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Original poster

Would you go back to work if you were married to a multi millionaire

171 replies

Ladylondon007 · 28/10/2021 00:34

Long and short of it is I have come from a very average family. First to go to university worked my balls off to make in a male dominated career to achieve well a steady income which at full time would provide 70k per year. Full time..not wanting such long hours I have been offered 22.5 hours a week pro rata, flexi to work whenever suits. Which is a pretty good deal for someone who is a professional and doesn’t want to work full time. I have a 12 month old and a 4 year old. Here’s the but, despite my career choices being good I have not progressed at the speed I would have liked, I am not a director due to kids, overlooked for promotion actually being told ‘ well we wouldn’t promote you when your were pregnant’. This was a blow at the time as worked my ass off for this company. On the plus side my life choice in Husband was good ! Backed a winer ! Fell madly i. Love when he was penniless just starting up his business . FF 15 years and he is now a multi millionaire. I have full access to finances doesn’t bag an eyelid on what I spend. But I feel I am missing something. I have been on maternity leave 12 months and have a dilemma as to whether to return to work. I don’t like to depend on anyone but really my salary is so insignificant. I love my job but are so torn as so many of my friends are divorced. I interested to hear your thoughts and opinions

OP posts:
madisonbridges · 28/10/2021 02:31

And then when I'd handed my notice in, I'd be off to the travel agents. I loved Dubai when I visited but couldn't afford to buy anything. I could now!!

vastgrandupgrade · 28/10/2021 02:35

I think not maintains your ability to be financially independent is a dangerous position to put yourself in.

There are many threads in Relationships and Divorce/Separation on here that attest to that. You can never see into the future.

Pyewackect · 28/10/2021 02:44

Nice problem to have.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 28/10/2021 02:46

@devildeepbluesea

Yes I would because my husband's wealth is irrelevant to my own sense of worth and vue.

It doesn't hurt to retain some financial independence either.

This

But I’d get a really good nanny, no rather than constantly juggling wrap around care and holiday clubs.

NiceGerbil · 28/10/2021 02:51

If you enjoy work and are ambitious you shouldn't stop working. It's a big gap to fill if it's a big part of who you are.

The obvious answer is to look for a new job. That's often the only way to get promoted.

Look/ go back and start looking.

Is there a reason that's not in your plans- location? Is the the hours?

In the end your employer sounds like you aren't going to get what you're looking for.

Have you got previous employers you can have a chat with, contacts etc?

That's the obvious answer to me.

Can you expand on the divorce comment a bit? Don't really understand that bit.

NoDecentHandlesLeft · 28/10/2021 02:59

I'd want to retain financial independence, personally.

madisonbridges · 28/10/2021 03:16

And then after my notice and the travel agents, I'd be picking up a new car. 🚘

To be honest, I don't think I'd have time to squeeze work in. 😊

MiniPumpkin · 28/10/2021 03:37

Could you go part time in your work ? Use money to get a great cleaner and it leaves you more time to enjoy with the kids on your days off.

ClaryFairchild · 28/10/2021 03:40

Could you start your own business? The biggest obstacle to start ups is the funding, sounds like you could have access to that through your DH. That would give you the ability to be in control of your work.

ricepolo · 28/10/2021 03:51

I am and I have. Have worked our entire marriage. I need to work: I have gifts and talents and I want to use them. The fact my husband earns a great deal makes no difference to me. I could not be at home all day.

ricepolo · 28/10/2021 03:54

Should add. We are both late 30’s and have 4 DC. Feel free to PM me: I have thought hard for years about this question. We currently live somewhere full of people on similar incomes and I am very much in the minority: I don’t know any other wives who work.

CatonMat · 28/10/2021 03:55

Would I fuck!!
I'd do some voluntary work.

Donotgogentle · 28/10/2021 04:00

You say you love your job op. Why would you want to give that up? Frustration about lack of progression due to childcare is not a reason to stop doing a job you love.

My salary became irrelevant compared to my DH’s about 6 years ago (not in the same ballpark as your DH though!) but I’ve carried on working - for financial independence and because until recently I’ve enjoyed my job.

The last couple of years I’ve enjoyed work a lot less. Given I’m married to a high earner I’m going to use that financial security to do something less well paid and for fewer hours, I’m fed up of rushing between work & childcare.

The thing I worry about is changing the power balance of our relationship. I will return to my old career if that happens. But it seems self-defeating not to take advantage of the flexibility from having a high-earning partner.

