair appointment and immediately told my husband, who then told me he was going to Poland with work that weekend (Friday to Sunday/Monday). He hadn't seen fit to write this on the family calendar or mention it.

I am not exactly over the moon about this trip, which is mainly a piss up, because I'll be left alone with a two year old and a one year old. Two year old is potty training, there's a kid's party to get to at a farm a long way away on the Saturday, both ate a handful at bedtime etc etc. Anyway.

There aren't any other appointments available because everything has been booked already. I asked my mum if her and my dad would look after the children between 1-6. I'd do morning playgroup, lunch, put them down for naps, prep dinner.
Anyone would think I was asking the fucking earth.
So much sighing and huffing and "we'll do our best", "we'll try to change the baby's nappy" etc etc.

They live 40mins away. There's a direct train, although they have to get a bus to the station their end. Anyone would think it's the end of the Earth.
For context: my mum babysat once in 2019 on my birthday. We put the baby to sleep and went out for two hours. She tried to cancel on us. She sat with home once for an hour when I had a hospital appointment. They both babysat the eldest for four hours when I had to go away from work and before my husband could get home (10am-2pm) and then when I was giving birth to number two. I mean literally giving birth. Husband came back home about an hour after. When I got home, we cooked them a full dinner and then they left.
They come to our house for Christmas and expect to be waited on hand and foot. We pay for it all. Their house is a shithole and we never get invited there. They never offer to take the kids for a trip out or anything.

Anyway, I've told my mum not to bother because it's obviously such a big deal. I am now trying to find a one off babysitter or childminder for that afternoon. Oh, but the week before I'll have to drive over to her house, pick her up, give her birthday present and take her out for lunch. Then they'll be over for Christmas to eat and drink and be fucking waited on.

I go to playgroup with my youngest and there's grandparents there week in and week out. I go to the park and there's grandparents there.
My dad shows less interest than my mum.
I am an only child so these are their only grandchildren. In laws live abroad.
It makes me so angry and upset!!

I do not expect regular childcare but I really think they could help out once without making such a big deal of it, especially when they expect to come over at Christmas/Easter etc for our hospitality.

and forgot to add...what an unpleasant, unsupporting , vile woman you are @mum11970

They have GC and aren’t interested would indicate they aren’t child friendly. You reinforced it when you mentioned you are an only child.
You could try talking to them but I doubt you’d achieve much.
Post your mums present telling her you are to busy to come as you have no childcare and cancel Christmas dinner.
If they can’t put themselves out why should you?

Agree with most replies, Completely sympathise had one set of my kids GPs that cared & helped out but had medical conditions which meant I rarely asked and another set that were like yours & other posters feigned doting GPs with friends but the opposite in reality.
I can't add more to what others have said... except so many people had the same phrase & I was sure that it was going to end differently...
As for the Christmas invite I'd tell them...
(my polite ending).. 2 stick it where the sun don't shine.

We look after our granddaughter every fortnight while daughter works and take older grandson to school Unfortunately other daughter lives 150miles away so she books us if anything special we always are asking .Maybe we do more now if mums drive like I do both my childrens set of grand parents mums couldn’t .My husbands parents were more interested being on the golf course than looking after their grandchildren .Also because the eldest 2were girls not that bothered.We got why send a girl to University she’s only going to get married and stay at home .They had a fairly good relationship with them but not with me to old fashioned

Cant understand grandparents like that i would absolutely love to look after them. Dont invite them and do not wait on them. They sound absolutely awful, giving no help for their own grandchildren.

I am so glad that you found a solution OP, and sorry that what should have been a lovely treat ended up being so stressful and upsetting. You were not at all unreasonable to hope for some kindness and support and for your parents to want to spend some time with your children - that’s what family should be about. I hope the appointment goes well.

What age do people think Grandparents should help out? My own DM is 70 and has advanced Alzheimer’s and I care for her and my DF died when he was 75 so I can’t imagine asking parents in their 70’s for help.

It was the "we'll try to change baby's nappy" that did it for me!! post the birthday present and cancel their invitation to Christmas lunch

If GP's have health problems or show signs of dementia and Alzheimer's, would you trust them to look after two minors? I wouldn't and I'm sure Op wouldn't as well so I'm assuming that's not the case. That being said, I trust my parents to look after my 2.5 yearold in my own home or my parents' home as it's child proofed everywhere whereas I don't ever send him away on a day trip outdoors because my little boy is hyperactive and it would be too much for them to handle given their age.

It's easier for them to look after him at home as he has his toys, the garden and his routine in both homes whereas being outdoors would mean more tantrums, being more defiant and just running off and my parents wouldn't be able to cope with that whereas at home/parents home they can snack the hell out of him, put him infront of peppa pig, play with play dough or let him play in the garden and they can just watch him which they prefer.

My parents do not have dementia, or anything like that.
My mum has arthritis in her hands and is fairly weak and can't pick up the kids, but my dad is perfectly able to do easily.
That's why both were coming.
She does have the manual dexterity to change a nappy, my dad would just have picked the youngest up and put her on changing mat. She will be almost 17 months by then, so not having explosive poos every ten minutes! The eldest who will be three at the end of December, will have been out of nappies for two months by then, and he's already dry in the day and takes himself to the toilet (just needs supervision and maybe a bum wipe if necessary!)
My mum is always going shopping in the two cities nearest to where they live so she is in no way housebound or unable to function.
They have their own playroom, with loads of books, toys, tunnels, Pickler Triangle, rocking horses... basically loads to do so they wouldn't have to leave the house.
There's the garden with swings and a slide.
There's television.
I can bet dollars to doughnuts the kids will be asleep for the first couple of hours. Their morning activity knackers them out!
They would have been giving them a cold "picky" tea, so no food prep involved. I would have done clean up when I got home, as well as teeth and changing them.
I offered them the chance to stay the night, so they wouldn't have had to travel home tired. I would have done their evening meal and breakfast.
Basically, I would have made it so they had to do the bare minimum. We have a stairgate, so kids wouldn't be able to run off, we have a downstairs toilet. Kitchen is childproofed. All they really had to do was make sure there wasn't a fire/some other disaster.

Chippymunks I think that completely depends on health, I have relatives in their 80s that still do the odd bit of childcare ("easy" childcare though like looking after an 11 year old or watching a sleeping baby for half an hour). This is in Italy though where everyone tends to live much closer to extended family.

@Camomila our family in Spain are the same. Both grandparents in their 70's. They are very involved when we go over. Their view of family is very different.

When my mother in law was over for my daughter's birthday in the summer, she was bustling round, helping a friend who has twin babies and absolutely revelling in holding them and cuddling them.
In contrast, my parents plonked down and waited to be served wine. I don't think my father hardly even acknowledged the birthday girl.

Hahaha, I love this! Currently googling unhelpful grandparents, finding I’m not alone. It is so shit.

I've read the whole thread and just noticed it's from 2021 - I wonder how things are now OP? @Liverbird77

And me, wondering the same. Hope the hair was a success @Liverbird77