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Original poster

Would you go back to work if you were married to a multi millionaire

171 replies

Ladylondon007 · 28/10/2021 00:34

Long and short of it is I have come from a very average family. First to go to university worked my balls off to make in a male dominated career to achieve well a steady income which at full time would provide 70k per year. Full time..not wanting such long hours I have been offered 22.5 hours a week pro rata, flexi to work whenever suits. Which is a pretty good deal for someone who is a professional and doesn’t want to work full time. I have a 12 month old and a 4 year old. Here’s the but, despite my career choices being good I have not progressed at the speed I would have liked, I am not a director due to kids, overlooked for promotion actually being told ‘ well we wouldn’t promote you when your were pregnant’. This was a blow at the time as worked my ass off for this company. On the plus side my life choice in Husband was good ! Backed a winer ! Fell madly i. Love when he was penniless just starting up his business . FF 15 years and he is now a multi millionaire. I have full access to finances doesn’t bag an eyelid on what I spend. But I feel I am missing something. I have been on maternity leave 12 months and have a dilemma as to whether to return to work. I don’t like to depend on anyone but really my salary is so insignificant. I love my job but are so torn as so many of my friends are divorced. I interested to hear your thoughts and opinions

OP posts:

AnotherEmma · 28/10/2021 15:51

Interesting dilemma.

My DC are almost identical ages (4 and 13 months) and I recently returned to work (part-time) after maternity leave but have been struggling with it. We are not multi-millionaires!! But my salary is much lower than yours and it's basically cancelled out by childcare costs, so I'm not working for the money atm. Of course there are other benefits to working, already mentioned on this thread, but I have been missing the children and wondering whether I'm enjoying work enough to justify it. I never had any interest in being a SAHM but if I had the money for a part time nanny so I could do interesting things, like volunteering, studying or retraining, or just having a bit of time to myself, I would be very tempted indeed!

Your situation is tricky because it sounds as if you enjoy your job so you wouldn't necessarily want to retrain. But I wouldn't feel great about working for such a sexist employer (did you consider making a claim against them for maternity discrimination when they said they wouldn't promote you because you were pregnant?!) Personally I would consider looking for a different job, still part time, but not working with your husband, I'd prefer not to do that myself! Or volunteer, study or retrain.

Nothing wrong with deciding not to do any of the above and just enjoy being with your children, though, if that's what you want.

AwkwardPaws27 · 28/10/2021 15:56

If I won the lottery/DH inherited millions from a great aunt we didn't know about, I'd want to do something. I wouldn't stick with my job - I chose it for salary & flexibility.
I'd probably volunteer for an animal rescue centre, or foster a bunch of horses for one.

MoreThanAnOffDay · 28/10/2021 16:00

No I wouldn't. But then again I'm a sahm now and far from millionaires.
I want to be the one to take dcs to school and back
This time next year I'll have 1 in college 1 in ft school and one pre school. I can't juggle thay with work due to the distances between each setting.
However all of dh money gets paid into a joint account. He has never ever complained about what I spend.
He sees it as family money.
His only stipulation is the CMS I get for eldest is for eldest only as that's what it's for.
And the child benefit is spent solely on the children. Whether that's clothes or ice cream or trip to the zoo.
In the not so distant future he is opening his own business. We will be joint in that. I will do admin around the dcs as and when I can. No set hours. I don't need to worry if a dc is ill or school play etc.

I'm happy with how we have things. It works for us.

sageandbasil · 28/10/2021 16:03

I'm not married to a multi millionaire but he does make good money. I'm pregnant with our first and my last day is next week and I won't be returning. If I hate being at home I'll do something else but I hate my job anyway so it was an easy decision for us

cuttlefishgame · 28/10/2021 16:10

@Simonjt

Yes, I wouldn’t find someone too lazy to work attractive, so I wouldn’t expect my husband to find that attractive either.

