Things I learned too late in life

[Spiceup]

No one anywhere has ever had their life improved by me wearing high heels. I now wear comfy shoes for every occasion and life is immeasurably better. I can move quicker, get more done in a day and never miss any fun because my feet hurt or I don't have suitable footwear. I don't know what on earth possessed me for so long.

What's yours?

Marry your first true love. It doesn't come around every day. Spend your twenties focussing on yourself and not other people - having children and parents means you'll be doing enough of that later on in life.

That my family are human = we are all fallible. Forgive, understand, love and tell them. Good health, happiness and loving them and valuing them and myself is all that matters. Don't waste time.

My time is the most valuable thing of mine that I can give someone because I can never get it back.

Enjoy your life and if you aren’t enjoying it, take stock of the situation and change tack!

That dissatisfaction is the catalyst for change so instead of moaning be proactive.

That it’s NEVER too late to learn

Treat your body and mind with care and respect and kindness

Live life to the full, you never know what’s around the corner

You can’t take ££ to the grave but you will take your memories and regrets so come to terms with any regret as soon as you can and set your life path making as many happy memories as you can

Never take good health and mobility for granted.

Give yourself an annual MOT and fix what’s wrong,

Be grateful for everything good in your life and for everything that makes you happy which is another way of looking at what your feelings might be in mourning- don’t waste time waiting for the end before acknowledging your love and appreciation.

If you don’t use it you will lose it.

@Aria999

How to be (relatively) effortlessly slim

This is something I haven’t figured out yet. What’s the secret?!

Every action does not need a reaction,
Trust yourself
If it looks like shit and smells like shit and feels like shit it is infact shit!
Never complain Never explain just dump out of your life and move on you are worth way more
Listen to your children,they are fonts of knowledge
My ultimate personal favourite only cos I get a kick out of it weirdly is be nice to nasty people they hate it!!!

oh and also just if today is bad don;t give up this time next week all will be very different and you will feel different too,It will and always does pass,

Instead of getting botox, whiten your teeth and get your eyebrows microbladed. Beauty is symmetry so if your eyebrows are wonky, having two well-shaped nicely shaded eyebrows has an almost miraculous effect.

You don't have to do something just because you are good at it.

Put yourself first; no-one else will.

@ChocolateCauldron

Don't walk into a room and worry if people will like you. Walk into the room and wonder if YOU will like them.

Such a simple change of mindset has stopped my anxiety and boosted my confidence.

Absolutely same!

That it's not compulsory to have children, even if everyone else around you is. And especially when your gut instinct is telling you that it's not for you.

Worrying about something that might never happen sucks the joy out of life.

Surround yourself with as many positive people as possible.

If someone won’t give you the benefit of the doubt they aren’t your friend

@Mellowyellow222 well said!

To always be financially independent of a man.

Get a pension as soon as you start working and pay the max possible in that you can, to get employer contributions. Move all your 'old job' pensions into one platform so that you can keep track. Compound interest is a very real thing, but it takes (a lot of) time

Always keep separate bank accounts (outside of any joint bill accounts) if you do get married / live with someone

You don't have to have kids

You don't have to get married / live with someone if you don't want to
You have to work at friendships to maintain them, but some you can pick up after 10 years mostly radio silence, if they were good friends to start out with

You don't have to do things 100% perfectly. Work out what is 'good enough' (may vary depending on what you're doing and the circumstances) and do it

People really don't care what you are wearing or doing etc, they are wrapped up in their own little world

If you turn up for work and get on with it, it's not enough. If you want a payrise / promotion, you have to do the networking as well. Or, just move roles every 3/4 years

Pick a career, not just a job. Pick something which you can get qualified in, and which will give you a steady income stream no matter what stage in life you are at. Don't pick it to satisfy parents / teachers / OHs etc, you are the one who will be doing this job. And it doesn't have to be the best job ever; it just has to be one which you can tolerate turning up for work each morning and which you enjoy enough.

Find a sport / activity that works for you, and do it. For a long time I cycled to work as it was cheaper and quicker - I wasn't 'a cyclist' though. Now I swim as I love being in the water. Don't feel like you have to run / yoga / other activity just because everyone else does it

Speak up for yourself. No one else will, and most other people are looking out for themselves and won't think of you (not maliciously, they are just looking out for themselves).

And finally:

No is a complete sentence.

@beachtosunset
Thank you that is encouraging to hear. Was hoping to travel but then we had lockdown one month later. Would love to travel and teach adults business English. Maybe i will do it online from home?

Better to do it in person (with demo classes) but online is better than nothing. Basically I felt there were two elements to the course: learning about your own language (all the Grammatical terms and stuff) plus gaining the confidence to get up and teach in (and how to do so effectively).

@throwa yes I wish employers contributions had been a thing when I was younger. All the jobs I ever had employers did not contribute.

I would add, don't bother with a pension if it is only going to be a small one. You can add worse off than on benefits.

Get a pension as soon as you start working and pay the max possible in that you can, to get employer contributions. Move all your 'old job' pensions into one platform so that you can keep track.

The first sentence is good advice, the second isn't as you have to look at the specifics of the scheme you'd be transferring out of and the one you'd be transferring into and you need proper advice.

Moving out of a good scheme so you can "keep track" would be financial madness

Re the compound interest miracle.

I did A level Maths. The maths teacher explained compound interest and it had a profound effect on me. But I think your missing the point.

It's not just your savings that it effects but your debts.

He showed us an example of a mortgage.

Before the lesson I just thought it's normal to get a mortgage to buy a house.
He showed the cost of a 100k mortgage over its lifetime,.not sure of the figures but maybe 30k on top.
The figures made me feel sick.
And then showed how much of a difference it can make just making a small overpayment.

It can save you thousands over the lifetime of the mortgage. Even just a £50 a month overpayment. This meant I always shied away from any debt.

That credit card, any hire purchase. Over your lifetime every debt the amount your paying is increasing and compounding. Obviously some debt is needed, re the mortgage the shortest term and overpayments if possible will make a huge difference.

So it doesnt just affect savings but debt also.

Re compound interest l, this is roughly how it works for those interested. Basically - you earn interest in your interest and that keeps adding up over the years

And as Porfre says, works for debts too

@InFiveMins

That I can cope.

I spent my teens and my 20s worrying endlessly about literally everything - "what if I lose my job, what if I get ill, what if a loved one dies, what if my house burns to the ground..." I realised I can cope - I have coped before and will cope again if I have to. Every time I start to worry now I change my mindset so that I say to myself "if that happens, I will cope with it" - it's been genuinely life changing for me.

Wow. I needed to read this today. Really needed to read it. So thank you, and you are right

Mostly people will just do what they want. You can't be responsible for them all.

Itstheweekendyasssss
Every thing you worry will happen? That shit won’t happen- other shit happens that you didn’t think of…. so there is no point in worrying!!

I find this so helpful. I should know this by now but the way you put it is a great reminder.

Too late now to do much about anything.

@MrsTidyHouse - it is never too late. As long as you are still alive, you can take some chances, do the things you longed to do but put off. Never ever too late to get onto the right path.

That life can be hard, so being married should feel lovely & easy - and if it's not easy, you're most likely married to the wrong person.

Buy the most comfortable, top quality mattress you can afford. You can tackle just about anything if you've had a good night's sleep.

After 40 your body stops looking after you and you need to start looking after it.