LifeAdvice · 28/10/2021 04:04

If it was me, I would:

  • initially plan to stay at home until the youngest was in school (so another 4 years), so to have those early years with them
  • insist that your separate pension was fully paid during that time, so you haven’t ‘lost’ anything
  • consider getting an extra qualification during this time, so as to explain a gap from work on your return, or to retrain to a new area that I might enjoy more and/or might suit my family more
  • make sure I had equal access to finances/shareholders etc (as above - in a divorce, people with businesses hide money) and probably have my own significant slush fund somewhere (because I am cautious)
  • focus on family. Very often the early years of marriage and young children and work, the relationship gets put last, causing stress, tensions and divorce. If money could ease that tense period, I would do so, either by you not working or by you working and hiring in help.
  • I’d probably speak to my husband about setting up a charitable arm of his business and heading that. Then you are invoked in the business, but not say to day. You have something important to do and feel valuable about, but there is the flexibility you don’t get at your old job. You can seek out the areas you are interested in supporting - scholarships at your old schools? A particular sport? Children with a particular health concern? And give something back. I think it would be v rewarding.
MeanderingGently · 28/10/2021 04:14

No, I wouldn't go back to work if I had a partner who was a multi millionaire.
However, I would take advantage of the money (presumably I would be supported?) to do some study in a subject which interested me, rather than one which would give me a job. I would also do charity work for enjoyment, rather than the money.
Sadly, I can't afford to do either of these things as I need to earn every penny to support myself.

Rety · 28/10/2021 04:25

I would not, as per a pp I might do a course or volunteer.

Camomila · 28/10/2021 05:58

I'd do a phd as I've always wanted to do one, but then I'd go back to work part time. Ideally term time only so I could spend the summers in Italy and teach the DC Italian properly.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 28/10/2021 05:59

I'd still work but that's because I'm divorced and know how quickly you can end up with nothing. I'd only ever quit work if I was financially secure myself.

asteroommatus · 28/10/2021 06:18

I would still work. My exh wasn't a millionaire but I didn't need to work. We had been married 13 years and had 2 kids and he changed. Becme controlling which escalated in mto terrifying me and the kids.

Divorce is never easy. But it was alot easier knowing I had my own income.

People forget when their husband earns well that in the eyes of the law money is shared. But there's a long way between separating and divorce. There plenty of women that post here that their stbexh earns a fortune and is leaving them without very much until the divorce.

5 years post divorce exh is still 'finding himself' and I earn multiples of what he does. Wouldn't have happened if I hadn't of worked.

But the main thing for me is, that you look into all the pros and cons of each situation and then decide for yourself. You may come to regret whatever decision you make. But you can only make it on the info you have at the time and know it was the best decision at that time. And that's whichever way you decide.

Simonjt · 28/10/2021 06:20

Yes, I wouldn’t find someone too lazy to work attractive, so I wouldn’t expect my husband to find that attractive either.

DukeofEarlGrey · 28/10/2021 06:23

@GreySweater

Why not give it a year in your current job and then see how things stand? Ask them again about promotion prospects. But think hard before you walk away from a good role that you have secured on your own merit and with some inbuilt flexibility (part time). Working for DH could be a sound plan B if you don't get the career opportunities you are looking for in your current company. Or if you are looking for even more flexibility in the future. But it sounds like your current role does have potential and it's great to have your own career separate from DHs business for reasons others have outlined - independent, self esteem etc etc
This is a good strategy. I also think an important factor here is that you have built a career that you love, you are not slogging away at something awful and looking for an exit plan. In your shoes I would be working to optimise my own career but enjoying the psychological benefits of knowing there is a backup plan.
NadiaVulvokov · 28/10/2021 06:25

Depends if you like your job or not.

If you do, go back to work.

If you don’t, either get involved with his business but in an official capacity I.e. with employment contract or as a director or part owner. Bear in mind it might get too claustrophobic etc so give it a decent trial period.

Or, retrain in or find something else you will like and which will give you purpose even if it pause tuppence hapenny. It could even be a hobby or setting up some kind of community organisation.

Marelle · 28/10/2021 06:26

If your DH has a business you can work for, then I’m at a loss why you wouldn’t do that? Particularly if it aligns with your qualifications. You’d have the promotion and control you want, able to take charge and mould the business. It just seems mad for a stranger to be profiting off your skills instead of your own family business.

readingismycardio · 28/10/2021 06:26

Absolutely join his business, but officially, with a paid role, pension & all the benefits.

boymum88 · 28/10/2021 06:26

Hell no would I be working, I would become heavily involved in a charity that was close to my heart and spend more time with my young kids. Same with Dh if the shoe was on the other foot, he wouldn't work and would look after the kids
I love my job but if I didn't have to drag myself into a hospital for 12hr shifts then I wouldn't.
Plenty of other things you can do with your time and knowledge