Being a SAHP looking after your own children is not being 'too lazy to work'.

FourTeaFallOut · 28/10/2021 16:13

No. A shameless no.

Flingingmelon · 28/10/2021 16:20

I stopped working when DS was born. Hated it and went back as soon as I could.

The decision wasn't based on the family income or my opinions on working or stay at home mums. I just missed it.

I think you'll know whether you want to work or not. Other peoples opinions don't matter.

sunflowerdaisies · 28/10/2021 16:23

I would not work in paid employment in this situation. I'd enjoy the freedom to be with my children and do more voluntary work and helping out at their school when older.

CommanderBurnham · 28/10/2021 16:35

I'm in a similar situation.
I work a couple of days a week and do about 8-10 hours volunteering a week.

I'm lucky that I'm self employed which means my hours are fairly flexible.

You're in a position to use your skills and knowledge to do some good in the world.

PanicBuyingSprouts · 28/10/2021 16:44

You're in a position to use your skills and knowledge to do some good in the world

Exactly. Have you thought of becoming a Magistrate OP? They usually require at least 13 days per year.

Alternatively you could think about what charities matter to you and what you can offer them with your skills.

You could even set up your own Charity or foundation.

makelovenotpetrol · 28/10/2021 16:47

@SirChenjins and still, despite no return all day from OP people still continue to give details of their personal life in answer 😂

SirChenjins · 28/10/2021 17:03

[quote makelovenotpetrol]@SirChenjins and still, despite no return all day from OP people still continue to give details of their personal life in answer 😂[/quote]
I know - it’s bonkers

Hobnobsandbroomstick · 28/10/2021 17:15

No I wouldn't work.

SunShinesBrightly · 28/10/2021 17:24

If I were you I would get involved and work for your husband’s business. Even if it’s just part-time.
Get on the payroll and pay tax.
If it all goes tits up you will always have the experience to fall back on.

JustJustWhy · 28/10/2021 17:25

You either want to work or you don't. Me personally, I'd never work again if I could get away with it. However, not on someone else's dime. It would have to be my own cash...like a lottery win.

Original poster

Ladylondon007 · 28/10/2021 17:33

I was so nervous about posting my dilemma on mumsnet. I have found the advice and comments received so informed and really appreciate people taking their time to respond. Thank you to everyone for all the advice. The one thinking I’m a journo did make me laugh though.

OP posts:

makelovenotpetrol · 28/10/2021 17:56

@Ladylondon007

Well in that case you're just horrifically braggy.

I'd worry about some humility first and then consider what you're going to do in life. Gosh OP.

LynetteScavo · 28/10/2021 18:10

There's no point in asking MN- I certainly wouldn't work in your shoes.

What does your DH think? That's the person you should be asking to help you with the decision.

Could he lose all his money at some point? Could you eventually earn vast amounts?

cicatrix1 · 28/10/2021 19:39

Work if you want to op.
Me no way ! I would be a lady of leisure.

Scarby9 · 28/10/2021 19:52

A friend met her husband at uni. Like her, he was a penniless student, studying computing in the late 1970s when many firms hadn't made much, if any, shift to using computing.
He retired and sold his third business last year for over £20 million.
My friend worked throughout - outside maternity leaves - and only retired this year. The last 15 years or so, she worked in her husband's business, and only 4 days per week, but she got the job on merit and mainly because she could see what needed doing and that noone else was doing it as well as she could!
Now they are 'retired' they are both still really busy, volunteering and looking after grandchildren. I think each of them would have hated not working.

Tumbleweed101 · 29/10/2021 17:55

If I enjoyed my job I would do a part time role that didn't cause extra stress (ie the trying to juggle it all stress) but personally no, I wouldn't work. I would however work on my novels and trying to get them published. It also depends on factors such as how much adult company you have outside of your working life. You are lucky you have a choice may people don't so definitely do what works best for you and your family with financial concerns out of the picture.

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